Book · Winter

The Beast from the East

Me: What were you doing in that photo?

Nell: Waiting for the Beast.

Me: Dave?

Nell: No, not David. Don’t be silly.

Me: You mean the Beast from the East.

Nell: I do.

Me: Bit scary.

Nell: It’s snow and cold winds. That’s all.

Me: What if we run out of supplies?

Nell: Unlikely.

Me: Or the power is cut?

Nell: We have candles and logs for the wood burner.

Me: I will have to cuddle you for warmth, Nell.

Nell: You will not.

Me: How will I survive?

Nell: Actually this is where David will triumph.

Me: Of course! Dave loves cuddles.

Nell: He does.

Me: I’ll just cuddle Dave all day.

Nell: I think you will find yourself in a queue.

Me: Dave loves me.

Nell: Yes, he does but Harriet means everything to David as you well know. Why do you think he confessed to misdemeanours during the trial?

Me: I don’t know.

Nell: He was trying to take the focus off his sister. This is also why he only received a warning.

Me: I see. So Harriet comes first.

Nell: She does. Fortunately there is a lot of David to go round and he gets on her nerves so he will be over to warm you up very soon.

Book · Miscellaneous


Me: I can’t believe it was Harriet.

Nell: Yes, an eye witness came forward placing her at the scene of the crime.

Me: And Dave?

Nell: David is completely innocent.

Me: That’s surprising to be honest.

Nell: Well, innocent of this particular crime anyway.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: During his cross examination David confessed to eating four cushions and two chairs.

Me: Oh dear. Has the sentencing taken place?

Nell: It has. All privileges have been withdrawn.

Me: Both puppies?

Nell: No. David is on a warning as he confessed.

Me: My poor little Harriet.

Nell: Excuse me?

Me: What an ordeal. She needs a treat.

Nell: No treats.

Me: A cuddle then?

Nell: You are undermining the authority of the court.

Me: I know. But it’s ever so cold today, Nell, and she looks so sad.

Nell: Of course she does she is a labrador.

Me: Please.

Nell: You are making a mockery of the law.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: Go on then. A cuddle will help with her rehabilitation I suppose.

Book · Miscellaneous

The Hearing

Me: What’s going on?

Nell: Leave it be. We are dealing with it. Poppy is cross examining and I am presiding over the proceedings from the couch.

Me: Dealing with what?

Nell: The hole in the carpet.

Me: What!

Nell: David is giving evidence now.

Me: And Harriet?

Nell: She has already been questioned.

Me: So who did it? Was it Dave, or Harriet.

Nell: The jury is out.

Me: What jury?

Nell: Good grief. You don’t think there is a real jury do you? I’m not going to get the farmer’s sheepdogs in here.

Me: Have they got a defence? Should I help?

Nell: Mutley put in a good word.

Me: Will you let me know?

Nell: After the sentencing.

Me: But Nell…

Nell: Silence in court.

Me: Sorry.



Me: Can I have a quick word?

Nell: I’m sunning my paws.

Me: I know but I wanted to check you are coping.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: I realise my illness has meant things have been a bit difficult recently.

Nell: It’s only pneumonia.

Me: Well, thank you for the sympathy, Nell.

Nell: You are on the mend now anyway.

Me: You must have been worried though.

Nell: Not really. We all pulled together and provided excellent care.

Me: Dave’s care was a bit full on.

Nell: I asked David not to sit on you but he felt you needed him close by.

Me: Well, it was much appreciated.

Nell: Anything else?

Me: Not really.

Nell: Only my shift doesn’t start for a few hours. Harriet is on call at the moment.

Me: I didn’t realise. You’ve been a great comfort.

Nell: Yes.

Me: You still are.

Nell: I’m off duty.

Me: Sorry.