Nell: I am not sure I shall ever forgive you.
Me: Come downstairs and tell me what I’ve done now. I definitely didn’t mean to.
Nell: I am fine up here.
Me: So what did I do?
Nell: You know there was a grave misunderstanding about my weight a few weeks ago when you were off partying in Portugal.
Me: I know the vet said you needed to lose 2 kilos and I wasn’t partying I was just having a little quiet holiday.
Nell: Without me.
Me: Yes. Anyway what happened?
Nell: You know that I am an athlete and take my daily long and vigorous walks with Kev very seriously.
Me: Well, I know you certainly enjoy your walks and yes I have seen your dedication.
Nell: Exactly. While you were away we were unable to walk as much as usual due to the stress of work and everyday life’and coping alone.
Me: Oh dear. That’s probably why your weight increased.
Nell: But now we are back on track and our split times are excellent.
Me: I’m not sure what they are but I’m sure you are right.
Nell: But this isn’t enough for you. Oh no. You have to put me through the humiliation of a public weigh in.
Me: The scales are in the vet’s waiting room. Anyway, you lost 2 kilos so you are perfect.
Nell: I thought I was always perfect in your eyes.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
Me: I love Spring. The daffodils are out and the birds are singing.
Nell: Yes. Loudly.
Me: It makes you want to dress in bright colours.
Nell: It does?
Me: You want to skip and dance like the lambs in the field
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: Throw caution to the wind and chase your troubles away.
Nell: Have you been drinking?
Nell: I hope you realise I will not be joining you in any of the dancing.
Nell: Or wearing a bright collar, or a flower in my hair.
Nell: One of us has to maintain our dignity.
Nell: You are not a lamb.
Me: No. Sorry.
Nell: Good holiday was it?
Me: Yes. The best bit was spending time with the children and grandson Jonathan.
Nell: Nothing missing?
Me: Of course I missed you and Kev and Mutley and little Poppy.
Me: You seemed very pleased to see me when I got home last night. Snorting with joy.
Nell: I see no need to go into detail.
Me: I was really touched at how happy you were to have me home.
Nell: That was yesterday.
Nell: Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful mothers.
Me: That’s a lovely thing to say Nell. We do appreciate it.
Nell: The happy snorting was yesterday.
Me: Yes, sorry.
Me: It’s International Puppy Day so I thought I would post a photo of you when you were little.
Me: Look at your gorgeous little face and those paws. Adorable.
Me: Puppies are wonderful.
Me: We should wish everyone a Happy Puppy Day!
Nell: Should we?
Me: You don’t seem very enthusiastic.
Nell: It was yesterday.
Nell: It’s my birthday today. I am 5.
Me: I know. Happy Birthday darling Nell.
Nell: So where are you?
Me: I’m in Portugal.
Nell: Without me.
Nell: Another birthday alone.
Me: You aren’t alone you know. You have Kevin, Mutley and Poppy.
Nell: Not you though.
Me: No. I think you are having steak for dinner.
Nell: If I told you I wasn’t going to be there on your birthday but I would give you a piece of steak would that make up for it?
Nell: I rest my case.