Me: Happy Halloween, Nell. Those hats are absolutely spooktacular.

Nell: I knew you were going to do this. You do it every year.

Me: Witch one is your favourite?

Nell: Actually, I think the purple is a little over the top but The Cat says it suits me.

Me: Dave looks magnificent. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. I wonder if he’d like a bagel with scream cheese?

Nell: Herr Hoffmann is making everyone an American breakfast of crispy bacon, fried eggs and pancakes.

Me: With maple syrup?

Nell: Of course.

Me: And hash browns?

Nell: Obviously.

Me: And unlimited coffee?

Nell: We don’t drink coffee.

Me: I always do when I’m in the US.

Nell: Well, you’re in Devon and you’re having tea like everyone else.

Me: Babycakes Gillespie won’t be having tea.

Nell: It’s his day. He can have what he wants.

Me: And neither will Knitwear Wolf.

Nell: True. Rupert prefers a cup of freshly ground coffee in the mornings.

Me: And The Cat doesn’t even show its face until it’s drunk at least two espressos.

Nell: You’re still having tea. Coffee doesn’t agree with you.

Me: Fine. I couldn’t scare less.

Nell: Very funny.

Me: It was just witch-ful thinking.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: I thought it was a gourd idea.

Nell: Please stop.

Me: Let’s find pumpkin else to talk about.

Nell: You do this to annoy me.

Me: Don’t fly off the handle.

Nell: Enough.

Me: If the broom fits.

Nell: Thank goodness this only happens once a year.

Me: Harriet looks boo-tiful, by the way. Simply eerie-sistible.

Nell: I’m ignoring you.

Me: Just creepin it real.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: Just one more?

Nell: No.

Me: Okay. I suppose you can’t always get what you wand.

Nell: I give up.

Me: Sorry.

Me: I love autumn walks. The colours are so beautiful.

Nell: Yes, they are.

Me: How do you like my action shots of Harriet?

Nell: That animal never stays still when she’s out on a walk.

Me: Autumn used to be my mother’s favourite time of the year. I have happy memories of walks in the woods kicking through the fallen leaves together.

Nell: Those leaves can be a little slippery under paw.

Me: I noticed that on the roads. People need to drive carefully.

Nell: Has Alice landed safely in Chicago?

Me: Yes. I was tracking her flight.

Nell: As always.

Me: I can’t help it.

Nell: We will be tracking your flight next August when you go to Toronto for Chris’s wedding.

Me: You probably will.

Nell: Now, tomorrow is Halloween.

Me: I know.

Nell: So, hats must be worn at all times. The Cat has a large selection in its dressing up box.

Me: Fine.

Nell: And treats must be handed out.

Me: What about tricks?

Nell: No, thank you. Once you’ve finished writing we need you downstairs in the kitchen with the pumpkins.

Me: Why?

Nell: They won’t carve themselves.

Me: I suppose not.

Nell: Frau Hoffmann is busy finding interesting recipes using pumpkin for Herr Hoffmann.

Me: I’m not very keen on pumpkin pie.

Nell: Don’t say that in front of Babycakes Gillespie. It’s his favourite dessert.

Me: I won’t.

Nell: And Rupert rather enjoys Halloween.

Me: Knitwear Wolf is Canadian. It’s much bigger in North America.

Nell: Yes, I heard that.

Me: It will be exciting for Alice to celebrate Halloween in Chicago. Her first one in the United States.

Nell: It’s pumpkin soup for lunch today, by the way.

Me: Good.

Nell: And tomorrow. And probably the day after.

Me: Oh dear. Sorry.

Me: I was thinking.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: The thing to do at this time of year is to embrace the changes like Dave and Harriet.

Nell: What changes?

Me: The waning of the year and the gradual drift towards winter.

Nell: Gradual drift? We’re not in a snowstorm.

Me: Don’t fight against the grey skies and the darkness. Lean into them.

Nell: Stuff and nonsense.

Me: Cuddle up on the sofa. Have a nap in front of the fire. Enjoy the cosiness.

Nell: I’d enjoy the cosiness more with a cup of Earl Grey.

Me: I’ll get you one in a minute.

Nell: And some hot buttered toast with a boiled egg on the side.

Me: Alright. Let me finish my thoughts.

Nell: And if Rupert’s delivered the Daily Growl, it would be most welcome. I like to keep up to date with all the goings on.

Me: Dave’s quite content to chew on his toy and let the world go by.

Nell: David is not a great thinker.

Me: And Harriet’s perfectly happy warming her fur next to the fire.

Nell: It’s never for very long.

Me: Sometimes you simply have to go with the flow.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: I think so.

Nell: Good. Why are you up so early?

Me: Alice is flying to Chicago to a conference and I’m tracking her flights.

Nell: I see.

Me: She just landed in London. It’s strange for her to be so near.

Nell: And yet so far?

Me: Yes. She flies on to Chicago in a few hours.

Nell: That used to be your life.

Me: It seems a long time ago now.

Nell: Go and get some breakfast and then we can embrace it together in front of the fire.

Me: Good idea. Sorry.

Me: The weather was absolutely amazing yesterday.

Nell: Yes, it was unseasonably warm.

Me: We had such fun at the activity field.

Nell: Dog and Dash is always enjoyable.

Me: You and I had a quiet stroll and a lovely chat in the sunshine while the others ran about.

Nell: They never stopped running.

Me: It’s a chance for Dave to really stretch his legs.

Nell: He was stretching his legs on the dance floor on Saturday night.

Me: I bet he was. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: I think he’s been taking dancing lessons on the quiet.

Me: Really? Why?

Nell: His paso doble was quite extraordinary. Even the Beefies started clapping.

Me: Can seagulls clap?

Nell: They shook their wings. It’s the same thing.

Me: Is a paso doble that matador dance?

Nell: Yes, it is.

Me: I think he learned it from Manuel. I saw him twirling his tentacles in a very Spanish way the other day.

Nell: Manuel is from Barcelona. He’s excitable.

Me: Dave probably copied him.

Nell: Just because a Spanish octopus starts waving his tentacles around does not mean he’s dancing the paso doble. Do try and be a little realistic.

Me: I know what I saw.

Nell: He was probably making pizza.

Me: There was no pizza in sight.

Nell: There never is when David is around.

Me: Did you dance at the ball?

Nell: I’m afraid my dancing days are over.

Me: Not even a slow waltz with Knitwear Wolf?

Nell: Rupert was far too busy looking after Harriet.

Me: He’s such a kind and considerate wolf.

Nell: Harriet says he’s her rock.

Me: As long as it doesn’t turn into a Colonel Brandon and Marianne situation.

Nell: Sense and Sensibility is a work of fiction.

Me: Just saying. Sorry.

Me: You and Dave look a little out of sorts this morning.

Nell: Breakfast was late.

Me: The clocks have gone back.

Nell: Back where?

Me: Back an hour.

Nell: Why?

Me: To give us lighter mornings.

Nell: What about our afternoons?

Me: Did you have fun at the ball?

Nell: Riding home in a pumpkin carriage pulled by intoxicated llamas is not my idea of fun.

Me: Intoxicated?

Nell: It was only one small shandy, but llamas can’t take their drink.

Me: Shandy’s beer and lemonade, isn’t it?

Nell: That’s not the point. They kept falling over.

Me: Was it a good party, otherwise?

Nell: No. It was very loud and there were far too many rooks around for my liking.

Me: Were they from you know who?

Nell: I know they were.

Me: Are we talking about NOIR? The Notorious Organisation of International Rooks.

Nell: You don’t need to whisper. Yes. That’s why Lionel had to leave.

Me: That lion left you alone?

Nell: I wasn’t alone. There were about 500 seagulls, for a start.

Me: Why did Lionel have to leave?

Nell: The rooks kept winking at him in a nasty way.

Me: I didn’t know rooks could wink.

Nell: They probably haven’t forgiven him for Poppy’s recipe book.

Me: He should never have got involved.

Nell: Anyway, I was more than happy to join Gladys in her carriage.

Me: What about Knitwear Wolf?

Nell: There was no room.

Me: Couldn’t he have taken you in his sidecar?

Nell: He was looking after Harriet.

Me: I told you not to go.

Nell: Let’s just enjoy Sunday Songs before the light fades, shall we?

Me: It’s only going to get dark an hour earlier, Nell.

Nell: Why can’t people leave things as they are?

Me: I know. Sorry.

Nell: What do you think of our hats? Too much?

Me: You look wonderful.

Nell: David insisted on wearing his mayoral hat.

Me: I love the feathers. Very Davey.

Nell: What about me?

Me: Very Halloween.

Nell: Lionel says I look adorable.

Me: Well, he can stop making comments like that right now.

Nell: Why? I rather like it.

Me: If anyone’s going to call you adorable it will be me, or Knitwear Wolf.

Nell: Do calm down.

Me: Please don’t tell me you’re sailing over to the island on Lionel’s boat?

Nell: Of course not. We’re going by sea tractor like everyone else.

Me: I don’t think the Hoffmanns have ever been on a sea tractor. They don’t have them in Germany.

Nell: The Hoffmanns aren’t going to the ball.

Me: Yes, they are. Frau Hoffmann is wearing a dirndl and Herr Hoffmann has his special party hat.

Nell: What’s a dirndl?

Me: It’s a traditional dress. Usually worn in the south of Germany. The Cat had one in its dressing up box.

Nell: I knew The Cat would be involved.

Me: Frau Hoffmann loves it. I must say I was surprised The Cat had a dress in a bear’s size.

Nell: Nothing surprises me about The Cat.

Me: Rupert and Harriet’s outfits are very tongue in cheek, aren’t they?

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf.

Nell: Rupert thinks it’s amusing. I’m not so sure.

Me: I love Harriet’s red velvet cloak.

Nell: You know Gladys is going as Cinderella?

Me: Really?

Nell: It’s a ridiculous idea. The llamas are pulling her coach.

Me: I suppose llamas could be mistaken for horses.

Nell: That’s not the point. How are they all going to fit on the sea tractor?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Harriet looks sad.

Nell: It’s Jim the Farm Dog. He’s not sure if a long distance relationship is going to work.

Me: We’re only moving half an hour away. He can visit us whenever he likes.

Nell: He can’t leave his sheep.

Me: That’s nonsense, Nell.

Nell: Or the other farm dogs.

Me: Sounds like excuses to me.

Nell: Whatever the reason, he has broken Harriet’s heart.

Me: What can we do?

Nell: Herr Hoffmann’s making her a special breakfast. Scrambled eggs on toast with a side order of bacon.

Me: At least she still has her appetite.

Nell: David ordered the bacon.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: He says it’s for sharing.

Me: Dave knows all about long distance relationships. Sally’s in London and they still make it work.

Nell: Actually, Sally is on her way down here.

Me: How lovely.

Nell: She’s worried about the Beefy Halloween Ball tomorrow evening.

Me: Aren’t we all?

Nell: She’s decided we should go.

Me: I’m not going.

Nell: Obviously not.

Me: What’s that supposed to mean?

Nell: Most of us will be undercover.

Me: I still have my all-encasing hat.

Nell: Need I say more?

Me: I can be mysterious.

Nell: You’re not going. David is accompanying Sally and Rupert is with Harriet.

Me: Not with you?

Nell: I’m Lionel’s plus one.

Me: I think it’s a terrible idea.

Nell: The Royal Owl Force are on standby and Princess and Sir Roger Blubbery have volunteered to swim around the island.

Me: Why?

Nell: They’re covering all eventualities.

Me: Will you get in? Most of you aren’t invited.

Nell: The Cat had some fake invitations in its dressing up box.

Me: It’s not going too, is it?

Nell: Of course it is. The Cat never misses a party.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Nell: What were you discussing with the surveyor’s Jack Russell?

Me: I was only saying hello. It was a darling little thing.

Nell: Jacks aren’t ’darling little things’.

Me: This one was.

Nell: It didn’t even bother to look at the house.

Me: It was waiting politely in the van until the survey was over.

Nell: It was making notes. They always do. Some of the most ruthless journalists I’ve ever met were Jacks.

Me: When have you ever met a ruthless journalist?

Nell: Wouldn’t you like to know?

Me: Yes, I would.

Nell: It’s working for the Daily Growl. Mark my paws.

Me: It was just accompanying the surveyor.

Nell: We’ll see.

Me: Anyway, the survey went well. You labs were wonderfully welcoming.

Nell: David was over affectionate again.

Me: I know. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Why did he think the surveyor would want a tea towel?

Me: I don’t know. He meant well.

Nell: I showed him around the kitchen and living room.

Me: You did and he was impressed.

Nell: Now you need to organise the survey of the little cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Me: I’m working on it.

Nell: Good. We need to get things moving.

Me: If all goes well we should be moving in before Christmas.

Nell: On another note, the Beefies are organising a Halloween ball at the weekend.

Me: Where?

Nell: Burgh Island. Guests are flying in from everywhere.

Me: I’d rather go by sea tractor.

Nell: You’re not invited, unlike me.

Me: What?

Nell: Lionel’s asked me to be his plus one.

Me: You are joking, aren’t you?

Nell: I’m considering it.

Me: You’re not seriously thinking of going to a Beefy Ball with that lion?

Nell: You sound like The Cat.

Me: The Cat’s right. Sorry.

Nell: What are you doing in the living room?

Me: I couldn’t sleep. I had to come downstairs and then Dave asked to see some photos.

Nell: No, he didn’t. He’s just Being Kind and Supportive.

Me: Alright, I wanted to show him some photos and he agreed.

Nell: Of what?

Me: The little cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Nell: Why?

Me: Because the estate agent called.

Nell: And?

Me: And they accepted our offer.

Nell: On the little cottage?

Me: Yes.

Nell: In the middle of nowhere?

Me: Yes. It’s our new home.

Nell: Now I need to see the photos, too.

Me: That’s the view from the living room and that’s the view from the garden

Nell: The weather seems very warm in the middle of nowhere.

Me: I took the photos in the summer when we went there with Alice and the children.

Nell: I haven’t even been there and it’s my new home.

Me: I know. We’ll take you. Don’t worry.

Nell: Well, this is rather exciting.

Me: All we need now is the two surveys to go well.

Nell: Two?

Me: Yes. The one on our house today and the one on the little cottage.

Nell: Are we being evacuated again?

Me: No. We just have to keep out of the way.

Nell: Shame. I thought I could show the surveyor around.

Me: That’s very kind of you, but I think they prefer to be left alone.

Nell: Well, the little cottage in the middle of nowhere isn’t alone anymore.

Me: No. That’s what the estate agent said when she told me. We both agreed it had been left alone for far too long.

Nell: It’s a cottage. It doesn’t have feelings.

Me: Yes, it does, Nell, and it’s happy just like me. Sorry.

Me: We had gorgeous weather yesterday afternoon, didn’t we?

Nell: It was unusually warm for this time of year.

Me: Dave and Harriet had a lovely swim in the sea.

Nell: I wouldn’t know.

Me: Sometimes you don’t enjoy waiting, do you?

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: When we were down on the beach.

Nell: What about it?

Me: You were patient at first and then the others took too long to come back.

Nell: They did.

Me: The tide was really far out, so it was a long walk to the sea.

Nell: It took ages.

Me: We could still see them, Nell. And we knew they were coming back.

Nell: You forgot to pack a picnic.

Me: You don’t need a picnic every time we go to the beach.

Nell: A flask of tea and some of Herr Hoffmann’s biscuits would have sufficed.

Me: You had fresh water from the river.

Nell: I’m an elderly Labrador. I need a warm drink.

Me: I’ll try and remember next time.

Nell: You and Kev had a cup of tea at the Gastrobus.

Me: We did. The sun was shining, so we thought we’d treat ourselves.

Nell: Treats are nice, aren’t they?

Me: Yes, they are.

Nell: They’re meant for sharing.

Me: You have treats all the time.

Nell: What treats? I don’t remember any.

Me: That’s because you forget as soon as you’ve had one.

Nell: Except I didn’t have one.

Me: Yes, you did. Kev gave you a biscuit as soon as he came back from the sea.

Nell: Did he?

Me: Yes, of course he did.

Nell: It must have been very small.

Me: It was. We’re just trying to do what’s best for you.

Nell: Then pack a picnic next time, please.

Me: Okay. Sorry.