Nell: You’re not letting Harriet drive the car, are you?

Me: Of course not. She can’t reach the pedals, Nell.

Nell: I know she’s flown Poppy’s helicopter before now but I really don’t like the idea of her driving.

Me: Don’t worry. She just climbs into the front of the car now and again to get away from Dave.

Nell: Why?

Me: He can be a little boisterous and over-excited before a drive. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: You would think David might have matured by now.

Me: He’s always going to be a boy. It’s the way he is.

Nell: You sound cheerful this morning. Why is that?

Me: Kev’s mother Mollie is being moved from near London to a care home in Kingsbridge today.

Nell: I know Mollie. I met her a number of times.

Me: You did.

Nell: She is a very elegant woman.

Me: She is.

Nell: I never imagined she would ever leave London.

Me: Neither did I, but times change.

Nell: Don’t they just.

Me: Anyway, it’s wonderful news as now Kev can visit her regularly.

Nell: He must be so pleased.

Me: He’s over the moon. She means the world to him.

Nell: Please give her my very best wishes when you see her.

Me: I will.

Nell: She’s going to feel a little overwhelmed at first.

Me: I know she is.

Nell: Kingsbridge is not London.

Me: No. There are seagulls everywhere for a start. I noticed them when Kev and I went to check on her room.

Nell: Typical Beefies. Poking their beaks into other people’s business. Screeching at each other.

Me: I don’t mind the sound of them. It’s part of my childhood.

Nell: This is about Mollie. She will need peace and quiet.

Me: Yes, you’re right. Sorry.

Nell: You’re up early.

Me: I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d write.

Nell: And chat to me.

Me: Yes. Can you spot the cat?

Nell: What cat?

Me: The Farmer’s Cat.

Nell: I don’t know The Farmer’s Cat.

Me: It’s black and it likes walking through the fields.

Nell: Don’t we all.

Me: Dave and Harriet love looking for it on their walks.

Nell: I expect they do.

Me: Can you see it?

Nell: No, I can’t.

Me: Get your reading glasses.

Nell: I don’t need them anymore.

Me: Then look properly.

Nell: Oh yes. There it is. Showing off.

Me: It’s not Showing Off.

Nell: No. It’s playing Cowardy Custard.

Me: Do you think so?

Nell: Yes. Who looked away first?

Me: I don’t know.

Nell: Cats like to win. They’re terrible losers.

Me: So are you.

Nell: I am not.

Me: Do you remember that game of Monopoly?

Nell: David cheated. He moved six places instead of five.

Me: He has trouble with numbers.

Nell: Not when he’s counting sausages.

Me: Anyway, you definitely don’t like to lose.

Nell: Poppy’s worse. She threw Buckaroo in the bin.

Me: Do you still play Bridge?

Nell: Yes.

Me: You must miss Dorothy and The Cat.

Nell: I do, but Mutley is an excellent player and the Portly Sisters are usually up for a game.

Me: The Portly Sisters?

Nell: Janet and Joan. They’re royal corgis so they’ve played a lot of Bridge in their time.

Me: I don’t think you should call them the Portly Sisters, Nell.

Nell: They don’t mind.

Me: Are you sure? You used to be extremely sensitive about your weight. Remember Pamela the Pyrenean Mountain Dog?

Nell: Don’t remind me.

Me: Just saying.

Nell: The Portly Sisters is their team name.

Me: I see. Sorry.

Me: It’s a horribly grey day today, Nell. I’ve been listening to the rain for hours.

Nell: It’s November.

Me: I might ask Kev to light a fire later and just hunker down with a good book.

Nell: That’s what Charlie and I are going to do.

Me: Is it raining up there, too?

Nell: It is. Poppy is wearing a sou’wester.

Me: Why?

Nell: I have no idea.

Me: Is she going for a walk in the rain?

Nell: No, she’s making bread rolls to go with our vegetable soup.

Me: It must be awfully hot.

Nell: That’s what I said. Moving on, why is David carrying an enormous piece of toast in his mouth?

Me: I think he might be eating it by mistake.

Nell: So do I. It isn’t even buttered and there’s no sign of any marmalade.

Me: He probably took it before it was ready.

Nell: He shouldn’t have taken it at all.

Me: He’s become a little bit naughty recently.

Nell: He’s been spending too much time with Nigel.

Me: Don’t bring Nigel into this. He isn’t even here.

Nell: It’s true.

Me: Anyway, I think Dave might be regretting it now.

Nell: I’m sure he is.

Me: Today’s the right sort of day to be feeling regretful.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: It’s hard to feel regretful on a sunny day.

Nell: Is it?

Me: Yes. It’s ever so much easier on a grey and rainy day like today.

Nell: Are you feeling regretful about something?

Me: I probably shouldn’t have had a second slice of Swiss Roll.

Nell: For breakfast?

Me: No, for tea yesterday. Herr Hoffmann filled it with homemade strawberry jam and clotted cream and I simply couldn’t resist.

Nell: You’re as greedy as David.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Who are those other dogs in the distance?

Me: Maya the fluffy Golden Retriever and Elsie the Chocolate Labrador who’s in love with Dave.

Nell: I thought so.

Me: They’re Dave and Harriet’s best friends. They spent the whole walk hoping to see them and they finally did on their way home.

Nell: They seem very happy to see each other.

Me: They are. It’s really sweet. It warms my heart to see them all together.

Nell: I hope David is behaving himself. He’ll have Sally to answer to otherwise.

Me: He’s extremely well behaved and respectful, Nell. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Good to hear. It’s easy to lead a young animal astray.

Me: You can’t blame Elsie for falling for him. He is exceptionally handsome.

Nell: As long as she realises it is just friendship.

Me: She does. Don’t worry. I think it’s lovely that Dave and Harriet have friends in the village.

Nell: I suppose so.

Me: There’s no need to feel jealous. Nobody could ever replace you.

Nell: Of course not. The mere idea. I’m irreplaceable.

Me: You are.

Nell: Moving on, the Weather Guardians tell me it’s going to be getting a lot colder.

Me: It is November.

Nell: So you’re going to have to start wearing a warm hat.

Me: I know I am.

Nell: You suffer terribly from earache in cold weather.

Me: I’ve got my all-encasing hat somewhere. Dave chewed the front off but it still works.

Nell: Good grief. Don’t wear that horrible old thing.

Me: It keeps me nice and warm and I can go incognito if I need to do any spying.

Nell: There’s nothing incognito about that awful hat and you could never be a spy.

Me: I think I could.

Nell: Absolutely not.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: What lovely photos.

Me: Yes, today is a day of Remembrance so I thought I’d share photos of you, Poppy, Mutley, Monty and Charlie with everyone.

Nell: People don’t really know Monty because he became a Guardian before you left Oxfordshire.

Me: I know but I had to include him. I don’t have photos of his brother Zapp, or he would be here, too.

Nell: Those two old boys get up to mischief up here, I can tell you.

Me: Who? Zapp and Monty?

Nell: Yes. They’re having a wonderful time now they have no aches and pains.

Me: Do they get on any better?

Nell: Monty’s as bossy as ever but Zapp doesn’t care.

Me: Good.

Nell: What are your plans today?

Me: Just the usual, Nell, with a lot of Remembering.

Nell: Is Sunday Songs at the Village Hall?

Me: Yes, it’s far too cold to hold it outside.

Nell: I hope you’re having a Sunday roast and not some ridiculous salad.

Me: It’s roast beef with all the trimmings today.

Nell: Same here.

Me: Is it a day of Remembrance for you, too?

Nell: Not really. As Guardians we are dedicated to remembering those we love and to watching over you all constantly.

Me: I suppose you are.

Nell: We never get a day off.

Me: I thought you were always having fun?

Nell: You can watch over someone and still have fun, you know. Some more than others, of course.

Me: I didn’t share photos of my mother and sister today but they’re constantly in my thoughts.

Nell: I know they are.

Me: Do you think they’re having fun?

Nell: I know they are.

Me: I miss you all so much, Nell.

Nell: And we miss you.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: No sorries. Not today.

Nell: It’s well and truly Autumn.

Me: Or Fall, depending on where you live.

Nell: You live in Devon.

Me: Yes, but if I lived in Canada, or the US, it would be Fall.

Nell: But you don’t.

Me: Never mind. Either way it’s a beautiful time of the year and the colours are gorgeous.

Nell: Harriet seems to be enjoying a roll in the leaves.

Me: She loves it and The Boy just likes a good Sniffari.

Nell: The Boy?

Me: Dave.

Nell: I know it’s David, but he’s usually your Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Me: I shorten it sometimes. When Nigel’s here we often say The Boys.

Nell: How is Nigel?

Me: He’s fine. Fairly annoyed that Kev just wanted to go on a walk and not to the pub yesterday evening.

Nell: That animal is becoming a drinker.

Me: No, he isn’t. It’s Locals Night on Fridays and he loves all the attention.

Nell: How was your roast chicken?

Me: Delicious. What about your fish?

Nell: Have you ever eaten John Dory?

Me: I have. It’s delicious. One of the finest fish you can eat.

Nell: Poppy cooked it whole.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: I told her I wasn’t eating anything with a face.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: So she cut off its head with her sword and said ‘Better now?’

Me: Was it?

Nell: No.

Me: Oh dear. Are you in the doghouse?

Nell: No, I’m sitting on the sofa in front of the fire with Charlie by my side talking to you.

Me: I meant are you in trouble?

Nell: No, Poppy doesn’t care. I just had to make do with new potatoes and green beans.

Me: You missed out. It really is delicious.

Nell: One has to draw the line somewhere.

Me: True. Sorry.

Nell: David looks a little concerned. Did he eat something by mistake?

Me: No, he tried to, though.

Nell: Oh dear. What was it?

Me: A sausage roll.

Nell: Well, that is completely understandable.

Me: Why?

Nell: Sausage rolls are meant to be shared.

Me: Shared, but not stolen off someone’s plate.

Nell: Was it placed at the edge of the plate?

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: In a position where an animal might think it was being offered a taste of it?

Me: No, it was on Kev’s plate minding its own business.

Nell: It’s still an easy mistake to make.

Me: It was very naughty.

Nell: Was it a Barks and Spencer sausage roll?

Me: Yes. One of the little ones.

Nell: The ones that come in a Sharing Box?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I rest my case.

Me: I give up.

Nell: Moving on, it’s Friday today.

Me: I know.

Nell: Will Charlotte and Nigel be visiting?

Me: Yes. I’m really looking forward to seeing them.

Nell: Are you expecting any other guests?

Me: Not that I know of. Why?

Nell: I wondered if Rupert might be due back from Canada?

Me: Not yet. I think he’s still busy helping Mark Carney. What does Charlie think of your obsession with Knitwear Wolf?

Nell: It’s not an obsession. It’s simply concern. Charlie understands.

Me: How is he?

Nell: He and Poppy have gone fishing.

Me: Fishing?

Nell: It’s Friday.

Me: I know.

Nell: Friday is fish day and Poppy likes to serve it fresh.

Me: We’re having roast chicken.

Nell: But roast chicken is a Sunday meal.

Me: We’re having it today with fresh vegetables and mashed potatoes and gravy. Your favourites.

Nell: I’ve heard quite enough, thank you. Leave me to my fish.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Nell: What on earth is that man doing outside your window in a bucket?

Me: It’s not a bucket. It’s a full fibre installation.

Nell: What?

Me: We’re getting high-speed broadband. It’s exciting.

Nell: David doesn’t seem unduly bothered.

Me: Look at him sitting nonchalantly in my chair.

Nell: I think you’ll find he sees it as his chair.

Me: Nigel thinks it’s his chair.

Nell: I can accept David’s part ownership of the chair but not Nigel’s.

Me: It’s actually mine.

Nell: Potato, potahto.

Me: It is.

Nell: Moving on, what are your plans for today?

Me: Kev and I are going into Plymouth to do some Treat Shopping at Barks and Spencer.

Nell: Treat Shopping?

Me: It’s nearly the weekend and I can almost eat real food again.

Nell: So what are you going to buy?

Me: Salads and eclairs.

Nell: Don’t forget to choose some sandwiches. Barks sandwiches are the best.

Me: Do you have a Barks up there?

Nell: As I’ve told you repeatedly, we have everything.

Me: Oh yes. You wave to my mother at the checkout.

Nell: I do.

Me: I like to think of that.

Nell: I know.

Me: It gives me a huge amount of comfort.

Nell: Yes.

Me: Is my little sister Alex there, too?

Nell: Of course.

Me: Is she looking well?

Nell: We all are.

Me: I’m so glad to hear it. It warms my heart.

Nell: I know it does.

Me: It makes missing you all a little easier.

Nell: Good. Now, today is 5th November, otherwise known as Guy Fawkes Day, and while I can accept a bonfire I’m hoping for no fireworks.

Me: So am I. Will you be celebrating?

Nell: I’m afraid so. Poppy’s in charge of the food and fire.

Me: Oh dear. Sorry.

Nell: It’s good to see you out and about in the countryside.

Me: Yes. We’re so lucky to have these walks on our doorstep.

Nell: You are.

Me: Dave and Harriet absolutely love it.

Nell: I know. You’re up early this morning.

Me: It’s my Wednesday Writers workshop today.

Nell: You’ll enjoy that.

Me: Yes. I always learn something new and it’s lovely to spend time with other writers.

Nell: Poppy feels the same way.

Me: She’s not a writer.

Nell: I know. She’s going to a Chef Conference today representing the Terrier Mix Guardians.

Me: Terrier Mix?

Nell: Poppy is a Maltese/Yorkshire Terrier cross.

Me: Of course. I expect Michael will be pleased she’s out for the day after yesterday’s altercation.

Nell: Michael is used to Poppy’s tantrums. He doesn’t let them bother him.

Me: He sounds a laid-back sort of hedgehog.

Nell: Hedgehogs know better than to lay back. It’s far too dangerous. One shouldn’t show one’s belly to just anyone.

Me: I couldn’t agree more. Although, Dave is always showing his.

Nell: David is an attention seeker.

Me: True. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Poppy’s giving a talk.

Me: How exciting. What about?

Nell: Cooking. It’s a Chef Conference.

Me: I mean, what exactly?

Nell: How To Bake Well.

Me: Bake what?

Nell: Scones, I think, or Yorkshire Pudding. Or was it Bread and Butter Pudding?

Me: I’m surprised you don’t know. You usually know everything.

Nell: I’m afraid baking is not of great interest to me.

Me: You love a slice of Lemon Drizzle cake.

Nell: I love a lot of things but I don’t need to know how to make them.

Me: It’s always good to expand your horizons.

Nell: Leave the baking to Herr Hoffmann and stick to writing, please.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: It looks like somebody wants to have a lie-in this morning.

Me: Harriet’s in the mood to snooze. Bless her.

Nell: It’s Tuesday, not the weekend, you should all be up and doing.

Me: Leave her be, Nell. She’s just having one of those days.

Nell: But the sun is shining.

Me: How did you know that?

Nell: The Weather Guardians told me.

Me: Does the weather vary a lot up there?

Nell: Yes, if we want it to.

Me: What if you want different things? One dog’s rain might be another dog’s shine.

Nell: You’re obviously feeling better.

Me: Why do you say that?

Nell: You’re asking annoying questions again.

Me: I’m just interested. Who decides on the weather up there?

Nell: Who decides on your weather?

Me: Nobody.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: But you said it varies.

Nell: Somebody once told me one dog’s rain is another dog’s shine.

Me: That was me.

Nell: There you are then. Now, how is the eating going?

Me: Slowly and steadily. The exciting news is I’m allowed a hot cup of tea and sparkling water.

Nell: What a relief.

Me: Yes, but no toast, or anything crunchy. Herr Hoffmann is making me soft rolls.

Nell: I would suggest afternoon tea. Cucumber sandwiches.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: And a small scone with smooth jam and clotted cream.

Me: I wish Poppy were here to bake them.

Nell: I’m not sure you do. She had an altercation with Michael in the garden this morning.

Me: What happened?

Nell: She tripped over him weeding the flowerbeds and caught her fur on his prickles.

Me: Michael must have been dreadfully shocked.

Nell: He was.

Me: You did say weeding?

Nell: Yes. What else would Michael be doing? He’s a gardening hedgehog.

Me: Just checking. Sorry.