Nell: I see it’s still too hot for David.

Me: It is. He doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Nell: I’m afraid there isn’t much you can do except keep out of the sun.

Me: The good news is the temperature is going to drop tomorrow.

Nell: Yes, the Weather Guardians told me.

Me: Of course they did, I forgot you have a direct line to the weather nowadays.

Nell: I wouldn’t call it that. I just like to keep informed.

Me: You always did.

Nell: So, where are we on Rupert and that Welsh corgi?

Me: You mean Myfanwy?

Nell: Yes. Are they still best buddies?

Me: They are. She makes him smile.

Nell: I’m glad.

Me: No, you’re not. I can tell by the tone of your voice.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: Animals need to be allowed to move on. He can’t pine for you for ever.

Nell: No, but a few months would have been nice. Charlie pined for me for years.

Me: And you’re together again now.

Nell: We are.

Me: How is Charlie, by the way?

Nell: Busy as ever. He’s a GI.

Me: I didn’t know he was American.

Nell: No. A Guardian Investigator.

Me: Is that a kind of police?

Nell: No, he helps track down Guardians.

Me: Bad ones?

Nell: We don’t have bad ones. They can be naughty but they’re never bad.

Me: Naughty ones then?

Nell: Some lose their way a little for a while.

Me: Are there Beefy Guardians?

Nell: Of course.

Me: I bet Charlie has had to track down a few of those.

Nell: I have no idea. It’s confidential.

Me: I think Charlie is a Guardian Spy.

Nell: You can think what you like.

Me: I know and it’s wonderful.

Nell; Within reason.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: David looks exhausted.

Me: It’s very hot at the moment, Nell.

Nell: I know.

Me: Dave doesn’t really know what to do with himself. Poor darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Lots of fluids and stay out of the sun.

Me: I’m doing the same thing.

Nell: How was the Beefy Choir yesterday?

Me: Awful. They ended up fighting.

Nell: Hooligans.

Me: Someone had organised tea and biscuits for afterwards and one of the Beefies stole one.

Nell: During Sunday Songs?

Me: Yes. And then they all started shouting ‘Mine!’ and swooped down and took the lot.

Nell: How rude.

Me: And greedy.

Nell: Very.

Me: I don’t think they’re going to be invited back.

Nell: I can’t imagine who invited them in the first place.

Me: Your friend.

Nell: Dorothy?

Me: No, that wretched lion.

Nell: Lionel King invited the Beefy Choir?

Me: He’s become extremely involved in the village community since you left.

Nell: I’m pleased to hear that.

Me: He’s bound to be up to no good, Nell,

Nell: I expect he thought inviting the Beefies would be a way of building bridges.

Me: You’ve changed your tune.

Nell: The real culprit is whoever left a plate of biscuits out near a group of seagulls. Everyone knows they’re thieves.

Me: I thought I was doing a kind thing.

Nell: Excuse me?

Me: Frau Hoffmann made a whole batch of her lovely biscuits and I thought it would be a good idea to share them with everyone.

Nell: Beefies don’t share.

Me: I forgot they were going to be there.

Nell: You should have taken the biscuits home as soon as you saw them. Or at least hidden them away.

Me: I know that now.

Nell: You meant well, but don’t do it again.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: What on earth is going on there?

Me: Dave and Harriet were welcoming Nigel back. They haven’t seen him in a while.

Nell: They certainly seem pleased to see each other.

Me: They missed him.

Nell: I can see that.

Me: Don’t be jealous.

Nell: I’m not. Did you have a good time yesterday?

Me: We did. We all went for a lovely long walk as soon as the weather was cooler and then the labs played together before the barbecue in the evening.

Nell: I’m glad they enjoyed themselves. Some of us had blackened fish.

Me: Was it tasty?

Nell: No, there were bones.

Me: Poppy always loved fish. She and I used to share it.

Nell: I’m fine with a smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich, crusts off, of course, but fish on a stick is a step too far.

Me: You must get Poppy to barbecue some king prawns next time. They’re delicious and you like prawns.

Nell: Only in a prawn cocktail with lettuce and thinly sliced brown bread and butter on the side.

Me: Well, it’s Sunday so you’re hopefully having a roast.

Nell: Yes, roast chicken with all the trimmings.

Me: Snap!

Nell: Snap what?

Me: We’re having the same. It’s too hot for a roast really but it’s Whitsun so we thought we should.

Nell: Are you ready for Sunday Songs?

Me: Yes, although I wish the Beefy Choir weren’t singing.

Nell: What about the Welsh Corgi Choir?

Me: They’ve gone to Cardiff for some huge Welsh sing-song.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: I’m not expecting much.

Nell: Don’t. Seagulls aren’t singers.

Me: Stephen Seagull is singing a solo.

Nell: You might need a small glass of sherry before you go.

Me: You might be right.

Nell: I’m always right.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Happy Bank Holiday Weekend.

Me: Thank you. It’s quite warm here already.

Nell: The Weather Guardians were right.

Me: They were.

Nell: I see you took Dave and Harriet to the river.

Me: It’s nice and shady there and they can go for a cool swim.

Nell: I used to like paddling in the river.

Me: You did.

Nell: If you’re going to ask me if we have rivers up here then the answer is…

Me: You have everything.

Nell: Well done.

Me: The good thing about the river is the Grockles don’t really know about it.

Nell: They’ll all be on the beach this weekend.

Me: They will. It’s also half-term holiday.

Nell: It’s going to be really busy.

Me: I think we’ll stay here in the village and go on our local walk.

Nell: But only when the sun goes down. It’s too hot otherwise.

Me: I know. I’m glad the weather is so lovely. It makes such a difference to a holiday. Especially with children.

Nell: Will Charlotte and Nigel be joining you?

Me: Yes. They’re coming over for a barbecue tonight and staying until Monday.

Nell: We’re having a barbecue this evening, too.

Me: Really?

Nell: Poppy is building a fire.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Quite. She wants to cook fish.

Me: Where is she getting the fish from?

Nell: She’s going fishing with Mutley later. They’re taking a picnic.

Me: Poppy makes the best picnics. Lots of sandwiches, a big slab of cake and lashings of ginger beer.

Nell: I prefer a flask of Earl Grey tea.

Me: I expect you were hoping for sausages this evening.

Nell: And burgers.

Me: That’s what we’re having.

Nell: I know.

Me: I’d love fresh fish cooked on an open fire.

Nell: Not helpful.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: I see the weather has changed. Look at that beautiful blue sky.

Me: Do you know what Kev said when he saw it?

Nell: He probably talked about his days flying helicopters.

Me: No. He said ‘Look. Nell and the Guardians are playing noughts and crosses in the sky.’

Nell: A lovely idea.

Me: Yes. I’m always going to think of that when I see contrails in the sky.

Nell: With Poppy around we’re more likely to be playing poker, but you go ahead.

Me: I will.

Nell: How are you feeling?

Me: A little better, thank you.

Nell: It’s another Bank Holiday weekend so don’t go rushing around as the roads are bound to be busy.

Me: I’m planning a quiet weekend.

Nell: Will Charlotte and Nigel be visiting?

Me: I hope so. The weather is supposed to be glorious.

Nell: Stay away from the beaches they’re going to be full of excited Grockles.

Me: You really shouldn’t be calling the tourists Grockles, Nell.

Nell: Everyone does.

Me: I saw the Beefies gathering just now. I wonder what they’re up to.

Nell: They’re probably planning a Grockle Attack.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Ice creams and pasties, not to mention fish and chips.

Me: They’re very naughty birds.

Nell: People are constantly being told not to feed the seagulls but they still do it.

Me: Not intentionally, Nell. The Beefies steal.

Nell: If you’re going to walk around waving a chip in the air you must expect it to be stolen.

Me: Herr Hoffmann suggested a barbecue at the weekend.

Nell: Good idea.

Me: The thing I like most about barbecues is all the salads.

Nell: What utter nonsense. Barbecues are about burgers and sausages. Everyone knows that. Don’t go offering David a salad.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: You know how I said Harriet was starting to do things you used to do like walking downstairs with me and grumbling?

Nell: Is that all you think I did?

Me: Of course not. Well, now I think she’s started doing things Poppy used to do.

Nell: Oh dear. She hasn’t started dressing as a pirate, has she?

Me: No, but she’s started Bouncing.

Nell: Bouncing?

Me: Yes. Bouncing Dave to be exact.

Nell: How?

Me: We were out on our walk yesterday. Dave was quietly enjoying the view and Thinking Thoughts.

Nell: About bacon.

Me: Probably. Anyway, one moment Harriet was in the field and the next she was sneaking up on Dave and Bouncing him.

Nell: Was David bothered?

Me: Not really.

Nell: Well, that’s all that matters.

Me: Yes.

Nell; If you catch Harriet waving a sword you might have to have a word with her.

Me: I agree.

Nell: But the odd Bounce won’t hurt anyone, especially if it’s David.

Me: Nothing much bothers him. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: You’re a little late with our conversation today.

Me: I wasn’t feeling very well in the night so I’m taking things slowly this morning.

Nell: You’d better take it easy today.

Me: Kev thinks it’s a bug. There are lots of them going around at the moment.

Nell: Tea and toast is best in cases like this.

Me: I don’t really feel like anything at all.

Nell: You need to eat something.

Me: Alright, Mrs Bossy Boots.

Nell: Let’s leave the boots to Poppy.

Me: Is she wearing them today?

Nell: Yes. She’s gone to the local market to argue about prices.

Me: Do you have markets up there?

Nell: We have everything. Stop fussing about markets and look after yourself.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at Dave. Isn’t he adorable?

Nell: Cheeky animal.

Me: I managed to catch him just as he was sticking his tongue out.

Nell: He’s not a skilled player.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: How’s the campaign going against the housing development?

Me: We’ve had lots of support and there’s another village meeting soon.

Nell: I really hope it doesn’t happen.

Me: So do I.

Nell: On another note, did someone mention a dog called Honey?

Me: Yes, a lady called Ann Locke. Honey left her last Friday. She was only 8.

Nell: Please tell her Honey is absolutely fine and has already found some friends. I saw them dashing around together.

Me: I will. Did you wave?

Nell: Of course.

Me: She’ll be really pleased to hear that. She was worried.

Nell: It’s not us you need to worry about it’s those we leave behind.

Me: Yes.

Nell: We Guardians are always welcomed by loved ones and we’re in no pain.

Me: Good to know.

Nell: You did the right thing.

Me: It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Nell: Just because it’s right doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Me: No.

Nell: Now, according to my information you’re due for some warmer weather soon.

Me: Did you use the Met Office?

Nell: No need. We have Weather Guardians.

Me: Weather Guardians?

Nell: We have everything. I told you that before.

Me: Yes.

Nell: So you need to get the grass cut and the garden furniture up and ready for some outside time.

Me: We do.

Nell: Make sure you sit in the shade and wear your factor 50.

Me: I always do, but it’s raining at the moment.

Nell: The rain is going to stop very soon. Better times are ahead.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Isn’t the countryside looking amazing?

Nell: It is.

Me: Everything is bursting into life.

Nell: It’s all the rain you’ve been having recently.

Me: I can’t believe how green it is.

Nell: That’s Devon for you.

Me: Dave and Harriet have been going on three walks a day.

Nell: Good. It’s the best thing you can do for everyone.

Me: You dogs love nothing more than a good Snoofle around.

Nell: Is that even a word?

Me: Snoofling here and Snoofling there.

Nell: Sniffaris are an essential part of dog walking.

Me: You used to love a good Sniffari.

Nell: I did. But you’re wrong about it being the best thing.

Me: Am I?

Nell: There’s something we love more than a Sniffari.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes, it’s knowing you’re there with us.

Me: How lovely.

Nell: Take Harriet, for instance. Always running around.

Me: She never stops.

Nell: Except she does. For a quick stroke, or cuddle, from you and Kev.

Me: Yes, and then off she goes again,

Nell: David is the same.

Me: Dave likes his cuddles at home. He’s too busy when we’re out.

Nell: Not for the odd stroke.

Me: No, that’s true.

Nell: Or reassuring pat on the head.

Me: He likes those.

Nell: Don’t underestimate the importance of Togetherness.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Knowing you’re there with us gives us the safety and security to really enjoy our surroundings.

Me: And I always enjoy my walks because you dogs are with me.

Nell: I know. It works both ways.

Me: I wish we could go walking together again, Nell.

Nell: I’m always with you. You know I am.

Me: But I can’t give you a cuddle.

Nell: I was never one for cuddles. Give me conversations any day.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Nell: Harriet and David seem to be enjoying themselves.

Me: Yes. We found an interesting thing on our walk.

Nell: What did you find?

Me: A house in a tree.

Nell: A tree house for lions and tigers? I’ve known about that since they built it last year.

Me: No. Beauregard, Roary and Mrs King’s house is in the grounds of the Stately Home.

Nell: And?

Me: This was on our usual walk.

Nell: What kind of house?

Me: A small bird house. Really high up.

Nell: I see.

Me: And only the one.

Nell: Not an estate then?

Me: No. Talking of estates, I have some troubling news.

Nell: What is it?

Me: A big developer wants to build 40 new houses in our beautiful village.

Nell; Oh no.

Me: We’re not happy.

Nell: Of course you’re not.

Me: Nobody knows how the village is going to cope.

Nell: This is a worry.

Me: Yes, there have been village meetings and we are all writing to the council to see if it can be stopped.

Nell: Good.

Me: It’s not that newcomers aren’t welcome it’s that the infrastructure won’t be able to cope with so many at once.

Nell: We were welcomed.

Me: Yes, we were. This is such a special little village. We don’t want it to become all anonymous and sprawly.

Nell: I can’t think of anything worse.

Me: It’s a worry.

Nell: At least there’s only one bird house.

Me: Yes, it wouldn’t be the same if there were rows and rows of them on every tree.

Nell: It would not.

Me: Just imagine if they put 40 tree houses in the Stately Home’s grounds and filled them with lions and tigers.

Nell: Would you calm down, please? You’re getting completely carried away again.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I’m glad it’s Sunday. It’s been a busy old week.

Me: Don’t you all just sit around watching?

Nell: I think you’re confusing me with David.

Me: Dave’s been keeping a close eye on the Bus Stop.

Nell: Any particular reason, apart from the obvious?

Me: What is the obvious?

Nell: Spaghetti Bolognese deliveries. I presume they’re still going on.

Me: Not regularly. Stanley Smoochy has been away filming in Italy.

Nell: Filming what?

Me: A sort of travel/food show. It’s very popular.

Nell: I wouldn’t have thought people would be particularly interested in a seagull’s travels.

Me: He has a huge following in the bird community.

Nell: Each to their own. Have you had breakfast?

Me: Yes. Bacon sandwiches as it’s the weekend.

Nell: Brown, or red sauce?

Me: Brown for me, on the side.

Nell: Was the bacon crispy?

Me: Yes. Hot and sizzling.

Nell: We had pancakes with maple syrup and bacon on the top.

Me: Very North American.

Nell: Poppy’s going through a cowboy phase. We’re having cowboy beans for lunch instead of a Sunday roast with sourdough biscuits that aren’t biscuits at all.

Me: Oh dear. We’re having roast beef.

Nell: Enjoy.

Me: Why was your week busy?

Nell: Several new arrivals.

Me: Oh, anyone I know?

Nell: No. I like to be part of the general meet and greet.

Me: I thought only friends and family were there to welcome you.

Nell: One can wave from afar.

Me: I see.

Nell: It can be a little overwhelming at first so it’s important to make new Guardians feel welcome.

Me: I can imagine.

Nell: Are you ready for Sunday Songs?

Me: Of course.

Nell: Wear a hat, please.

Me: It’s not sunny.

Nell: No, but it’s Sunday. Hats must be worn.

Me: Yes. Sorry.