Me: Everyone loves Tony. Did you see Nigel giving him a kiss?
Nell: I did, and so did David.
Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He has no need to be jealous. Tony will always be his best friend.
Nell: David likes to be the centre of attention.
Me: There are enough cuddles to go around.
Nell: David can never get enough cuddles and since the loss of Boo, Nigel has become rather demanding.
Me: Well, he can have as many cuddles as he likes as far as I’m concerned.
Nell: Now, I have some troubling news.
Me: Tell me.
Nell: Have you ever heard of a Kingsbridge Cream Tea?
Me: Of course I’ve heard of a cream tea. We live in Devon. Scones with strawberry jam and clotted cream.
Nell: That isn’t the Kingsbridge version.
Me: Yes, it is.
Nell: Not according to my friend Dorothy.
Me: What do you mean?
Nell: Look at this flyer. It was dropped on Dorothy’s head when she was walking along the quay.
Me: ‘Book a Beefy is proud to present ‘The Kingsbridge Cream Tea Experience’. An exciting new treat for the discerning eater.’
Nell: Read on.
Me: ‘Cheese scones smothered in horseradish sauce and mackerel pate for those savoury moments.’
Nell: Disgusting.
Me: ‘And for the sweeter eater, a traditional scone topped with whipped cream and marmalade.’ Oh no. That’s really wrong.
Nell: It’s outrageous.
Me: I’ve seen raspberry jam offered as an alternative to strawberry, but marmalade?
Nell: It belongs on toast.
Me: I agree.
Nell: And whipped cream?
Me: Surely no one will order this?
Nell: Innocent grockles are going to leave Devon thinking they’ve had a proper cream tea.
Me: I’m not sure you’re allowed to call tourists ‘grockles’.
Nell: That’s not the point. Marmalade? Mackerel?
Me: Yes. Sorry.
