Me: I can’t believe Jonathan Sky is ten today.

Nell: Truth be told, neither can I.

Me: Surely, it was only yesterday that I held him in my arms as a tiny baby?

Nell: And now he holds you in his arms.

Me: Yes, he does.

Nell: I’ve written him a poem.

Me: Wonderful.

Nell: Would you like to hear it?

Me: Very much.

Nell: Then I’ll begin.

‘It’s time to start cheering

And shouting ‘Hooray!’

Because Jonathan Sky

Is ten today.’

‘He can’t be ten.

This must be a joke.

Wasn’t he seven

The last time we spoke?’

‘Now you’re confusing 

Jonathan with Faye.

She turned seven

At the end of May.’

‘So she did. 

Silly old me.

Time really does fly

When you’re drinking tea.’

‘There can’t be tea

Without birthday cake,

And crisps,

And ice-cream,

And lots of steak.’

‘And you can’t have steak

Without chips, of course,

And lots and lots

Of tomato sauce’.

‘Next year we’ll be joined

By Baby Bear

So we mustn’t forget

An extra chair.’

‘In the meantime let’s party

And spread the joy.

Happy Birthday dear Johnny, 

You wonderful boy.’

Me: He’s going to love that, Nell. Thank you.

Nell: My pleasure. Will you be eating cake?

Me: I’m not sure.

Nell: Poppy’s made a Victoria sponge with strawberries and cream.

Me: How delicious.

Nell: Patrick the Irish Wolfhound will be joining us for tea so I’ll make sure to have a slice before he eats it all.

Me: He sounds like Dave.

Nell: Now, I know you miss the family, particularly on birthdays.

Me: I do.

Nell: So, let’s raise a cup of Earl Grey and a bacon sandwich in celebration of our dear Jonathan Sky.

Me: A bacon sandwich?

Nell: It’s Saturday and Jonathan is ten.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Has Rupert come back from London yet?

Me: No, he’s still up there. Maybe he’s decided to take in the sights. There’s so much to see and enjoy in London.

Nell: Take in the sights? Who are you? The new Visit London representative?

Me: Just saying.

Nell: He might visit the King, I suppose. They did get on rather well the last time they met.

Me: I didn’t know they knew each other.

Nell: Oh yes. The King has a great appreciation of a well-knitted cardigan.

Me: I see. I know Mark Carney’s been in town so they might have had a Canadian catch-up.

Nell: It’s possible. I’ll be glad when he’s home.

Me: Let him have some fun, Nell.

Nell: Harriet doesn’t seem to be having much fun. Look at her face. Is it a fly?

Me: No, it’s just Veronica.

Nell: Veronica?

Me: Dave’s not bothered but Harriet can’t stand her.

Nell: Who is Veronica and why haven’t you told me about her?

Me: Veronica is a magic robot.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: She vacuums and mops the floors.

Nell: Are you being serious?

Me: Kev used his birthday money to buy her. Chris sent us photos of his robot, Jeffrey, cleaning the house and we thought it was a good idea as there’s always lots of dog hair and dirty paw marks everywhere.

Nell: Are you telling me you have a robot living in your house?

Me: She’s only little and she’s very quiet and washes herself regularly.

Nell: I’m not interested in her cleaning habits.

Me: But that’s what she does. She’s a huge help.

Nell: Harriet doesn’t think so.

Me: She’ll get used to her.

Nell: Did you even consider the feelings of others?

Me: Dave’s fine.

Nell: Harriet isn’t.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: How did it go at the hospital?

Me: It went well. Kev doesn’t have to go back unless it flares up again.

Nell: This is good news.

Me: We all went for a lovely long walk in the countryside when we got home.

Nell: I can see.

Me: Everything is turning green again.

Nell: Who are those dogs?

Me: Maya is the fluffy Golden Retriever and Elsie is the Chocolate Lab.

Nell: The one in love with David?

Me: Yes. She dances around him every time she sees him. It’s really sweet.

Nell: David is an engaged animal. He has a lady love.

Me: It’s just a crush, Nell. We’ve all had them.

Nell: Sally wouldn’t be pleased.

Me: Sally wouldn’t care. She knows Dave loves her.

Nell: All the same.

Me: You can talk. You flirted around with Lionel King all the time you were with Rupert.

Nell: I did not. I simply felt sorry for Lionel. Moving on, is that the village in the distance?

Me: Good change of subject. Yes, it is. Look how rich and red the Devon earth is. I always thought it was like that everywhere.

Nell: I see you stopped at my tree.

Me: We always do, Nell. We call it Nell’s Tree.

Nell: I know you do.

Me: I wish there was a bench there.

Nell: There might be one day.

Me: I would love it if there were a bench remembering me when I’m gone.

Nell: Don’t start all that, please.

Me: Somewhere people could sit and think.

Nell: You’re not going anywhere.

Me: Not yet.

Nell: We were talking about me.

Me: Yes, we were.

Nell: Why do you always have to make it about you?It’s my tree and I’m the one being remembered.

Me: Yes, it is. Sorry.

Nell: Why are you up so early? You don’t need to leave for a few hours. David won’t like to be woken.

Me: I had this dream about Rupert being the new James Bond.

Nell: Rupert would never carry a gun.

Me: It was just a dream, Nell. He definitely looked the part.

Nell: Make sure you have everything you need for the journey to the hospital.

Me: I will.

Nell: I hope you’ve allowed time for detours.

Me: Detours?

Nell: They’re fixing the lane to the village.

Me: Oh yes. I forgot.

Nell: How can you forget when there are signs and vans everywhere?

Me: I’ve been preoccupied with my Rupert Bond dream.

Nell: Are you packing a picnic? The hospital’s quite a way away.

Me: Canadians say ‘aways away’.

Nell: I’m not Canadian.

Me: We don’t need a picnic. We’re going to pop into Barks and Spencer for some treats.

Nell: Make sure you pick up a few sandwiches. David and Harriet prefer beef.

Me: You always enjoyed smoked salmon with cream cheese.

Nell: I still do.

Me: Don’t tell me you have a Barks and Spencer up there?

Nell: Of course we do. We have everything.

Me: My mother must be over the moon. Barks was her favourite place to shop.

Nell: She is. We often smile across the aisle when she’s picking up some eclairs and coffee cake for afternoon tea with your sister Alex.

Me: Coffee cake was Alex’s favourite.

Nell: I know.

Me: I really love that idea, Nell. Whenever I go to Barks I think of her.

Nell: You’d better pick up some eclairs then.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And coffee cake.

Me: I will.

Nell: Drive carefully, please, and wipe away those tears. You need to see where you’re going.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: You’re up early.

Me: They’re mending the lane to the village so all the vans gathered at the Bus Stop this morning.

Nell: What vans?

Me: The road menders’ vans.

Nell: I see.

Me: And then I thought we have an early start tomorrow so it’s probably a good thing to be up early so I go to sleep early.

Nell: Why do you have an early start tomorrow?

Me: Kev’s got an appointment at the hospital for a follow-up consultation.

Nell: Are they worried?

Me: I don’t think so. Harriet has an excellent worried face, hasn’t she?

Nell: Maybe she is?

Me: But she doesn’t have anything to worry about.

Nell: You don’t know that.

Me: Kev’s doing really well.

Nell: She might not be worried about Kev.

Me: No.

Nell: She might be worried about Rupert.

Me: Rupert?

Nell: And whatever mission Sally has decided he needs to complete.

Me: Rupert isn’t a spy. He makes cardigans.

Nell: Rupert is much more than a cardigan. His soft blankets and shawls are an absolute joy.

Me: Well, yes, but you know what I mean.

Nell: Rupert would make the perfect spy.

Me: You’ve got a thing about spies, haven’t you?

Nell: What on earth do you mean?

Me: Charlie was one. When we met him he was pretending to be German. Siegfried Schaeferhund.

Nell: I remember.

Me: I’ve had a thought.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: You don’t think Rupert is the next James Bond, do you?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: They’re going to announce who it is soon. Maybe he’s up in London practising?

Nell: Practising?

Me: How to be a spy.

Nell: Try and be a little realistic, please. Rupert is a Canadian wolf. He can’t be a British spy.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: Look at Dave’s grumpy face. Isn’t it adorable? Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He doesn’t like Nigel.

Me: Sometimes they’re friends but mostly they’re not. You were the same.

Nell: Nigel is extremely annoying. He kisses without asking.

Me: He’s a little needy.

Nell: You have to respect personal space.

Me: Dave doesn’t.

Nell: David sits on people. He doesn’t kiss them.

Me: He’s very large, Nell.

Nell: They’ll find a way to get on.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Especially with Sally there to calm the waters.

Me: I’m afraid Sally’s gone back to London.

Nell: No wonder David is grumpy.

Me: She had to get back to work.

Nell: Understandable.

Me: Knitwear Wolf has gone with her.

Nell: I beg your pardon? Did you say Rupert has gone up to London?

Me: I did.

Nell: Why?

Me: I don’t know.

Nell: Is it cardigan-related?

Me: I don’t think it has anything to do with woollens.

Nell: Has Lionel gone, too?

Me: No. That wretched lion is still moping about the place.

Nell: Missing me, I expect. Poor chap.

Me: No. The tourist season is over so he’s lost his job as a lifeguard.

Nell: A lifeguard?

Me: Yes. He’s a jolly strong swimmer, although I’m not sure what people thought when a lion came swimming towards them.

Nell: Grateful to be rescued, I should imagine.

Me: By a big cat?

Nell: He will have been wearing his uniform.

Me: I suppose so. And he has a lovely thick mane to hang on to.

Nell: Rupert is an excellent swimmer.

Me: Yes. He has webbed toes.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: All wolves have webbed toes. It helps them paddle efficiently.

Nell: I can’t believe we’re discussing webbed toes when Rupert has disappeared to London.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I see you all went down to the river and Harriet had a wonderful time as usual.

Me: She always does.

Nell: There’s the bench where we used to sit and put the world to rights.

Me: I loved our little chats.

Nell: You still do.

Me: I miss seeing your beautiful face.

Nell: Close your eyes and I’m there.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And there are photos of me everywhere.

Me: There are.

Nell: So, what are the plans today?

Me: Sunday Songs followed by roast beef. Rupert is joining us.

Nell: I’m glad.

Me: Sally asked to see him.

Nell: Did she now?

Me: And Lionel King of all animals.

Nell: Lionel isn’t as bad as you think he is.

Me: I’m not sure Rupert’s going to be pleased to see him.

Nell: Rupert is an understanding wolf.

Me: He’s been talking about returning to Canada recently.

Nell: He can’t do that.

Me: Which is exactly what I said.

Nell: Devon relies on his knitwear.

Me: Which is absolutely not what I said.

Nell: What would the Welsh Corgi Choir do without their Knitwear Wolf cardigans?

Me: True.

Nell: How are the llamas supposed to survive the winter without a coat?

Me: Llamas don’t actually need coats. They have really thick fleeces.

Nell: I’m not talking about Need. I’m talking about Want.

Me: Fair enough. In that case you’re right. Nobody wants Rupert to leave.

Nell: Tell Herr Hoffmann to make extra gravy and serve Rupert the biggest Yorkshire pudding and the most succulent slice of beef.

Me: Dave will be jealous.

Nell: Never mind David. This is about Rupert.

Me: You still love him, don’t you?

Nell: Of course I do. I always will.

Me: What about Charlie?

Nell: Charlie knows and understands completely.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Nell: I see Nigel is visiting you again.

Me: It’s the weekend, Nell. Nigel always visits us.

Nell: Did he go to the pub for a pint and a packet of crisps with Kev?

Me: He did, actually. Kev’s finished the antibiotics so he wanted to celebrate.

Nell: With Nigel?

Me: Yes. They enjoy the walk there and back.

Nell: And David and Harriet?

Me: They went on a long walk earlier.

Nell: Just checking. I don’t like to see any favouritism.

Me: You have favourites.

Nell: We weren’t talking about me.

Me: Yes we were. You said you don’t like favouritism.

Nell: Moving on, is Sally back?

Me: Yes. She and Davey spent the night in the two-seater chair.

Nell: I don’t need to know the details, thank you. And stop calling him Davey.

Me: They looked so sweet all cuddled up together.

Nell: Did Nigel behave?

Me: He always does around Sally. Everybody does, to be honest.

Nell: Poppy’s got a new beau.

Me: Do tell.

Nell: An Irish Wolfhound called Patrick.

Me: An Irish Wolfhound?

Nell: Yes.

Me: They’re huge.

Nell: Poppy likes large animals. Don’t forget John the Doberman.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Is John still running Starbarks down at the quay?

Me: He is, but he’s lost his sparkle since Poppy left us.

Nell: I’m not sure he ever had one. John is more of the slow and steady type.

Me: True.

Nell: Patrick is the life and soul of the party.

Me: Is he?

Nell: He breaks into song at the drop of a hat.

Me: He sounds fun.

Nell: He wants me to call him Paddy.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: I refused, of course.

Me: He’ll be calling you Nelly next.

Nell: He will not. Only Rupert calls me that.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why is David sitting alone in the two-seater chair?

Me: He often sits there, Nell.

Nell: Where’s Sally?

Me: We don’t know.

Nell: You don’t know?

Me: She had to go and deal with something.

Nell: Or someone?

Me: Maybe. She said she’ll be back soon.

Nell: When did she go?

Me: Late last night. Owl Pacino came to get her.

Nell: So the Royal Owl Force is involved?

Me: Probably.

Nell: Does Harriet look worried?

Me: Harriet doesn’t give much away.

Nell: Yes, she does. Look at the photos you posted yesterday.

Me: We were playing. I meant when she’s spying.

Nell: Do you think something is going on?

Me: It usually is and I don’t think Owl Pacino would bother Sally in the middle of the night if it wasn’t.

Nell: David is clearly Waiting.

Me: Yes, I know. It breaks my heart.

Nell: We dogs are used to it. Waiting is one of our skills. We do it all the time.

Me: But he was so happy.

Nell: He will be again.

Me: Perhaps Nigel will lift his spirits?

Nell: Nigel?

Me: Yes. It’s Friday. Nigel always comes to stay at the weekend.

Nell: Don’t let Nigel sit on the two-seater chair.

Me: He likes it.

Nell: It’s David’s Waiting Chair.

Me: It’s actually my chair, Nell.

Nell: Bought with David in mind.

Me: Well, yes that is true.

Nell: I remember you telling Kev you could only have a chair with room for David to join you.

Me: I did say that.

Nell: You did.

Me: But it’s my chair so I’m definitely going to sit in it.

Nell: Until Sally comes back.

Me: It’s my chair.

Nell: Are you telling me that you’d come between a Labrador and his lady love?

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Look at sweet little Harriet smiling away.

Nell: It doesn’t even look like her.

Me: Yes, it does. It’s her mischievous face. We were playing.

Nell: Well, I’m glad you’re having fun. Now tell me about David and Sally.

Me: Ah yes, our two lovebirds.

Nell: They’re dogs not birds and start at the very beginning, please.

Me: I opened the door and there was Sally.

Nell: Obviously.

Me: Dave heard the door open but barely bothered to open his eyes until he heard ‘Hello, Davey.’

Nell: And then?

Me: And then he jumped off the sofa and started dancing around Sally like a whirling dervish.

Nell: A whirling what?

Me: Dervish. They’re dancers who spin around.

Nell: Just say like a llama next time. It makes more sense.

Me: Does it? Anyway, there was a lot of kissing and cuddling.

Nell: I don’t need to know about that, thank you.

Me: And they haven’t been apart since. Dave took Sally to the Cottage Hotel for lunch.

Nell: While it’s still the Cottage Hotel and not some luxury resort.

Me: Exactly. Such dreadful news.

Nell: Indeed.

Me: And I said they can sit in my big two-seater armchair so that’s where they are right now sharing a bacon sandwich.

Nell: David sits there anyway.

Me: But not with Sally by his side.

Nell: True. When you say ‘sharing a bacon sandwich’ I hope there is more than one.

Me: Herr Hoffmann made a lot.

Nell: Good, because David eats by mistake when he’s happy.

Me: And when he isn’t.

Nell: Charlie will be pleased when I tell him.

Me: About the bacon sandwiches?

Nell: No, about David and Sally.

Me: It must be lovely being a Guardian.

Nell: Sometimes, like today, but not always.

Me: Of course not. Sorry.