Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy is such a handsome lad. Look at that darling face.

Nell: He’s sulking and David is not a lad. He’s a pedigree Labrador.

Me: Why’s he sulking?

Nell: Are you feeling any better?

Me: My arm still hurts but I’m definitely brighter today.

Nell: Good. Nigel’s coming to stay for the weekend and has requested beef casserole for dinner with mashed potatoes, runner beans, cabbage and peas.

Me: That’s awfully specific, Nell.

Nell: He wants lasagne tomorrow evening in front of a movie. His words not mine.

Me: Are you sure?

Nell: I would never say movie.

Me: True.

Nell: Breakfast on Sunday is a full English and lunch is roast beef with all the trimmings.

Me: Does Herr Hoffmann know?

Nell: Of course. It’s part of the new regime.

Me: What new regime?

Nell: Guests will be asked ahead of time to provide us with their choice of menu including any dietary requirements.

Me: We’re not a hotel.

Nell: It makes life a lot easier as well as happier.

Me: What about residents?

Nell: Residents can make suggestions as long as they’re reasonable.

Me: What’s unreasonable?

Nell: David requested bacon sandwiches every day and Manuel wants paella.

Me: I love paella.

Nell: You can’t have paella on a Friday.

Me: You jolly well can. There’s shellfish in it as well as chicken.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann said it’s traditionally made with rabbit.

Me: Not Manuel’s version.

Nell: Nigel’s already decided today’s menu.

Me: Manuel makes a marvellous paella. He’s from Barcelona.

Nell: The weekend is booked.

Me: Monday isn’t.

Nell: Monday is leftovers day.

Me: Tuesday then?

Nell: Post your suggestion in the suggestion box and the committee will decide.

Me: Suggestion box?

Nell: Next to the back door. Do keep up.

Me: Sorry.

Me: You were amazingly sprightly on the beach. You managed to get all the way down to the sea.

Nell: Yes. The sunshine put a spring in my step.

Me: So, who was that dog you were talking to?

Nell: What dog?

Me: The Golden Retriever you touched noses with.

Nell: We did not touch noses. I’ve never met that Golden before in my life.

Me: You were definitely chatting.

Nell: If you must know, it’s on holiday. It wanted to know the best places to eat.

Me: Did you tell it?

Nell: I said it all depended on what it wanted.

Me: True.

Nell: Nothing beats the Cottage Hotel for a spectacular view and excellent service but if you only need a coffee in town then Starbarks does an excellent cappuccino.

Me: How is John the Doberman, by the way? We never see him anymore.

Nell: Grieving. No one will ever replace Poppy in his heart

Me: I understand.

Nell: I’ve told him repeatedly that Poppy is not happy about it. She wants him to go out and live his life.

Me: I’m sure she does. How is she?

Nell: Enjoying life as a Guardian and waiting for me to join her.

Me: Don’t say that.

Nell: It’s the way of the world. We come and we go.

Me: I can’t bear to think of you not being here with me.

Nell: I will be with you. You and me. Always.

Me: Let’s talk about something else.

Nell: Yes. You’re still not well, so you’re having leek and potato soup for lunch with crunchy bread and farmhouse butter.

Me: Sounds good.

Nell: The afternoon will be spent making lists of Things To Do and reading.

Me: Things To Do?

Nell: We’re moving house next month. Remember?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Why are you sulking in your chair?

Nell: I’m not.

Me: You clearly are, and Harriet doesn’t look too happy, either.

Nell: You need to stop doing things without asking me first.

Me: What have I done now?

Nell: You go to the doctor’s fit and well and come back in pain.

Me: I had a couple of unexpected vaccinations, Nell.

Nell: How can something like that even happen?

Me: I had my blood test and then they noticed I needed my shingles and flu boosters.

Nell: And now you haven’t slept and feel unwell.

Me: I didn’t sleep well because of a sore arm. It’s all to be expected.

Nell: I thought you said it was unexpected.

Me: You know what I mean.

Nell: Do you realise we all had to sleep in your bedroom last night?

Me: Actually, Nell, I do.

Nell: David had to sit on you at one time to check you were still breathing.

Me: He woke me up.

Nell: You woke us up with your complaining.

Me: My arm hurt quite a lot and I couldn’t get comfortable and when I finally did Dave sat on me.

Nell: It was important for you to know he was there.

Me: I knew he was there. Don’t worry about that. Sharing a bed with Dave is like sharing it with a small pony.

Nell: And it wasn’t enough to receive unexpected vaccinations, was it?

Me: Wasn’t it?

Nell: You and Kev also came home with a new armchair.

Me: My old one was falling apart.

Nell: With high sides.

Me: It’s a double chair so there’s room for a dog to sit next to me.

Nell: You need to run these kind of things past me first.

Me: Yes, I should have done that. Sorry.

Me: Do you know where Dave and Nigel are? Gladys was looking for them.

Nell: They’re in the living room playing Bitey Faces. Why does Gladys need to talk to them?

Me: They didn’t join in Glide with Gladys this morning even though they booked.

Nell: Will there be a cancellation fee to pay?

Me: I’m not sure, but Gladys isn’t best pleased.

Nell: I’ve noticed those two can be extremely naughty when they get together.

Me: I know what you mean.

Nell: David has a wild side which comes out when he’s with Nigel.

Me: I wouldn’t call it a wild side. My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy can just be a little boisterous at times.

Nell: They were breakdancing in the garden.

Me: Were they?

Nell: And rapping with the farm dogs.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: On a Sunday.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: It simply won’t do.

Me: The farm dogs are going to miss Dave when we move.

Nell: One in particular is going to miss Harriet more.

Me: I don’t like to think of Harriet and Jim the Farm Dog having to part.

Nell: Jim says it’s only a tractor ride away but it’s more than that.

Me: It is a few miles.

Nell: It’s the fact that Jim won’t be living next door. Harriet can’t look out of the window and watch him walking the fields.

Me: I wish he could find a job in the village. Surely someone needs a capable farm dog?

Nell: Maybe. It’s something we could look into when we move.

Me: I’d better tell those two naughty boys to go and apologise to Gladys and the llamas for missing their exercise class.

Nell: Don’t you dare give them any treats until they do. I know what you’re like.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I’ve got mixed feelings about seaweed.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: I don’t like the way it curls itself around your legs when you walk into the sea in a sly and silky way.

Nell: A sly and silky way?

Me: I’m talking about the light seaweed, not the heavy stuff we have on our beach at the moment.

Nell: Good, because there’s nothing sly or silky about our seaweed.

Me: The seaweed I’m talking about is more like grass and very wet.

Nell: It’s in the sea. It’s supposed to be wet.

Me: Some seaweed is like huge pieces of tagliatelle, only green.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Or even very long sheets of lasagne.

Nell: No, that’s it. The seaweed discussion is over.

Me: Why? I thought you were interested in seaweed. You’re always sniffing it on the beach.

Nell: Seaweed is fascinating. You never know what you’ll find.

Me: It’s disturbingly bouncy when it’s dry, isn’t it?

Nell: Enough.

Me: Like huge bubble wrap.

Nell: I worry about you sometimes.

Me: People love eating seaweed all over the world. The Welsh make laverbread, which isn’t bread at all but a sort of salty mushy porridge.

Nell: You’re not selling it to me.

Me: It’s an acquired taste.

Nell: I prefer my porridge made from oats with honey.

Me: I never see you dogs eating it when we’re on the beach.

Nell: Porridge is for breakfast and eaten at home.

Me: I meant seaweed.

Nell: Of course not. It’s far too salty. You don’t see us drinking sea water, either.

Me: A lot of dogs drink it the first time they go in the sea.

Nell: They’re visiting dogs. They don’t know it’s salty. Can we stop talking about seaweed now? It’s making me very thirsty.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: Naughty Nigel is not playing ‘Cheeky Animals’ properly.

Me: What’s he doing wrong?

Nell: He’s supposed to secretly stick his tongue out quickly without the other player noticing, not leave it hanging out while closing his eyes. How’s he going to see what anyone else is doing?

Me: Did you tell him?

Nell: Yes, and he said ‘Cheeky Animal’ and looked away.

Me: Maybe he’s playing a new version?

Nell: There isn’t a new version.

Me: There might be. I’m going to call it ‘Nigel’s Version’.

Nell: It will never catch on.

Me: Wait and see.

Nell: Moving on, Sunday Songs is all about Looking Forward today.

Me: That’s nice.

Nell: Everyone’s been told that we’re probably moving to The House on the Corner next month and some of them haven’t taken it very well.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Llamas faint at the drop of a hat so there’s nothing unexpected about that, but several members of the Welsh Corgi Choir are really quite distressed and have discarded their bonnets.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: The good news, however, is the Royal Owl Force found a recreation ground in the village.

Me: Why are they involved?

Nell: They have a better overview of the situation. Do keep up.

Me: I see.

Nell: There is plenty of room for Sunday Songs and Glide with Gladys.

Me: What a relief.

Nell: Quite.

Me: I hope the village can cope with us all.

Nell: What’s that supposed to mean?

Me: They might not be used to llamas cartwheeling and corgis singing, not to mention the Whippets Institute Big Band.

Nell: They’ll get used to it. Don’t you worry. Wait until they try Herr Hoffmann’s freshly baked rolls.

Me: Are we inviting the whole village to breakfast?

Nell: Only on Sundays.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Me: I love the way you managed to get Kev to cuddle you.

Nell: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Me: He was busy reading something to Harriet on his iPad when you started sulking.

Nell: I never sulk.

Me: Yes, you do. You sulked until he stopped reading to Harriet and noticed you.

Nell: Kev and I have a special connection.

Me: Yes, I know you do.

Nell: He enjoys spending time with me.

Me: I enjoy spending time with you, too.

Nell: It’s different with you.

Me: You’re a proper Daddy’s girl.

Nell: I am a Senior Labrador.

Me: You go all girly when you’re around Kev.

Nell: I do not.

Me: Gazing into his eyes like a puppy.

Nell: Jealousy is not an attractive trait.

Me: You never tell Kev off.

Nell: He doesn’t need me to.

Me: Neither do I.

Nell: I beg to differ. What on earth are you wearing?

Me: Comfortable clothes. It’s Saturday.

Nell: You can’t go to Catkin’s party dressed like that.

Me: I didn’t know Catkin was having a party.

Nell: It’s a Going Away Party.

Me: She only just arrived.

Nell: Half term’s nearly over. She’s being collected tomorrow.

Me: I hope the Stuffed Tiger is invited.

Nell: It is not. Nigel is coming and he can’t stand to be in the same room as that tiger.

Me: But the Stuffed Tiger is Catkin’s special friend.

Nell: There’s no room for another tiger.

Me: Another one?

Nell: Beauregard will be joining us with Mrs King and Roary. One tiger and two lions is more than enough.

Me: I wish Catkin didn’t have to go.

Nell: She’ll be back soon.

Me: The Stuffed Tiger’s going to be so sad.

Nell: That animal has no feelings.

Me: It does, Nell. Sorry.

Me: The thing about Harriet on the beach is she comes and she goes.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: When I call her she comes running towards us, no matter how far away she is, and it’s lovely and exciting.

Nell: Yes?

Me: And then, just before she gets to us, she turns around and runs back to Kev and Dave.

Nell: Harriet likes to include everyone.

Me: I just want to give her a quick cuddle.

Nell: Harriet doesn’t have time for cuddles when she’s on the beach.

Me: I suppose not.

Nell: She has sand to cover and sea to surf.

Me: True. It was ever so foggy, wasn’t it?

Nell: Yes. We couldn’t even see the island.

Me: I always find it strange knowing something’s there but you can’t see it.

Nell: Don’t start.

Me: I’m not starting anything.

Nell: Yes, you are. You have far too much imagination for your own good.

Me: Talking of something being there and you can’t see it, who would have thought Catkin would have been on top of the wardrobe?

Nell: I blame the Stuffed Tiger. It could have saved us a lot of time and worry by telling us she was there.

Me: It’s stuffed, Nell. It can’t talk.

Nell: That’s what it wants us to think. Sly creature.

Me: You’re as bad as Nigel. He hates it.

Nell: Nigel knows that tiger is trouble.

Me: Well, Catkin loves it. She was snuggled up between its paws as happy as Larry.

Nell: Who’s Larry? Another kitten?

Me: It’s an informal expression. Happy as Larry means extremely happy.

Nell: Kindly leave Larry out of it.

Me: There isn’t a Larry.

Nell: I’ve got more than enough on my paws without you bringing Larry into it.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: You’re looking rather serious.

Nell: Catkin is a very naughty kitten.

Me: She’s absolutely adorable, Nell. How can anyone resist that sweet little face?

Nell: She made a hole in my favourite shawl. She stuck her tiny claws in it and started pulling out threads of wool.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: It was a present from Rupert.

Me: I’m sure Knitwear Wolf can organise another one, or have it mended for you.

Nell: It’s past saving. It’s not only unravelled, it’s covered in flour. Like the living room.

Me: Don’t you mean the kitchen?

Nell: No. Herr Hoffmann was making a cake in the kitchen and Catkin jumped in the bowl.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: And then walked flour all over the house.

Me: That is a little bit naughty.

Nell: She also bounced Malcolm when he wasn’t looking and you know how shy he is. And she was dressed as a pirate.

Me: That reminds me of Poppy. Where did she get the outfit?

Nell: From The Cat’s dressing up box.

Me: Did Malcolm really mind being bounced?

Nell: He said he didn’t, but he lost his colour for a while.

Me: He needs to eat more prawns.

Nell: Princess has promised to bring some back. She and Sir Roger have gone fishing.

Me: I bet Catkin would enjoy a prawn.

Nell: I’m not sure she deserves one. The Cat is at the end of its tether. It says it can’t cope a minute longer.

Me: She’s just being a kitten.

Nell: And now she’s disappeared.

Me: She won’t have gone far. She’s probably fallen asleep somewhere. They do that when they’re tiny.

Nell: You can help the others look for her. I’m going to have a lie down. I’m too old for all this.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why are you taking photos of David when he’s asleep?

Me: Because he’s so adorable. Look at him. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He’s completely exhausted after playing with Catkin over at The Cat’s, so you’d best let him sleep.

Me: I don’t know why The Cat’s keeping Catkin at the Big House.

Nell: It’s safer. Catkin is a little wild and needs to be contained.

Me: But we’re all ready for her here.

Nell: You’ll regret it. The Cat found her climbing up the curtains this morning.

Me: I don’t care about that.

Nell: And she’s knocked over The Cat’s favourite ornament.

Me: Not the china shepherdess?

Nell: I’m afraid so.

Me: Is it broken?

Nell: It has a chipped skirt.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Quite.

Me: Fortunately we don’t have any shepherdesses here.

Nell: We have lots of lovely things on display, many of them from your late mother.

Me: Not for long. We’re going to have to start packing now.

Nell: Why?

Me: I was talking to the estate agents and if things go to plan we may finally be moving to the House on the Corner mid to late March.

Nell: It’s my birthday on 14th March.

Me: I know, and it’s Chris’s on 23rd March.

Nell: True.

Me: So, I’ve decided March is going to be a good month.

Nell: We have to get through February first.

Me: Yes. February is going to be busy.

Nell: Does The Cat know we’re leaving so soon?

Me: Nobody does, Nell.

Nell: They do now.

Me: Well, yes.

Nell: Maybe we should let Catkin visit us. It would lift our spirits.

Me: Saying goodbye to this house isn’t going to be easy, is it?

Nell: Think of it as a New Beginning.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.