Nell: You’re up early today.

Me: I can’t sleep. I’m too excited about the family visiting.

Nell: Only one week to go.

Me: I know. I’m counting the days.

Nell: Try not to wake David. He seems rather tired.

Me: Malcolm says being a Pescatarian can be tiring.

Nell: Only when you have to catch your own fish and Malcolm’s a flamingo. He eats prawns and shelling those is tiring.

Me: True.

Nell: Why is David covered in blonde hair?

Me: It’s Nigel. He’s shedding everywhere.

Nell: Have you got everything you need for tonight’s barbecue?

Me: I hope so. The butcher said skirt steak is the best for barbecues.

Nell: Never heard of it. I like a nice sirloin or a ribeye.

Me: Well, we’re having skirt.

Nell: I can’t see David resisting that.

Me: Neither can I, although the Beefies dropped off a lovely sea bass just in case.

Nell: In case of what?

Me: A Fish Emergency.

Nell: When you say ‘dropped off’ do you mean from the sky?

Me: In a bag and wrapped in paper.

Nell: It should go straight in the bin.

Me: It’s perfectly fresh.

Nell: Have you been eating fish?

Me: Yes, of course.

Nell: I see.

Me: Anyway, let’s see what happens. It’s Saturday so we’re having bacon sandwiches and I can’t imagine Dave will refuse one.

Nell: Neither can I.

Me: The grandchildren love fish, especially smoked salmon.

Nell: Like Poppy.

Me: Yes. Poppy and I would always share fish.

Nell: The Cat and I used to enjoy a smoked salmon sandwich for afternoon tea.

Me: You did.

Nell: Happy memories.

Me: Indeed.

Nell: And you will be making more of them very soon.

Me: I can’t wait.

Nell: But first you need to sort out David.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Harriet looks hot.

Me: She never stops running, except to look at the cows in the field.

Nell: You mustn’t let her overheat.

Me: It was quite late in the day, Nell, and they both had a paddle in the stream.

Nell: Is that our village?

Me: Yes. You couldn’t walk that far so you won’t have seen this view.

Nell: It’s lovely. And the flower?

Me: I think it’s a kind of lily. It was just sitting there in all its glorious colour smiling away.

Nell: Flowers don’t smile.

Me: How do you know?

Nell: Moving on, how’s the Pescatarian doing?

Me: Well, we’re going to have a barbecue tomorrow with steak, burgers and sausages.

Nell: And?

Me: And then we’ll see if the Pescatarian can resist.

Nell: David loves a good steak.

Me: I know he does. I can’t imagine he won’t be tempted.

Nell: I hope you haven’t ordered any fish from those seagulls.

Me: I sort of had to, Nell, or I’d miss my free fish.

Nell: Don’t you see what the Beefies are doing? The more fish David eats, the more he wants.

Me: Bacon can be like that, too.

Nell: Is he having sardines for breakfast?

Me: No. Mackerel. Rupert caught some.

Nell: This is all wrong.

Me: But Rupert is an excellent fisherwolf.

Nell: Of course he is. He’s Canadian.

Me: Talking of Canada, Chris, Shannon and Marvin are having a dreadful time in Toronto.

Nell: Why?

Me: The air quality is the worst in the world because of the wildfires.

Nell: They mustn’t go out in it.

Me: Chris has to take Marvin out.

Nell: They must both wear masks.

Me: I told him.

Nell: Fish for breakfast and wildfires everywhere. What is your world coming to?

Me: I know. Sorry.

Nell: What is Harriet doing?

Me: It’s not Harriet. It’s Elsie, the Chocolate Lab who’s in love with Dave.

Nell: Oh yes. I can see that now. What’s she doing?

Me: Eating the crops.

Nell: She shouldn’t be doing that.

Me: I know.

Nell: And who’s the elderly Golden Retriever?

Me: Maya. They’re our neighbours.

Nell: Is Maya in love with David, too?

Me: Don’t be silly.

Nell: It’s a simple question.

Me: No. Just Elsie. She goes all unnecessary when she sees Dave. Throws herself on the ground and then dances around him.

Nell: What does David do?

Me: Nothing really. He seems a little bemused by it all.

Nell: As long as he doesn’t encourage her. She’s obviously young and he’s a mature Labrador.

Me: I never think of him as mature. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Is he still a Pescatarian?

Me: Very much so.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: He wanted kippers for breakfast but Herr Hoffmann said there were too many bones so he had sardines on toast instead.

Nell: You’re going to run out of fish soon.

Me: Well, you’re not going to believe this.

Nell: I might.

Me: The Beefies have started a fish delivery business.

Nell: What a surprise.

Me: You can order online and they deliver.

Nell: Do they, indeed?

Me: If you subscribe you get your first order free and subsequent orders at a discount.

Nell: I can’t believe it.

Me: It’s a very good option for Pescatarians like Dave.

Nell: David isn’t a Pescatarian. He’s a meat eater.

Me: Not at the moment.

Nell: You can’t order fish from the Beefies.

Me: It’s quite safe. The website says all fish are checked by the Regional Fish Board.

Nell: Except there isn’t a Regional Fish Board.

Me: Oh dear. Sorry.

Nell: How’s David today?

Me: He’s not quite himself, Nell.

Nell: In what way?

Me: He’s wearing his favourite ring over his head.

Nell: He does that sometimes.

Me: In a crazy sort of way.

Nell: I see.

Me: He wouldn’t eat his boiled egg this morning.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: Or Harriet’s. He wanted smoked salmon instead.

Nell: Spoilt animal.

Me: And he asked for pickled fish for his tea yesterday.

Nell: Pickled fish?

Me: Yes, and he’d already eaten tuna for lunch.

Nell: This is worrying,

Me: I agree, there’s definitely something fishy going on. See what I did there?

Nell: This is not a laughing matter. What about bacon?

Me: He doesn’t want it.

Nell: Seriously?

Me: And when Stanley delivered the Spaghetti Bolognese he asked for Spaghetti alle Vongole.

Nell: What on earth is that?

Me: It’s spaghetti with fresh clams. It’s actually rather delicious.

Nell: That’s not the point.

Me: No. Of course.

Nell: Is he talking Italian?

Me: Not particularly.

Nell: What does that mean?

Me: He said ‘Ciao Bella’ to a passing spaniel but he does that anyway.

Nell: Sally won’t be pleased.

Me: She doesn’t mind him flirting in Italian. It’s harmless.

Nell: I meant about all this fish. David’s a meat eater.

Me: Not anymore. I mean, I don’t mind. I love fish.

Nell: It’s all your fault.

Me: I’ve never pushed fish on anyone, Nell. Each to their own.

Nell: You brought the Beefy fish home.

Me: Do you think it’s the reason?

Nell: I do. The Beefies have turned David into a Pescatarian.

Me: Only for now. It will wear off.

Nell: Don’t be so sure about that.

Me: Dave is never going to refuse roast beef or a sizzling steak.

Nell: He refused bacon.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: Look at darling Harriet. What a beauty she is.

Nell: Did you go with Rupert on The Popsicle Run?

Me: You would never think she was a spy.

Nell: You’re not answering my question.

Me: Harriet is the picture of innocence when in reality she’s fierce and cunning.

Nell: Aren’t you confusing her with Poppy?

Me: She’s been watching the Bus Stop for hours now so I know something’s going down.

Nell: It’ll be the bus to Kingsbridge

Me: No. There’s trouble brewing.

Nell: You’re in a lot of trouble if you went on The Popsicle Run with Rupert.

Me: Maybe that Italian rook, Sponge Finger, is meeting his friends?

Nell: You should know.

Me: We were helping dehydrated seagulls, Nell. Not only Beefies. And they were terribly thankful.

Nell: I bet they were.

Me: One of them offered me a fish finger.

Nell: I hope you didn’t eat it.

Me: No, I said I’d take it home and eat it later.

Nell: Why did you say that?

Me: Because it was a thoughtful present.

Nell: I don’t believe it.

Me: It didn’t look like the usual kind of fish finger.

Nell: I bet it didn’t.

Me: No breadcrumbs. It was more like a piece of fish.

Nell: What did you do with it?

Me: I took it home.

Nell: You did what?

Me: Don’t worry. I didn’t eat it.

Nell: Thank goodness for that.

Me: Dave did.

Nell: What?

Me: I was going to give it to Manuel to use in his paella.

Nell: Why?

Me: He’s from Barcelona, Nell.

Nell: Why give it to anyone?

Me: I didn’t. Dave took it before I could.

Nell: And how’s David today?

Me: Not himself. We think it was something he ate.

Nell: I wonder what.

Me: Oh dear. Sorry.

Nell: David looks guilty.

Me: He does, doesn’t he?

Nell: Do we know why?

Me: I don’t think he’s done anything wrong.

Nell: Just one bowl of cereal and one boiled egg for breakfast?

Me: Probably.

Nell: No Spaghetti Bolognese from the Bus Stop?

Me: It’s a little early for that. Even for Dave.

Nell: It’s never too early for David.

Me: I’m not a big fan of Mondays.

Nell: Not many people are.

Me: It’s back to the real world again.

Nell: I’m not sure you know what the real world is.

Me: I do, Nell. I just like escaping from it now and again.

Nell: Don’t we all.

Me: You’re not in the real world at all.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You’re a Guardian. You’re up in the clouds.

Nell: Clouds? I’ll have you know there isn’t a cloud in the sky today.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes, and the temperature has dropped so Charlie and I thought we might take a walk in the park this afternoon.

Me: Well, I’m glad to hear it. It’s hard for me to imagine Guardianland.

Nell: You can imagine almost anything else.

Me: True.

Nell: Just think of your favourite place and there you are.

Me: Like Peter Pan. ‘Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning’.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: That’s written on my mother’s grave.

Nell: I know. I went there with you.

Me: Of course.

Nell: What are your plans today?

Me: I thought I might ask Rupert if he’d take me on a Popsicle Run.

Nell: Absolutely not.

Me: Why? Stephen Seagull was rather sweet when he gave Rupert his award.

Nell: Sweet?

Me: Maybe he’s changed?

Nell: Dalmatians don’t change their spots.

Me: You mean leopards.

Nell: It’s a definite ‘no’.

Me: Fine. Sorry.

Me: Nigel had A Good Day yesterday.

Nell: Why?

Me: He started the day with two breakfasts.

Nell: Any particular reason?

Me: He ate Harriet’s by mistake.

Nell: Is he turning into David?

Me: No. This was a genuine mistake.

Nell: Was it really, though?

Me: Yes, because Nigel prefers red sauce on his sandwich and it was only when he realised the sauce was brown that he thought it might not be his.

Nell: Did he stop eating it?

Me; No, he’s a Labrador, but he told Herr Hoffmann about it and made sure Harriet had a new sandwich.

Nell: I’m glad to hear it. What else went well for Nigel yesterday?

Me: Before lunch he watched the Bus Stop and after lunch he watched Wimbledon with me and Charlotte and had strawberries and cream.

Nell: Nice.

Me: And in the evening he watched the football with Kev and England won.

Nell: It was exciting, wasn’t it?

Me: It was exhausting. I couldn’t get to sleep until gone 4am.

Nell: Poppy and I were the same. You had better have a quiet day today.

Me: It’s the Men’s Final at 4pm.

Nell: Well, have a nap after your Sunday roast.

Me: We’re not having a roast, Nell. It’s too warm and Herr Hoffmann is tired.

Nell: Being tired isn’t going to stop Poppy from cooking us a roast.

Me: Nothing can stop Poppy.

Nell: True.

Me: We’re having scones with jam and cream when we watch the tennis.

Nell: I hope you’re still going to Sunday Songs.

Me: We are.

Nell: Wearing hats?

Me: Yes.

Nell: And carrying a parasol?

Me: I’m not the parasol type, Nell. It’s a bit My Fair Lady.

Nell: It’s not a fashion statement. It’s to protect you from the sun.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Me: Harriet’s never happier than when she’s in the water.

Nell: I can see that.

Me: Even when she was a tiny puppy she used to love a paddling pool.

Nell: Paddling pools are good for cooling the paws.

Me: Kev’s bought a big one for the grandchildren to play in.

Nell: Good idea.

Me: Merdog Harriet might jump in there, of course.

Nell: And David might drink it.

Me: He does like a good long drink. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: I’m sure Jonathan and Faye will be happy to share the pool.

Me: I’m getting really excited about their visit now.

Nell: I can tell.

Me: Only 2 weeks to go.

Nell: A family visit brings weeks of joy, even before the actual event.

Me: Months in my case.

Nell: Has Kev written the number of days until they arrive on your whiteboard?

Me: Yes. He changes it every day.

Nell: So, what are your plans for this weekend?

Me: Bacon sandwiches and Saturday Kitchen.

Nell: Will you be watching Wimbledon?

Me: Probably.

Nell: And the football? England are playing Norway.

Me: Definitely. David’s wearing his England shirt.

Nell: Are Charlotte and Nigel joining you?

Me: Yes. We’re going to the pub for dinner before the match. The garden is lovely.

Nell: All of you?

Me: Not the dogs.

Nell: Why not?

Me: Nigel can be a little off with other dogs.

Nell: Off?

Me: He’s a rescue dog so he’s falsely brave.

Nell: Falsely brave?

Me: Marvin’s the same. They seem bold but they’re actually not.

Nell: Rescue dogs have a hard start to life.

Me: Mutley had four owners before Kev rescued him.

Nell: Mutley wasn’t falsely brave.

Me: He was a bit, Nell.

Nell: Have you forgotten The Great Mutliano?

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: Look where we went yesterday, Nell.

Nell: You went back to River Beach.

Me: Yes, we did. We were going to go on our usual walk by the river when Kev suggested we go down to the beach instead.

Nell: What a good idea.

Me: Yes. It was after 4pm so not quite so hot and we hadn’t been back there for a really long time.

Nell: I couldn’t manage the walk.

Me: No, it was too far for you.

Nell: It must have been lovely to go there again.

Me: Happy and sad, Nell.

Nell: I understand.

Me: So many memories.

Nell: How is our little island?

Me: Still there.

Nell: And the little boathouse?

Me: Still there, too. It’s all very dry, Nell. You can see how hot it’s been.

Nell: Did Dave and Harriet enjoy their swim?

Me: They absolutely loved it. The water was so clear.

Nell: Was it overrun with Grockles?

Me: Don’t call the tourists Grockles. There were quite a few of them but everyone was having tremendous fun which is all that matters.

Nell: I’m so glad you went back there. It’s a special place.

Me: So am I. We will go again when the family come to visit.

Nell: Yes, you should take a picnic and make a day of it.

Me: We should.

Nell: Poppy suggests sandwiches, cake and a flask of tea.

Me: Good idea. I missed you, Nell.

Nell: I know you did.

Me: You and I would always walk behind the others at our own pace.

Nell: Yes. We would take our time.

Me: But in another way it felt like you were still with me. Walking by my side like you always did.

Nell: I was. I am. You and me. Always. Remember?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Doesn’t Dave look like you in this photo?

Nell: David has a muddy nose.

Me: Never mind that. He’s been snoofling around outside. Look at the similarity.

Nell: David’s my nephew. Of course he looks like me.

Me: I’ve noticed it more, recently. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: We come from a good looking family.

Me: You certainly do. Harriet is a beauty.

Nell: She is. They both seem a little tired.

Me: It’s this hot weather. Everyone’s tired and crotchety.

Nell: Crotchety?

Me: Cantankerous.

Nell: Could you speak English please?

Me: I am. Bad-tempered. Irritable.

Nell: I know you are.

Me: No, that’s what it means.

Nell: It’s no wonder when you go about talking gibberish.

Me: Never mind.

Nell: How are the preparations going?

Me: Preparations?

Nell: Alice and the grandchildren will be visiting you soon.

Me: I know. It’s so exciting.

Nell: Don’t make the beds too early.

Me: I won’t.

Nell: Or dogs will sleep on them.

Me: I don’t know how Nigel is going to cope without his bunk bed.

Nell: He will have to.

Me: Yes, but he won’t like it.

Nell: It’s only for a few weeks.

Me: I hope we have good weather.

Nell: They’ll enjoy themselves whatever the weather. They always do.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Our chap did rather well at Wimbledon, didn’t he?

Me: He was amazing.

Nell: Mutley and I were cheering him on.

Me: And Poppy?

Nell: She doesn’t have time for tennis.

Me: More of a football fan?

Nell: Too busy baking.

Me: In this weather?

Nell: Heatwaves don’t bother Guardians.

Me: Of course. What’s she baking?

Nell: The other Guardians have discovered her scones and now there’s a huge demand for them.

Me: I miss Poppy’s scones.

Nell: Don’t you start.

Me: Sorry.