Nell: How did it go at the hospital?

Me: It went well. Kev doesn’t have to go back unless it flares up again.

Nell: This is good news.

Me: We all went for a lovely long walk in the countryside when we got home.

Nell: I can see.

Me: Everything is turning green again.

Nell: Who are those dogs?

Me: Maya is the fluffy Golden Retriever and Elsie is the Chocolate Lab.

Nell: The one in love with David?

Me: Yes. She dances around him every time she sees him. It’s really sweet.

Nell: David is an engaged animal. He has a lady love.

Me: It’s just a crush, Nell. We’ve all had them.

Nell: Sally wouldn’t be pleased.

Me: Sally wouldn’t care. She knows Dave loves her.

Nell: All the same.

Me: You can talk. You flirted around with Lionel King all the time you were with Rupert.

Nell: I did not. I simply felt sorry for Lionel. Moving on, is that the village in the distance?

Me: Good change of subject. Yes, it is. Look how rich and red the Devon earth is. I always thought it was like that everywhere.

Nell: I see you stopped at my tree.

Me: We always do, Nell. We call it Nell’s Tree.

Nell: I know you do.

Me: I wish there was a bench there.

Nell: There might be one day.

Me: I would love it if there were a bench remembering me when I’m gone.

Nell: Don’t start all that, please.

Me: Somewhere people could sit and think.

Nell: You’re not going anywhere.

Me: Not yet.

Nell: We were talking about me.

Me: Yes, we were.

Nell: Why do you always have to make it about you?It’s my tree and I’m the one being remembered.

Me: Yes, it is. Sorry.

Nell: Why are you up so early? You don’t need to leave for a few hours. David won’t like to be woken.

Me: I had this dream about Rupert being the new James Bond.

Nell: Rupert would never carry a gun.

Me: It was just a dream, Nell. He definitely looked the part.

Nell: Make sure you have everything you need for the journey to the hospital.

Me: I will.

Nell: I hope you’ve allowed time for detours.

Me: Detours?

Nell: They’re fixing the lane to the village.

Me: Oh yes. I forgot.

Nell: How can you forget when there are signs and vans everywhere?

Me: I’ve been preoccupied with my Rupert Bond dream.

Nell: Are you packing a picnic? The hospital’s quite a way away.

Me: Canadians say ‘aways away’.

Nell: I’m not Canadian.

Me: We don’t need a picnic. We’re going to pop into Barks and Spencer for some treats.

Nell: Make sure you pick up a few sandwiches. David and Harriet prefer beef.

Me: You always enjoyed smoked salmon with cream cheese.

Nell: I still do.

Me: Don’t tell me you have a Barks and Spencer up there?

Nell: Of course we do. We have everything.

Me: My mother must be over the moon. Barks was her favourite place to shop.

Nell: She is. We often smile across the aisle when she’s picking up some eclairs and coffee cake for afternoon tea with your sister Alex.

Me: Coffee cake was Alex’s favourite.

Nell: I know.

Me: I really love that idea, Nell. Whenever I go to Barks I think of her.

Nell: You’d better pick up some eclairs then.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And coffee cake.

Me: I will.

Nell: Drive carefully, please, and wipe away those tears. You need to see where you’re going.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: You’re up early.

Me: They’re mending the lane to the village so all the vans gathered at the Bus Stop this morning.

Nell: What vans?

Me: The road menders’ vans.

Nell: I see.

Me: And then I thought we have an early start tomorrow so it’s probably a good thing to be up early so I go to sleep early.

Nell: Why do you have an early start tomorrow?

Me: Kev’s got an appointment at the hospital for a follow-up consultation.

Nell: Are they worried?

Me: I don’t think so. Harriet has an excellent worried face, hasn’t she?

Nell: Maybe she is?

Me: But she doesn’t have anything to worry about.

Nell: You don’t know that.

Me: Kev’s doing really well.

Nell: She might not be worried about Kev.

Me: No.

Nell: She might be worried about Rupert.

Me: Rupert?

Nell: And whatever mission Sally has decided he needs to complete.

Me: Rupert isn’t a spy. He makes cardigans.

Nell: Rupert is much more than a cardigan. His soft blankets and shawls are an absolute joy.

Me: Well, yes, but you know what I mean.

Nell: Rupert would make the perfect spy.

Me: You’ve got a thing about spies, haven’t you?

Nell: What on earth do you mean?

Me: Charlie was one. When we met him he was pretending to be German. Siegfried Schaeferhund.

Nell: I remember.

Me: I’ve had a thought.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: You don’t think Rupert is the next James Bond, do you?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: They’re going to announce who it is soon. Maybe he’s up in London practising?

Nell: Practising?

Me: How to be a spy.

Nell: Try and be a little realistic, please. Rupert is a Canadian wolf. He can’t be a British spy.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: Look at Dave’s grumpy face. Isn’t it adorable? Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He doesn’t like Nigel.

Me: Sometimes they’re friends but mostly they’re not. You were the same.

Nell: Nigel is extremely annoying. He kisses without asking.

Me: He’s a little needy.

Nell: You have to respect personal space.

Me: Dave doesn’t.

Nell: David sits on people. He doesn’t kiss them.

Me: He’s very large, Nell.

Nell: They’ll find a way to get on.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Especially with Sally there to calm the waters.

Me: I’m afraid Sally’s gone back to London.

Nell: No wonder David is grumpy.

Me: She had to get back to work.

Nell: Understandable.

Me: Knitwear Wolf has gone with her.

Nell: I beg your pardon? Did you say Rupert has gone up to London?

Me: I did.

Nell: Why?

Me: I don’t know.

Nell: Is it cardigan-related?

Me: I don’t think it has anything to do with woollens.

Nell: Has Lionel gone, too?

Me: No. That wretched lion is still moping about the place.

Nell: Missing me, I expect. Poor chap.

Me: No. The tourist season is over so he’s lost his job as a lifeguard.

Nell: A lifeguard?

Me: Yes. He’s a jolly strong swimmer, although I’m not sure what people thought when a lion came swimming towards them.

Nell: Grateful to be rescued, I should imagine.

Me: By a big cat?

Nell: He will have been wearing his uniform.

Me: I suppose so. And he has a lovely thick mane to hang on to.

Nell: Rupert is an excellent swimmer.

Me: Yes. He has webbed toes.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: All wolves have webbed toes. It helps them paddle efficiently.

Nell: I can’t believe we’re discussing webbed toes when Rupert has disappeared to London.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I see you all went down to the river and Harriet had a wonderful time as usual.

Me: She always does.

Nell: There’s the bench where we used to sit and put the world to rights.

Me: I loved our little chats.

Nell: You still do.

Me: I miss seeing your beautiful face.

Nell: Close your eyes and I’m there.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And there are photos of me everywhere.

Me: There are.

Nell: So, what are the plans today?

Me: Sunday Songs followed by roast beef. Rupert is joining us.

Nell: I’m glad.

Me: Sally asked to see him.

Nell: Did she now?

Me: And Lionel King of all animals.

Nell: Lionel isn’t as bad as you think he is.

Me: I’m not sure Rupert’s going to be pleased to see him.

Nell: Rupert is an understanding wolf.

Me: He’s been talking about returning to Canada recently.

Nell: He can’t do that.

Me: Which is exactly what I said.

Nell: Devon relies on his knitwear.

Me: Which is absolutely not what I said.

Nell: What would the Welsh Corgi Choir do without their Knitwear Wolf cardigans?

Me: True.

Nell: How are the llamas supposed to survive the winter without a coat?

Me: Llamas don’t actually need coats. They have really thick fleeces.

Nell: I’m not talking about Need. I’m talking about Want.

Me: Fair enough. In that case you’re right. Nobody wants Rupert to leave.

Nell: Tell Herr Hoffmann to make extra gravy and serve Rupert the biggest Yorkshire pudding and the most succulent slice of beef.

Me: Dave will be jealous.

Nell: Never mind David. This is about Rupert.

Me: You still love him, don’t you?

Nell: Of course I do. I always will.

Me: What about Charlie?

Nell: Charlie knows and understands completely.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Nell: I see Nigel is visiting you again.

Me: It’s the weekend, Nell. Nigel always visits us.

Nell: Did he go to the pub for a pint and a packet of crisps with Kev?

Me: He did, actually. Kev’s finished the antibiotics so he wanted to celebrate.

Nell: With Nigel?

Me: Yes. They enjoy the walk there and back.

Nell: And David and Harriet?

Me: They went on a long walk earlier.

Nell: Just checking. I don’t like to see any favouritism.

Me: You have favourites.

Nell: We weren’t talking about me.

Me: Yes we were. You said you don’t like favouritism.

Nell: Moving on, is Sally back?

Me: Yes. She and Davey spent the night in the two-seater chair.

Nell: I don’t need to know the details, thank you. And stop calling him Davey.

Me: They looked so sweet all cuddled up together.

Nell: Did Nigel behave?

Me: He always does around Sally. Everybody does, to be honest.

Nell: Poppy’s got a new beau.

Me: Do tell.

Nell: An Irish Wolfhound called Patrick.

Me: An Irish Wolfhound?

Nell: Yes.

Me: They’re huge.

Nell: Poppy likes large animals. Don’t forget John the Doberman.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Is John still running Starbarks down at the quay?

Me: He is, but he’s lost his sparkle since Poppy left us.

Nell: I’m not sure he ever had one. John is more of the slow and steady type.

Me: True.

Nell: Patrick is the life and soul of the party.

Me: Is he?

Nell: He breaks into song at the drop of a hat.

Me: He sounds fun.

Nell: He wants me to call him Paddy.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: I refused, of course.

Me: He’ll be calling you Nelly next.

Nell: He will not. Only Rupert calls me that.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why is David sitting alone in the two-seater chair?

Me: He often sits there, Nell.

Nell: Where’s Sally?

Me: We don’t know.

Nell: You don’t know?

Me: She had to go and deal with something.

Nell: Or someone?

Me: Maybe. She said she’ll be back soon.

Nell: When did she go?

Me: Late last night. Owl Pacino came to get her.

Nell: So the Royal Owl Force is involved?

Me: Probably.

Nell: Does Harriet look worried?

Me: Harriet doesn’t give much away.

Nell: Yes, she does. Look at the photos you posted yesterday.

Me: We were playing. I meant when she’s spying.

Nell: Do you think something is going on?

Me: It usually is and I don’t think Owl Pacino would bother Sally in the middle of the night if it wasn’t.

Nell: David is clearly Waiting.

Me: Yes, I know. It breaks my heart.

Nell: We dogs are used to it. Waiting is one of our skills. We do it all the time.

Me: But he was so happy.

Nell: He will be again.

Me: Perhaps Nigel will lift his spirits?

Nell: Nigel?

Me: Yes. It’s Friday. Nigel always comes to stay at the weekend.

Nell: Don’t let Nigel sit on the two-seater chair.

Me: He likes it.

Nell: It’s David’s Waiting Chair.

Me: It’s actually my chair, Nell.

Nell: Bought with David in mind.

Me: Well, yes that is true.

Nell: I remember you telling Kev you could only have a chair with room for David to join you.

Me: I did say that.

Nell: You did.

Me: But it’s my chair so I’m definitely going to sit in it.

Nell: Until Sally comes back.

Me: It’s my chair.

Nell: Are you telling me that you’d come between a Labrador and his lady love?

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Look at sweet little Harriet smiling away.

Nell: It doesn’t even look like her.

Me: Yes, it does. It’s her mischievous face. We were playing.

Nell: Well, I’m glad you’re having fun. Now tell me about David and Sally.

Me: Ah yes, our two lovebirds.

Nell: They’re dogs not birds and start at the very beginning, please.

Me: I opened the door and there was Sally.

Nell: Obviously.

Me: Dave heard the door open but barely bothered to open his eyes until he heard ‘Hello, Davey.’

Nell: And then?

Me: And then he jumped off the sofa and started dancing around Sally like a whirling dervish.

Nell: A whirling what?

Me: Dervish. They’re dancers who spin around.

Nell: Just say like a llama next time. It makes more sense.

Me: Does it? Anyway, there was a lot of kissing and cuddling.

Nell: I don’t need to know about that, thank you.

Me: And they haven’t been apart since. Dave took Sally to the Cottage Hotel for lunch.

Nell: While it’s still the Cottage Hotel and not some luxury resort.

Me: Exactly. Such dreadful news.

Nell: Indeed.

Me: And I said they can sit in my big two-seater armchair so that’s where they are right now sharing a bacon sandwich.

Nell: David sits there anyway.

Me: But not with Sally by his side.

Nell: True. When you say ‘sharing a bacon sandwich’ I hope there is more than one.

Me: Herr Hoffmann made a lot.

Nell: Good, because David eats by mistake when he’s happy.

Me: And when he isn’t.

Nell: Charlie will be pleased when I tell him.

Me: About the bacon sandwiches?

Nell: No, about David and Sally.

Me: It must be lovely being a Guardian.

Nell: Sometimes, like today, but not always.

Me: Of course not. Sorry.

Nell: You’re up early.

Me: It’s Wednesday Writers.

Nell: David’s looking a little low.

Me: He’s missing Sally. He hasn’t seen her for weeks.

Nell: Someone should tell her to visit him.

Me: I’m not sure I can. Sally’s an independent Golden Retriever.

Nell: You might not be able to but I know someone who can.

Me: Who?

Nell: Charlie. He was a secret agent in the past and he’s been keeping a careful eye on Sally for years.

Me: How quickly can he get a message to her?

Nell: He already did.

Me: But we’ve only just discussed Dave’s lowness.

Nell: You told me he was crying yesterday.

Me: Yes, about the bone.

Nell: I thought it was that, too, but Charlie wasn’t sure and he told Sally.

Me: How?

Nell: Never you mind. We Guardians have our little ways.

Me: Like white feathers?

Nell: Maybe.

Me: And robins?

Nell: Possibly.

Me: And a parking space just when you thought you’’d never find one?

Nell: I couldn’t possibly say.

Me: I hope Sally listens to Charlie.

Nell: She will.

Me: Because Dave is feeling really down.

Nell: I know. Talking of parking spaces, are there any available near your house?

Me: A few. Why?

Nell: Just wondering.

Me: Oh, there’s one less now. A red car just pulled in.

Nell: A red car?

Me: Yes. I don’t recognise it.

Nell: Don’t you?

Me: It must be someone visiting.

Nell: I agree.

Me: You’re not going to believe this.

Nell: I might.

Me: It’s Sally in the red car.

Nell: Well, well. Knock me down with a white feather.

Me: You and Charlie organised this, didn’t you?

Nell: Just go and open the front door. There’s a beautiful Golden Retriever outside waiting to surprise her handsome Labrador.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Good morning.

Nell: You sound tired.

Me: Dave and Harriet had a disagreement about a wretched bone first thing this morning and woke me up.

Nell: A bone?

Me: One of those you can lick the inside out of. You used to love them.

Nell: I’d have preferred a selection of sandwiches, crusts off, a piece of lemon drizzle cake and a nice flask of Earl Grey tea.

Me: Is Poppy making you a picnic?

Nell: How did you know?

Me: I guessed.

Nell: Charlie and I are taking a trip up into the mountains and Poppy thought a picnic might be just the thing.

Me: Hold on one moment. Did you just say mountains?

Nell: I did.

Me: You can’t really have mountains, Nell.

Nell: I’ve told you this before. We have everything. We both looked at the sky this morning and thought a walk in the mountains might be exactly what we needed.

Me: Will there be Edelweiss?

Nell: Probably.

Me: Will you be singing?

Nell: Definitely. But I shall not be dressed as a nun.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: So, why were the Puppies arguing?

Me: Harriet brought her bone upstairs and fell asleep next to it and Davey thought he could finish it for her.

Nell: Don’t call him Davey, please. He’s a mature animal.

Me: He’s my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Nevertheless. I’m presuming Harriet wasn’t best pleased to find her brother had stolen her bone.

Me: She wasn’t. She doesn’t get angry very often but when she does then she does.

Nell: I remember. Where are they now?

Me: Harriet is upstairs enjoying her bone and Dave is downstairs crying.

Nell: Crying?

Me: It’s heartbreaking.

Nell: He’s just whining because he wants something he can’t have. Ignore him.

Me: Yes. Sorry.