Me: Look at Dave. Isn’t he adorable?

Nell: Cheeky animal.

Me: I managed to catch him just as he was sticking his tongue out.

Nell: He’s not a skilled player.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: How’s the campaign going against the housing development?

Me: We’ve had lots of support and there’s another village meeting soon.

Nell: I really hope it doesn’t happen.

Me: So do I.

Nell: On another note, did someone mention a dog called Honey?

Me: Yes, a lady called Ann Locke. Honey left her last Friday. She was only 8.

Nell: Please tell her Honey is absolutely fine and has already found some friends. I saw them dashing around together.

Me: I will. Did you wave?

Nell: Of course.

Me: She’ll be really pleased to hear that. She was worried.

Nell: It’s not us you need to worry about it’s those we leave behind.

Me: Yes.

Nell: We Guardians are always welcomed by loved ones and we’re in no pain.

Me: Good to know.

Nell: You did the right thing.

Me: It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Nell: Just because it’s right doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Me: No.

Nell: Now, according to my information you’re due for some warmer weather soon.

Me: Did you use the Met Office?

Nell: No need. We have Weather Guardians.

Me: Weather Guardians?

Nell: We have everything. I told you that before.

Me: Yes.

Nell: So you need to get the grass cut and the garden furniture up and ready for some outside time.

Me: We do.

Nell: Make sure you sit in the shade and wear your factor 50.

Me: I always do, but it’s raining at the moment.

Nell: The rain is going to stop very soon. Better times are ahead.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Isn’t the countryside looking amazing?

Nell: It is.

Me: Everything is bursting into life.

Nell: It’s all the rain you’ve been having recently.

Me: I can’t believe how green it is.

Nell: That’s Devon for you.

Me: Dave and Harriet have been going on three walks a day.

Nell: Good. It’s the best thing you can do for everyone.

Me: You dogs love nothing more than a good Snoofle around.

Nell: Is that even a word?

Me: Snoofling here and Snoofling there.

Nell: Sniffaris are an essential part of dog walking.

Me: You used to love a good Sniffari.

Nell: I did. But you’re wrong about it being the best thing.

Me: Am I?

Nell: There’s something we love more than a Sniffari.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes, it’s knowing you’re there with us.

Me: How lovely.

Nell: Take Harriet, for instance. Always running around.

Me: She never stops.

Nell: Except she does. For a quick stroke, or cuddle, from you and Kev.

Me: Yes, and then off she goes again,

Nell: David is the same.

Me: Dave likes his cuddles at home. He’s too busy when we’re out.

Nell: Not for the odd stroke.

Me: No, that’s true.

Nell: Or reassuring pat on the head.

Me: He likes those.

Nell: Don’t underestimate the importance of Togetherness.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Knowing you’re there with us gives us the safety and security to really enjoy our surroundings.

Me: And I always enjoy my walks because you dogs are with me.

Nell: I know. It works both ways.

Me: I wish we could go walking together again, Nell.

Nell: I’m always with you. You know I am.

Me: But I can’t give you a cuddle.

Nell: I was never one for cuddles. Give me conversations any day.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Nell: Harriet and David seem to be enjoying themselves.

Me: Yes. We found an interesting thing on our walk.

Nell: What did you find?

Me: A house in a tree.

Nell: A tree house for lions and tigers? I’ve known about that since they built it last year.

Me: No. Beauregard, Roary and Mrs King’s house is in the grounds of the Stately Home.

Nell: And?

Me: This was on our usual walk.

Nell: What kind of house?

Me: A small bird house. Really high up.

Nell: I see.

Me: And only the one.

Nell: Not an estate then?

Me: No. Talking of estates, I have some troubling news.

Nell: What is it?

Me: A big developer wants to build 40 new houses in our beautiful village.

Nell; Oh no.

Me: We’re not happy.

Nell: Of course you’re not.

Me: Nobody knows how the village is going to cope.

Nell: This is a worry.

Me: Yes, there have been village meetings and we are all writing to the council to see if it can be stopped.

Nell: Good.

Me: It’s not that newcomers aren’t welcome it’s that the infrastructure won’t be able to cope with so many at once.

Nell: We were welcomed.

Me: Yes, we were. This is such a special little village. We don’t want it to become all anonymous and sprawly.

Nell: I can’t think of anything worse.

Me: It’s a worry.

Nell: At least there’s only one bird house.

Me: Yes, it wouldn’t be the same if there were rows and rows of them on every tree.

Nell: It would not.

Me: Just imagine if they put 40 tree houses in the Stately Home’s grounds and filled them with lions and tigers.

Nell: Would you calm down, please? You’re getting completely carried away again.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I’m glad it’s Sunday. It’s been a busy old week.

Me: Don’t you all just sit around watching?

Nell: I think you’re confusing me with David.

Me: Dave’s been keeping a close eye on the Bus Stop.

Nell: Any particular reason, apart from the obvious?

Me: What is the obvious?

Nell: Spaghetti Bolognese deliveries. I presume they’re still going on.

Me: Not regularly. Stanley Smoochy has been away filming in Italy.

Nell: Filming what?

Me: A sort of travel/food show. It’s very popular.

Nell: I wouldn’t have thought people would be particularly interested in a seagull’s travels.

Me: He has a huge following in the bird community.

Nell: Each to their own. Have you had breakfast?

Me: Yes. Bacon sandwiches as it’s the weekend.

Nell: Brown, or red sauce?

Me: Brown for me, on the side.

Nell: Was the bacon crispy?

Me: Yes. Hot and sizzling.

Nell: We had pancakes with maple syrup and bacon on the top.

Me: Very North American.

Nell: Poppy’s going through a cowboy phase. We’re having cowboy beans for lunch instead of a Sunday roast with sourdough biscuits that aren’t biscuits at all.

Me: Oh dear. We’re having roast beef.

Nell: Enjoy.

Me: Why was your week busy?

Nell: Several new arrivals.

Me: Oh, anyone I know?

Nell: No. I like to be part of the general meet and greet.

Me: I thought only friends and family were there to welcome you.

Nell: One can wave from afar.

Me: I see.

Nell: It can be a little overwhelming at first so it’s important to make new Guardians feel welcome.

Me: I can imagine.

Nell: Are you ready for Sunday Songs?

Me: Of course.

Nell: Wear a hat, please.

Me: It’s not sunny.

Nell: No, but it’s Sunday. Hats must be worn.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Evening walks are really rather wonderful at this time of year.

Nell; Why?

Me: It’s the light. Every time I see the sun still shining through the leaves I think of you.

Nell: Of me?

Me: Yes. It’s like you’re telling us you’re still there.

Nell: I am.

Me: My mother does it, too.

Nell: I know, and your little sister.

Me: The Puppies feel it. They often stop and look.

Nell: Harriet looks like she’s searching the undergrowth.

Me: She’s always doing that.

Nell: She’s a Labrador.

Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy was thinking tremendously deep thoughts.

Nell: Your Big Brave Beautiful Boy was wondering if there might be a second dinner for him when he got home.

Me: You’re probably right

Nell: Was there?

Me: Yes. He had Supper.

Nell: Bacon sandwiches?

Me: No, he’s having those today for breakfast.

Nell: Bacon sandwiches are excellent at any time of day.

Me: True. I remember eating them as a teenager after a night out with friends. Delicious.

Nell: So, what was David’s supper?

Me: A cup of tea and a biscuit.

Nell: That’s not going to satisfy the hunger of a growing animal.

Me: Dave will be 9 next month. He should have stopped growing by now.

Nell: He’s going to fade away on prison rations like that.

Me: Don’t be so dramatic.

Nell: Mutley and I had a delicious bowl of soup for our supper yesterday with crunchy bread and farmhouse butter.

Me: What about the others?

Nell: Charlie was out playing poker with Poppy and the Yorkshire Terrier brothers.

Me: Zapp and Monty?

Nell: Yes.

Me: And The Great Barberino?

Nell: He insisted on singing.

Me: You could have shared your soup with him, Nell.

Nell: One can’t eat and sing.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: We had an unusual walk yesterday.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: We went down to the river.

Nell: My favourite walk.

Me: Yes. It’s normally really peaceful and we can see the change in the seasons by the changes in the trees and plants. The wild garlic is still everywhere, by the way.

Nell: I remember it well.

Me: The blossom has gone and everything is moving into summer even though the last few days have been unseasonably cold.

Nell: I don’t need a weather report, thank you.

Me: Do you even have proper weather up there?

Nell: We have everything.

Me: Even snow?

Nell: I don’t know yet. Probably. Could we get to the point, please?

Me: I can’t remember what the point was.

Nell: Why wasn’t it peaceful?

Me: There were hundreds of white vans and men in high vis jackets and hard hats.

Nell: Hundreds?

Me: Well, at least ten. I said to Kev ‘What are they doing?’ And he said ‘Tree fellers, although there might be four.’

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: It was a joke. Kev made a joke. Tree as in three with an Irish accent.

Nell: I think they call them tree surgeons nowadays.

Me: Yes, but the joke wouldn’t have worked then, would it?

Nell: I’m not sure it did.

Me: It made me laugh. Anyway, they seemed to be doing a lot of sawing and chopping and it was really loud.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: Dave was fascinated and Harriet just rolled around in the buttercups.

Nell: Sensible decision.

Me: Yes, she wasn’t going to let anything bother her.

Nell: Go with the flow is my advice.

Me: You always go your own way.

Nell: And others follow, which is just as it should be.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why is Nigel sitting on the Naughty Chair?

Me: He isn’t on the Naughty Chair, he’s just watching television at home.

Nell: Have you looked at his face?

Me: It’s probably a serious programme.

Nell: That’s a Naughty Chair Face. Trust me.

Me: Is it?

Nell: What did he do?

Me: His name is Naughty Nigel so it could be anything.

Nell: I’m guessing that cat is behind it.

Me: Xav the Cat is Nigel’s best friend.

Nell: Cats can’t be real friends.

Me: That’s not true. The Cat and Dorothy are tremendous friends. I see them out and about together all the time.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: They’re obviously missing you. It’s something they have in common, like fashion.

Nell: I suppose they do. Dorothy was always obsessed with the latest trend.

Me: She’s a Salcombe Setter. It’s in her genes.

Nell: You’re right.

Me: You bring people together even when you’re not there, Nell.

Nell: Do I?

Me: Yes. I’ve had lots of messages from people all over the world who really miss seeing you but are so glad they can still hear you.

Nell: They can’t hear me. Only you can do that.

Me: I know but I let people know what you’re saying.

Nell: Not everything I’m saying, I hope.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Not my gentle grumbles.

Me: People love the fact you’re opinionated, Nell.

Nell: These are supposed to be special, private conversations.

Me: They are special and incredibly precious. They mean the world to me.

Nell: I know.

Me: But they’re meant to be shared, Nell.

Nell: I see.

Me: You’re too wonderful not to be shared.

Nell: I understand. We still don’t know why Nigel is sitting on the Naughty Chair though, do we?

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Is there anything more irresistible than my Big Brave Beautiful Boy with his new favourite toy?

Nell: One of Poppy’s scones with jam and cream?

Me: You can’t compare Dave to a cream tea.

Nell: I most certainly can.

Me: It doesn’t come close.

Nell: Don’t tell Poppy that.

Me: How is she?

Nell: Out water skiing with The Great Barberino.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Nell: It’s her latest passion.

Me: Do you mean you have a sea up there?

Nell: We have everything. I’ve told you this before.

Me: Isn’t The Great Barberino a little too musical to go water skiing?

Nell: You can ski and sing.

Me: I suppose you can. Are you tempted to join them?

Nell: Try and be a touch more realistic, please.

Me: Just wondering.

Nell: Charlie and I enjoy the odd game of tennis.

Me: Nice. What about dancing?

Nell: Occasionally, but only ballroom. Latin is a step too far.

Me: I see what you did there. Poppy used to love dancing the Paso Doble.

Nell: She still does.

Me: With The Great Barberino?

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: Is Poppy playing the bullfighter?

Nell: Of course.

Me: Has she found someone to be the cape?

Nell: She’s auditioning a peacock and a guinea fowl this afternoon.

Me: My money’s on the peacock.

Nell: Guinea fowl are better dancers.

Me: Interesting.

Nell: What are your plans today?

Me: A walk in the countryside with Kev, Dave and Harriet followed by a Spanish curry.

Nell: Spanish?

Me: Manuel the Octopus is cooking and he’s from Barcelona.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: I’ve had a thought.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: Manuel would make the perfect cape for Poppy.

Nell: Except Manuel isn’t a Guardian and cape’s don’t have tentacles.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Nell: Harriet has grass on her tongue.

Me: Never mind that, Nell. Look at her smile.

Nell: She certainly seems happy.

Me: She always is when she’s on a walk.

Nell: I still think she needs to take that grass out of her mouth.

Me: You dogs like to eat grass now and again. It cleans your insides.

Nell: Cleans our insides?

Me: It’s a natural fibre. You do it instinctively.

Nell: That’s as maybe but we shouldn’t be photographed in the process.

Me: It was all about her smile. Sometimes you focus on the wrong things, Nell.

Nell: Do I?

Me: Yes, and you miss what’s important.

Nell: You might be right.

Me: I am.

Nell: Make sure she hasn’t got any grass on her tongue the next time you take a close-up, please.

Me: Fine.

Nell: Moving on, is The Cat still lunching with My Friend Dorothy?

Me: Yes. Now that the weather is warmer they’ve started going for walks together in the grounds of the stately home.

Nell: The Cat doesn’t do walks.

Me: It does now. It was recommending walks in the fresh air to Nigel’s friend Xav the Cat.

Nell: How do you know?

Me: Xav told Nigel and Nigel told Dave and Dave told me.

Nell: Stop. You’re exhausting me. Since when has The Cat been friends with Xav the Cat?

Me: Ages.

Nell: The Cat has never shown any interest in other cats before. It positively dislikes them.

Me: Losing you has changed its outlook on life.

Nell: It’s still wearing sequins and feather boas, isn’t it?

Me: Of course.

Nell: Thank goodness for that.

Me: But not when it goes walking in the countryside with Dorothy. It wears sensible clothes for that.

Nell: I’m going to need a lie down.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: Good Morning.

Me: Do you ever feel someone is watching you?

Nell: No, I’m a Guardian. I do the watching.

Me: Nigel thought someone was following us on our walk.

Nell: Maybe they were?

Me: It definitely wasn’t a Chubby Raccoon.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: It might have been a squirrel, or a deer.

Nell: I can’t believe I’m going to say this but can we go back to the Chubby Raccoon, please?

Me: I was talking to Chris and Shannon in Toronto yesterday and Marvin is being watched by a Chubby Raccoon.

Nell: I think you’ll find Marvin was doing the watching.

Me: Not this time. He was trying to get some sleep on the sofa.

Nell: Anyway, as you most definitely do not have raccoons in Devon it won’t have been one.

Me: We have lions and tigers.

Nell: Beauregard has no reason to follow you and if you ‘re trying to suggest it was Lionel King you can stop right now.

Me: There were a lot of birds around but they don’t really do that silent following thing.

Nell: What silent following thing?

Me: Sneaking through the undergrowth on soft paws and peering through the trees.

Nell: Well, there we have it.

Me: What?

Nell: It was Harriet. She’s always spying on someone.

Me: Why would Harriet spy on Nigel?

Nell: I have no idea. For practice purposes, probably.

Me: Nice alliteration.

Nell: Thank you.

Me: It still doesn’t explain why the Chubby Raccoon is spying on Marvin.

Nell: I’d like to point out that if Marvin was inside on the sofa and the Chubby Raccoon was outside on the roof it wouldn’t have been able to see him.

Me: Maybe it had binoculars?

Nell: This has gone too far.

Me: Yes. Sorry.