Nell: Why is David wearing a false beard?
Me: He’s playing burglars with Kev and it’s actually the stuffing out of the dog bed.
Nell: Yes. I realise he hasn’t just grown one overnight. But why burglars?
Me: Well, you know you all sleep downstairs?
Nell: Yes. Apart from Poppy, of course, who has Sharing the Bed privileges.
Me: She is only small, Nell, and she works so hard.
Nell: When you’re away we all have Sharing the Bed privileges. I usually choose to sleep downstairs but at least I know I have options.
Me: Anyway, you three labs sleep in the living room and Mutley has his soft bed in the kitchen.
Nell: Yes, although David has taken to sharing the soft bed recently to keep Mutley warm.
Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. So caring.
Nell: What does this have to do with burglars?
Me: When Kev went to bed last night he forgot to shut the stair gate.
Nell: Oh dear.
Me: So, at 3:30am I was woken by the sound of it opening and then someone knocked sharply on the bedroom door.
Me: Yes. I was terrified. I thought it was a burglar.
Nell: A burglar? Why on earth would a burglar knock on the door? Do you think they normally ring on the bell and ask to come in?
Me: Probably not.
Nell: And we are five dogs. Wouldn’t we have noticed something and alerted you?
Me: Anyway, I hid under the covers and that was when I felt a wet cold nose nudging me.
Nell: I’m guessing it was David.
Me: Yes. Dave was the burglar. It was his tail wagging against the door that sounded like a knock.
Nell: You have far too much imagination.
Me: I know. Sorry.