Me: I saw you watching Harriet having special cuddles with Kev.

Nell: And?

Me: Wasn’t it simply adorable?

Nell: If you like that kind of thing.

Me: Harriet’s always waiting in the wings and letting others shine. It’s her turn.

Nell: She certainly made the most of it.

Me: You’re jealous.

Nell: Stuff and nonsense.

Me: I heard you grumbling under your breath.

Nell: I was merely clearing my throat.

Me: I’ve noticed you’ve become more demanding recently.

Nell: I like things done my way.

Me: We might start calling you Dowager Duchess.

Nell: Feel free.

Me: I can’t imagine how Knitwear Wolf coped when you were on the run.

Nell: What about me? How do you think I coped? Sleeping on harsh straw, squashed onto the back of a scooter.

Me: I’d like to have seen that. Has there been any news of Lionel?

Nell: Not really.

Me: What does that mean?

Nell: Not of any significance.

Me: You’ve heard from him, haven’t you?

Nell: How about pizza and a film this evening?

Me: Stop changing the subject.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann deserves a rest.

Me: I know you can hear me.

Nell: I spoke to Rupert about your ridiculous idea of non-slip socks. He suggested fur lined slippers.

Me: They would need to be non-slip.

Nell: Obviously.

Me: Now you can hear me.

Nell: Was there anything else? Only I’m meeting My Friend Dorothy for lunch.

Me: You’ll be seeing her over the weekend.

Nell: Why?

Me: Naughty Nigel and Boo are coming to stay.

Nell: You never told me. I like to be kept informed of any visitors.

Me: And I like to be kept informed about bad lions. Which is not something I say every day.

Nell: You say it most days.

Me: True. Sorry.

Me: You’re looking lost in thought. Were you daydreaming about a handsome wolf in a forest green cardigan?

Nell: Certainly not. What are you doing down here so early in the morning? You’re supposed to be upstairs writing. I haven’t even had my breakfast.

Me: My Wednesday Writers workshop is starting soon, so I need to post an early conversation.

Nell: I hope the conversation isn’t with me because I’m not available to chat before breakfast, as you well know.

Me: I thought you might make an exception.

Nell: Talk to the paw.

Me: That’s not very nice, Nell.

Nell: I suppose I might be persuaded to converse with you briefly over a freshly baked roll with farmhouse butter and local honey, and a small cup of Earl Grey.

Me: How kind of you.

Nell: Keep the conversation light, though. No deep philosophising, or romantic ramblings.

Me: When have I ever rambled?

Nell: Am I supposed to answer that?

Me: I was wondering what you thought about non-slip socks, actually.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: I noticed the llamas slipping on the wooden floor the last time they came for tea and that got me thinking.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: You have to be careful not to lose your footing with your arthritis, so maybe the answer is non-slip socks?

Nell: You think I would wear non-slip socks?

Me: Only in the house.

Nell: And what do you mean ‘came for tea’? Have you been entertaining the llamas?

Me: No. They do all the entertaining. I just provide them with sandwiches and cakes.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Knitwear Wolf might have some, or we could ask The Cat?

Nell: Do you seriously think The Cat would dream of going anywhere near a non-slip sock?

Me: Perhaps not. Sorry.

Me: Dave’s a handsome hound, isn’t he?

Nell: David is a pedigree Labrador, not a beagle. There’s nothing of the hound about him.

Me: I meant it in a good way.

Nell: Labradors are gun dogs. We’re excellent at retrieving on land and water.

Me: You used to love chasing a ball and Harriet absolutely adores it, but Dave’s not bothered. He much prefers stealing tea towels.

Nell: David has excellent manners. He always brings a gift. I’m a lady Labrador of advanced years so my retrieving days are behind me.

Me: Talking of advanced years, I’m glad the activity field has these tree stumps. It means you and I can have a lovely sit down and a conversation while the others run around.

Nell: I wonder what the puppies have found over there.

Me: I really missed our face to face conversations when you were away.

Nell: It certainly looks like they’re having an enormous amount of fun.

Me: We’re having fun here, too.

Nell: And Kev seems to have a few treats about his person for good behaviour and as motivation.

Me: Talking to me could be seen as a treat.

Nell: I think I might join the others for a quick sniffari.

Me: Are you even listening to me?

Nell: The thing I love about the activity field is the freedom to go as one pleases.

Me: Don’t you mean come and go?

Nell: One can make one’s own decisions.

Me: Are you actually going?

Nell: Do I stay and chat, or join the others? The decision is mine.

Me: Well, thanks for the conversation, Nell. Let’s do it again some time.

Nell: Talking to yourself in a field is not a good look. Get up and join us. This is an activity field.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at Harriet. She’s actually smiling in her sleep. Bless her. She’s happy everyone’s home.

Nell: It’s been quite an eventful time.

Me: You can say that again.

Nell: Why on earth would I do that?

Me: Never mind. As for my Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Upside down showing his dog tooth.

Nell: Not the most flattering angle.

Me: It’s adorable.

Nell: If you say so.

Me: I must say waking to the smell of fresh bread does make Monday a little easier.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann is on fine form.

Me: The Sunday roast was delicious.

Nell: He had Poppy’s recipe book to guide him.

Me: How is Knitwear Wolf?

Nell: Tired but relieved it’s all over.

Me: Do you think NOIR will leave us alone now?

Nell: I hope so.

Me: What about Lionel?

Nell: He’s going to have to lie low for a while.

Me: Why did he get involved with NOIR in the first place? He’s not even a rook.

Nell: I’m afraid Lionel can be rather foolish at times.

Me: He behaved extremely badly.

Nell: Yes, but when it came down to it he did The Right Thing.

Me: Doing The Right Thing doesn’t excuse all the times he did The Wrong Thing.

Nell: No, it doesn’t.

Me: He was a very bad lion.

Nell: And now he’s paying for it.

Me: I don’t think hiding away in a luxury hotel on a beautiful island is exactly paying for it.

Nell: We don’t know he’s gone to Burgh Island.

Me: I bet he has.

Nell: Anyway, enough talk of Lionel. Has anything exciting happened in my absence?

Me: You mean apart from a major rescue operation?

Nell: Yes.

Me: The llamas are getting very good at coming upstairs.

Nell: You didn’t.

Me: I did. Sorry.

Me: My darling Nell. Is it really you?

Nell: I can’t miss two Sunday Songs in a row. The Welsh Corgi Choir would never forgive me. Would you pour me another cup of Earl Grey, please?

Me: How did you get away?

Nell: Mr Giggles dropped us off early this morning. Lionel apologises for not coming in but he’s had to go into hiding.

Me: Why?

Nell: NOIR and the Beefies are going to be after him for revenge once they know what he’s not done.

Me: Did you say ‘not done’?

Nell: He hasn’t secured the real recipe book.

Me: Didn’t Rupert give it to him?

Nell: That was never going to happen.

Me: Why?

Nell: Rupert didn’t have it.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: There’s nothing to worry about. Poppy’s recipe book is perfectly safe.

Me: Is it?

Nell: Now, I was thinking we should have roast beef with all the trimmings today to celebrate our homecoming and a successful mission.

Me: We don’t have a chef since Lionel’s gone.

Nell: Didn’t you smell fresh bread baking when you woke this morning?

Me: I thought it was wishful thinking.

Nell: What about the large furry animal in a chef’s hat busy in the kitchen?

Me: Do you mean Herr Hoffmann’s awake?

Nell: I do, and he’s busy making the batter for the Yorkshire puddings as we speak.

Me: This is wonderful.

Nell: I think I’d like a biscuit with my tea. Did you open the box I got you from France?

Me: Not yet.

Nell: Well, do it now.

Me: It’s not biscuits. It’s Poppy’s recipe book.

Nell: Yes, Sherlock Martin. It’s been with you since yesterday.

Me: This is going to be a wonderful Sunday.

Nell: I’d still like a biscuit with my tea, please.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Thank goodness you called. Where are you? Sally said you got into the wrong car.

Nell: Yes, we realised that when we saw Mr Giggles was driving.

Me: So, what’s happening? Are you able to talk?

Nell: We’re in a forest somewhere off the beaten track. Mr Giggles and I are enjoying a lovely cup of tea and a biscuit while Rupert reasons with Lionel outside.

Me: Don’t eat anything, Nell. They poisoned me.

Nell: The biscuit is shop bought and the tea is from a shared flask. Mr Giggles is laughing.

Me: Can he hear me?

Nell: Yes. You’re on speaker.

Me: You could have told me.

Nell: I just did.

Me: Are Rupert and Lionel fighting?

Nell: Mr Giggles is laughing again. No, they’re in deep discussion.

Me: What about?

Nell: Poppy’s recipe book. Lionel needs to get the real one back.

Me: Does Rupert have it?

Nell: Nobody knows.

Me: Why does Lionel need it? Is he working for NOIR?

Nell: Mr Giggles is laughing again. Gosh, there’s biscuit everywhere.

Me: How disgusting.

Nell: You’re on speaker.

Me: Oh yes.

Nell: Are David and Harriet safely home?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Talking of biscuits, did they give you the tin I bought you in France?

Me: I’m not really hungry, Nell.

Nell: No, of course not. Although you could try one. Mr Giggles loves a biscuit.

Me: Is he laughing again?

Nell: All the time. Oh dear, the discussion outside has become a little heated. I might have to intervene.

Me: Stay in the car. Let Knitwear Wolf deal with Lionel.

Nell: Lionel listens to me.

Me: Don’t put yourself in more danger.

Nell: There’s a good lion in there. I’m sure of it. Open the door, please, Mr Giggles. Try not to worry.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I can see you all now, Nell. There isn’t much room in that boat, is there?

Nell: Speak a bit louder, please. It’s difficult to hear you over the noise of the speedboat.

Me: Have you got your little earphones in?

Nell: Of course.

Me: You’re almost at Plymouth.

Nell: How do you know?

Me: Look up. Owl Pacino and the Royal Owl Force are following you and one of them is filming.

Nell: Are you watching from the seashore?

Me: I’m at home but I can see the live feed. I wasn’t well yesterday. Something I ate.

Nell: Never mind. I’ll see you soon.

Me: Be careful. It looks like the Beefies are about to attack.

Nell: How did they know we were coming?

Me: Don’t worry. The Royal Owl Force will see them off and Princess and the Navy seals will escort you to shore.

Nell: It’s good to be nearly home.

Me: Sally wants you to know that a fast car will be waiting to take you and Knitwear Wolf home.

Nell; I think I can see it parked by the quay.

Me: Good. If you and Rupert go to it at once, Dave and Harriet will sort the boat out and come on later.

Nell: We’re pulling in now.

Me: Wonderful. Just get to the car as fast as you can. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Nell: We’re nearly there. I can see Lionel waving.

Me: Did you just say Lionel?

Nell: I shall be glad to sit down. A senior lady Labrador should not be expected to run.

Me: I didn’t know Lionel was coming to get you. Sally didn’t mention it.

Nell: We’re in the car. Can’t talk right now. I’ve got the giggles.

Me: What do you mean? I don’t understand. Sorry.

Me: Any sign of Dave and Harriet?

Nell: Not yet. I hope they get here soon as the rooks are definitely gathering.

Me: Where are you?

Nell: We’re in a dear little fishing village with a harbour and views out to sea.

Me: Make sure you keep a lookout for the puppies. They must be near France by now.

Nell: I’m keeping an eye on the scooter while Rupert buys our morning croissants from the boulangerie.

Me: Lionel made me a mushroom omelette. He’s spoiling me because he knows I’m lost without you all.

Nell: It must be strange with no Labradors around.

Me: It’s dreadful. The llamas are doing their best, but it’s not the same.

Nell: You’re not allowing them upstairs, are you?

Me: Of course not. At least not all at once.

Nell: I don’t believe it.

Me: What?

Nell: A speedboat with two Labradors just passed here going the wrong way.

Me: The wrong way?

Nell: It’s going out to sea.

Me: Do you think it’s Dave and Harriet?

Nell: Of course it is. Rupert’s launched a flare into the sky and the speedboat is turning around.

Me: Where did he get a flare?

Nell: He’s resourceful, but that’s not the point. He had to alert them.

Me: Has it worked?

Nell: Yes, they’ve turned the boat around and are speeding towards land now.

Me: Good.

Nell: They’d better hurry. There are rooks everywhere.

Me: The puppies are going to need a comfort break and something to eat.

Nell: We know. Rupert bought extra croissants.

Me: They packed some food, but it was a Lionel picnic not a Poppy one, so Dave probably ate it all in the first few minutes.

Nell: Stop fussing about food. Our lives are in danger.

Me: It’s just nerves. Sorry.

Me: I’m sorry for such an early call. Harriet is here and Dave is listening.

Nell: Don’t worry. We fugitives rarely sleep.

Me: I’m glad we didn’t wake you.

Nell: You woke me. I was being polite.

Me: We thought we should tell you about Morning Thoughts.

Nell: You were at Morning Thoughts?

Me: Yes.

Nell: You’re never at Morning Thoughts.

Me: I am since you left, Nell. In case someone has something important to say.

Nell: And did they?

Me: Yes. Now, I’m not sure you’ll like this but the thing is…

Nell: Spit it out.

Me: You might have to change your mind about catching that ferry from Roscoff to Plymouth.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: There’s been a new development.

Nell: We’re almost there and if you think we’re going to scooter back to Paris you’re much mistaken.

Me: No. You’re still coming home, just differently.

Nell: Stop dancing around the biscuits and come to the crunch.

Me: Lionel has offered Dave and Harriet the loan of his speedboat and so they’re coming to get you.

Nell: David and Harriet are driving a speedboat down to Brittany?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I’ve heard it all now.

Me: The initial thought was you could still take the ferry and they could speed along beside you, but, as the llamas wisely pointed out, two Labradors in a speedboat might look suspicious.

Nell: Whereas three Labradors and a wolf wouldn’t look suspicious at all? Did you say ‘llamas’?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Are you trying to tell me the llamas go to Morning Thoughts, too?

Me: Everyone goes, since you left. Even the Whippets Institute and the Welsh Corgi Choir.

Nell: Goodness me.

Me: We’re going to bring you and Knitwear Wolf safely home.

Nell: In a speedboat?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: It’s good to hear from you, Nell. I’ve been so worried. We had the most amazing sunset last night. I took a photo from the garden gate to show you.

Nell: Most kind, but I’m on the run in France from an evil organisation of international rooks so sunsets aren’t top of my agenda.

Me: Of course not.

Nell: Could you ask David to move away from the screen a little, please? All I’m getting is his nose.

Me: He just wants to be in on the conversation. He misses you.

Nell: Is he resting his head on a tray?

Me: Yes. Lionel brought me breakfast in bed. Smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. Your favourite. Dave and I shared it.

Nell: How kind of Lionel. Rupert and I shared a stale baguette by the roadside.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: We also spent the night in a barn.

Me: How romantic.

Nell: It wasn’t. Straw is most uncomfortable.

Me: Where are you exactly?

Nell: On our way to Roscoff in Brittany.

Me: Is this the right time for a holiday?

Nell: No. We’re going to try and catch the ferry from Roscoff to Plymouth.

Me: Plymouth is only a few miles from here.

Nell: Sherlock Martin strikes again. Yes, that’s why we’re travelling down to Brittany.

Me: Are you hitchhiking?

Nell: Don’t be silly. How many people are going to stop for a Labrador and a wolf?

Me: True.

Nell: Rupert has rented a rather uncomfortable scooter. But needs must and we can only take the small roads anyway.

Me: Make sure you try the onion soup when you get to Roscoff. It’s famous for it.

Nell: Onions are dangerous for dogs and I have quite enough danger in my life at the moment as it is.

Me: Yes. Sorry.