Nell: Who is that?

Me: Shelagh. You remember Shelagh, don’t you? She and Sprout came to lunch yesterday with Terry and Marian.

Nell: I thought Shelagh was nervous?

Me: She used to be. When they rescued her she was very nervous and scared but now she’s a happy, healthy girl who loves nothing more than cuddles and attention.

Nell: Mutley will be pleased to hear that.

Me: Yes, he was really nervous when Kev rescued him. He used to run away at first.

Nell: He had five owners in one year.

Me: I know. Poor Mutt. Such a hard start.

Nell: Marvin is doing well now, too.

Me: Yes, he is.

Nell: So, how was your lunch?

Me: Really lovely, Nell. Terry and Marian didn’t tell us but our friends Linda, Louise and Martin were there, too.

Nell: What a lovely surprise.

Me: It was. I’m afraid I burst into tears when I saw them all.

Nell: I can imagine.

Me: They all knew you from when you were a puppy.

Nell: They did.

Me: And they know how much you meant to me and Kev.

Nell: I still do.

Me: You always will.

Nell: Moving on, which roast did you choose?

Me: Turkey, and Kev chose beef.

Nell: Yorkshire puddings?

Me: Yes, with lots of gravy.

Nell: Good. It sounds like you found the perfect pocketful of happiness.

Me: You’re right. Lunch with good friends was just what we needed.

Nell: I know. I did the same thing.

Me: I’m so glad the other Guardians are with you, Nell.

Nell: Guardians are never alone. Although, I could do with a little alone time now and again, to be perfectly honest.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I’d forgotten how exhausting Poppy can be.

Me: She was always a live wire. Sorry.

Me: There’s nothing lovelier than a bed full of Labradors.

Nell: I remember that photo. It was taken just before Mother’s Day last year.

Me: Yes, we’d only just moved in to this house and you all joined me on the bed.

Nell: We made the right decision to move to the village.

Me: Yes. Village life is good for us.

Nell: Anyway, we should do our usual thing of wishing all mothers out there in any shape or form a very Happy Mother’s Day.

Me: It’s only celebrated in the UK today. I think other countries don’t celebrate until May.

Nell: Never mind. We can include them.

Me: Yes, we can. Happy Mother’s Day.

Nell: You don’t sound very happy.

Me: I’m not.

Nell: Well, try harder, please.

Me: I will. Are you doing anything special today?

Nell: Poppy’s cooking a roast and she’s invited some of the other Guardians over.

Me: Over where?

Nell: Over to ours.

Me: What is yours?

Nell: Never you mind.

Me: Are you sitting on a cloud?

Nell: Don’t be silly. And I don’t have wings before you ask.

Me: I can’t really imagine you with wings.

Nell: Good. I expect you’re missing your dear mother.

Me: I am. I could really do with a hug from her today.

Nell: I think this day is difficult for a lot of people.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Now, we need to find our pocketful of happiness.

Me: We do.

Nell: I think it will be seeing your dear friends again for lunch.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Always.

Me: I’m afraid I might burst into tears.

Nell: You probably will but that doesn’t matter.

Me: Doesn’t it?

Nell: No, not at all. Everyone will understand.

Me: My heart is broken, Nell. Sorry.

Nell: No sorries. Not today.

Nell: You’re up early.

Me: I couldn’t sleep.

Nell: Thinking about me again?

Me: Yes. You would have been 14 today.

Nell: Age is irrelevant now but it’s still my birthday.

Me: 14th March will always be your birthday.

Nell: You’ll be pleased to hear Poppy has made me a cake.

Me: I am.

Nell: I expect you all to be eating cake later, too. Where’s your hat?

Me: I don’t feel like wearing one.

Nell: But it’s my birthday. We always wear hats.

Me: This birthday is different. It broke my heart choosing those photos. You were so beautiful.

Nell: I still am, thank you very much. At least Charlie thinks so.

Me: I’m so glad you’re with Charlie and Poppy and Mutley.

Nell: Yes, it helps.

Me: Are you missing me, too?

Nell: Of course I am. I’m missing all of you. But there’s no point in dwelling on it. This is where we are now.

Me: I wish we weren’t.

Nell: Well, we are.

Me: Do you remember the day we first met?

Nell: Of course. I chose you.

Me: You did.

Nell: I know you’re crying now and you need to stop.

Me: I can’t.

Nell: We need to find a pocketful of happiness, don’t we?

Me: I don’t know where.

Nell: We should be happy we found each other and had such a wonderful time together for so long.

Me: Not long enough.

Nell: Grief is a sign of how much someone was loved and much as it breaks my heart to see you like this it also warms my heart to know how much you loved me.

Me: I still do. Grief is love with nowhere to go.

Nell: I can still feel the love. I hope you can, too.

Me: I can. Sorry.

Nell: I see you went back to our beach again. Look at Harriet. Bless her. Playing like a puppy.

Me: It does us all good to be by the sea, to be honest.

Nell: There’s nothing like fresh sea air.

Me: Yes. It makes your face feel all tingly.

Nell: I don’t know about that but I’m glad to see you getting out and about again.

Me: I don’t find it easy at the moment, Nell.

Nell: I know. But life must go on.

Me: I suppose so.

Nell: Is Rupert still Italian?

Me: He’s not Italian, Nell. He’s just spending time with Italian birds and that wretched lion.

Nell: I’ve told you not to be mean to Lionel King.

Me: I don’t trust him.

Nell: Now, Sunday is Mother’s Day in the United Kingdom.

Me: Yes, I know.

Nell: I’m guessing you’re going to find it particularly difficult this year.

Me: I most definitely am.

Nell: Because I was like a mother to you all.

Me: You were.

Nell: I don’t want you moping around.

Me: Actually, Kev and I have been invited out for Sunday lunch at our pub by some good friends from Oxfordshire who are down here on holiday.

Nell: Terry and Marian?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Well, that’s delightful. Make sure you take lots of photos.

Me: I’m not feeling very photogenic at the moment.

Nell: Take some anyway. I need to see you enjoying yourself.

Me: I can’t imagine enjoying myself.

Nell: Well, try. You might be surprised.

Me: I might.

Nell: Remember when we talked about finding a pocketful of happiness each day after your little sister died?

Me: Yes.

Nell: That’s what you have to do again.

Me: I don’t know if I can, Nell.

Nell: You can. Trust me.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why are you featuring Nigel again? It’s Thursday.

Me: He and Charlotte went for a lovely walk on the cliffs by the sea and they thought we might like to see the photos.

Nell: Nice rucksack.

Me: Never mind the rucksack. Look at the view.

Nell: Beautiful.

Me: It is.

Nell: I don’t want you and the Puppies to walk there.

Me: Why?

Nell: It’s too high.

Me: It’s perfectly safe, Nell.

Nell: I’d prefer you to keep to the country walks near the village.

Me: Let’s see.

Nell: Did Dave and Harriet find the white feathers?

Me: Yes, they did and they loved them. Dave put his under his pillow.

Nell: Did you say ‘pillow’?

Me: Yes, you know Dave sleeps next to me every night.

Nell: I didn’t know he had a pillow.

Me: He didn’t used to have one but he does now.

Nell: Why?

Me: He finds it comforting.

Nell: Good grief. I’ve heard it all now. Wait until I tell Poppy.

Me: Maybe you shouldn’t do that.

Nell: She won’t like it.

Me: Exactly. Can Guardians send us nasty things?

Nell: Nasty things? Like what?

Me: I don’t really know. I wouldn’t like a slug in my tea.

Nell: A slug in your tea? What is the matter with you?

Me: Or salt instead of sugar in my cake.

Nell: Have you been eating cake?

Me: I’m afraid I have, Nell. Cake is such a comfort.

Nell: Eat as much cake as you like. I’m in no position to criticise. Poppy’s been making me scones every day.

Me: What I wouldn’t give for one of Poppy’s scones.

Nell: Ask Herr Hoffmann.

Me: I wish I could share my scone with you.

Nell: I know. You can tell me about it, instead.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I found a white feather on our walk.

Nell: Did you?

Me: It means someone you love and have lost is thinking of you.

Nell: I know it does.

Me: You put it there, didn’t you?

Nell: I couldn’t possibly say.

Me: You knew I was feeling down and you wanted me to know you were there.

Nell: I’m always here.

Me: Thank you for doing that.

Nell: My pleasure.

Me: But now the Puppies are looking for white feathers everywhere.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: So, you’re going to have to scatter a few more around.

Nell: We Guardians don’t just scatter white feathers around, you know. There’s a limited number.

Me: You can do it, Nell. I know you can.

Nell: Fine. Tell them to keep a close eye out the next time they go on a walk.

Me: I will. I knew it was you.

Nell: Of course it was me. I’m not going to let you go through this alone, am I?

Me: No.

Nell: Tell David not to search for white feathers in the stream, please. Only on land.

Me: Will do.

Nell: And not in the sea, either. We don’t want him swimming out too far.

Me: Don’t worry.

Nell: Now, you have your Wednesday Writers workshop this morning, don’t you?

Me: Yes, I wasn’t sure if I could do it but I’ve decided I will.

Nell: Good. Don’t worry if you’re a little teary. The other writers will understand.

Me: I’m in such a mess at the moment. Nell. I cry at anything.

Nell: You’re grieving. People know what that’s like.

Me: You’re right. Unfortunately most people do.

Nell: So, dry your eyes and get ready to join the other writers. You might even enjoy it. You usually do.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Nell: You look tired.

Me: I’m not sleeping very well. We went to our special beach late yesterday afternoon to see the island and remember you.

Nell: Thank you. It looks as beautiful as ever.

Me: It was, but, if I’m honest, I struggled being there without you.

Nell: I understand.

Me: You and I always walked slowly along the beach together, far behind the others.

Nell: Yes, we did.

Me: Taking our time and chatting to each other.

Nell: Yes. I remember.

Me: I miss you so much, Nell.

Nell: I know you do. It will get easier with time. I promise.

Me: Dave and Harriet had a wonderful time. They both went swimming in the sea.

Nell: Good for them.

Me: We’re very lucky to live where we do.

Nell: You are.

Me: It isn’t the same without you. The house is so quiet.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You liked to make your voice heard, Nell.

Nell: I still do.

Me: I’m never going to get tired of hearing your voice.

Nell: Good, because you’re never going to have to.

Me: Thank goodness for that.

Nell: Now, is there any news on Rupert and Lionel?

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Has Lionel pulled himself together yet?

Me: Not really. He still has a matted mane.

Nell: Oh dear. What about Rupert?

Me: Rupert doesn’t have a mane.

Nell: That’s not what I meant. How is he?

Me: He’s gone a little Italian, if you must know.

Nell; A little Italian?

Me: He’s started delivering spaghetti bolognese with the newspapers.

Nell: In Tupperware containers?

Me: Yes. I suspect he’s working with Stanley.

Nell: Sherlock Martin strikes again.

Me: What does that mean?

Nell: Of course he’s working with Stanley. The question is why.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: It’s a week ago today we said goodbye to you.

Nell: I know. Try not to dwell on it. So, what’s the latest news?

Me: You’re not going to believe this.

Nell: I might.

Me: Guess who turned up at Sunday Songs drunk and disorderly?

Nell: I don’t know.

Me: That wretched lion.

Nell: Lionel King?

Me: Yes, with a matted mane.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: He’s in a dreadful way, Nell. I almost feel sorry for him.

Nell: Lionel loved me. He’s understandably distraught.

Me: He started crying during Knitwear Wolf’s poem.

Nell: Did Rupert notice?

Me: He went over to Lionel afterwards and comforted him.

Nell: Of course he did. Typical Rupert.

Me: Yes. He’s a kind wolf. I just wish he would stop wearing that hat.

Nell: What hat?

Me: The Italian Mafia hat.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: I think he might have gone over to the other side.

Nell: What?

Me: Rupert’s joined the Mafia.

Nell: Has he started speaking Italian?

Me: Only occasionally.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: The odd ‘Ciao Bella’ after a bowl of spaghetti bolognese with Dave.

Nell: I thought he wanted to be alone?

Me: He did, but something’s happened.

Nell: Has Sally been down here?

Me: Yes. She came to comfort Dave for a few days.

Nell: Did she see Rupert?

Me: You think Sally suspects Rupert, don’t you?

Nell: I never said that.

Me: You think Rupert has nothing to lose now you’ve gone and he’s thrown caution to the wind and joined the Baddies.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: Just a theory.

Nell: Rupert could never join the Baddies as you call them. He’s an honourable wolf.

Me: What about the Italian hat?

Nell: It’s just a hat. Calm down.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Look at me and Alice. That brings back memories.

Me: Yes. I thought I’d share it as it’s International Women’s Day.

Nell: Two strong, wonderful females?

Me: Exactly.

Nell: So, where are you?

Me: I’m not that strong or wonderful, Nell.

Nell: I beg to disagree.

Me: Nobody needs to see me at the moment.

Nell: Nonsense. What roast are you having today? Poppy’s cooking beef.

Me: Herr Hoffmann doesn’t feel like cooking. We’re having salad.

Nell: Salad on a Sunday?

Me: We’re fine.

Nell: Are you still going to Sunday Songs?

Me: Of course. It’s dedicated to you.

Nell: Not more weeping and wailing, I hope.

Me: Just your favourite songs and Rupert wants to share a short poem with us.

Nell: Do you know what it is?

Me: Yes, it’s very sad, Nell. It made me cry.

Nell: Tell me.

Me: It’s called ‘Separation’ by the American poet W.S. Merwin.

‘Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.’

Nell: Beautiful words, but extremely sad.

Me: I know. It sums up the feeling of losing someone you love.

Nell: You need to keep a really close eye on him for me, please. He’s not coping.

Me: I’m afraid he simply wants to be alone.

Nell: I understand. Just make sure you’re there when he realises he needs you.

Me: I will.

Nell: Sometimes it takes time for people to ask for help, or even accept they need it.

Me: I know.

Nell: Moving on, Poppy was wondering if all the women might like to dress as fierce pirates today?

Me: Definitely not.

Nell: She and I are. The Cat is bound to have a whole selection of outfits in its Dressing Up Box.

Me: Not happening. Sorry.

Nell: I’m glad to see Harriet is enjoying her walks as much as ever.

Me: She is, Nell. Watching her lifts my heart.

Nell: Good.

Me: She loves running up to me and then running off again.

Nell: I remember it well. You sound tired.

Me: I had a bad night.

Nell: Missing me?

Me: So much.

Nell: It will get easier. I promise.

Me: I hope so. Grief is exhausting.

Nell: What you need is a giant Yorkshire pudding.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Nell: Filled with sausages, mashed potatoes and gravy and lots of fresh vegetables on the side.

Me: For breakfast?

Nell: Don’t be silly. It’s Saturday. Breakfast is bacon sandwiches. The Yorkshires are for dinner.

Me: Is this Poppy’s idea?

Nell: Yes, she and I have been planning the weekly menu.

Me: I’m not sure Herr Hoffmann is going to want you interfering.

Nell: Interfering? I’m a Guardian. We advise.

Me: It sounded more like an order.

Nell: Poppy only does orders.

Me: I remember.

Nell: So, tell Herr Hoffmann to use Poppy’s recipe.

Me: I will.

Nell: You’re still feeling low, aren’t you?

Me: Yes, I am.

Nell: Maybe you should go back to bed for a little sleep?

Me: I might try and have a sleep later.

Nell: Is David still Eating His Feelings?

Me: Yes, I’m afraid he is.

Nell: Did I see a black-winged Beefy fly by the house just now?

Me: They’re all wearing black, Nell. They have been since you died.

Nell: The Beefies are in mourning because of me?

Me: The whole village is in mourning, Nell.

Nell: Well, that’s most flattering.

Me: It’s not exactly how I would put it but I suppose it is.

Nell: It’s going to be alright, you know. Trust me.

Me: Yes. Sorry.