Me: I had a dreadful night.

Nell: I know. Just keep reading to us and you will feel better.

Me: It’s actually a rather comforting book, isn’t it?

Nell: Yes. It’s the ideal Mother’s Day present. That’s why we told people about it.

Me: It was kind of Amazon to drop the price.

Nell: Good grief. It has nothing to do with kindness you know. Amazon is a business.

Me: Well, I’m pleased because it is meant to be shared.

Nell: Keep reading then. We just got to a good part.

Me: I think the puppies have fallen asleep.

Nell: They are just happy to be with you and they love the sound of your voice.

Me: I do hope people are enjoying the audio book too. It was such an honour for me to record it with Sunny.

Nell: I’m sure they are.

Me: I had a lovely chat with my little sister Alex yesterday.

Nell: Good.

Me: She is such a sensible, caring girl.

Nell: She’s not really a girl. She’s a grandmother too.

Me: She will always be a girl to me.

Nell: And the puppies will always be puppies.

Me: Yes. Any news on the new dog bed?

Nell: Terry said it’s on its way.

Me: How does Terry know?

Nell: They must use Book a Beefy for their deliveries.

Me: Beefies can’t carry beds.

Nell: No, but they can organise someone else to do it.

Me: I’m glad Gladys was able to organise a full clipping for Alejandro.

Nell: It fell under emergency treatment. You can’t have a half shorn alpaca.

Me: No. Although those half cut hairstyles are still popular with the shaved one side and long the other.

Nell: Don’t even think about it. Now, can you read on, please?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What on earth is going on downstairs?

Nell: Don’t excite yourself. You are supposed to be resting after your fall.

Me: You mean after the puppies barged into me to go and greet Tony at the gate and knocked me off my feet?

Nell: Yes. Tony says you had no chance.

Me: They took my feet out from under me.

Nell: Fortunately, you didn’t break anything and are well padded.

Me: That’s one way of putting it. It jolly well hurts.

Nell: I know. David feels exceptionally awful about it all.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy but I can’t let him upstairs at the moment. It’s too risky.

Nell: He almost understands.

Me: There is no need to tear his bed apart though.

Nell: I’m afraid it had to be done.

Me: I don’t want him to lose his bed over this.

Nell: No. This is all part of the ongoing investigation.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: We are trying to establish how long this has been going on.

Me: Why is there greenery in the bed?

Nell: That’s not greenery. It’s Henry and Horst’s travelling foliage.

Me: Are they involved then?

Nell: Of course. This is a major operation you know. Insects are going undercover. Animals are risking losing their fur.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: And some are even prepared to order beds they don’t need.

Me: Have you ordered a new bed?

Nell: I might have done. David can’t be expected to sleep in the old one. It’s torn.

Me: Because he tore it.

Nell: To see what was inside.

Me: It’s just fluff.

Nell: Sacrifices have to be made in the pursuance of the truth.

Me: That’s not a sacrifice. Dave is getting a new bed.

Nell: Yes. From Fifi la Beefy.

Me: I see. Sorry.

Me: What was Tony telling you and Dave?

Nell: Several packages have been delivered in the area from Fifi la Beefy.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: We are guessing that they are nests and dog beds of various sizes.

Me: Well, not everyone is the same size, Nell.

Nell: That’s not the point.

Me: I saw Dave whisper something in his ear.

Nell: It was probably about Sally. You know how he likes to confide in Tony. The trouble is he ends up checking his ear as well which is a little too forward.

Me: Yes. He does that to me, too.

Nell: The confiding?

Me: No. The checking.

Nell: Yes. I have the same problem.

Me: In your case it’s rather useful as he reminds me when I have to clean your ears.

Nell: Enough about ears.

Me: Actually, I should really do them now.

Nell: It’s Mother’s Day in the UK on Sunday.

Me: Yes. I know.

Nell: Well, I was on a Zoom call with your publishers yesterday and…

Me: You were on a call with Abby and Victoria?

Nell: Yes. Stop interrupting.

Me: Why wasn’t I included?

Nell: You were writing. Anyway, we all decided to offer a discount on the book for Mother’s Day.

Me: That’s lovely.

Nell: Yes. It would make the perfect present.

Me: It would.

Nell: So, as soon as we know more we will pass it on to everyone.

Me: Thank you for that, Nell. It’s an excellent idea.

Nell: Yes, I thought so.

Me: I don’t know what I would do without you. Now, about those ears.

Nell: What would you say to a fresh scone and a cup of tea?

Me: Sounds lovely.

Nell: Poppy made a fresh batch.

Me: I’m not going to forget about your ears, Nell. Sorry.

Me: Why are you and Poppy barking at the sky? Are you celebrating International Women’s Day?

Nell: We are certainly being strong women. We’re sending out a warning to Fifi la Beefy and Co. to leave our family alone.

Me: Is that the name of the company?

Nell: I’m talking about those wretched Beefies. You do realise an attack was made on Alejandro last night.

Me: What?

Nell: He was on his way to The Barn when he felt a little woozy and had to lie down.

Me: I told him that second sherry was a mistake.

Nell: Nonsense. Alejandro is an Ecuadorian alpaca. Sherry is nothing to him. He must have been drugged.

Me: Oh, my goodness.

Nell: Anyway, the next thing he knew he was being tethered and blindfolded.

Me: Crikey.

Nell: He managed to shout ‘Socorro!’

Me: Why?

Nell: It means help in Spanish. Do keep up.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: Fortunately Gladys and Manuel were playing Twister with the larger animals in The Barn and heard him.

Me: I bet Manuel is awfully good at Twister. All those legs.

Nell: That’s not the point. They came rushing out and shouted for Poppy who freed him with her sword.

Me: Do we know who it was?

Nell: Poppy thinks it was the horrible hooligans who captured her.

Me: She does?

Nell: Yes. They managed to shear the fleece off one side of him before they were chased away, so we can be fairly sure it’s the same gang.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: We are on high alert. Sally has requested that all long haired animals should stay inside for the time being.

Me: I’ve got long hair at the moment, Nell. Can I still go in the garden?

Nell: You are not an animal.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: I love the way you wait for me when I’m a bit slow on our walk.

Nell: Somebody has to.

Me: Well, it means a lot to me. Even if you do look grumpy.

Nell: I was waiting for ages.

Me: I had to stop and think.

Nell: Here we go. You were lost in your own little world again, weren’t you?

Me: I was thinking how amazing it is that scientists were able to create the Covid vaccine for us all.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And how incredibly thankful I am.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And how lucky I am not to have any side effects at all.

Nell: Unlike Kev.

Me: Yes. He felt quite rough for a few days and had little areas of pain in his body which kept coming and going.

Nell: Even his instep.

Me: That was an odd one. But as I told him, those little vaccinators are burrowing into wherever they need to go to keep him safe and activate his immunity.

Nell: Little vaccinators?

Me: Yes. Busy little things with sweet voices.

Nell: I worry about you sometimes. I really do.

Me: The Welsh corgi choir sounded wonderful at Sunday Songs this morning. Such happy voices. Spring is definitely in the air.

Nell: I think the sunshine helps, although it’s still rather cold. I needed a hat and scarf.

Me: It’s good to see all the llamas gliding again.

Nell: Even the naked llama joined in now that it has woolly undergarments.

Me: Everyone seems positively cheerful today.

Nell: Gliding lifts the spirits according to Gladys. It’s good for the soul.

Me: Maybe I should start gliding, too.

Nell: Please don’t. Some of us are not built for gliding and you are quite bright enough today, thank you.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: You know how Dave likes to watch Saturday Kitchen with me?

Nell: Yes. He looks forward to it all week.

Me: I didn’t expect him to get into the bed.

Nell: You shouldn’t have been in bed.

Me: It’s Saturday. I’m allowed.

Nell: So is he.

Me: You don’t expect a great big paw on your shoulder.

Nell: David likes to be close. He’s a tactile animal.

Me: He’s awfully heavy.

Nell: Never mind that, I have something much more important to tell you.

Me: We’re not having green soup for breakfast again, are we?

Nell: No. It’s boiled eggs and soldiers and Poppy is making a quiche for lunch.

Me: Thank goodness. Is the llama feeling better?

Nell: Yes. Knitwear Wolf has managed to organise a knitted jumpsuit to go under its pyjamas.

Me: That’s a relief. So, what’s the big news?

Nell: You are not going to believe this.

Me: I just might.

Nell: My friend Pamela called Book a Beefy a few days ago to order herself a luxurious dog bed from Fifi la Beefy.

Me: That’s not exactly big news.

Nell: There’s more.

Me: Was it too small? She’s a Pyrenean Mountain Dog so she will need Extra Large.

Nell: Guess who delivered it.

Me: Terry?

Nell: No. Squawk.

Me: Squawk? I thought Sally had him locked away in a safe place.

Nell: So did I.

Me: Did he deliver it nicely?

Nell: Of course, he didn’t. He threw it over the gate and it ripped open.

Me: How dreadfully rude.

Nell: That’s when she saw the bed was stuffed with fleece.

Me: Nothing wrong with that.

Nell: Llama fleece.

Me: She wanted luxurious.

Nell: There is a naked llama in our field who might have something to say about this.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: We had our first vaccination.

Nell: I am delighted.

Me: It was an emotional moment. Everyone was very kind and smiley.

Nell: I believe you stopped off for a burger on the way home.

Me: We hadn’t had one for over a year.

Nell: Some of us still haven’t.

Me: Do you think the puppies could give me a little space on my chair?

Nell: They were there first. Sharing is Caring. Something you seem to have forgotten.

Me; It’s my chair.

Nell: Never mind that now. Was there a llama in the kitchen when you came downstairs?

Me: Yes. Eating a bowl of green soup. Not something I would want for breakfast.

Nell: You’re not a llama. It’s grass and nettle soup. Poppy made it especially.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: Was it wearing a thick warm coat?

Me: Yes and a woolly hat, gloves and boots.

Nell: Excellent.

Me: Why isn’t it out Gliding with Gladys?

Nell: It is cold and traumatised.

Me: Oh, do you think it is the lost llama?

Nell: Sherlock Martin strikes again.

Me: So the llama has been shorn?

Nell: It has. Same scenario as Poppy. Blindfolded and clipped.

Me: Shocking. Those villains. Was there any bacon this time?

Nell: Of course there wasn’t bacon. Terry wasn’t there.

Me: Just checking.

Nell: Llamas don’t eat bacon. If they did it would be eating a bacon sandwich right now and not some disgusting green soup.

Me: Dave eats bacon.

Nell: We all know that.

Me: He’s been an honorary llama for the past few days.

Nell: He’s already tried that with Poppy but she’s not budging. It’s green soup or nothing this morning.

Me: Fancy a bagel?

Nell: What do you think the queue outside is for? David’s been round twice already.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The puppies look exhausted.

Nell: They have been watching over Poppy.

Me: Yes. She had to have a few teeth out. Poor little thing.

Nell: And it’s awfully tiring being a llama.

Me: Is it still missing then?

Nell: Yes. David had to Glide with Gladys in his pyjamas again this morning.

Me: I wondered why there were only two llamas in the kitchen.

Nell: Gladys thinks we need to keep a close eye on them.

Me: Do you think there is a danger they will wander off like the other one?

Nell: It didn’t wander off. It was taken.

Me: Really?

Nell: All I can say is don’t be surprised if you open the door to find a naked llama.

Me: With no dressing gown?

Nell: More than that.

Me: No pyjamas?

Nell: No fur.

Me: This is shocking.

Nell: Sally is in close contact with PC Panda and the cows are on alert.

Me: I haven’t seen any cows recently.

Nell: That’s because they are undercover.

Me: I wouldn’t have thought the cows needed to worry, Nell. They don’t have fur. It’s the sheep who are most in danger.

Nell: The cows are working in the field.

Me: Yes, I know that.

Nell: I mean as field agents for Sally. Do keep up.

Me: Well, hopefully the missing llama will be located soon.

Nell: Now, are you and Kev ready to drive down to Plymouth for your vaccination?

Me: Yes. I feel a little bit teary, to be honest.

Nell: That’s not surprising.

Me: I’m so grateful to everyone who has made this possible in such a short space of time.

Nell: So are we. You and Kev are very precious to us you know. You’re not the only ones who are feeling teary.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Don’t look at me like that.

Nell: I simply cannot believe this.

Me: It was booked weeks and weeks ago.

Nell: Taking Poppy to the vets to have her teeth cleaned at a time like this.

Me: Dental health is so important for general well being, Nell.

Nell: And leaving her there.

Me: We had to. I didn’t like leaving her either.

Nell: And no breakfast for anyone.

Me: Kev and I decided breakfast could wait until we got back. Poppy wasn’t allowed to eat.

Nell: David was fainting with hunger.

Me: He was not.

Nell: We shall need extra bacon.

Me: Boiled eggs will have to do.

Nell: No breakfast and no bacon.

Me: You can’t have bacon. You’re on a diet.

Nell: All I can say is thank goodness for Babycakes Gillespie.

Me: You’ve changed your tune.

Nell: We wouldn’t have survived without him.

Me: Do you mean you’ve all had bagels?

Nell: Yes.

Me: And you have been grumbling about breakfast?

Nell: Bagels aren’t breakfast. Everyone knows that. There’s a hole in them for a start.

Me: What’s that got to do with anything?

Nell: You didn’t see a llama when you went to the vets, did you?

Me: They come out to the car, Nell, so we don’t see who is waiting to go in anymore.

Nell: I meant in a field.

Me: It was very foggy but I didn’t see any. Why?

Nell: One of them has gone missing.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: Gladys is annoyed because she needs it for this morning’s Glide with Gladys.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Fortunately, David has agreed to step in.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Does he have any pyjamas?

Nell: You know he does. Blue and white striped ones.

Me: Oh yes. I forgot. Sorry.

Me: Look at those smiling faces. What’s Dave doing on my computer?

Nell: Zooming with Naughty Nigel and Boo. It’s the Devon Boys Club.

Me: They look so happy.

Nell: They love living in Devon and now there is light at the end of the kennel we will be able to visit them soon.

Me: Yes. I can’t wait until it is safe to do that. Having two sisters living near by and not being able to see them has been very hard.

Nell: When is your first vaccine?

Me: Kev and I are going down to Plymouth on Thursday. I am so excited.

Nell: I am very relieved.

Me: Has Terry gone back to work, by the way?

Nell: Yes. He says he prefers to keep busy. Terry doesn’t like to dwell on things. He is an active kind of seagull.

Me: I saw him delivering a huge parcel to Susan just now.

Nell: That will be her new nest, I expect.

Me: From Fifi La Beefy?

Nell: Exactly.

Me: Anyway, you didn’t tell me what happened when Poppy and Terry confronted Squawk.

Nell: Didn’t I?

Me: No.

Nell: That’s probably because I don’t know much about it, except that Poppy seems much happier since then.

Me: Well, she’s not happy now, Nell.

Nell: Why?

Me: She just ran into the garden waving her sword.

Nell: What’s happening?

Me: She’s attacking Susan’s new nest. She’s cutting it to pieces.

Nell: Sally said this might happen.

Me: There is fluff everywhere.

Nell: I’m afraid it isn’t fluff.

Me: No, it isn’t. You’re going to think I’m silly, but it looks like Poppy’s hair to me just after she’s been clipped.

Nell: I’m not going to think you are silly at all. It is Poppy’s hair.

Me: Oh my goodness. Sorry.