Nell: Are you still lounging in bed?

Me: It’s Sunday, and I’m not lounging. I’m cuddling Harriet and chatting to Dave.

Nell: You’re going to be late for Sunday Songs if you don’t get your act together soon.

Me: I’ve got plenty of time, Nell. Come and join us.

Nell: I don’t believe this.

Me: What’s wrong?

Nell: Would you like to explain why there’s a Stuffed Tiger sitting on the top of your wardrobe?

Me: It likes the view.

Nell: It’s intrusive. You can’t just sit on someone’s wardrobe.

Me: I don’t mind at all. In fact, I quite like having it there.

Nell: Nigel isn’t going to like it.

Me: Don’t tell him then. Anyway, Nigel wouldn’t like it wherever it was sitting. He can’t stand the Stuffed Tiger.

Nell: It eavesdrops, you know.

Me: There’s nothing to hear.

Nell: I beg your pardon? We have some of our best conversations in this room. It’s where you write.

Me: You’ve never complained about the flamingo on my desk.

Nell: Flamingos are fine. Everyone knows that. Look at Malcolm.

Me: Please tell me he isn’t still making scones.

Nell: No. That stopped as soon as Rupert managed to have a quiet word with Herr Hoffmann.

Me: Good old Knitwear Wolf. Has he made him see sense?

Nell: Let’s just say his eyes have been opened.

Me: Is he very shocked?

Nell: More sad than shocked. He trusted the Beefies.

Me: You can never trust a Beefy.

Nell: He realises that now.

Me: Are we back on for Sunday roast now Herr Hoffmann’s seen sense?

Nell: Yes, and bacon sandwiches for our second breakfast.

Me: All is right with the world.

Nell: Well, let’s just say all is right with our little world. For the time being.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: These summer walks are so relaxing.

Nell: Harriet rarely relaxes for long.

Me: No. A quick roll around in the grass with her beloved ball and off she goes again. Bless her.

Nell: Now, there’s been a development on the cheese scone front.

Me: Not something you hear every day.

Nell: I don’t know if you realised, but yesterday was National Cream Tea day.

Me: Why didn’t we have a cream tea?

Nell: There weren’t any scones left, and most of them were cheese anyway.

Me: Why?

Nell: The Beefies took them.

Me: That’s not fair.

Nell: I know and we told Herr Hoffmann that at Morning Thoughts.

Me: What did he say?

Nell: He said he had to support his ‘luffly leetle girls’ in their new enterprise.

Me: What?

Nell: He said it was time for them ‘to fly the nest’ and ‘venture out into the world.’

Me: What a load of nonsense. The Beefies have been getting up to mischief in the real world for years.

Nell: I know.

Me: Hang on, do you think Herr Hoffmann is actually the one behind ‘The Kingsbridge Cream Tea Experience’?

Nell: His scones are.

Me: But it’s Poppy’s recipe.

Nell: Yes.

Me: So it’s going to get excellent reviews from Gulldon Ramsay.

Nell: It already has. Look at today’s Daily Growl.

Me: ‘Thank you Kingsbridge. You’ve made this seagull very happy.’

Nell: Shocking, isn’t it?

Me: What are we going to do?

Nell: Herr Hoffmann needs to know he’s being used to further the Beefies’ wicked plans of world domination.

Me: That’s a tiny bit dramatic, Nell.

Nell: We’re going to be bombarded with Beefies.

Me: Are we?

Nell: Any seagull worth its salt is going to fly straight over here to try The Kingsbridge Experience.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: You and Dave seem to be having a rather intense conversation.

Nell: I wish he’d take that horrible green toy out of his mouth. I can’t hear a word he’s saying.

Me: It’s his favourite green chew.

Nell: It’s a menace. He nearly knocked Manuel off the kitchen table with that wretched thing.

Me: What was Manuel doing on the kitchen table?

Nell: Making scones, if you must know.

Me: Manuel doesn’t usually make the scones. He’s more of a pancake-making, vegetable-peeling sort of octopus.

Nell: Everyone’s making scones. Even Lionel.

Me: Why?

Nell: Talk to Herr Hoffmann. He’s the one behind it.

Me: He always seemed more concerned about fresh rolls.

Nell: Not anymore. And the worst of it is, the majority of them have cheese.

Me: Cheese?

Nell: Poppy wouldn’t have allowed it.

Me: No. She was never a fan of the cheese scone. I wonder why Herr Hoffmann made this shocking decision?

Nell: And in such quantities.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: There are hundreds of scones on the go.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: He told David he doesn’t have time to make lunch and he’d best grab a sandwich in town.

Me: Herr Hoffmann suggested a shop-bought sandwich?

Nell: I know. In fact, that’s what we were discussing when you came in.

Me: Dave seems strangely relaxed about it.

Nell: That’s because Malcolm and Manuel have made him a couple of quiches to keep him going and a Victoria sponge for later.

Me: When did they do that?

Nell: When Herr Hoffmann was outside in the back garden with the Beefies.

Me: He must have been out there a long time.

Nell: He had a lot of scones to distribute.

Me: Are the Beefies eating the scones?

Nell: Yes. Didn’t you realise?

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Nigel’s definitely integrated into the pack. You were all hugger mugger at the drinking bowl after your run.

Nell: This is wrong on so many levels.

Me: Why?

Nell: Firstly, we’re not a pack. We’re Labradors not wolves. Secondly, I never run. And finally, what on earth is hugger mugger?

Me: It means huddled together in a disorganised way.

Nell: Wrong again. We’re extremely organised. The puppies drink first. I prefer to wait until there’s room. And David drinks longest.

Me: And Nigel?

Nell: Nigel joins in.

Me: That’s all I was trying to say. Did I see Nigel kiss you, by the way?

Nell: Yes. I wish he wouldn’t do that. It’s so forward and unnecessary.

Me: I think it was just a friendly kiss, Nell.

Nell: I know that, but we’re not in France. A nod will suffice, or a wag of the tail.

Me: I’m glad to see him enjoying himself.

Nell: Talking of enjoyment, rumour has it that the Daily Growl is going to publish an article on ‘The Kingsbridge Cream Tea Experience.’

Me: Really?

Nell: They’ve managed to persuade Gulldon Ramsay to come and taste it and write a review.

Me: Gordon Ramsay is coming here to Devon? The famous chef?

Nell: He’s a famously rude chef but stop saying Gordon.

Me: That’s his name and he’s Scottish.

Nell: Gulldon is not Scottish. He’s from Devon and he’s a seagull.

Me: A seagull?

Nell: Yes, and if you ask me there’s something of the Beefy about him. It’s the mean eyes.

Me: All seagulls have mean eyes.

Nell: Susan doesn’t, although that might be because she was brought up by a heron.

Me: And she married Malcolm, the kindest flamingo I know.

Nell: Could we get back to the upcoming review?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Everyone loves Tony. Did you see Nigel giving him a kiss?

Nell: I did, and so did David.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He has no need to be jealous. Tony will always be his best friend.

Nell: David likes to be the centre of attention.

Me: There are enough cuddles to go around.

Nell: David can never get enough cuddles and since the loss of Boo, Nigel has become rather demanding.

Me: Well, he can have as many cuddles as he likes as far as I’m concerned.

Nell: Now, I have some troubling news.

Me: Tell me.

Nell: Have you ever heard of a Kingsbridge Cream Tea?

Me: Of course I’ve heard of a cream tea. We live in Devon. Scones with strawberry jam and clotted cream.

Nell: That isn’t the Kingsbridge version.

Me: Yes, it is.

Nell: Not according to my friend Dorothy.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Look at this flyer. It was dropped on Dorothy’s head when she was walking along the quay.

Me: ‘Book a Beefy is proud to present ‘The Kingsbridge Cream Tea Experience’. An exciting new treat for the discerning eater.’

Nell: Read on.

Me: ‘Cheese scones smothered in horseradish sauce and mackerel pate for those savoury moments.’

Nell: Disgusting.

Me: ‘And for the sweeter eater, a traditional scone topped with whipped cream and marmalade.’ Oh no. That’s really wrong.

Nell: It’s outrageous.

Me: I’ve seen raspberry jam offered as an alternative to strawberry, but marmalade?

Nell: It belongs on toast.

Me: I agree.

Nell: And whipped cream?

Me: Surely no one will order this?

Nell: Innocent grockles are going to leave Devon thinking they’ve had a proper cream tea.

Me: I’m not sure you’re allowed to call tourists ‘grockles’.

Nell: That’s not the point. Marmalade? Mackerel?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Say that again, please?

Me: I had a feeling Things were going to be fine when I saw the cat in the waiting room.

Nell: The Cat? Our Cat. What was it doing there?

Me: No, not The Cat. A cat. Fast asleep on one of the chairs.

Nell: Was it waiting to see the doctor?

Me: No. It just loves the surgery.

Nell: I can think of nicer places to sleep.

Me: The yellow chair for a start.

Nell: It’s my chair and it’s comfortable. What did the nurse say?

Me: First of all, I want to say a big thank you to our NHS. I got through immediately the second time I called them yesterday and was talking to a doctor within the hour and seeing the nurse an hour later.

Nell: That is amazing.

Me: Yes, and it was Monday and busy.

Nell: What did they say?

Me: The nurse gave me a really thorough checkup and it’s not on my chest and it’s not whooping cough which is a great relief.

Nell: Yes, it is.

Me: I’m just completely run down and need to drink lots of fluids and take my cough medicine and paracetamol and it will hopefully go away soon.

Nell: If it gets worse you need to go back for chest x rays.

Me: I do, but it won’t. I’ve had enough of it now.

Nell: Haven’t we all?

Me: I just want to be well again.

Nell: That’s what we all want.

Me: I know.

Nell: The cat at the doctor’s surgery wasn’t an Accidental Cat.

Me: Wasn’t it?

Nell: No. It was Keeping an Eye on you.

Me: It seemed fast asleep to me.

Nell: I can seem fast asleep.

Me: You were snoring.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: You were. Sorry.

Me: I don’t recognise that football, or that gorgeous blanket. Where is Dave?

Nell: That’s not Dave. It’s Toby.

Me: Tony the Postman’s Toby?

Nell: Yes. Dave and Harriet’s nephew Toby.

Me: And your great nephew?

Nell: Yes.

Me: He looks just like Dave.

Nell: He does. Only smaller.

Me: You have a really beautiful family, Nell.

Nell: I know.

Me: I’m so glad Tony and Sue decided to choose Toby.

Nell: I think you will find Toby chose them.

Me: Yes, but they made the journey up to Oxfordshire.

Nell: And Tony made the journey down to Devon.

Me: True.

Nell: Anyway, Toby was telling my Young Animals WoofsApp group all about his recent trip to Dartmoor.

Me: How exciting.

Nell: He went hiking on the moors two or three times a day.

Me: Goodness me.

Nell: Marvin was very excited to hear about it.

Me: They probably don’t have moors in Canada.

Nell: They have wonderful forests and lakes, but Marvin lives in Toronto so he usually walks in the park.

Me: Parks can be lovely, too.

Nell: Yes. Whenever I visited The Queen I used to love strolling the grounds of Buckingham Palace with her.

Me: I’m sure you did.

Nell: And Windsor Castle is delightful because you can pop into town quite easily.

Me: Yes, the castle is right in the middle.

Nell: Anyway, enough reminiscing. It’s Monday and we have things to do.

Me: I’m not sure I’m up to much, Nell. I had another bad night.

Nell: I know. All you have to do is book an appointment with the doctor which might take most of the morning.

Me: I tried calling earlier but I was eighth in the queue so I gave up.

Nell: Try again now, please. It’s important.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Wasn’t it lovely to see Nigel again?

Nell: Yes, spending time with us helps him cope with the loss of his brother Boo.

Me: I agree. He certainly loved the Dog and Dash activity field.

Nell: He did.

Me: It was such a beautiful sunny day and so lovely to see you all running around.

Nell: Nigel might be regretting all the running now.

Me: He enjoyed himself and he can take it easy today.

Nell: Talking of taking it easy, you are still coughing so you’re definitely going nowhere today and if this continues it’s a trip to the doctor.

Me: Don’t fuss.

Nell: There’s a lot of whooping cough around and I’m beginning to wonder if that’s what it is.

Me: If it isn’t better soon I’ll make a call.

Nell: Good. Now, what do you feel about cauliflower and broccoli cheese with the roast beef?

Me: Sounds yummy.

Nell: I thought so too. There will be roast potatoes, parsnips and carrots as usual and Herr Hoffmann is also serving red cabbage.

Me: I love red cabbage.

Nell: Frau Hoffmann is going to try her paw at Yorkshire puddings with David as her guide.

Me: Dave?

Nell: He has Poppy’s recipe book.

Me: I know, but mistakes might be made.

Nell: That’s why they’re making two batches.

Me: Will there be afters?

Nell: Afters?

Me: Dessert.

Nell: Well, say dessert then. Afters indeed.

Me: Is there one?

Nell: Of course. Rhubarb crumble with fresh cream from the farm.

Me: I can’t wait.

Nell: You most certainly can. There’s Sunday Songs in the field first and you’re handing out the song sheets with the llamas.

Me: Am I?

Nell: Do hurry up. The Welsh Corgi Choir are about to begin and the llamas need supervising.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Have you ever heard the phrase ‘There’s life in the old dog yet’?

Nell: I have.

Me: Well, that definitely could apply to you this morning.

Nell: I’m a senior lady Labrador. Less of the ‘old dog’ please.

Me: Apologies.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: You and Dave playing Bitey Faces. You were having a wonderful time.

Nell: I enjoy a brief tussle as much as the next animal.

Me: No, you don’t.

Nell: It’s the perfect way to start the weekend and it increases the appetite for breakfast.

Me: You’ve already had breakfast.

Nell: It’s Saturday.

Me: I know.

Nell: There’s always a second breakfast on Saturdays.

Me: Right.

Nell: Porridge first thing with fruit of your choice and a bacon sandwich later.

Me: What’s your chosen fruit today?

Nell: Strawberries. Jim the Farm Dog dropped some off for Harriet earlier and she shared.

Me: There’s nothing like an English strawberry in season.

Nell; I shall be enjoying strawberries and cream at Wimbledon soon.

Me: Are you going?

Nell: Of course I’m going. I go every year.

Me: My mother used to love Wimbledon. She put life on hold during the tournament.

Nell: It’s a British institution.

Me: A bit like you.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: I wish you were running for election, Nell. I’d vote for you in a heartbeat.

Nell: I’m leaving all that to David. I’m much better behind the scenes.

Me: It was truly lovely to come downstairs this morning to find you two playing together. It gladdens my heart.

Nell; I’ll tell you what would gladden mine.

Me: What?

Nell; A cup of Earl Grey watching Saturday Kitchen with you.

Me: Sounds perfect.

Nell: Go and put the kettle on, then. The tea won’t make itself.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Summer walks are all about dappled sunlight and rolling in the long grass.

Nell: I presume you’re referring to Harriet?

Me: Yes, look at her.

Nell: She does rather throw herself into it.

Me: Yes. Literally. Bless her.

Nell: I prefer a gentle sniffari.

Me: I’m on your side. Not the sniffari, but the gentle part. My rushing days are over.

Nell: Did you ever rush?

Me: When I lived in Berlin I rushed all over the place.

Nell: Goodness me.

Me: Isn’t it strange that when you’re older, even though you take things at a slower pace, time seems to move more quickly?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Maybe it’s because it feels more precious?

Nell: Anyway, much as I enjoy all this early morning philosophising I have a busy day ahead.

Me: Why?

Nell: Uncle Archie’s invited Rupert and I to the yacht club for lunch as a thank you for yesterday’s afternoon tea.

Me: What about the Hoffmanns?

Nell: What about them?

Me: Surely they should be the ones going for lunch? They made the tea.

Nell: The Hoffmanns don’t have time for lunch. It’s Midsummer Eve.

Me: I know they celebrate Midsummer in Scandinavian countries but I didn’t know we celebrated here.

Nell: The Hoffmanns are German bears.

Me: And?

Nell: All German bears celebrate Midsummer. Do keep up.

Me: Just German bears?

Nell: I have no idea. If there are Scandinavian bears they’ll probably be celebrating too.

Me: How?

Nell: It appears to involve flowers in your hair, potato salad and lots of fish.

Me: Princess will love that.

Nell: Yes, she and Sir Roger have organised a pool party.

Me: Are we invited?

Nell: Everyone’s invited. Make sure you wear something floaty.

Me: Floaty?

Nell: A scarf will do. But no shoes.

Me: Right. Sorry.