Nell: I see David is being a good boy and keeping out of the sun.

Me: Look at his dear little face. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He certainly seems to be enjoying himself.

Me: He’s having A Dave Day.

Nell: A Dave Day?

Me: Bacon sandwiches for breakfast followed by a quick chat about the England game with Kev and some quiet time with me in the armchair with the fan on.

Nell: I hope lunch is just a salad.

Me: Yes, it’s far too hot for anything else.

Nell: And dinner?

Me: Spaghetti Bolognese.

Nell: From the Bus Stop?

Me: No. Stanley is coming over here to make it. You can’t leave pasta at the Bus Stop in this heat.

Nell: You’re letting a seagull into your house?

Me: I know Stanley’s Stephen Seagull’s little brother but it’s not his fault and he’s not part of the Beefy gang.

Nell: As far as you know. He definitely has dealings with that rook.

Me: Sponge Finger is not invited, but Lionel is.

Nell: Lionel King?

Me: Apparently he was spotted staring out to sea with a matted mane so I took pity on him.

Nell: I’m glad.

Me: Also Henry and Horst asked me to invite him and Stanley too, come to think of it.

Nell: So, the Spaghetti Bolognese was their idea?

Me: It was. I didn’t know woodlice ate pasta.

Nell: I don’t think that was the reason.

Me: They have kind hearts.

Nell: It’s got nothing to do with kindness. They want to gain information.

Me: I’m not sure Stanley will give them his recipe.

Nell: Not about Bolognese. About the Grockle Attacks.

Me: It’s so hot I think I might have A Dave Day, too.

Nell: I’m not chatting about football.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Can you see Harriet’s grey chin?

Nell: Never mind that. Why are you posting photos of a cat?

Me: It’s Xav the Cat.

Nell: It’s still a cat.

Me: He’s Nigel’s best friend and cat brother.

Nell: Cat brother?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Cats are not family.

Me: What about The Cat?

Nell: The Cat is different. I’ve told you that before.

Me: It certainly is. It’s started using a parasol.

Nell: Sensible idea. You could do with one.

Me: With tassels.

Nell: Unnecessary and annoying.

Me: It can’t see where it’s going.

Nell: It’s still a good idea in this sunshine.

Me: It’s not for me, Nell. I’d rather wear a hat.

Nell: Fine.

Me: I’m not a fan of umbrellas either, truth be told.

Nell: You’re sounding Welsh again.

Me: Yes, I do that sometimes.

Nell: So, how are Henry and Horst?

Me: They’ve been in Zoom calls with Sally since they got home.

Nell: Interesting.

Me: There’s been no spaghetti bolognese at the Bus Stop for a while now so I’m wondering if they’re connected.

Nell: You think Henry and Horst are behind the spaghetti bolognese? You know it was Stanley Smoochy.

Me: I think there’s a lot of Lying Low going on.

Nell: Lying Low?

Me: Or Lion Low. See what I did there? That wretched lion hasn’t been seen in a while.

Nell: Lionel King?

Me: Who else?

Nell: I hope he’s not unwell.

Me: He’s probably off chasing tourists with the Beefies.

Nell: Don’t you think it might have been on the news? ‘Lion chases Grockles along Torquay seafront’.

Me: Why Torquay?

Nell: Why not?

Me: I used to love walking along Torquay seafront. The colourful lights were so pretty.

Nell: Can we get back to the Lying Low issue, please?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The good thing about our walk is most of it is in the shade.

Nell: It’s far too hot to go out until much later today.

Me: I know.

Nell: The Met Office has issued an extreme heat warning until Friday.

Me: Do you have a Met Office?

Nell: Don’t be silly. We have Weather Guardians.

Me: Have they issued a warning?

Nell: They give advice. If you have to go out, please make sure you put on sunscreen and wear a large-brimmed hat.

Me: Can I wear a floaty dress?

Nell: Acceptable, but not mandatory.

Me: Good to know.

Nell: Drink lots of water.

Me: I will.

Nell: Hydration is essential.

Me: I’ve filled all the water bowls.

Nell: Make sure to keep them topped-up.

Me: Do you remember when you, Alice and I went on a girls’ holiday to Devon in my open-top car?

Nell: I certainly do.

Me: We had the most fabulous weather and so much fun.

Nell: I went swimming in the sea.

Me: And barked at surfers.

Nell: They needed chivvying along.

Me: Surfers never need encouraging, Nell. They’re always running.

Nell: Anyway, as I recall it was all very enjoyable.

Me: Happy memories.

Nell: You know what they say.

Me: What’s that?

Nell: The next best thing to enjoying something is remembering how much you enjoyed it.

Me: True.

Nell: You’ll be making lots of new memories soon when Alice and the children arrive for their summer holiday.

Me: Yes, it’s not long now. Just over a month to go.

Nell: Happy times are ahead.

Me: They are.

Nell: But in the meantime you need to make sure everyone is safely hydrated and in the shade.

Me: I hope ice cream is allowed.

Nell: Yes, but not for breakfast.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Happy Sunday, Nell.

Nell: The same to you.

Me: Will you be singing later?

Nell: Yes. Sea shanties.

Me: Sea shanties?

Nell: Yes, and before you ask, we have the sea up here.

Me: Why sea shanties?

Nell: Poppy’s having a pirate day. She’s been walking around in a pirate hat and high boots since first thing this morning.

Me: Carrying a sword?

Nell: Obviously.

Me: Are you wearing a hat?

Nell: Of course.

Me: Feathered?

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: We had a wonderful walk yesterday.

Nell: I can see from the photos.

Me: Harriet’s feeling much better. She played Hide and Seek with the boys.

Nell: Did she win?

Me: Sort of. They knew where she was but they couldn’t see her until I called her.

Nell: She has excellent Recall.

Me: Which is more than can be said for Dave and Nigel. And you.

Nell: I like to go my own way.

Me: You’ll be glad to hear we’re having a Sunday roast today.

Nell: In this hot weather?

Me: You usually complain if we don’t have one.

Nell: What kind of roast?

Me: Roast pork with apple sauce and lots of vegetables.

Nell: Gravy?

Me: Always.

Nell: The Weather Guardians tell me it’s going to be quite the heatwave over the next few days.

Me: It is.

Nell: No walks until the evening.

Me: I know.

Nell: Hats must be worn and sunscreen.

Me: Do dogs need sunscreen?

Nell: Dogs need to keep out of the sun. I was talking about you.

Me: Just joking.

Nell: Make sure everyone drinks lots of cool, fresh water.

Me: I will.

Nell: Even the insects and smaller animals. Bird baths must be refilled and water bowls replenished regularly.

Me: Don’t worry.

Nell: It’s my job.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: How was the birthday party?

Me: A great success in the main. Lots of bacon and a whole roast chicken.

Nell: Was there cake?

Me: Of course. And party hats and dancing.

Nell: So, why did you say ‘in the main’ and why does everyone look so glum?

Me: Do they?

Nell: Yes. Especially Nigel.

Me: Maybe it’s because Charlotte’s gone away for the weekend?

Nell: David and Harriet look annoyed.

Me: Maybe it’s because their birthday is over?

Nell: And maybe it’s something to do with Nigel?

Me: Why do you say that?

Nell: He’s sitting in the yellow chair.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And he looks extremely guilty.

Me: Does he?

Nell: Yes, he does. Why?

Me: I’m sure he didn’t mean to eat more than his fair share of chicken.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: Or take a bite out of the cake before the Birthday Labs could.

Nell: Was it a large bite?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Shocking.

Me: Or open the whole parcel in Pass the Parcel.

Nell: The game where you hand the parcel around and every time the music stops stops someone opens a layer?

Me: Yes.

Nell: He opened the whole thing?

Me: Or eat the tasty treat that was inside the parcel.

Nell: Outrageous.

Me: I think he was just overexcited.

Nell: I’ve told Nigel time and again to ‘Calm down!’.

Me: You have.

Nell: And does he listen?

Me: Not really.

Nell: And now I’m not there he ruins the party.

Me: The party wasn’t ruined at all. We had tremendous fun. I made another parcel and there was still plenty of cake for everyone.

Nell: So why are they all looking so glum?

Me: Maybe it’s because Scotland lost to Morocco or they’re tired?

Nell: I’m tired now, too.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: So David and Harriet are nine today.

Me: It seems only yesterday that we brought them home.

Nell: Yes, from my first home with my sister Maisie.

Me: Is Maisie up there with you?

Nell: Of course.

Me: I’m glad.

Nell: Those are beautiful photos. I especially like the ones of me.

Me: Telling them off, ignoring them and sharing a chair with baby Harriet?

Nell: Chris is sharing a sofa with baby David.

Me: True.

Nell: I’ve written them a poem. Would you like to hear it?

Me: Yes. Very much.

Nell: ‘Now David, now Harriet, listen to me

This is your beloved Aunt Nell.

I’m somewhere you are not able to see

But I’m cared for and happy and well.

Today is your birthday and you are nine

Which means you are fully mature.

Harriet’s been wise for quite a long time

But David, well I’m not very sure.

In true Martin tradition on a loved one’s birthday

Hats are worn and there’s also a song.

And as you have heard Kev quite often say

All day you can do no wrong.

Eating by mistake is therefore allowed

And overindulging on cake.

And dancing around and being loud

And having your own sirloin steak.

So dear Puppies, please know you are loved

Across land and sky and sea

By Sara and Kev and family and friends

But most of all, and for ever, by me.’

Me: I’m in tears now.

Nell: That wasn’t the idea.

Me: It makes me so sad that you can’t celebrate with us.

Nell: I’m celebrating, don’t you worry about that. Poppy has organised a party and there will be cake.

Me: Wonderful.

Nell: Now, dry your eyes and go and read them my poem before the celebrations begin.

Me: I will. Sorry.

Nell: Why isn’t anyone eating that carrot? The Puppies love carrots.

Me: It’s actually the sweetest thing.

Nell: No, it isn’t. A Labrador never wastes food.

Me: Dave noticed Harriet was feeling a little poorly.

Nell: Poorly?

Me: Under the weather.

Nell: Weather? Was she out in the rain?

Me: No. She wasn’t herself.

Nell: Who was she?

Me: She wasn’t well.

Nell: Why didn’t you say that before?

Me: I did. Anyway, she’s feeling a lot better today.

Nell: Thank goodness. It’s her birthday tomorrow.

Me: Yes, I know.

Nell: And David’s.

Me: I know that, too.

Nell: I hope you’ve organised the festivities.

Me: Do you want to know about the carrot?

Nell: Not really, but you might as well tell me.

Me: Kev gave Dave a carrot as usual but he didn’t eat it and we wondered if he might be feeling poorly too.

Nell: Is he?

Me: No. He left it for Harriet.

Nell: That was kind of him.

Me: It was. He even pushed it between her paws.

Nell: Thoughtful but wasteful.

Me: It didn’t go to waste, Nell. After a lot of Waiting he ate it himself.

Nell: Good lad.

Me: Yes. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He adores his sister.

Nell: It’s hard to believe they’re going to be nine tomorrow.

Me: That’s what I usually say.

Nell: I know I’m only their aunt but in many ways I felt like their mother.

Me: You were a mother to them, Nell.

Nell: I should be there celebrating with you all tomorrow.

Me: You will be in spirit.

Nell: I might ask Poppy to organise a celebration up here.

Me: Good idea. And you could always write a poem?

Nell: Of course I’m writing a poem. It’s Dave and Harriet’s birthday.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Is that Nigel as a puppy?

Me: It was taken just after Charlotte rescued him. Wasn’t he adorable?

Nell: I suppose so. Why is he looking through a chair?

Me: He was practising his poem at the weekend while watching us eat.

Nell: What poem?

Me: It’s Charlotte’s birthday today and Nigel wrote her a poem.

Nell: I write the poems.

Me: I know.

Nell: I’m the poet, not Nigel.

Me: Well, this time it’s Nigel’s turn. Do you want to hear it?

Nell: Not really.

Me: I’m reading it anyway:

‘My name is Nigel

And I want to say

That my darling Barl

Has a birthday today.

I know her name’s Charlotte

But those in the know

Always call her Barley

Like Sara and co.

And as her dear Nigel

I’m as proud as can be

To call her my Barl

And say Happy Birthdee.

My poem’s not perfect

Or even that clever

But it comes with my love

For ever and ever.’

Nell: Does ‘co’ refer to me?

Me: And Kev and Dave and Harriet.

Nell: At least he tried.

Me: It was sweet.

Nell: It was heartfelt which is something.

Me: Barl’s going to love it.

Nell: Of course she is. I notice Xav the Cat didn’t write a poem.

Me: I don’t think poems are something cats bother with much.

Nell: Cats don’t bother with anything apart from themselves

Me: That’s a bit harsh, Nell.

Nell: Talking of cats, did David warn The Cat about the Beefies gathering?

Me: It wasn’t best pleased.

Nell: I told you he shouldn’t go over there so early in the morning.

Me: I meant about the Beefies.

Nell: I hope you have cake.

Me: For The Cat?

Nell: No. For your sister. It’s her birthday.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: Do you know the playground game ‘What’s The Time, Mr Wolf?’ where you have to creep towards the wolf until he shouts ‘Dinner Time’ and chases you?

Nell: No, it sounds dreadful.

Me: It was great fun. I can remember the excitement of it.

Nell: Rupert isn’t going to like the name of that game so don’t ask him to play it.

Me: I never really think of Knitwear Wolf as a wolf.

Nell: Well, he is.

Me: I know but he’s usually wearing a soft cardigan and seems extremely huggable.

Nell: Leave him alone. How is he doing, by the way?

Me: He’s still a little subdued but he’s back to delivering the newspapers and woollens.

Nell: That’s good to hear. I was worried about him. Why are you talking about playground games again?

Me: I think Dave and Harriet were playing games on their walk. Harriet was watching Dave but when he looked around she turned away.

Nell: Was David a wolf?

Me: No. He was just himself sitting in a field.

Nell: Was there any mention of ‘time’?

Me: Nobody said anything. It was actually still and quiet.

Nell: So the game was all in your head?

Me: It might have been.

Nell: It usually is.

Me: Yes.

Nell: You have far too much imagination for your own good.

Me: I don’t think that’s possible.

Nell: It depends on how you use it.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: If it’s for fun and positive things then I’m all for it but it becomes less useful when you start worrying about things that might never happen.

Me: I do tend to catastrophise at times.

Nell: I know you do.

Me: Imagining the Puppies playing games isn’t catastrophising.

Nell: I didn’t say it was.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: The Puppies were playing Hide and Seek on our walk. It was the sweetest thing.

Nell: It looks like Harriet did most of the hiding.

Me: Yes, Dave just watched.

Nell: It’s another sunny day today but the weather is going to change so expect cloud and possibly rain tomorrow.

Me: Talking to you is like having my own personal weather report.

Nell: I like to keep informed and the Weather Guardians are happy to oblige.

Me: I appreciate it.

Nell: There’s also very high grass pollen at the moment so take that into account if you feel a little wheezy.

Me: That’s why I keep sneezing.

Nell: It’s Hay Fever season.

Me: And we’re right in the middle of the countryside.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: Henry and Horst came home last night.

Nell: Why didn’t you tell me that before?

Me: I got involved in the weather.

Nell: How did they get home?

Me: They managed to HatHike on a sombrero.

Nell: How fortunate to meet a Mexican.

Me: It was actually a Beefy.

Nell: Henry and Horst travelled home on a large-brimmed hat worn by a criminal seagull?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Sounds plausible.

Me: Not all Beefies are criminals, by the way.

Nell: Was this one?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Do you know why they went away?

Me: They said it was a holiday but as soon as they got back they went into a Zoom meeting with Sally and Harriet.

Nell: Interesting.

Me: The Beefies have been gathering all morning so we think there might be some kind of meeting at Stephen Seagull’s apartment at the Stately Home.

Nell: You should alert The Cat.

Me: Dave’s gone over there now.

Nell: Now is far too early. The Cat is never seen until after ten.

Me: Needs must. Sorry.