Me: Look at darling Nigel sitting next to the lavender. He loves the smell of it.

Nell: So do I.

Me: Same here, but I don’t like it in food.

Nell: Don’t put it in food then.

Me: Some people do.

Nell: Well, they shouldn’t. You look dreadful, by the way. Did you have a bad night?

Me: I woke up around 2:45am and started following the England v Mexico football match.

Nell: Why on earth did you do that?

Me: I had to know what was happening and it was so exciting.

Nell: It was the middle of the night. You’re a grandmother. You need your sleep.

Me: We won!

Nell: I know that, thank you very much. Poppy has been walking around draped in an England flag all morning.

Me: Did she watch the match?

Nell: Of course, and so did Mutley. He’s fast asleep now.

Me: I didn’t get back to sleep until 5am and now I’m awake again.

Nell: You must be very tired.

Me: I am.

Nell: Go back to sleep now.

Me: I can’t.

Nell: I’m guessing you’re definitely not going to be the only one who is tired today.

Me: No. I think there are going to be a lot of us.

Nell: You might have to have an easy day.

Me: I’ll probably have a nap this afternoon.

Nell: Did Dave and Harriet watch the match too?

Me: No, they were fast asleep.

Nell: Sensible animals. No, I do not want a scone.

Me: I didn’t offer you one.

Nell: I’m talking to Poppy. She’s made red and white England scones with jam and cream.

Me: What a good idea.

Nell: That’s not the point. Scones are for afternoon tea. It’s breakfast time. Toast and marmalade is quite sufficient.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: So, how did it go at the Village Fun Day?

Me: It was quite eventful.

Nell: Did David win Most Handsome Hound?

Me: No, but he and Harriet were runners-up in three classes with Highly Commended.

Nell: Runners-up?

Me: Yes, second place.

Nell: I know what it means. Which classes?

Me: Harriet was second in a particularly keenly fought class for The Waggiest Tail.

Nell: She likes wagging her tail.

Me: Dave came second in The Cheekiest Dog and lost out to a very tiny whippet for The Dog The Judges Would Most Like To Take Home.

Nell: What did David do that was cheeky?

Me: I’d prefer not to say.

Nell: Tell me now.

Me: He cocked his leg as he was walking around.

Nell: Typical boy.

Me: The audience loved it.

Nell: Was he disappointed to lose?

Me: Not at all. He enjoyed the attention.

Nell: And Harriet?

Me: She didn’t like it very much. I think she prefers anonymity.

Nell: She’s a spy. They like to keep in the shadows.

Me: True.

Nell: Did Rupert receive his award?

Me: Yes, and the Beefy Choir sang ‘For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow’.

Nell; That sounds dreadful.

Me: It did, but they meant well.

Nell: Is the Welsh Corgi Choir still singing today?

Me: Yes. Sunday Songs must go on.

Nell: I hope there was cake yesterday.

Me: Yes, I bought a delicious homemade coffee and walnut cake for everyone to share.

Nell: Don’t let the llamas near the coffee. They’re excitable enough already.

Me: Anyway, today is a day of rest. Salad for lunch, Wimbledon, and an early evening walk.

Nell: Poppy has Wimbledon on while she cooks.

Me: Does she have a television in the kitchen?

Nell: No. On Guardian Radio. Do keep up.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: Nigel looks overexcited.

Me: It’s Saturday.

Nell: It’s Saturday every weekend.

Me: And we’re going to the Village Fun Day at the primary school.

Nell: I know. You told me.

Me: Gladys and the Llamas are Gliding.

Nell: Yes, and the Welsh Corgi Choir are singing.

Me: And Knitwear Wolf is getting an OBE from Stephen Seagull.

Nell: I don’t approve of that at all.

Me: But Rupert’s wearing a top hat, Nell, and he looks awfully handsome.

Nell: He shouldn’t be accepting an award from the Beefies.

Me: He’s going to be their special envoy. Seagulls all over the world will know he is a friend.

Nell: Which is exactly why he shouldn’t accept it. You can’t be friends with a Beefy.

Me: Rupert can.

Nell: He’s going to regret this. Mark my paws.

Me: Anyway, I haven’t even told you the biggest news yet.

Nell: I can’t wait.

Me: Dave’s been asked to take part in the Dog Show.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: One of our neighbours said he must enter for the Handsomest Hound.

Nell: David is indeed handsome but this will all end in tears.

Me: Why?

Nell: Remember the Dog Show in 2018?

Me: Yes, Dave won a rosette.

Nell: He entered almost every class.

Me: I know. His rosette said ‘Well Done’ and we had a photo taken with the judges.

Nell: He didn’t win any of them.

Me: It didn’t matter. He had fun and everyone loved him.

Nell: I see.

Me: Sometimes it isn’t about winning, Nell. It’s about taking part.

Nell: You’re right.

Me: I am, sometimes. Doesn’t Dave look young in that photo? He was only one and now he’s nine.

Nell: Age is just a number. David will always be your Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The lovely thing about summer is how long it stays light.

Nell: Yes, sunset walks are particularly enjoyable.

Me: Dave and Harriet certainly enjoy them.

Nell: So, what are your plans for the weekend?

Me: Well, it’s the Village Fun Day up at the primary school tomorrow so we’re all going to that.

Nell: Will Gladys and the llamas be performing?

Me: Yes. An interpretive dance and some Gliding.

Nell: And the Welsh Corgi Choir?

Me: They’ll be singing for most of the afternoon.

Nell: With the Whippets Institute Big Band?

Me: Yes, and unfortunately the Beefy Choir.

Nell: Oh dear. Couldn’t they be stopped?

Me: Stephen Seagull told Rupert they were so grateful for the life-saving popsicles they wanted to give something back.

Nell: Screeching their way through a few songs is not giving something back and life-saving popsicles is a little over the top.

Me: I think they really do appreciate Rupert’s kindness, Nell. He’s become quite a hero in the seagull community.

Nell: Rupert’s a hero in any community.

Me: There’s even talk of him receiving an OBE.

Nell: Officer of the Order of the British Empire? From the King?

Me: No. Onourable Beefy Envoy from Stephen Seagull.

Nell: Honourable is spelt with an h.

Me: Beefies don’t care about spelling.

Nell: Rupert can’t be their envoy. He’s a wolf.

Me: I don’t think he has to be a seagull.

Nell: Is he going to accept?

Me: It’s just a rumour at the moment but I think he might.

Nell: Rupert is becoming an honorary Beefy. Whatever next?

Me: You mean an onorary Beefy. See what I did there?

Nell: Poppy isn’t going to believe this when I tell her.

Me: How is she?

Nell: Baking scones. At least some things don’t change.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Dave’s sulking about The Popsicle Run.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: He’s sitting next to my bed and won’t get on it.

Nell: Some people say dogs shouldn’t be on beds.

Me: I know, but I’m not one of them. I like cuddling you all on the bed.

Nell: Maybe David just needs some time to think?

Me: He’s not thinking, he’s definitely sulking.

Nell: How is The Popsicle Run going?

Me: Rupert says demand is far outweighing supply. His words.

Nell: Seagulls never have enough of anything and Beefies are the worst.

Me: I honestly think Rupert enjoys it. He always comes back with a smile and is full of stories about how greedy they are.

Nell: Interesting.

Me: They’ve started demanding different flavours.

Nell: How rude.

Me: Herr Hoffmann can’t keep up with it all so he’s handed over the reins to Manuel.

Nell: Does he ride a horse?

Me: No, he’s an octopus, Nell.

Nell: I know.

Me: From Barcelona. Why bring a horse into it?

Nell: You’re the one who started it.

Me: Did I? No, Manuel is just good at making popsicles.

Nell: It’s the tentacles.

Me: We call him The Popsicle Prince.

Nell: Whatever next?

Me: Anyway, Dave wanted to help make the popsicles but Manuel politely declined.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: I think it was because of the Strawberry Fiasco.

Nell: The what?

Me: Herr Hoffmann had organised strawberries and cream for the start of Wimbledon.

Nell: A British tradition.

Me: Yes, but the strawberries had gone.

Nell: All of them?

Me: I’m sure it was by mistake and I think Dave had a sore tummy afterwards.

Nell: That’s why he’s sulking.

Me: He’s recovered now.

Nell: You can recover from something but the memory of it still lingers on.

Me: True. Sorry.

Nell: What a lovely photo of you and Alice.

Me: Chris sent it over to me and I thought it would be nice to share it with you all.

Nell: Where was it taken?

Me: In Toronto last summer at Chris and Shannon’s wedding. Alice had just given a speech and I’d read a poem I’d written for them.

Nell: You can see in your faces how happy you are and how much they are loved.

Me: Yes, I think you can. There were a lot of happy tears.

Nell: The best kind.

Me: It was such a lovely wedding.

Nell: What are the Puppies doing in that field?

Me: Lounging around in the daisies. They love lying in the cool grass.

Nell: I remember. I can hardly see Harriet.

Me: She likes to hide.

Nell; Now, today is the first of the month so you need to share the link to the website where people can buy you a cup of Earl Grey.

Me: It’s https://buymeacoffee.com/saramartin. Thank you so much in advance for the support. We really appreciate it.

Nell: Yes, we do. Talking of writing, isn’t today Wednesday Writers?

Me: It is. I have a workshop this morning.

Nell: You always enjoy seeing the other writers, don’t you?

Me; I do. Writing is a solitary activity so it’s good to be around others now and again.

Nell: Even if it’s only on the screen.

Me: Do you have screens up there?

Nell: We have everything although I prefer a game of Bridge.

Me: The Cat and Dorothy will be pleased to hear you’re still playing.

Nell: Yes.

Me: Apparently they’re quite a team.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: Don’t begrudge them that, Nell.

Nell: You don’t have teams in Bridge. You have partners.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Nell: What’s the matter with David?

Me: He’s really grumpy. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Something must have happened. He isn’t usually like this.

Me: I know. Dave has a sunny disposition. Bless him.

Nell: What’s going on?

Me: Knitwear Wolf doesn’t want to take him on The Popsicle Run.

Nell: Is Rupert still doing that?

Me: He only just started.

Nell: But the Weather Guardians say it’s not going to be hot again until the weekend.

Me: Well, the Beefies are still dehydrated. Rupert says they’re collapsing before his eyes.

Nell: Are you serious?

Me: Yes. The only thing helping them back on their little webbed feet is an ice-cold popsicle.

Nell: It’s trickery.

Me: No, it really helps.

Nell: They’re just using Rupert as an ice cream van.

Me: He doesn’t drive a van. He rides a motorbike. And there’s no room for Dave because the sidecar is full of frozen ice lollies.

Nell: They’re not dehydrated. They’re falling over like llamas to get a free lolly.

Me: But it’s making Rupert ever so happy. He comes back for the next batch smiling away.

Nell: The next batch?

Me: Do you know how many seagulls live around here?

Nell: How many Popsicle Runs is he doing?

Me: Loads. As soon as Herr Hoffmann’s frozen one batch he’s back for another. We’ve had to get a second freezer.

Nell: I don’t believe it.

Me: It makes sense. Everyone loves popsicles and the grandchildren are visiting soon.

Nell: Well, I’m on David’s side. This is ridiculous.

Me: It’s not ridiculous. It’s kind. And Rupert is a kind wolf.

Nell: He’s a gullible wolf.

Me: Maybe he doesn’t mind if the Beefies aren’t really dehydrated? Maybe he just likes making them happy?

Nell: Maybe you’re right?

Me: I am. Sorry.

Nell: Are Kev and David on the same page?

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: They’re looking in different directions.

Me: They’re checking the crops.

Nell: Are they?

Me: Yes, it’s part of their routine. They find it fascinating.

Nell: What about Harriet?

Me: She isn’t too bothered. She just loves to run.

Nell: Until she doesn’t.

Me: Then she rolls on her back in the grass.

Nell: I find it’s always good to have a little break now and again.

Me: I agree. How was your walk in the park with Charlie?

Nell: Delightful. We sat in the shade of a big oak tree and put your world to rights.

Me: You have trees?

Nell: We have everything.

Me: How was the skateboarding?

Nell: Poppy says Mutley was too reckless and she’s not taking him with her again.

Me: I find that very hard to believe.

Nell: Mutley has become quite the thrill-seeker since he became a Guardian.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: It’s Monday so what are the plans for today?

Me: I’m not a fan of Mondays, as you know, but this one is quite busy.

Nell: Why?

Me: Everyone seems to have lots to do.

Nell: What?

Me: I’m going to the gym.

Nell: Madness.

Me: For my aqua class.

Nell: Fine.

Me: Kev’s got lots of appointments in town.

Nell: Ok.

Me: Dave and Harriet are going to be busy Waiting.

Nell: For you to come back?

Me: Yes. Herr Hoffmann’s making lunch with Malcolm and Manuel.

Nell: Another salad?

Me: Tuna pasta.

Nell: I like that.

Me: I remember. And Knitwear Wolf’s doing A Popsicle Run.

Nell: A Popsicle Run?

Me: Yes. Ice lollies for the dehydrated seagulls.

Nell: You know there will be hidden Beefies amongst them, don’t you?

Me: Dehydrated is dehydrated, Nell. Sorry.

Me: Nigel’s a handsome hound isn’t he?

Nell: Is that David’s paw?

Me: Yes, Dave and I were sitting in my chair and he didn’t want Nigel to come too close.

Nell: I sympathise. Nigel is not very good at respecting one’s private space.

Me: He likes to give Dave a big kiss now and again but Dave doesn’t like it.

Nell: I don’t blame him.

Me: Didn’t Nigel try and kiss you one time?

Nell: Yes. It never happened again.

Me: Probably because you growled or barked if he came anywhere near you.

Nell: Can you blame me?

Me: He was being friendly, Nell.

Nell: You can’t just kiss another animal.

Me: No. You’re right.

Nell: So, what are your plans today?

Me: Sunday Songs and a roast as usual. What about you?

Nell: Poppy’s roasting a chicken with all the trimmings for lunch and then Charlie and I are going to take a quiet stroll in the park.

Me: You have parks?

Nell: Mutley and Poppy are going skateboarding later.

Me: Really?

Nell: Mutley loves it.

Me: Whatever next?

Nell: We went to the cinema yesterday.

Me: I love to hear about all the things you Guardians get up to, Nell. I find it really comforting.

Nell: I know.

Me: Henry and Horst say the Beefies have put the Grockles attacks on hold.

Nell: Why?

Me: Heat exhaustion.

Nell: Really?

Me: Several Beefies collapsed and couldn’t fly home. I feel quite sorry for them.

Nell: It’s a trick.

Me: I even suggested to Rupert that he could bring them some ice lollies on his rounds.

Nell: Canadians call them popsicles. Did he agree?

Me: He said if he saw a dehydrated seagull he would offer them one.

Nell: If they attack Rupert it’ll be your fault.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I see Nigel is visiting.

Me: He popped in for Lasagne.

Nell: For breakfast?

Me: No, yesterday evening. Stanley cooked.

Nell: Oh yes. Did the evening go well?

Me: It was great fun. Rupert and Myfanwy joined us with some of the Welsh Corgi Choir and we had a lovely singalong.

Nell: Singalong?

Me: Lionel King was on good form and even sang ‘That’s Amore’ with Dave.

Nell: Was his mane still matted?

Me: No, washed and brushed.

Nell: Good, and Rupert?

Me: Rupert’s a wolf, Nell. He doesn’t have a mane.

Nell: How was he?

Me: Reassuringly Rupert with a touch of sadness.

Nell: He’s still missing me.

Me: We’re all missing you.

Nell: You look dreadful, by the way. What’s wrong?

Me: I had a bad night with a sore throat.

Nell: I hope you’re not unwell.

Me: I think it’s hay fever. The pollen count is very high again today.

Nell: Best to stay inside.

Me: I know. I can’t be in the sun anyway.

Nell: So what are your plans?

Me: Well, England are playing this evening so we’re going to watch the match together.

Nell: So are we.

Me: Good. I like to think of you cheering them on.

Nell: Poppy’s been practising her football skills with Mutley since first thing this morning.

Me: With Mutley? He’s an elderly Patterdale.

Nell: Age has no meaning up here. She’s put him in goal.

Me: Wouldn’t Charlie be better in goal? He’s a German Shepherd.

Nell: Charlie prefers cricket. What’s for dinner?

Me: Hot dogs. The perfect accompaniment to a game of football.

Nell: The match doesn’t start until 10pm your time.

Me: We’ll have a late dinner.

Nell: You’ll have two dinners. There’s no way David can wait until 10pm to eat.

Me: True. Sorry.