Me: I think Dave might still be Tony’s Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Look at them both. You’d think it had been months since they saw each other, not days.
Nell: There’s plenty of room in Tony’s heart for both Dave and Ollie.
Me: Yes. I never get tired of seeing those two together.
Nell: They’re best friends.
Me: People say buddies down here in Devon.
Nell: They put the cream on their scones before the jam, but it doesn’t mean I have to do the same thing.
Me: No. I prefer it the Cornish way, too. Jam first, then cream.
Nell: That’s not the point. What are those llamas doing?
Me: Counting mallards.
Nell: I wish they wouldn’t.
Me: It’s important, Nell. PC Panda says mallards are going missing.
Nell: They’re counting the same ones. That mallard has flown over here at least twice.
Me: And that mallard isn’t a mallard at all. It’s a Beefy in a tank top.
Nell: Don’t be silly.
Me: Look carefully and you’ll see I’m right.
Nell: Well, that takes the biscuit.
Me: Doesn’t it? Who wears tank tops in this weather? It’s far too warm.
Nell: That’s not what I meant.
Me: Oh, you mean they are a bit too retro. The Cat would probably agree.
Nell: No. I mean who disguises themselves as a mallard?
Me: I suppose you would need to be a bird in the first place. Nobody is going to believe Dave is a mallard, even if he is wearing a tank top.
Nell: Here we go.
Me: Does Dave actually own a tank top?
Nell: Good grief.
Me: And where would Dave buy one in his size? Does Knitwear Wolf offer them as part of his range?
Nell: I give up. Just count the real mallards.