Me: Witch-ing you a Happy Howl-oween.

Nell: Have you started already?

Me: Go big or gourd home.

Nell: Moving on, I notice you included Poppy in your photos today.

Me: Yes, I did. I know she’s having a Pirate Party up there and it’s how I like to think of her.

Nell: Why is Nigel wearing a feathered hat?

Me: He chose it from The Cat’s dressing-up box. I think he looks eerie-sistible.

Nell: Good grief. But David is the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Me: Except he isn’t.

Nell: He will be.

Me: You might be fright.

Nell: How are you feeling today?

Me: Spook-tacular. Howl you doin?

Nell: It’s a serious question.

Me: Just creepin it real.

Nell: Stop.

Me: Orange you excited about Halloween?

Nell: Not when I have to go through ridiculous conversations like this.

Me: What’s a monster’s favourite game?

Nell: I have no idea.

Me: Hide and shriek.

Nell: Very droll.

Me: Want to hear some skeleton puns? They’re very humerus.

Nell: No, I do not. Have you quite finished?

Me: Probably not.

Nell: Behind all this frivolity you sound tired.

Me: I am. It’s taken it out of me more than I thought.

Nell: Maybe you can have a quiet evening while everyone is at the Beefy Halloween Ball?

Me: Maybe? Although I enjoy seeing all the village children all dressed up. Kev is really going to town on the decorations this year.

Nell: It’s the actor in him.

Me: Yes, and he loves seeing the children’s little faces light up.

Nell: I know he does.

Me: Witch you were here with me.

Nell: Here we go again.

Me: Are these puns driving you batty?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Ghouls just wanna have fun.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Best fiends forever?

Nell: I give up.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: How are you this morning?

Me: I’m relieved the tooth has gone and in a bit of pain, but I’m fine.

Nell: You sound dreadful.

Me: It’s going to take time. The dentist told me it would.

Nell: But it all went well?

Me: It did. I was scared but brave.

Nell: Good girl.

Me: Dentistry has come such a long way since I was a child.

Nell: I should jolly well hope so.

Me: Anyway, I’m very glad it’s over.

Nell: Are you able to eat?

Me: Not much at the moment. I had some delicious ice cream yesterday.

Nell: You can’t have ice cream for breakfast.

Me: I know. I’m going to have soggy cereal.

Nell: Soggy cereal?

Me: It needs to be soft. And lukewarm tea.

Nell: Lukewarm tea?

Me: It can’t be too hot.

Nell: Now you’re making me miserable.

Me: Make yourself a nice cup of Earl Grey and some hot buttered toast and marmalade and you’ll feel much better.

Nell: Can you eat toast?

Me: No, it’s too crunchy.

Nell: I give up. Moving on, why is Nigel with you so early? And why is he wearing a leaf on his head?

Me: Charlotte’s away visiting friends for the weekend.

Nell: Oh yes. I forgot. How are the preparations for the Beefy Halloween Ball coming along?

Me: Well, I think. Dave’s still wearing his hat.

Nell: You wouldn’t have been able to go to the ball even if they had invited you.

Me: No, I wouldn’t. It’s definitely going to be a quiet weekend for me.

Nell: Yes, take time to rest and recuperate.

Me: With soggy cereal and lukewarm tea.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Thank you for being there, Nell. I could feel you watching over me.

Nell: Always.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at Harriet’s sweet little face. She insisted on sleeping next to me all night.

Nell: Good. How are you this morning?

Me: I’m fine, Nell.

Nell: You don’t need to pretend with me. What time is your appointment?

Me: 3pm. I wish I wasn’t such a Scaredy Cat.

Nell: It’s understandable. Nobody likes dentists.

Me: It’s funny we say Scaredy Cat when cats can actually be quite fierce.

Nell: Cats are bold, not brave like dogs. It’s all about them.

Me: Do you have Cat Guardians up there?

Nell: Of course we do. They’re a disgrace.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: They hardly watch over their loved ones at all.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: They can’t be bothered.

Me: Do they spend their time pushing things off clouds?

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: Never mind.

Nell: Now, you must make sure you eat and drink before your appointment.

Me: I know. The dentist told me. Herr Hoffmann is making me porridge for breakfast.

Nell: A very good idea.

Me: Dave is having a bowl of porridge, too. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Why? He’s not having a wisdom tooth removed.

Me: He wants to show his support.

Nell: What about Harriet?

Me: She’s going to lick the bowl.

Nell: That doesn’t seem fair.

Me: Harriet’s on a diet.

Nell: I see. Has The Cat found David’s feathered hat?

Me: Yes. He’s been wearing it around the house.

Nell: Don’t let him wear it in the rain, please. There’s nothing worse than a soggy feather.

Me: It’s actually sunny today, Nell.

Nell: I know. The Weather Guardians told me the next few days are going to be much brighter.

Me: Did you wish for sun for me?

Nell: That’s what Guardians do.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why is David wearing that ridiculous ring on his head again?

Me: He loves it.

Nell: Harriet doesn’t seem impressed.

Me: She isn’t.

Nell: Did you find David’s feathered hat?

Me: I asked The Cat and it said it would see if it can find it when it has a moment.

Nell: Is it busy?

Me: Very. It’s in charge of costumes for The Beefy Halloween Ball.

Nell: There will be a lot of sequins and feather boas if The Cat is in charge.

Me: I know. How are the preparations going for Poppy’s Pirate Party?

Nell: She’s been busy baking.

Me: Scones?

Nell: Of course and lots of sausage rolls.

Me: I love a good sausage roll.

Nell: Some of the Guardians are vegans which she finds extremely annoying as she has to change the filling.

Me: They sell amazing vegan sausage rolls in Totnes. Kev loves them.

Nell: I won’t tell Poppy that Kev’s turned vegan.

Me: He hasn’t turned vegan, Nell. Although he was a vegetarian for years.

Nell: Anyway, there’s going to be more than enough food here for everyone.

Me: I expect there will be fish at the Beefy Ball.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And chips. Seagulls love chips.

Nell: They love anything they can steal.

Me: Kev and I are going to have a quiet weekend.

Nell: I very much doubt that. Last year the village children were out in force and I expect they will be again.

Me: It was lovely seeing all the costumes and smiley faces.

Nell: I remember. The bell never stopped ringing.

Me: I think they enjoyed the fact we have a real bell outside. I’ll miss your grumpy bark.

Nell: No, you won’t. You’ll be far too busy handing out sweets.

Me: I will miss it, Nell. Sorry.

Nell: Has the rain finally stopped?

Me: Yes, and yesterday there was a little rainbow over the Puppies on their walk.

Nell: You know it wasn’t a real rainbow, don’t you?

Me: It’s good enough for me.

Nell: Fine.

Me: I’m trying to find my pocketful of happiness each day again.

Nell: I’d say you have way more than a pocketful.

Me: I agree. Especially if the latest rumours are true.

Nell: What rumours?

Me: Knitwear Wolf’s coming home.

Nell: This is excellent news.

Me: I thought you’d like it.

Nell: When?

Me: We don’t know, but very soon.

Nell: I need a date. Soon isn’t good enough.

Me: I expect he’ll want to celebrate Halloween in Canada. It’s very big over there.

Nell: It’s very big up here, too.

Me: Is it?

Nell: Poppy’s organising a Pirate Party and the Guardians are fighting over the tickets. No vote, no ticket.

Me: Vote?

Nell: For Guardian General. If you vote for Poppy you get a ticket.

Me: Is that legal?

Nell: Absolutely not, but she doesn’t care.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: The votes won’t count, of course, but she’s having fun and getting her name out there.

Me: I hope Stephen Seagull isn’t doing something similar with The Beefy Halloween Ball.

Nell: Gathering votes? For what?

Me: Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Nell: Are they looking for a new mayor?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Why didn’t you tell me?

Me: You’re a Guardian, Nell. You can’t be mayor.

Nell: I can’t. But David can.

Me: I suppose he could.

Nell: Where is his feathered hat?

Me: I think it’s in The Cat’s dressing-up box.

Nell: He needs to fetch it now.

Me: Why?

Nell: David must go to the ball as a mayor. Stop dithering and go and tell him.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at darling Marvin in the autumn leaves in Toronto.

Nell: There are certainly a lot of them.

Me: It’s mayoral election day there today.

Nell: Will Marvin be voting?

Me: Dogs can’t vote, Nell.

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: They can’t.

Nell: David was the Mayor of Kingsbridge for years.

Me: Except he wasn’t.

Nell: Yes, he was. You saw the Mayoral Chain and his feathered hat.

Me: He was for a while.

Nell: And could be again if he put his mind to it.

Me: Do you have elections up there?

Nell: Of course. Poppy is running for Guardian General.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: She won’t win.

Me: Why not?

Nell: She doesn’t have a beard.

Me: Does she need one?

Nell: The last Guardian General was a Bearded Collie and the one before that was a Giant Schnauzer.

Me: Do they change regularly?

Nell: The beards? Not really, apart from the occasional trim.

Me: No. The Guardian Generals?

Nell: They do. You don’t want one animal serving for too long.

Me: Do they have eyebrows?

Nell: Yes, and four legs and a tail.

Me: Very droll. I just wondered if eyebrows were a thing. Dave has long, wispy eyebrows.

Nell: David was an excellent mayor.

Me: He was, but I think he’s happy being retired.

Nell: Retired?

Me: Leading a quieter life.

Nell: Utter nonsense. David loves nothing more than attention.

Me: True. He received a standing ovation for his performance of ‘Singing in the Rain’ at Sunday Songs yesterday.

Nell: I’m not surprised.

Me: Everyone got awfully wet, though.

Nell: Were the llamas wearing Wellington boots?

Me: Yes, and twirling umbrellas.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: I think Poppy would make a fierce Guardian General.

Nell: Which is exactly why she shouldn’t be elected.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: David looks seriously disgruntled. Has something happened to annoy him?

Me: I’m afraid we’ve run out of bacon.

Nell: No bacon?

Me: Yes. None.

Nell: On a Sunday?

Me: I know.

Nell: Saturdays and Sundays are Bacon Days.

Me: Not this Sunday.

Nell: I’m shocked.

Me: I can tell.

Nell: How did this happen?

Me: Herr Hoffmann used the last of the bacon in his Quiche Lorraine.

Nell: Why was he making a quiche? Sunday is a roast day.

Me: He’s taken Frau Hoffmann up to London for the weekend.

Nell: And?

Me: So we’re having the quiche for lunch.

Nell: Excuse me? Quiche for Sunday lunch in October?

Me: With salad.

Nell: Salad on a wet and windy day?

Me: We’ll heat it up in the oven.

Nell: No wonder David is disgruntled. No bacon and no roast.

Me: I’m sure Sunday Songs will cheer him up. It’s all about Stormy Weather.

Nell: Oh good.

Me: He’s dancing to ‘Singing in the Rain’ with the llamas.

Nell: He doesn’t look like he’s about to dance.

Me: He’ll be fine after a couple of boiled eggs and some hot buttered toast.

Nell: I’m not so sure.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: What’s happened now?

Me: I think Herr Hoffmann might have used the last of the eggs making the quiche.

Nell: This is outrageous.

Me: I suppose I could ask someone to pop over to the farm for some fresh ones.

Nell: Or you could put on your raincoat and Wellington boots and go and get them yourself?

Me: Yes, and I could take Dave with me.

Nell: Or you could go alone?

Me: A walk isn’t a walk without a dog, Nell.

Nell: And Sunday isn’t Sunday without a good breakfast. Off you pop. Chop chop.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: I see Nigel has made himself comfortable.

Me: He loves a soft cushion.

Nell: You managed to take David and Harriet out yesterday.

Me: Yes. It was muddy and wet but the sunset was pretty.

Nell: Is it raining again today?

Me: Yes, bucketloads just now.

Nell: Don’t exaggerate. It’s not a monsoon.

Me: We’ve had a funny old time with the weather.

Nell: I wouldn’t call it funny

Me: You know what I mean.

Nell: I’m afraid this is what the weather is going to look like from now on.

Me: You’re probably right.

Nell: Did you sleep any better?

Me: I did, but I had one of those horrible dreams of trying to get somewhere because you’re late and constantly taking a wrong turn and finding yourself further away again.

Nell: Nasty.

Me: Yes, I reached a point where I said to myself ‘This is a dream and I’m getting out of it’.

Nell: And did you?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Good for you. You’re probably just worried about your tooth and are still not quite well.

Me: Talking of teeth, I want to say a big thank you to you all for your wise advice and support. It honestly helps a lot.

Nell: I know it does.

Me: It’s like having a whole bunch of loving, sensible friends who keep you grounded and look after you.

Nell: Are you talking about me?

Me: No. I’m talking about the people who read our conversations and comment. Our online friends.

Nell: What about me?

Me: You’re my souldog, Nell. It goes without saying.

Nell: I think a little ‘Saying’ might be appropriate.

Me: Fine. Thank you. Knowing you’re still there for me and talking to you every day means everything.

Nell: Alright. Don’t go on about it.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: Is David watching the Bus Stop?

Me: No. He’s actually been looking out for Storm Austen. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Has it arrived yet?

Me: Yes. It’s extremely wet and windy out there. I’m hoping no trees are down.

Nell: And I’m hoping the sea is behaving.

Me: My mother used to love a wild sea. She would often take us down there to watch the waves when we were children.

Nell: Don’t even think of going down to the sea today. The Weather Guardians have issued warnings.

Me: I bet it looks magnificent, though.

Nell: It’s far too stormy for you to risk.

Me: I’m not going anywhere, Nell. I had another bad night.

Nell: Was it your earache?

Me: Amongst other things. I’m afraid I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Nell: Why?

Me: I’ve got to have my wisdom tooth out next Thursday and I’m dreading it.

Nell: If it needs to go, it needs to go.

Me: The dentist says it does.

Nell: You’ll feel much better when it’s gone.

Me: I hope so.

Nell: David and Harriet will look after you. David’s bedside manner is excellent and Harriet is such a thoughtful girl.

Me: I wish you were here, Nell. You were always the one to organise everything.

Nell: I’ll still be doing that. Don’t you worry.

Me: I wish I didn’t.

Nell: What are your plans for the weekend?

Me: Charlotte and Nigel are visiting and we thought we might order an Indian takeaway.

Nell: Dogs don’t like spice.

Me: It’s not for the dogs. Charlotte and I love Indian food.

Nell: We’re having steak and chips. Poppy managed to get her paws on a T-bone.

Me: How?

Nell: She plays poker with our butcher and won.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: Harriet’s in a snuggly mood today.

Nell: I can see she is.

Me: She slept right next to me on the bed and now she wants cuddles from Kev.

Nell: Everyone needs a Snuggle now and again. Especially on a Thursday.

Me: Why Thursday?

Nell: It’s an odd sort of Bridesmaid Day. Not quite the weekend and not quite the week.

Me: What nonsense, Nell. You’ve just made that up.

Nell: That’s rich coming from you.

Me: There’s nothing wrong with Thursday, except this one. Maybe.

Nell: You sound like you’re in need of a snuggle.

Me: I’m fine.

Nell: No, you aren’t. I can tell. What’s wrong?

Me: It’s silly.

Nell; Is it because you haven’t received an invitation to the Beefy Halloween Ball?

Me: No. I don’t want to go and Kev isn’t going either. He says Nigel can take Dorothy.

Nell: What is it then?

Me: If you must know, I’ve got an appointment with the dentist and hygienist this afternoon.

Nell: Oh, I see.

Me: I know I shouldn’t make a fuss but I don’t like dentists.

Nell: Nobody does.

Me: Kev says I shouldn’t be going to the dentist until my earache has completely gone and it’s only going to make it worse.

Nell: He’s probably right.

Me: But I don’t want to miss my appointment.

Nell: Fair enough. If I were you I would tell them you’re not feeling completely well and then I’m sure they will be particularly gentle with you.

Me: Do you think so?

Nell: Of course, and getting your teeth cleaned might actually help in the long run.

Me: It might do.

Nell: You’re most definitely the one in need of a Thursday Snuggle.

Me: You’re probably right.

Nell: Go and find Kev, you silly sausage.

Me: Yes. Sorry.