Me: Why is Dave sitting by the terrace doors?

Nell: He’s waiting for the children to wake up.

Me: They aren’t outside my bedroom.

Nell: It’s much nicer to wait there than on the landing. The air is fresher and you can take in the view.

Me: Isn’t it wonderful to have them home again?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Although, I noticed you went upstairs to bed early.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And you don’t even sleep upstairs.

Nell: I needed a little quiet.

Me: Harriet went crazy when she saw them.

Nell: She did.

Me: She ran around and around licking everyone.

Nell: David kept his emotions under control.

Me: He just went from one cuddle to another. Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: And then he drank out of the paddling pool.

Me: Welcoming family is thirsty work. You were especially pleased to see Alice.

Nell: She’s my girl. We’ve known each other a long time.

Me: 12 years.

Nell: Now, at Morning Thoughts we were discussing the weather.

Me: Very British of you.

Nell: As thunderstorms are due tomorrow you’d best make good use of today.

Me: Right.

Nell; I’ve booked you in for lunch on the terrace at the Cottage Hotel.

Me: That’s a lovely idea.

Nell: Followed by an afternoon on the beach.

Me: My first swim in the sea this year. I’ve been too unwell to go before.

Nell: No swimming for you.

Me: What?

Nell: You can watch, in the shade, wearing a hat.

Me: I want to swim.

Nell: Moving on, Herr Hoffmann has organised a barbecue for this evening.

Me: Perfect.

Nell: Sausages and burgers with the odd salad.

Me: Not too odd, I hope.

Nell: We must think of the insects and vegetarians. Odd salad is what they like most.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What’s that awful noise?

Nell: Nothing to worry about.

Me: It’s far too early to be this loud.

Nell: David is learning to play the violin.

Me: He’s doing what?

Nell: It’s all under control.

Me: It doesn’t sound like it.

Nell: Kev’s showing him.

Me: Kev can’t play the violin.

Nell: Well, he’s giving it a good go.

Me: You can’t just learn an instrument by watching someone. Especially someone who doesn’t know how to play it either.

Nell: Give him time. He’s only just started.

Me: I don’t want to. What is Kev doing with a violin, anyway?

Nell: He got it for the children.

Me: I can’t believe he did that without checking with me first.

Nell: Romeo plays the fiddle in the house.

Me: Does he?

Nell: Sometimes, and only from the top of the wardrobe. The Stuffed Tiger loves it.

Me: I wish that woman had loved our house.

Nell: The views from the top garden weren’t good enough for her, apparently.

Me: We have the most incredible views from the house and front garden and you still look over the fields and barns from the top.

Nell: It wasn’t enough. Don’t worry. Another buyer will come along soon.

Me: I hope so, or we will lose that little cottage.

Nell: Let’s concentrate on the fact that Alice and the children will be arriving soon.

Me: Yes. No more sleeps to go. Today is actually the day.

Nell: Is everything ready for them?

Me: I think so. Herr Hoffmann is busy baking a cake.

Nell: You’re going to have to collect them alone from the station as there isn’t enough room in the car.

Me: I’ll manage.

Nell: Just drive carefully. The roads are very busy at the moment. Precious cargo.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Did you just fall asleep while I was talking to you?

Nell: I was merely resting my eyes.

Me: I was telling you something important.

Nell: Were you?

Me: Yes. I was going through my list of Things To Do Before Tomorrow.

Nell: It was a very long list.

Me: And then you started to play Cheeky Animals.

Nell: Are you sure?

Me: I saw you stick your tongue out.

Nell: One has to keep oneself amused at times like these.

Me: Times like what?

Nell: Listening to a long list of things someone hasn’t done yet is dreadfully tedious.

Me: You give me lists all the time.

Nell: That’s different. You need lists.

Me: And you don’t?

Nell: No. It’s all up here.

Me: Did you just tap your head with your paw?

Nell: Of course I did. I have no need for lists.

Me: Talk about pot and kettle.

Nell: No, thank you. I have much more important things on my mind. Now, why is there a chair and a bedside table on the landing?

Me: Kev’s moving the furniture around in the children’s room so they have space to play.

Nell: Nobody is going to want to sit on the landing. It’s cramped and all you are looking at is a wall.

Me: The chair isn’t going to stay there. It will go back in to the room once the bed has been moved.

Nell: Enough. You’re giving me far too much detail.

Me: You asked.

Nell: What about the pyjama situation? The children always have new pyjamas on their beds.

Me: I’m going into town with Kev later to get them.

Nell: Don’t forget the llamas.

Me: I’m not taking them shopping.

Nell: They need new pyjamas, too. You promised.

Me: Yes, I did. Sorry.

Me: I’ve been doing some thinking.

Nell: About the choice of vegetables with today’s Sunday roast? I quite fancy freshly picked runner beans.

Me: No. About happiness and what it means.

Nell: David’s happiness probably involves bacon.

Me: Not always. I was watching him in the activity field and some of his happiness was knowing he could go wherever he wanted to.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: Sometimes he just stopped running and gazed at the field for a moment to take it all in.

Nell: He might have merely wanted a rest.

Me: No. That’s you. Most of your enjoyment is in a gentle sniffari and a lie down in the middle of the field.

Nell: I’m a lady of mature years. We like to take our time.

Me: Harriet just loves to be on the go. All the time. And if she isn’t on the go she’s rolling around on her back.

Nell: What about your happiness?

Me: Mine is knowing that there are only two sleeps before I see Alice and the grandchildren again.

Nell: I don’t know what you’re doing talking to me, then. There’s so much to be done.

Me: No, there isn’t. I’ve only got to make up the beds. We cleaned the house for the viewing.

Nell: The Welsh Corgi Choir were asking if you’d like them to sing on Tuesday.

Me: That’s ever so kind, but I don’t want to put them to any trouble.

Nell: The Whippets Institute are happy to take them in their minibus.

Me: Are they coming, too?

Nell: We need music at the Welcome Party.

Me: I didn’t know there was going to be one.

Nell: It’s a year since we’ve seen the family. Of course we’re going to party. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: You three seem a little out of sorts.

Nell: We are.

Me: That’s a shame. It’s a beautiful sunny day. Perfect weather for this afternoon’s viewing.

Nell: If you say so.

Me: Fingers crossed they fall in love with the house.

Nell: They’d better.

Me: Yes. The clock is ticking and we don’t want to lose the little cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Nell: Is it really in the middle of nowhere?

Me: No. It’s in a tiny hamlet with a few other cottages and nothing else but countryside.

Nell: Well, I certainly hope this mass exodus isn’t for nothing.

Me: Mass exodus?

Nell: Do you know how many animals are being evacuated from their home this lunchtime?

Me: I haven’t counted.

Nell: If the potential buyers see us leaving they’re going to think we’re a travelling circus.

Me: The llamas don’t have to leave. They can stay in the field if they’re quiet.

Nell: What about Beauregard, Mrs King and Roary?

Me: They’ll have to vacate the Tree House. We can’t have the buyers bumping into a tiger and two lions.

Nell: Three lions. Lionel is still here. Remember?

Me: Oh yes.

Nell: Rupert took Princess and Sir Roger Blubbery down to the sea this morning.

Me: We can’t have seals clapping everyone.

Nell: And Herr and Frau Hoffmann have been busy making a picnic for us all as there’s no lunch.

Me: I suppose it is a bit of a palaver.

Nell: Palaver?

Me: It’ll be worth it in the end.

Nell: Do people realise what havoc they’re causing?

Me: We’re the ones causing havoc with our large, exotic family.

Nell: And another thing.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Why is the Stuffed Tiger allowed to stay on top of the wardrobe?

Me: Because it’s stuffed. Sorry.

Me: Are you even listening to me?

Nell: You were mumbling. You need to enunciate.

Me: Sometimes I think you and I are having a lovely conversation and you suddenly look away.

Nell: A Labrador must be constantly alert.

Me: So it has nothing to do with Herr Hoffmann taking freshly baked rolls out of the oven?

Nell: Did he? I can’t say I noticed.

Me: You noticed something.

Nell: I noticed the blankets are in a sorry state on my yellow chair.

Me: Oh, it’s your yellow chair now, is it?

Nell: I noticed you falling asleep in the afternoon.

Me: I’m still not quite well.

Nell: I noticed Romeo hiding behind the Stuffed Tiger on top of the wardrobe.

Me: Seriously?

Nell: Yes. I happened to glance up there and wondered why the Stuffed Tiger was wearing a black wig.

Me: I might have wondered about that, too. I mean it can’t possibly have fitted. It was made for a seagull. It probably only covered one of the Stuffed Tiger’s ears.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: Yes. Did Romeo explain himself?

Nell: No. He took out his lute and played a tune.

Me: Did the Stuffed Tiger like it?

Nell: The Stuffed Tiger is a closed book. It never lets anyone know what it’s thinking.

Me: It is stuffed, to be fair. Did you see any biscuits?

Nell: No, but there was a half eaten bacon sandwich.

Me: That’s disgusting.

Nell: I agree. Food is there to be finished.

Me: I don’t want bacon on top of my wardrobe. It could attract all sorts.

Nell: Like Beefies and Stuffed Tigers?

Me: I was thinking more of mice and rats.

Nell: I don’t think there’s a lot of room left on top of your wardrobe.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy seems a little thoughtful this morning. I hope he’s not unwell.

Nell: He’s probably just thinking about bonkering, bacon sandwiches and Glenys Williams.

Me: I think about Glenys a lot, too. I know she isn’t well at all and needs all the positive thoughts and love we can send her, but what on earth is bonkering?

Nell: Don’t ask.

Me: I just did.

Nell: Let’s just say that part of it involves eating a lot of bacon sandwiches and David recently joined as sandwich team leader.

Me: He’ll be ever so good at that.

Nell: The training is tough and he’s not at all sure his team are up to it.

Me: Do the sandwiches have to be eaten by mistake?

Nell: No. The eating is fully intentional.

Me: Intentional eating isn’t for everyone. I expect he’s just got a full tummy and it’s made him tired.

Nell: You might be right. The final is in a few days. Glenys was supposed to be taking part but she’s too unwell, so her friend Val has taken over.

Me: Are you talking about Val Gilmour?

Nell: I am.

Me: I’m sure they’ll win then. With Val and Dave onboard they can’t go wrong.

Nell: You’re right. You’re up early again.

Me: Yes. I couldn’t sleep. I’m too excited about Alice and the children coming to visit next Tuesday.

Nell: Only 5 sleeps to go.

Me: I hope the weather changes. It’s absolutely awful again today.

Nell: It’s going to. I’m sure of it.

Me: It’s their summer holiday and I want it to be perfect for them.

Nell: Perfection is overrated. Of course it would be lovely if the sun could shine, but it’s more about family and being together.

Me: Yes, you’re right. Sorry.

Me: I always love to think of people from all over the world enjoying ‘Conversations with Nell’ so here is a photo of Lilly from Thailand who spent the whole day reading my book when she was visiting her grandmother in Devon.

Nell: Did you just say ‘my book’?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I think you will find I had something to do with it. The Conversations are with me. My name is on the front.

Me: Our book.

Nell: Thank you.

Me: Anyway, I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Lilly.

Nell: Yes, we both are.

Me: And sorry about the awful English weather.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: Yes. It was good to see you paddling in the river.

Nell: I thought I would join the others down there.

Me: And it was lovely to meet Archie, the handsome Golden Retriever, again on our walk.

Nell: Moving on, it seems the Stuffed Tiger is staying on the wardrobe.

Me: Only for now. The children are bound to want him off there.

Nell: As long as he isn’t anywhere near Nigel when he visits. He can’t stand him.

Me: I know.

Nell: Romeo has been seen inside the house, by the way.

Me: Romeo the seagull in a long black wig who serenades Harriet on his lute?

Nell: Yes. He was spotted leaving flowers for Harriet under the kitchen table.

Me: I don’t want Beefies in the house.

Nell: Nobody does. Apart from Herr Hoffmann.

Me: Not again.

Nell: He says Romeo is ‘a luffly little gurl’.

Me: He’s an annoying little gull. I bet he stole those biscuits.

Nell: And shared them with the Stuffed Tiger on top of the wardrobe.

Me: It’s Stuffed, Nell.

Nell: You can be stuffed and still eat. Ask David.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Nell: What are you doing up so early?

Me: I’m not feeling too well after the vaccinations so I thought a cup of tea might help.

Nell: And a biscuit?

Me: I’m not the biscuit thief.

Nell: I know.

Me: And I know you and Dave were talking about me.

Nell: Why do you think that?

Me: You stopped when I came in.

Nell: Of course we did. We thought you might need our help.

Me: You gave me one of your looks.

Nell: It’s a look of concern. Stop overreacting. You’re running a slight fever and it’s making you imagine things.

Me: I don’t need a fever to do that.

Nell: Take a paracetamol, please, and go back to bed. David will bring you your tea.

Me: I don’t need a biscuit.

Nell: Please yourself.

Me: I’m not sure I want the Stuffed Tiger to stay on top of the wardrobe.

Nell: Why? Has it been bothering you?

Me: Not really.

Nell: Have you heard any crunching?

Me: It’s a Stuffed Tiger.

Nell: I know.

Me: I just feel like it might be listening.

Nell: It’s always listening.

Me: And watching.

Nell: That too.

Me: On the other hand it seems awfully happy up there so maybe I should just leave it.

Nell: Jonathan and Faye will want it off the wardrobe when they arrive.

Me: Gosh. It’s only a week before the family come to visit.

Nell: Seven more sleeps to go.

Me: I can’t wait to see them all.

Nell: How do you think we feel? You saw them in May. We haven’t seen them since last August.

Me: They’re arriving on our wedding anniversary. 15 years.

Nell: Two reasons to celebrate.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Now, back to bed to think some happy thoughts.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: You’re up early.

Me: I have a doctor’s appointment.

Nell: Why?

Me: I’m finally having my shingles and pneumonia vaccinations.

Nell: That’s good, I suppose.

Me: Yes. You didn’t feel much like paddling in the river yesterday, did you?

Nell: No. I was a little tired, so I decided to watch the other two from the river bank.

Me: Dave had a swim and a good long drink.

Nell: There’s nothing like the taste of fresh cool water.

Me: I sometimes wonder if Harriet is part otter. She loves the water so much.

Nell: She does.

Me: Do we know who took the biscuits?

Nell: The Stuffed Tiger is looking rather shifty.

Me: You always say that.

Nell: And crumbs were found on the top of the wardrobe.

Me: By whom?

Nell: The Cat, if you must know.

Me: What was The Cat doing on the wardrobe?

Nell: A question many have asked.

Me: Well? Do you know why it was up there?

Nell: It probably wanted a word with the Stuffed Tiger.

Me: The Stuffed Tiger doesn’t speak.

Nell: That doesn’t mean it can’t listen.

Me: True. Have there been any birds in the house, recently?

Nell: Apart from flamingos?

Me: Obviously.

Nell: I think Owl Pacino and Tawny Tim might have popped in to see Harriet about something, but they didn’t fly upstairs.

Me: Owls wouldn’t steal biscuits.

Nell: Probably not.

Me: I was thinking more of Beefies.

Nell: Beefies aren’t allowed in the house. I don’t even like them in the garden.

Me: But stealing biscuits is a Beefy sort of thing to do.

Nell: Yes, it is.

Me: It’s a mystery.

Nell: Never mind all that now. Go and get some breakfast. You can’t be vaccinated on an empty stomach.

Me: No. You’re right. Sorry.