Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy is such a handsome lad. Look at that darling face.
Nell: He’s sulking and David is not a lad. He’s a pedigree Labrador.
Me: Why’s he sulking?
Nell: Are you feeling any better?
Me: My arm still hurts but I’m definitely brighter today.
Nell: Good. Nigel’s coming to stay for the weekend and has requested beef casserole for dinner with mashed potatoes, runner beans, cabbage and peas.
Me: That’s awfully specific, Nell.
Nell: He wants lasagne tomorrow evening in front of a movie. His words not mine.
Me: Are you sure?
Nell: I would never say movie.
Me: True.
Nell: Breakfast on Sunday is a full English and lunch is roast beef with all the trimmings.
Me: Does Herr Hoffmann know?
Nell: Of course. It’s part of the new regime.
Me: What new regime?
Nell: Guests will be asked ahead of time to provide us with their choice of menu including any dietary requirements.
Me: We’re not a hotel.
Nell: It makes life a lot easier as well as happier.
Me: What about residents?
Nell: Residents can make suggestions as long as they’re reasonable.
Me: What’s unreasonable?
Nell: David requested bacon sandwiches every day and Manuel wants paella.
Me: I love paella.
Nell: You can’t have paella on a Friday.
Me: You jolly well can. There’s shellfish in it as well as chicken.
Nell: Herr Hoffmann said it’s traditionally made with rabbit.
Me: Not Manuel’s version.
Nell: Nigel’s already decided today’s menu.
Me: Manuel makes a marvellous paella. He’s from Barcelona.
Nell: The weekend is booked.
Me: Monday isn’t.
Nell: Monday is leftovers day.
Me: Tuesday then?
Nell: Post your suggestion in the suggestion box and the committee will decide.
Me: Suggestion box?
Nell: Next to the back door. Do keep up.
Me: Sorry.
