Nell: How’s the search for Henry and Horst going?
Me: Dave and Harriet saw some cows in a field and Dave climbed a really high hill.
Nell: A really high hill?
Me: Well, it was quite high.
Nell: Henry and Horst are woodlice. How are they supposed to get up there?
Me: How do they get anywhere?
Nell: What do you mean?
Me: They’re usually on somebody’s hat.
Nell: That’s it!
Me: Is it?
Nell: Yes. You need to look out for unusual hats.
Me: Unusual hats?
Nell: Yes. Or people wearing hats who wouldn’t normally be wearing hats.
Me: Right?
Nell: Or people wearing hats in an uncomfortable way.
Me: Like back to front?
Nell: No.
Me: Inside out?
Nell: Don’t be silly. In an awkward, secretive way.
Me: Does it have to be people?
Nell: No. Animals are more likely.
Me: Your friend Dorothy was wearing a really flamboyant feathered hat rather awkwardly the other day.
Nell: It isn’t Dorothy.
Me: You don’t know that. Henry and Horst might have asked her for a lift?
Nell: Have you put up Missing posters in the village?
Me: Not yet. We don’t have a recent photo.
Nell: Recent photo?
Me: Yes.
Nell: How much do you think woodlice change?
Me: Everyone changes, Nell. We all get a little greyer.
Nell: Woodlice are grey.
Me: Oh yes.
Nell: It’s far more important that people know they are missing.
Me: True. Would a wig count?
Nell: A wig?
Me: There’s a Jack Russell Terrier in the village with a rather ill-fitting toupee.
Nell: How long has it been wearing it?
Me: Quite a while.
Nell: Unlikely.
Me: So Romeo isn’t under suspicion. He’s been wearing a wig for years.
Nell: Romeo is a Beefy. Seagulls are all under suspicion.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
