Nell: Would you like to explain yourself?

Me: What have I done now?

Nell: The children were just telling me about a wonderful game of Hide and Seek they played with Naughty Nigel and Boo.

Me: Oh, yes.

Nell: And how a ball was accidentally thrown over the garden gate.

Me: We got it back. Don’t worry.

Nell: And how several cars were thrown in the bushes and were only found after an extensive search .

Me: They were toy cars.

Nell: They were Jonathan’s prize possessions.

Me: He threw them in there to hide them from Faye.

Nell: And who told him to do that?

Me: It might have been Nigel.

Nell: Of course it was Nigel. You don’t get called Naughty by accident, you know. Where were you while all this was going on?

Me: I was there.

Nell: You were busy eating homemade pizza and drinking bubbly with your sister Charlotte and Alice.

Me: How do you know that?

Nell: I know everything.

Me: You certainly seem to.

Nell: I even have photographic evidence.

Me: Did you send a drone over?

Nell: Don’t be silly. I have no need for drones.

Me: Well, who took the photos then?

Nell: Didn’t you notice Our Penguin?

Me: I saw him walking past with his camera but I thought he was visiting a friend.

Nell: And what did you think Princess was doing in the estuary?

Me: I presumed she was there with Our Penguin. They usually travel together.

Nell: And you didn’t wonder why they decided to do that at the exact same time as you?

Me: Not really.

Nell: Talking of visits, why wasn’t I included?

Me: There was no room in the car, Nell.

Nell: Fine. Just don’t let Nigel organise the games next time.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: At least the sun came out for a while yesterday.

Nell: Yes, we were able to have a picnic by the river.

Me: And the children went down to the sea.

Nell: Rupert is thinking of running a paddle boarding safety class, by the way.

Me: Any particular reason why?

Nell: When the sea mists came down nobody could see, or be seen, but some people were still out on their boards until the lifeguards called them in.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: As a seasoned paddle boarder himself Rupert feels he could be of help to others.

Me: We first saw Knitwear Wolf on a paddle board down at Hope Cove, didn’t we? He waved at us. Do you remember?

Nell: Of course I remember.

Me: I suppose you would. It’s not every day a wolf in knitted garments waves at you from a paddle board.

Nell: True. It’s not an everyday occurrence.

Me: Little did we know he would become such an important part of our lives.

Nell: Snoopy wants him to audition for Indy’s father.

Me: That’s a wonderful idea. He’d be perfect, wouldn’t he?

Nell: Yes. I rather think he would.

Me: But hang on a minute. Does that mean Indy has to be a wolf?

Nell: Of course not.

Me: But if his father is a wolf then he must be a bit of a wolf too.

Nell: This is a movie. Indy can be whoever he needs to be.

Me: Even a fierce female terrier?

Nell: Did Poppy tell you to ask that?

Me: No.

Nell: Personally, I don’t see Indy as a female but the decision does not lie with me alone.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: I draw the line at llamas and seals, however. So, don’t start suggesting that.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Me: Dave adores his sister, doesn’t he? Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: Faye’s playing ‘Caring for the Poorly Animal’ with Harriet and even though Dave knows Harriet isn’t actually unwell he’s still keeping an eye on her.

Nell: David is asleep.

Me: It isn’t real sleep. As soon as Faye says, ‘Oh dear’ he opens his eyes.

Nell: A wise decision. ‘Oh dear’ is never a good thing to hear. What’s wrong with Harriet?

Me: It’s just a game, Nell. I used to play it as a child. There’s nothing wrong with her. Faye’s just made her a bed of cushions and covered her in a blanket.

Nell: This dreadful weather would make anyone unwell.

Me: I feel sorry for the families who are camping.

Nell: Yes. Entertaining children in a tent in the rain is not an ideal situation.

Me: Hopefully the weather will change soon and they can all get back on the beach.

Nell: They’re still on the beach. A bit of bad weather isn’t going to stop anyone.

Me: Good for them.

Nell: It’s making auditions awkward too. Everything has to happen inside the marquee because of the rain and there’s not a lot of room for sword fighting, or boulder rolling.

Me: Boulder rolling?

Nell: You can’t have an Indiana Bones movie without a rolling boulder.

Me: I suppose not.

Nell: All I can say is it’s lucky the Welsh Corgi Choir are well padded.

Me: Why?

Nell: They’re dropping like skittles. That boulder gathers quite a momentum.

Me: Are they alright?

Nell: Yes. The plucky little things bounce straight back up again.

Me: Who rolled the boulder in the first place?

Nell: Poppy. She’s Boulder Rolling Champion of the South West. Do keep up.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: I’ve been doing some thinking.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: It’s interesting how different we are.

Nell: Yes. I’m a Labrador and you’re a writer.

Me: I mean in our ways. When we were in the activity field Jonathan had no time for quiet. He was off running and playing all the time.

Nell: Or trying to train the puppies.

Me: Dave and Harriet are six. The same age as Jonathan.

Nell: Sometimes they’re simply puppies.

Me: Anyway, Faye ran around too but then she needed some quiet time with Grandpa.

Nell: I’m on her side.

Me: Just sitting on the tree trunks watching everyone.

Nell: I didn’t feel the need to climb onto a tree trunk but a short rest in the grass was welcome.

Me: And one evening Kev was outside gazing at the stars when he looked down and saw Faye had found her little garden chair and put it next to him.

Nell: Bless.

Me: He said they just sat there together. Quietly watching the stars. No need for words.

Nell: Perfect.

Me: And I thought to myself that’s all we need really, isn’t it? Being together is enough.

Nell: It is. Although words are useful at times.

Me: Yes, and I’m grateful they are.

Nell: I’m going to have to have words with Tiffany Jones.

Me: The dancing chihuahua?

Nell: I found a whole troupe of chihuahuas eating pancakes in the kitchen this morning.

Me: What?

Nell: I blame you, of course.

Me: Why?

Nell: If you hadn’t mentioned breakfast at Tiffany’s this never would have happened.

Me: It’s a film.

Nell: I know. As I said to Lucy and Snoopy on our zoom call, this is not a musical it’s an action movie. We have no need for dancing chihuahuas.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Everyone had enormous fun in the activity field.

Nell: Yes. It’s a chance for the young ones to stretch their legs.

Me: I love seeing you all together.

Nell: I know. Now, have you updated everyone on the fundraiser yet?

Me: No.

Nell: Or posted the link?

Me: Not for a while. Here it is: https://gofund.me/42cc1159

Nell: The good news is thanks to you all we have raised over £5,000 and are well on our way to funding a pilot for the animation series.

Me: Yes, and don’t forget that every donation of £25 or more means your animal will be entered in the competition to feature in a Conversations with Nell story.

Nell: Just remember to tell us the name of your animal, please.

Me: The winner will be announced by Kev on 16th August.

Nell: Which is his birthday.

Me: Yes, it is.

Nell: The winner will also secure a part in my latest blockbuster ‘Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Bark’.

Me: What do you mean ‘latest’? You’ve never directed one before.

Nell: Potato, potahto.

Me: How’s it all going?

Nell: Auditions begin today. Ron Gilbert and his team of Australian cattle dogs are erecting the marquee as we speak.

Me: Is that Ron Gilbert the Great Dane from Torquay?

Nell: Obviously. We’re lucky there was a last minute cancellation and he could fit us in.

Me: Right.

Nell: We were also lucky to secure Truman Coyote for the screenplay.

Me: I love ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’.

Nell: Why change the subject like that? And I didn’t know Tiffany was back.

Me: Who’s Tiffany and back from where?

Nell: Tiffany Jones the dancing chihuahua. She moved to Margate. Why have breakfast with her if you don’t even know who she is?

Me: Never mind. Sorry.

Me: Why were you growling at Andre?

Nell: I needed him to listen to me.

Me: You’re an attention seeker. You wanted him to stroke you.

Nell: I am not.

Me: You’re as bad as Dave.

Nell: I’m nothing like David.

Me: Not usually, but you have your moments.

Nell: Why are you up so early? It’s Sunday.

Me: Kev is taking Andre to the station and I want to say goodbye. He’s flying back to Berlin today.

Nell: Now, the children are going to be sad that their father has gone back to Germany so I was thinking Sunday Songs could include a little more audience participation.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: What do you think about riding a llama?

Me: I think the llama wouldn’t like it at all.

Nell: Not you. The children.

Me: I think they’d love it.

Nell: The llamas agree. Knitwear Wolf has made them secure saddles and The Cat has organised sequinned cowboy hats, boots and helmets.

Me: Why do the llamas need helmets?

Nell: The helmets are for the children. The llamas will be wearing the cowboy hats and boots.

Me: Any particular reason why?

Nell: Health and Safety.

Me: I don’t think cowboy hats are going to protect anyone.

Nell: I’m talking about the helmets.

Me: I see.

Nell: The Welsh Corgi Choir will kick off proceedings with a lively rendition of ‘Oh What A Beautiful Morning’ which I am happy to say it is.

Me: Yes. It’s lovely to see the sun again.

Nell: Hot dogs will be served in the interval.

Me: We don’t usually have an interval, or hot dogs.

Nell: Just because something doesn’t usually happen doesn’t mean it can’t.

Me: True.

Nell: Now, come and say goodbye to Andre before the line dancing begins.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: It was really stormy and wild this morning, wasn’t it? I even got warning alerts from 5am.

Nell: You shouldn’t leave your iBone on.

Me: Someone might need me.

Nell: We’re all here.

Me: Chris isn’t, and neither is Charlotte.

Nell: I give up.

Me; Where’s Faye, by the way? I haven’t seen her this morning,

Nell: On the stairs waiting for breakfast with Harriet.

Me: I love the way you dogs are bonding with the children. It’s what I’ve always dreamt would happen.

Nell: We love each other.

Me: One of my earliest memories is the day our Golden Retriever, Santa, came to live with us. It was Christmas Day and I found a dog bowl and collar in my pillow case.

Nell: That sounds uncomfortable.

Me: Our Christmas presents were always in pillow cases. We would put them on the end of the bed at night and find them full in the morning.

Nell: How exciting.

Me: I was very young but could spell out the word DOG. It was all rather mysterious until my parents took me downstairs and there was Santa. The love of my life.

Nell: I’m the love of your life.

Me: You all are. I’m just saying Santa was a very special dog and we children doted on her. She was so calm and tolerant of our games.

Nell: Just like me. Tolerance is my middle name.

Me: Not always.

Nell: Someone has to keep you grounded. You have far too much imagination for your own good.

Me: We certainly have some lively conversations.

Nell: Jonathan and I had a most interesting conversation yesterday evening after he finished playing backgammon with his grandfather.

Me: What was it about?

Nell: Never you mind. Nosey Parker. It was between Johnny and me.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: We need to talk about David’s behaviour. He’s obviously not done enough thinking about The Error of His Ways.

Me: He seems to be giving it a good go this morning.

Nell: That’s because I had to talk to him sternly at Morning Thoughts.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Jonathan and Poppy were enjoying the yellow chair.

Me: Yes. They were both lost in thought.

Nell: Jonathan was making up stories with you and Poppy was going over the menus for the week.

Me: Yes.

Nell: When David climbed on to the chair.

Me: I think he simply wanted affection. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Jonathan had to stand up.

Me: I know.

Nell: David can’t just do that.

Me: He sort of did.

Nell: And he didn’t even have anything useful to contribute.

Me: That’s a bit harsh.

Nell: All he suggested was bacon sandwiches.

Me: They’re tasty.

Nell: They’re on the menu already. Poppy is trying to think of something new.

Me: Sometimes tried and trusted is better.

Nell: And as for storylines, nobody can think of anything with a large animal climbing on top of them.

Me: It is difficult.

Nell: Jonathan wasn’t best pleased.

Me: He wasn’t. Although it did give me an idea for a story.

Nell: What?

Me: Well, it must be hard to be so big when you think you’re small.

Nell: David doesn’t think he’s small.

Me: He does sometimes. And Poppy is the opposite.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: She thinks she’s big. She doesn’t see herself as small at all.

Nell: She isn’t. The only thing small about Poppy is her body.

Me: And Dave is actually a little puppy at heart.

Nell: Tell that to Jonathan. He was the one who got climbed on.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I think Harriet might have a new Best Friend.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: She and Faye are inseparable. I hope Dave isn’t feeling left out.

Nell: David has cuddles from everyone.

Me: I know but Harriet is his sister.

Nell: Faye is Jonathan’s sister. You don’t see him worrying about who she’s cuddling.

Me: Dave’s a sensitive soul. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Well, he’s going to have to toughen up if he wants a chance of playing Indy.

Me: How are the auditions going?

Nell: We’ve delayed them a little to allow the family time to settle in.

Me: That’s kind.

Nell: Andre’s only here until Sunday so we thought Monday might be a good day to begin.

Me: Sounds like you have everything organised.

Nell: You should explain why we were so late posting our conversation yesterday.

Me: Yes. We didn’t have the internet all day so we decided to go to the Cottage Hotel for lunch where I was able to use their internet.

Nell: Without me.

Me: We knew we’d have to sit inside, Nell, because of the wind and rain.

Nell: Anyway, when you arrived you found someone had left you a lovely present at reception.

Me: It was a wonderful surprise. Some kind person has given me a jar of homemade jam with a note telling me to put it on Poppy’s scones.

Nell: It was a lovely thing to do.

Me: It was. Thank you very much.

Nell: You look a little windswept in Kev’s photo.

Me: It was very windy down at Hope Cove, Nell. There was nothing I could do.

Nell: Ever heard of a hairbrush?

Me: It’s just me. Nobody cares.

Nell: I think you’ll find they do. The homemade jam proves that.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Why is Harriet sitting alone outside on the yellow chair?

Nell: She needs to do some thinking.

Me: But it’s raining.

Nell: The chair is under your gazebo. She won’t get wet.

Me: Can’t she think inside?

Nell: No. David is thinking inside.

Me: Why can’t they think together?

Nell: They have been asked to consider The Error of Their Ways and as you know that is done best alone.

Me: What have they done?

Nell: They’ve been crowding the children.

Me: They don’t mind.

Nell: That’s not the point. A Labrador waits quietly and patiently. There can be eye contact but from a polite distance.

Me: I see.

Nell: A Labrador does not push its face into people or, dog forbid, climb on top of them.

Me: That’ll be Dave. He thinks he’s smaller than he is. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: It was Harriet too.

Me: The thing is though, Nell, the children actually love it.

Nell: David is the Mayor of Kingsbridge. He can’t go around climbing onto people’s laps.

Me: He is a bit heavy.

Nell: Anyway, we’ll see how their presentation goes at Morning Thoughts.

Me: Presentation?

Nell: Both David and Harriet have been asked to present a short talk to the committee on How to Behave Discreetly.

Me: What committee?

Nell: Never you mind.

Me: The committee is you, isn’t it?

Nell: Poppy might be joining me if she has time after breakfast service.

Me: Poppy couldn’t care less about behaving.

Nell: The puppies need to learn. Visitors cannot be crowded.

Me: But they aren’t visitors, Nell. They’re family.

Nell: So, you won’t complain anymore when David sits on you when you’re writing?

Me: Well, that can be rather annoying.

Nell: All I’m asking for is A Little Restraint.

Me; Yes. Sorry.