Nell: Is Faye hand feeding David?

Me: He likes it.

Nell: That nonsense needs to stop.

Me: It’s only a piece of carrot.

Nell: It doesn’t matter what it is. Hand feeding is for sick animals only.

Me: The llamas love it.

Nell: Of course they do.

Me: Most animals do.

Nell: I can’t imagine Rupert ever agreeing to be hand fed.

Me: Maybe not wolves.

Nell: Hand feeding Beauregard would be a very bad idea.

Me: Or tigers.

Nell: And The Cat would faint at the mere idea.

Me: Maybe cats in general.

Nell: Harriet looks tired.

Me: She is, a little.

Nell: What are the plans for today?

Me: Sunday songs and a cream tea by the river.

Nell: A cream tea and a roast dinner?

Me: We had our roast yesterday so Charlotte and Nigel could join in as they’re busy today.

Nell: Roast beef on a Saturday?

Me: It was absolutely delicious, Nell, and we can have the leftovers this evening.

Nell: Leftovers?

Me: Yes. Bubble and squeak.

Nell: You can’t eat bubble and squeak on a Sunday. It’s a Monday dish.

Me: Not today, it isn’t.

Nell: This is shocking. You can’t serve visitors leftovers.

Me: Jonathan Sky is having his with baked beans.

Nell: Stop. This is too much.

Me: Before I forget, I’d like to say a big thank you to all those of you who bought me a cup of tea. It really is appreciated.

Nell: Yes, it’s very kind. You just changed the subject.

Me: Did I?

Nell: You know you did.

Me: What do you think about hats?

Nell: Always wear one on a Sunday and in the sun.

Me: Would you wear one if you were going out to tea?

Nell: Of course. Stop changing the subject.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: David would like to make a complaint.

Me: How do you know?

Nell: Look at his face.

Me: What’s the complaint about?

Nell: Feet.

Me: Feet?

Nell: In his face.

Me: When?

Nell: In the morning when he’s trying to do his job.

Me: What job?

Nell: Watching.

Me: Watching what?

Nell: The Bus Stop, of course.

Me: I see.

Nell: And possibly the photos on your digital photo frame.

Me: Does he know whose feet in particular?

Nell: Jonathan Sky’s.

Me: Jonathan has been coming into my bed in the mornings.

Nell: I knew it.

Me: For a cuddle and a chat.

Nell: David sleeps on your bed.

Me: I know.

Nell: You can’t just oust him from his rightful place.

Me: Nobody is ousting anyone.

Nell: And stick your feet in his face.

Me: I’m sure there’s enough room for everyone.

Nell: Moving on, today is 1st August so you know what to do.

Me: Share the link to the website where people can support me with a cup of Earl Grey?

Nell: Exactly.

Me: It’s https://buymeacoffee.com/saramartin. Thank you so much in advance. I really do appreciate every cup.

Nell: Going back to the feet.

Me: Must we?

Nell: Is Jonathan Sky the reason why our conversations are later?

Me: Maybe.

Nell: Have you been talking things through with Jonathan before me?

Me: Not really.

Nell: Not really?

Me: We might have discussed a few things.

Nell: Now, I know how David feels.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Ousted from my own conversation.

Me: Don’t be silly. We’re having a conversation right now.

Nell: Are you alone?

Me: Not really.

Nell; And there we have it. Years of devotion replaced by a young whippersnapper with perfect feet.

Me: They are nice feet.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: What beautiful photos.

Me: Yes, we had a lovely day yesterday.

Nell: Are those slippers?

Me: I can explain.

Nell: Did you go out wearing your slippers?

Me: I’m afraid I did.

Nell: I can’t believe this.

Me: Nobody noticed until we were sitting down for lunch and Alice said ‘Mummy, are you wearing your slippers?’

Nell: Mortifying.

Me: We couldn’t stop laughing.

Nell: It’s not funny.

Me: It is, Nell. I even had to go for a walk along the river and to the wild flower meadow wearing them.

Nell: Did anyone say anything?

Me: No, people were far too polite.

Nell: At least they matched your dress. We can be thankful for small mercies.

Me: Yes, and it makes a good story.

Nell: Who is that Golden Retriever?

Me: I don’t know but it wanted to play with the children in the river.

Nell: Where were David and Harriet?

Me: At home with Nigel. We couldn’t all fit in the car.

Nell: So, you spent your anniversary in your slippers with another dog.

Me: No, I spent it with the family.

Nell: It looks like you had a lovely time.

Me: We did. Kev and I went on an anniversary walk while the children played in the river.

Nell: My favourite walk.

Me: Yes. To be honest we both shed a few tears remembering walking there with you.

Nell: No tears. Only happy memories.

Me: I’m making so many happy memories, Nell.

Nell: That’s good to hear. What are the plans for today?

Me: I’m having a quiet day after yesterday but Alice and the children are off to the beach and Charlotte’s coming over later to join us for dinner at the pub.

Nell: Sounds good. Enjoy yourselves and no more tears, please.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Happy Anniversary.

Me: Thank you.

Nell: How many years is it?

Me: 17.

Nell: I hope you’re giving each other a piece of furniture.

Me: Why on earth would we do that?

Nell: It’s what you do after 17 years.

Me: I think a kiss and a card will be enough.

Nell: A kiss and a card?

Me: Yes.

Nell: No cake?

Me: There might be a cake later.

Nell: Poppy’s made ours. Lemon drizzle.

Me: Yours?

Nell: We can’t not celebrate your anniversary.

Me: I see.

Nell: When does the party start?

Me: Well, we were going to the pub but it’s fully booked so we’re going there tomorrow.

Nell: And today?

Me: A simple pasta and salad dinner in the garden.

Nell: A simple pasta dinner?

Me: Yes.

Nell: With salad?

Me: Yes. A large bowl.

Nell: Never mind the size of the bowl. It’s still a salad.

Me: It’s what Kev and I want.

Nell: Poppy is not going to be pleased about this. We’re having steak and chips.

Me: We’ll probably have chips tomorrow.

Nell: Too late. And what’s Nigel doing there?

Me: He’s visiting.

Nell: On a Thursday?

Me: He wanted to start his weekend early.

Nell: We all want to start our weekends early but it doesn’t mean we can.

Me: Well, Nigel has.

Nell: Typical Yellow Lab behaviour.

Me: Talking of Yellow Labs, how is your campaign going for Chief Guardian?

Nell: Don’t ask.

Me: I just did.

Nell: The Colonel has resorted to bribery.

Me: How shocking.

Nell: A treat for every vote.

Me: Dastardly behaviour.

Nell: Quite. But two can play that game. Poppy is baking scones as we speak.

Me: I’m not sure about that.

Nell: Needs must. Go and kiss your husband. It’s your anniversary.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Harriet blends into the background in this dry weather, doesn’t she?

Nell: Only when she’s on spying duty.

Me: She’s a similar colour to the crops.

Nell: Not the green ones.

Me: Never mind.

Nell: Just because Harriet is quieter than David doesn’t mean she can’t be noticed.

Me: I wasn’t saying that. When we’re out and about Harriet isn’t shy at all.

Nell: She didn’t much like the Dog Show.

Me: True. Dave loved it.

Nell: David craves attention.

Me: He does. You can be like that.

Nell: Absolute nonsense. I merely expect people and animals to listen to what I have to say.

Me: I remember.

Nell: It’s why I’ve been nominated as Chief Guardian.

Me: Goodness me. Does that mean you will be in charge of all the Guardians?

Nell: Don’t be silly. Only the Labrador Division.

Me: I see. Do you think you’re going to win?

Nell: I’m up against a rather pompous retired Yellow Labrador so I hope so.

Me: Aren’t all Guardians retired?

Nell: Certainly not. Poppy is never going to retire.

Me: I stand corrected.

Nell: How was Hope Cove?

Me: Lovely. We had a sandwich up at the Cottage Hotel and spent the afternoon at the beach.

Nell: I hope it was a prawn sandwich.

Me: Yes, full of lots of juicy fresh prawns.

Nell: You’re sounding fishy again.

Me: Am I?

Nell: You want to keep an eye on that.

Me: Stop fussing.

Nell: Did you swim in the sea?

Me: Yes. It was cold at first but not for long.

Nell: Did the children swim?

Me: Everyone did.

Nell: Was the beach busy?

Me: Very. There was even a wedding.

Nell: On the beach?

Me: Not an actual ceremony, just photos.

Nell: That’s not a wedding.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: David and Faye seem deep in conversation.

Me: They’re just best friends having a little chat and a cuddle.

Nell: Good to see.

Me: Dave’s an excellent listener.

Nell: Really?

Me: He can listen when he wants to and if it isn’t for too long.

Nell: I suppose he is my nephew and I’m an excellent listener.

Me: You are.

Nell: If I was there Faye would be talking to me.

Me: Maybe? You became less of a listener as you got older.

Nell: What did you say?

Me: I said you didn’t listen as much.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: I think it was because you were going deaf.

Nell: Sorry?

Me: You were going deaf.

Nell: Stop shouting. I’m not deaf up here.

Me: Were you teasing me?

Nell: I might have been.

Me: Do you really have no ailments as a Guardian?

Nell: None at all. No stiff joints or aches and pains.

Me: That’s wonderful to know, Nell.

Nell: Yes. What are the plans for today?

Me: Lunch at the Cottage Hotel and an afternoon on the beach.

Nell: Excellent. Will there be a cream tea later?

Me: It depends. There might be ice cream instead.

Nell: Ice cream is not a replacement for scones, jam and cream.

Me: I know but you can eat one on the beach.

Nell: True. Scones can be a little awkward. Did you have a pleasant day yesterday?

Me: We did. Kingsbridge was awfully busy so we didn’t stay too long and spent a lovely afternoon in the garden instead.

Nell: Making happy memories?

Me: Lots and lots.

Nell: Memories are what keeps us all going.

Me: So many of mine are of you.

Nell: And mine of you but they make me very happy.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: How was your Sunday?

Me: Perfect. Lunch at the pub was delicious and later we all went for a long walk in the countryside.

Nell: Those cows seemed interested in you.

Me: Dave was a little bit naughty and barked at them.

Nell: Did they care?

Me: Not really.

Nell: No harm done then. It all looks very dry.

Me: Yes. The farmers are busy with the harvest.

Nell: I can see Kev was explaining to the children about the tall crops.

Me: I think it’s maize.

Nell: It’s very tall.

Me: Talking of tall, we measured the children and wrote their height on the door. Faye’s shot up in the last few months.

Nell: I thought she looked much taller than the last time I saw her at Christmas.

Me: I was measured too as Jonathan is only a few centimetres shorter than me.

Nell: He’ll be taller than you the next time you see each other.

Me: Probably. I’ve been bitten to death by horseflies again, by the way.

Nell: Don’t be so dramatic.

Me: They itch like mad, Nell. I’ve been up all night.

Nell: You need to wear leggings like Faye.

Me: But it’s too hot.

Nell: Stop complaining. What are you doing today?

Me: I’m going to the gym for my aqua class and Alice and the children are going to have a little trundle around the shops.

Nell: And Kev?

Me: He’s going to buy us some fresh fish.

Nell: Oh for goodness sake!

Me: Not from the Beefies. From our fishmonger.

Nell: I don’t understand this obsession with fish.

Me: It’s a treat for Alice. There’s nothing like having fish fresh from the sea.

Nell: Give me a good steak any day.

Me: We’re all having fish and that’s it, Nell. Sorry.

Nell: You’re late for our conversation today.

Me: I was chatting to Alice and Jonathan and forgot the time. Faye’s still asleep.

Nell: It must be lovely to be surrounded by family again.

Me: It is. It was so exciting when the train pulled in and Jonathan and Faye ran along the platform into my arms.

Nell: Many’s the time I’ve been to the station with you to collect them.

Me: Yes. They were tired from the journey but still jumped straight into the paddling pool when we got home.

Nell: You’re very happy.

Me: It’s wonderful having them here.

Nell: I wish I could be there with you.

Me: We miss you, Nell. But you’re in our thoughts.

Nell: I know. Is that Faye with Nigel?

Me: Yes. He was very pleased to see her.

Nell: Nigel is a guest. Faye should be cuddling David and Harriet.

Me: She is. Don’t worry. There are plenty of cuddles for everyone.

Nell: What are your plans today?

Me: Breakfast then Sunday Songs and a Sunday roast at the pub in the garden.

Nell: I’m afraid the Weather Guardians say it’s going to be rather cool and cloudy.

Me: Yes, we even had rain earlier.

Nell: Will Jonathan and Faye be singing at Sunday Songs?

Me: I’m not sure. They might be a little too tired.

Nell: Children are never too tired to sing.

Me: They might dance with the llamas.

Nell: You can be too tired to dance.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Unless you’re a llama.

Me: Whatever happens it’s going to be a lovely Sunday.

Nell: So, go and enjoy yourself and stop chatting to me.

Me: I like chatting to you.

Nell: You can chat to me any time. Off you go. The family are waiting.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: You’re all awake early. Overexcited by any chance?

Me: Very. Harriet wants us to leave for the station right now and Dave’s wearing his ring on his head again.

Nell: Are Alice and the grandchildren safely in London?

Me: Yes. They had an awful flight from Berlin. Lots of turbulence, both children had earache and drunken football fans.

Nell: Oh no.

Me: They didn’t get to the hotel until really late last night so I told them to take their time going to Paddington station this morning to catch the train down to Devon.

Nell: Do you think they will?

Me: I hope so as there’s no rush.

Nell: I’m not sure Harriet would agree.

Me: No. She seems to think we should be up and doing.

Nell: Is everything ready for the family?

Me: Almost. We’ve just got to make up the bunk beds.

Nell: I thought you already had.

Me: Nigel likes to sleep on the bottom one so we waited until this morning.

Nell: Nigel’s going to have to sleep on the floor like everyone else.

Me: Nobody sleeps on the floor, Nell. They are all on sofas, beds or armchairs.

Nell: Just stop dilly-dallying around and get that bunk bed made up now.

Me: You’re as bad as Harriet.

Nell: The Weather Guardians tell me it’s going to be another hot day although there might be a few clouds.

Me: We desperately need rain. I was watching the news and there are wild fires everywhere.

Nell: In Devon?

Me: No, in Canada and Scotland and France and Spain.

Nell: Try and concentrate on Devon for the time being, please. You can’t worry about everyone.

Me: I can.

Nell: Well, don’t. The family will be here soon and happy times are ahead.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Nell: Are you ready for the family’s arrival?

Me: More or less.

Nell: Good. I need to talk to you about Nigel.

Me: Why?

Nell: David is being Left Out.

Me: When Nigel is visiting us he’s Kev’s shadow. He follows him around everywhere.

Nell: But David is Kev’s Best Boy.

Me: He knows that. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Does he really? Look at his face.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Quite. You need to do something about it.

Me: Nigel isn’t doing any harm, Nell.

Nell: Kev has to be shared. Nigel can’t monopolise him like that.

Me: No, you’re right.

Nell: Alice and the grandchildren are arriving tomorrow. They’re going to want to spend time with their grandfather.

Me: They are.

Nell: Without Nigel.

Me: I’m not sure completely excluding Nigel is the right thing to do.

Nell: It’s the only way.

Me: I think we can find a compromise.

Nell: Either way you need to explain to David that he is still Best Boy.

Me: What if Chris and Jonathan Sky feel excluded? Surely they’re Kev’s Best Boys?

Nell: Chris isn’t even visiting.

Me: At least Harriet knows she’s his Best Girl.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: Apart from Alice and Faye, of course.

Nell: There is only one Best Girl for Kev.

Me: That’s kind of you but I’m not sure I qualify as a girl any longer.

Nell: I was talking about me. Kev and I had a very special bond.

Me: You did. You do.

Nell: I will always be his Best Girl.

Me: I’m not sure Poppy would agree.

Nell: Fine. Maybe there can be more than one.

Me: But then it’s not really Best, is it?

Nell: I need a cup of Earl Grey and a lie down.

Me: Sorry.