Me: Happy First Advent.

Nell: The same to you.

Me: It’s good to see Nigel relaxing.

Nell: Is it?

Me: You were really unwelcoming to him.

Nell: Naughty animals need to be reprimanded or they’ll never learn.

Me: You can be too strict sometimes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Nell: Not all the time.

Me: You’re getting grumpy in your old age.

Nell: Only when provoked.

Me: Nigel only walked into the room.

Nell: It was enough to annoy me at the time.

Me: I think you should be kinder.

Nell: It is what it is.

Me: Fortunately he doesn’t seem to mind. I think he’s used to you.

Nell: He doesn’t listen.

Me: You showed your teeth.

Nell: Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t.

Me: You definitely did.

Nell: Moving on, at today’s Sunday Songs we will be celebrating First Advent and we will be lighting the first candle.

Me: Lovely.

Nell: First Advent symbolises Hope.

Me: Well, I Hope you’re going to be kinder to Nigel.

Nell: And I Hope naughty animals mend their ways.

Me: What is eaten traditionally at First Advent?

Nell: Bacon sandwiches for breakfast followed by roast beef with all the trimmings for lunch and beef sandwiches for supper.

Me: I’m not sure that’s traditional.

Nell: You can’t get more traditional.

Me: I mean for advent. In Germany you put a plate of sweet treats with Lebkuchen on the table to share.

Nell: They have gingerbread and we have Yorkshire puddings.

Me: I’m not sure everyone has Yorkshire puddings.

Nell: Well, they should. A roast isn’t a roast without them.

Me: You can’t put a plate of Yorkshire puddings in the middle of the table.

Nell: Not without gravy.

Me: Not at all.

Nell: You can’t have Yorkshires without gravy. Do keep up.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: We need to talk about Nigel.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: You’re not going to believe this.

Me: I’m afraid I might. Is it about Spanish Night?

Nell: Yes, it happened last night.

Me: Was it when he was dancing the flamenco with Manuel and the llamas?

Nell: No.

Me: Manuel’s an awfully good dancer, isn’t he? For an octopus.

Nell: He’s from Barcelona.

Me: Was it when Dave started singing ‘Guantanamera’?

Nell: No.

Me: ‘Blue Spanish Eyes’?

Nell: Stop listing songs.

Me: Kev has blue eyes but he’s from Cornwall not Spain.

Nell: It has nothing to do with blue eyes.

Me: Did he go upstairs and jump on the bed with dirty paws?

Nell: No, but his paws were sticky.

Me: Sticky? It wasn’t something to do with food, was it?

Nell: It has everything to do with food.

Me: I know my sister Charlotte has been making a Christmas cake. He didn’t lick the bowl, did he? Only Christmas cake is definitely not for dogs.

Nell: It wasn’t cake,

Me: Was it Spanish?

Nell: In a way.

Me: Did he eat the Huevos Rancheros?

Nell: We didn’t have Spanish eggs. We had roast chicken and Spanish rice,

Me: Oh yes. I’m guessing it wasn’t the rice?

Nell: You are guessing correctly.

Me: What did he do with the chicken?

Nell: He opened the bin.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: And took out the aluminium foil which had been covering the chicken during roasting.

Me: That’s naughty.

Nell: And licked every last bit of the juices off the foil.

Me: Thorough.

Nell: And then carried it proudly around the house.

Me: He’s Naughty Nigel again, isn’t he?

Nell: He most certainly is.

Me: He looks ever so sorry about it.

Nell: Only because he was caught.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at the way Dave is resting his head on Harriet’s back. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: His head is really heavy.

Me: I know. It’s adorable.

Nell: I’m not sure Harriet agrees.

Me: She doesn’t mind. He’s her baby brother.

Nell: He was only born a few minutes after her.

Me: He’s still the youngest.

Nell: She spoils him.

Me: Only when it suits her. Sometimes he pushes her too far and she tells him off.

Nell: He can be a little too bouncy at times.

Me: I think there’s a bit of Tigger in him.

Nell: Tigger?

Me: Yes, and you definitely have your Eeyore moments.

Nell: Moving on, it’s First Advent on Sunday.

Me: It is.

Nell: We need to make sure we have the wreath with four candles ready to be lit.

Me: We only light one candle on Sunday.

Nell: I know how it works.

Me: The Sunday we light four candles is the day Alice, Andre, Jonathan and Faye arrive.

Nell: Yes.

Me: I felt all tingly with happiness when I said that.

Nell: Family is everything.

Me: It is.

Nell: And Families are made up in lots of different ways.

Me: They are.

Nell: Our readers are our family, too.

Me: They are.

Nell: I’m glad you write every day.

Me: So am I.

Nell: People need a constant in their lives.

Me: Yes. So much is changing.

Nell: Not always for the good.

Me: So we need to be there.

Nell: We do.

Me: It’s funny to think there are people all over the world who start their day with our conversations, isn’t it?

Nell: I think it’s rather wonderful.

Me: I’ll never take them for granted.

Nell: I’m sure they feel the same way about us.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Are the Puppies monitoring the bus stop again?

Nell: David is. Harriet’s fallen asleep.

Me: Bless her. She’s probably tired after her walk.

Nell: She should try and stay awake for Morning Duties. It’s important to make sure the children aren’t late for school.

Me: I like living in a village again.

Nell: So do we.

Me: I wasn’t sure I would.

Nell: I know you weren’t.

Me: I thought it might be too noisy after the quiet of where we lived before,

Nell: Yes. I thought so, too.

Me: But instead I find the sound of village life going on around us really comforting,

Nell: It is.

Me: Do you realise it’s only 24 days until the family arrive?

Nell: We’d better start making lists.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: I know you enjoy a good list.

Me: I really do. There’s a sense of achievement when you can tick something off your list.

Nell: It’s going to be a busy Christmas this year.

Me: It certainly is.

Nell: But a proper family one.

Me: Yes. Over in the United States families are coming together today to celebrate.

Nell: Why? It’s not Christmas yet.

Me: It’s Thanksgiving. There will be turkey with all the trimmings and people will be giving thanks.

Nell: We should say Happy Thanksgiving to all our American friends.

Me: Yes. Happy Thanksgiving.

Nell: We hope you have a wonderful time together.

Me: Just like we’re going to do this Christmas.

Nell: You’re very excited, aren’t you?

Me: I am. I have so much to be thankful for.

Nell: We all do.

Me: I think we should give thanks today, too.

Nell: I would give thanks for a fresh cup of Earl Grey. Mine’s gone cold talking to you.

Me: I’ll make you one now. Sorry.

Me: How do you like my Harriet in Yellow photo?

Nell: Are you going to put it on Tik Tok? Only, there’s not a lot going on.

Me: No. It’s a photo not a video.

Nell: It’s rather dark and gloomy.

Me: It’s gentle and warm, like Harriet.

Nell: I can be gentle and warm.

Me: Can you?

Nell: Occasionally, when necessary.

Me: When did you become a Tik Tok expert, by the way?

Nell: I have to keep in touch with my fans.

Me: I hope this doesn’t all go to your head.

Nell: It’ll take more than becoming a Sensation to change me.

Me: Good.

Nell: Tiara, or pearls?

Me: I beg your pardon?

Nell: For the next video. Should I wear the tiara I wore to Harry’s wedding, or my pearls?

Me: Neither.

Nell: How about a hat? The Cat favours feathers but I don’t want to be too ostentatious.

Me: No hat.

Nell: David is often seen in a feathered hat.

Me: That was when he was the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Nell: I see. One rule for David and another for the rest of us.

Me: That’s not what I said. I want the videos to be natural.

Nell: There’s nothing natural about letting us starve.

Me: You weren’t starving.

Nell: Delaying our tea to gain publicity. Whatever next?

Me: It was 3pm.

Nell: The perfect time for afternoon tea. Ask anyone.

Me: Well, yes that is true.

Nell: Who wouldn’t want a freshly baked scone with jam and clotted cream?

Me: Who indeed?

Nell: And a selection of finger sandwiches. Crusts off.

Me: You’re making me hungry now.

Nell: Well, don’t stamp your foot or I’ll put a video of you on Tik Tok.

Me: Clever.

Nell: Just saying.

Me: Being hungry is hard. Sorry.

Nell: Some interesting news has come to my ears.

Me: Do tell.

Nell: It’s about a certain video someone took of me.

Me: Of you?

Nell: Yes, of me politely requesting my tea.

Me: Requesting, or demanding?

Nell: I may have emphasised my point with a little vigour.

Me: You stamped your paw, Nell.

Nell: I knew it was you behind this.

Me: Of course it was me.

Nell: You shared that video.

Me: It’s what I do.

Nell: You didn’t only share it here with our friends. You shared it on that clock place.

Me: You mean Tik Tok.

Nell: Yes, the one where the young people go.

Me: Not only young people, but yes, I did. Who told you?

Nell: Roary. He’s on there all the time. He showed it to Mrs King and she said she’d already seen it.

Me: Good for her.

Nell: And then my friend Dorothy texted me on my iBone to ask if I realised I was a Tik Tok Sensation.

Me: You are. We’ve had more than 50,000 views and hundreds of comments. People love you.

Nell: You should have asked me first.

Me: I didn’t think you would mind.

Nell: I don’t want to be just another Tik Tok dog.

Me: I wanted to introduce you to a different audience.

Nell: I see.

Me: Harriet and Dave were in the video, too.

Nell: But I was the star?

Me: Definitely.

Nell: I suppose I can just about cope with all the attention.

Me: I thought you might.

Nell: So people really love me?

Me: They adore you.

Nell: Does this mean I can have my tea as early as I like?

Me: No, it does not.

Nell: But I’m a Tik Tok Sensation.

Me: You’re going to have to wait. Sorry.

Me: I shall miss the leaves when they’ve gone.

Nell: They’ve never really gone. They’ve just gone back to the ground.

Me: I suppose so.

Nell: And in the springtime new leaves appear and everything begins again. It’s the cycle of life.

Me: You’re right. Dave is going to miss them on his walk. They’re like a crunchy carpet.

Nell: They’re more like a squelchy carpet after all that rain.

Me: True.

Nell: Moving on, I asked you not to dance at Sunday Songs.

Me: I know you did.

Nell: Why didn’t you listen to me?

Me: I was only line dancing with the llamas.

Nell: You were wearing cowboy boots.

Me: So were the llamas.

Nell: I expect it of them.

Me: And the Welsh Corgi Choir.

Nell: Their paws get cold.

Me: And the Whippets Institute Big Band.

Nell: That was surprising.

Me: Not to mention Knitwear Wolf.

Nell: Rupert is usually in boots.

Me: Like Puss.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: Puss in Boots.

Nell: The Cat wouldn’t dream of wearing cowboy boots and never call it Puss again.

Me: I’m not talking about The Cat. Puss in Boots is a fictional character.

Nell: And don’t compare Rupert to a cat.

Me: Wolf in Boots sounds wrong.

Nell: It might sound wrong to you but that’s how it is. You can’t ride a motorbike in flip-flops.

Me: Wolf in Flip-Flops sounds all wrong. Even in summer.

Nell: Talking of footwear you need to organise wellington boots and slippers for the grandchildren.

Me: Yes, I’ve asked for their shoe sizes.

Nell: We can’t have them getting cold feet.

Me: I agree. It’s why I wore cowboy boots yesterday.

Nell: That was not the reason and you know it. You wore a cowboy hat, too.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Dave and Nigel make me laugh.

Nell: Why?

Me: They’re so competitive.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: There’s always a race to see who can get on to the bed first. Dave won this morning but the minute he gets off Nigel will be on there lickety-split.

Nell: Lickety what?

Me: It’s just a saying.

Nell: You won’t see Harriet and I behaving like that.

Me: Because Harriet always lets you win.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You’re the Senior Labrador, Nell. Everyone lets you win.

Nell: They do not.

Me: I’ve seen the way you chase them out of the dog bed with a commanding bark.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: And if they don’t move fast enough you show them your teeth.

Nell: I’m probably smiling.

Me: No, you’re not. You’ve got a lot worse in your old age.

Nell: Moving on, Herr Hoffmann is cooking a casserole today instead of a roast, with German dumplings.

Me: Will there be red cabbage?

Nell: Yes.

Me: I love dumplings.

Nell: They’re not roast potatoes though, are they?

Me: No.

Nell: And red cabbage isn’t cauliflower cheese?

Me: True.

Nell: And a casserole is most definitely not roast beef?

Me: No, but it’s still comforting and warming which is what you need on a cold November day.

Nell: You can’t have casserole sandwiches the next day.

Me: The mere thought.

Nell: Or bubble and squeak.

Me: Try and be a little more flexible, Nell.

Nell: I’m 13. My flexible days are over.

Me: I know what you mean.

Nell: Talking of flexibility, if anyone asks you to dance at Sunday Songs, please refuse.

Me: Why?

Nell: Let’s just say the Lindy Bop is not for you.

Me: Don’t you mean Hop?

Nell: That’s not the point.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: Nigel is asleep on the silken cover on the bottom bunk bed again.

Me: That’s fine, Nell. It’s Saturday. He can have a little lie-in if he wants to.

Nell: Everyone else is Up and Doing.

Me: It doesn’t matter.

Nell: He won’t get any breakfast.

Me: Yes, he will. It’s the weekend so Herr Hoffmann always makes a second breakfast.

Nell: Second breakfast is only available to the Present and Willing. Lazy animals don’t qualify.

Me: Did you just make that up?

Nell: Certainly not. Why do you think there are queues for second breakfast?

Me: Because you’re Labradors and it’s bacon?

Nell: Wrong.

Me: Bacon sandwiches are flexible, Nell.

Nell: They’re not. Bacon must be eaten at the time.

Me: He’ll wake up when he smells it.

Nell: There’s more.

Me: What now?

Nell: He’s started calling himself Nigel Martin when he’s over here.

Me: Has he?

Nell: Yes. His name is Nigel Duggan.

Me: He can be a Martin when he’s visiting us. We don’t mind.

Nell: You can’t just call yourself a Martin because you feel like it.

Me: I am a Martin.

Nell: I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about Random Animals.

Me: Nigel isn’t a Random Animal. He’s one of the family,

Nell: It’s not right. I don’t go and see Babycakes Gillespie and call myself Nell Gillespie.

Me: Babycakes Gillespie has a coffee cart.

Nell: Or visit Lionel King and call myself Nell King.

Me: When did you visit that lion? And where did you visit that lion?

Nell: I didn’t. I was just using him as an example.

Me: Is he staying at the Stables with Bobby Socks?

Nell: He might be.

Me: Stay away from him.

Nell: Stop changing the subject. We were discussing Nigel Martin.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I love the way darling Harriet runs towards us when she sees us.

Nell: Harriet is at her happiest when she’s out on a walk. Is Kev wearing shorts?

Me: It’s a Devon thing. It was good to go down to the river again, wasn’t it?

Nell: It was extremely cold.

Me: Yes, and a little bit wintrier than our usual walk.

Nell: Our walk is sheltered, apart from the occasional stampede of horses and hounds.

Me: I suppose it is November. A lot of people are struggling with snow. Did you see it on the news?

Nell: I did. Shocking amounts of snow for this time of year.

Me: Snow is at its best when it’s just fallen. ‘Deep and crisp and even.‘

Nell: Even what?

Me: It’s a quote from a carol. Good King Wenceslas.

Nell: Talking of carols, David and the llamas want to go carol singing in the village.

Me: Do llamas sing?

Nell: No, but they cartwheel.

Me: It’s not the same though, is it? I mean you don’t get the same Christmassy feeling watching a llama cartwheel as you do listening to a carol.

Nell: You don’t know that.

Me: I think I do.

Nell: The village children adore the llamas.

Me: Dave will need a few more singers.

Nell: He suggested The Big Cat Vibe.

Me: I’m not sure about that. Lions and tigers are scary even when they’re wearing Santa hats.

Nell: Nobody mentioned Santa hats.

Me: You have to wear Santa hats at Christmas.

Nell: It isn’t Christmas. It’s November.

Me: Dave isn’t going carol singing now, is he?

Nell: He’s considering it.

Me: It’s far too early.

Nell: Some Christmas markets are opening already.

Me: It gets earlier every year.

Nell: You say that every year.

Me: Yes. Sorry.