Nell: Nigel is asleep on the silken cover on the bottom bunk bed again.
Me: That’s fine, Nell. It’s Saturday. He can have a little lie-in if he wants to.
Nell: Everyone else is Up and Doing.
Me: It doesn’t matter.
Nell: He won’t get any breakfast.
Me: Yes, he will. It’s the weekend so Herr Hoffmann always makes a second breakfast.
Nell: Second breakfast is only available to the Present and Willing. Lazy animals don’t qualify.
Me: Did you just make that up?
Nell: Certainly not. Why do you think there are queues for second breakfast?
Me: Because you’re Labradors and it’s bacon?
Nell: Wrong.
Me: Bacon sandwiches are flexible, Nell.
Nell: They’re not. Bacon must be eaten at the time.
Me: He’ll wake up when he smells it.
Nell: There’s more.
Me: What now?
Nell: He’s started calling himself Nigel Martin when he’s over here.
Me: Has he?
Nell: Yes. His name is Nigel Duggan.
Me: He can be a Martin when he’s visiting us. We don’t mind.
Nell: You can’t just call yourself a Martin because you feel like it.
Me: I am a Martin.
Nell: I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about Random Animals.
Me: Nigel isn’t a Random Animal. He’s one of the family,
Nell: It’s not right. I don’t go and see Babycakes Gillespie and call myself Nell Gillespie.
Me: Babycakes Gillespie has a coffee cart.
Nell: Or visit Lionel King and call myself Nell King.
Me: When did you visit that lion? And where did you visit that lion?
Nell: I didn’t. I was just using him as an example.
Me: Is he staying at the Stables with Bobby Socks?
Nell: He might be.
Me: Stay away from him.
Nell: Stop changing the subject. We were discussing Nigel Martin.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
