Nell: So it’s not enough that I have to go to the vets. You have to post a photo.

Me: It’s typical of us, Nell. You look annoyed and I look like it’s me in pain.

Nell: I certainly didn’t want to be there and you are always ridiculous about these things. 

Me: When you suffer I suffer.

Nell: Except that’s not strictly true is it? Your ears weren’t cleaned.

Me: No. But I could imagine your pain and you were so brave.

Nell: Remind me to bring my camera to the dentist next time you go.

Me: Anyway, Emily is very pleased with you as you can see from her smile. Your ears are healing nicely.

Nell: You can leave them alone then.

Me: Actually, I have to clean them every day for the first week.

Nell: Oh, good.

Me: Don’t be sarcastic. How did the puppies’ exams go, by the way?

Nell: Harriet soared through with flying colours and David achieved a solid pass.

Me: I’m glad.

Nell: Yes. Harriet is particularly good at Retrieving and her Waiting Skills are excellent. David’s strengths lie elsewhere. He always achieves a tidy bowl and his Reassurance Skills are improving.

Me: I knew they would do well.

Nell: Yes. I’m expecting excellent results in June.

Me: You are an excellent teacher.

Nell: If you think I don’t know you are trying to distract me while you get ready to clean my ears, then you are very much mistaken. 

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Why is Harriet sitting up there?

Nell: She is counting to 100.

Me: Why?

Nell: To give Dave and Poppy time to hide. They are playing hide and seek.

Me: Can I play?

Nell: No. Mutley and I aren’t playing this time either. Three is enough. David counts as two already, to be honest. I just hope he doesn’t try and get in the dustbin again.

Me: I bet Poppy is good at it.

Nell: She has an unfair advantage as a Maltese cross but she is extremely skilled.

Me: I can imagine.

Nell: The best one was when she climbed into Jonathan Sky’s cot and sat there like one of his toys. Dave looked everywhere and never spotted her.

Me: Clever. Do you ever play?

Nell: Now and again, but I prefer to read the papers on a Sunday. 

Me: Is that David trying to fit under the sofa?

Nell: Don’t draw attention. Could you pass me the Sunday Times please?

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: What a lovely day we had yesterday. Look at you in the woods.

Nell: Yes, it was delightful. Well, most of it.

Me: We were so lucky to meet Mrs D who was kind enough to let us go into her fields.

Nell: It was very gratifying and most generous of her. Sometimes one simply needs a quiet country walk away from the bustle of the beach.

Me: It’s the Easter holidays, Nell. That’s why it’s so busy. Dave and Harriet even went swimming in the stream.

Nell: Yes, Mutley had a little paddle. Fortunately the sheep were not interested in Poppy, or David.

Me: Yes. And then you came with us to the station to collect our friend Shel from Canada.

Nell: I enjoy travelling and it is always a pleasure to see Shel.

Me: You are an excellent companion.

Nell: I know. We had a pleasant chat on the way home. Unfortunately the evening was not as enjoyable.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Despite my recent illness I was left, yet again, to look after everyone while you went off gallivanting.

Me: We only went out to dinner. Just a few hours. They don’t take dogs.

Nell: All I can say is that I am never singing Karaoke with Poppy and David again. I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t complained.

Me: Oh dear. Were they loud? 

Nell: Loud doesn’t even come close. When David started singing “A Bat Out Of Hell” I thought the windows might shatter.

Me: Gosh! I wish I’d been there.

Nell: You see. This is exactly why I despair of you.

Me: Sorry.

Me: What are you doing in this photo, Nell?

Nell: Just a little walk along the beach.

Me: You are in the sea.

Nell: Only slightly.

Me: The vet said no swimming.

Nell: I wasn’t swimming. It was paddling. Cooling my paws.

Me: You are very naughty.

Nell: I am not a puppy. There is no need to talk to me like that.

Me: You told me you would listen to the vet.

Nell: My ears remained dry at all times.

Me: I don’t think you should go to the beach at all if you can’t be trusted.

Nell: You cannot deny me the right to fresh air. It is my only joy in life. I live for the beach.

Me: Rubbish. 

Nell: They send people to the seaside you know to get well. The salty sea air gives them strength.

Me: I know.

Nell: A labrador cannot live on bread alone.

Me: What are you talking about?

Nell:  Anyway, someone threw my ball into the sea.

Me: They did?

Nell: Yes. I am a Labrador retriever. What are we conditioned to do?

Me: Retrieve.

Nell: Just following my instincts.

Me: I suppose so.

Nell: Completely blameless.

Me: I’m not sure that’s true.

Nell: This is making me awfully tired and I am not well. 

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look how happy Dave is!

Nell: Yes, when David heard Tony’s van arrive he threw caution to the wind and ran to the door.

Me: Well, he had waited an awfully long time. Days and days.

Nell: Yes, I am aware. Mutley was taking notes as I am indisposed due to my ear infection and was resting on the sofa.

Me: Quite right, too. You have to rest.

Nell: David threw himself into Tony’s arms with complete abandon.

Me: They are best friends, though, Nell. I am so glad they are reunited.

Nell: That’s all well and good, but labradors are not terriers. We exercise restraint.

Me: I think you are very harsh, Nell. Perhaps your ears are making you grumpy.

Nell: Grumpy! I am stoic. The vet said so.

Me: The vet said she wished you weren’t so stoic as then we would have noticed you were in pain before now.

Nell: I am not one to make a fuss. A labrador endures.

Me: Well, the result is no swimming for a week.

Nell: Whatever the vet advises. I bow to her authority.

Me: And no more of that suffering in silence.

Nell: It’s called stoicism. Look it up.

Me: You could bow to my authority too, now and again.

Nell: Don’t be silly. Have you got my copy of Good Housekeeping?

Me: I thought I put it next to the sofa.

Nell: You forgot. My hot water bottle has gone a little cold too.

Me: Yes, sorry.

Me: Is Dave ok?

Nell: David is having some quiet after the altercations of this morning.

Me: What altercations?

Nell: I am afraid he fell foul of the farm dogs from next door.

Me: Oh no! Was there a fight?

Nell: No. Just verbal abuse but upsetting enough.

Me: Poor Dave.

Nell: They questioned his parentage.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: They suggested he wasn’t a pedigree labrador.

Me: But he is.

Nell: They even mentioned a Great Dane.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: Don’t worry. I found his Kennel Club papers and we went through them together.

Me: Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with a colourful past. Look at Poppy. Goodness knows what her background is.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: If David approaches you please turn away.

Me: Why would I do that?

Nell: He overstepped the line yesterday on numerous occasions so I am having to draw boundaries.

Me: Do you mean with my sister?

Nell: Of course I do. I can understand a little excitement when a guest arrives. Especially family. 

Me: He was pleased to see her. Mind you, So was Harriet.

Nell: Don’t worry. Harriet is on a warning too but she at least calmed down after a while.

Me: He did take a shine to her.

Nell: Take a shine! David climbed on her lap at every possible opportunity.

Me: And he’s not exactly small.

Nell: I was ashamed. Especially when she asked me what I thought of it.

Me: She knows you keep a close eye on the puppies.

Nell: I didn’t know where to look. I couldn’t betray you to your own sister.

Me: Betray me? What have I done?

Nell: You know perfectly well. Where does David sit when you are in the living room?

Me: Lots of places.

Nell: And his favourite place.

Me: On my lap.

Nell: Stop whispering. Did you say on my lap?

Me: Yes. It’s very squashed but he likes to be close to me.

Nell: Hopeless. I don’t sit on your lap. Neither does Harriet.

Me: You could if you wanted to. Poppy does.

Nell: Good grief. We are not using Poppy as an example. She is the size of a soft toy and never listens to anyone.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Poppy has gone too far this time.

Me: What has she done?

Nell: I was teaching David and Harriet all about Easter. It is an exceptionally dangerous holiday for dogs as you know.

Me: Yes. All that chocolate.

Nell: I told them about the Easter Bunny hiding chocolate eggs for children to find. And if they ever did find one they must never touch it.

Me: Quite right.

Nell: Anyway, Harriet says I am not to worry because of the Easter Terrier.

Me: The what?

Nell: Poppy told them that there is a fierce Easter Terrier who waits for the Easter Bunny and boxes its ears if it goes near dogs.

Me: Goodness me!

Nell: David and Harriet are absolutely delighted. Especially Harriet. She keeps asking Poppy to tell her the story. They even want to go out later to see if they can find it.

Me: Well, I’ve got to say I quite like the idea too.

Nell: You would.

Me: Is it because it’s not a labrador?

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: Would you be happier then?

Nell: I worry about you sometimes. Just wish everyone a Happy Easter.

Me: Happy Easter to you and yours from us all. And don’t go near the Easter Terrier.

Nell: Stop!

Me: Sorry.