Me: Why did you wake me at 2.30am this morning?

Nell: I needed to be with the puppies.

Me: I needed to sleep.

Nell: They were locked in the living room.

Me: That’s where they sleep, Nell. They have their baskets and toys.

Nell: They needed me.

Me: You haven’t bothered all these weeks.

Nell: I had a bedroom then.

Me: Ah, you mean the spare room.

Nell: My room is full of clutter and I am forced to lie on the floor.

Me: We are moving so we had to put things in there.

Nell: It’s making those poor puppies anxious.

Me: I think you wanted the comfortable sofa.

Nell: Did the puppies stop crying when I joined them?

Me: They weren’t crying before that.

Nell: Were they quiet?

Me: Yes, until the morning when you told them off for fighting.

Nell: Exactly. Everyone is happy.

Me: Actually I’m very tired.

Nell: Try sleeping on the floor.

Nell: I am very low.

Me: I know Nell.

Nell: No walks for a whole week.

Me: I know.

Nell: I tried to have some quiet in the studio.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Then everybody joined me.

Me: They were worried about you.

Nell: They started fighting and tearing up boxes.

Me: I can see.

Nell: I have a sprained shoulder and I need quiet.

Me: I’ll tell them to go Nell.

Nell: They can stay for a little.

Me: Ok.

Nell: They mean well.

Me: Yes.

Nell: They are only young.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Pick up the mess before you go. What will people think.

Me: It wasn’t my fault.

Nell: There’s a dustpan and brush in the utility.

Me: Ok. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay and comfort you?

Nell: Close the door quietly please. The puppies are resting.

Nell: This photo is typical of you.

Me: Why? What have I done now?

Nell: I was having a word with the puppies 

and you interrupted us again by taking a photo.

Me: Yes, I know but look at the way Dave is kissing your feet.

Nell: He is not kissing my feet. I am not some kind of goddess to be worshipped.

Me: Well, Dave does idolise you.

Nell: And it would be my paws anyway. I’m a dog.

Me: Was it a serious telling off? Only Harriet looks guilty.

Nell: Did you ask me to help with the bringing up of these puppies?

Me: Yes, I did.

Nell: And we agreed that I would take control.

Me: No, I don’t remember saying that.

Nell: With minimal interference from you.

Me: I’m not interfering. You all need me you know.

Nell: We know. Food and walks.

Me: And cuddles.

Nell: Sometimes I wonder who wants the cuddles.

Me: Dave and Harriet love cuddles.

Nell: David is partial to a cuddle but Harriet can take it or leave it.

Me: She is definitely your niece. So what did she do?

Nell: Confidences have been exchanged and the matter is being dealt with in the appropriate way.

Me: Was Dave guilty too?

Nell: I am dealing with this. You are hopeless at discipline.

Me: But I want to know.

Nell: Do we look like we want you to know?

Me: No, you don’t particularly.

Nell: Anything else?  Only we need to finish our discussion.

Me: I still think I should be included.

Nell: Could you close the door on your way out.

Me: You are mean and I will find out.

Nell: The door?

Nell: So when exactly were you going to tell me?

Me: Tell you what?

Nell: When they throw my bed in the back of the van?

Me: What?

Nell: When the poor little puppies are crated?

Me: I don’t know what you are talking about?

Nell: When my favourite ball gets packed away?

Me: Oh. You mean the move down to Devon.

Nell: I do.

Me: I thought you knew.

Nell: Did you.

Me: We’ve been talking about it for months.

Nell: No, we haven’t.

Me: Well, no. But Kev and I have.

Nell: Conversations with Nell.

Me: Yes, I love talking to you.

Nell: Just not about moving down to Devon.

Me: No.

Nell: Maybe you should change it to Occasional Conversations with Nell?

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Or Conversations with Kev?

Me: I was going to tell you.

Nell: Oh well, that’s ok then.

Me: Sorry.