Me: You look ever so sad, Nell.

Nell: I am. You’re up early.

Me: I couldn’t sleep.

Nell: It’s the end of an era.

Me: It is. The Duke of Edinburgh has been there for the whole of my life. I can’t believe he’s gone.

Nell: I sent a message to The Queen, by the way.

Me: On WoofsApp?

Nell: I beg your pardon? The Queen doesn’t do WoofsApp. I have written a letter of condolence and left a voicemail.

Me: So, you have her telephone number?

Nell: Of course I do. What a silly question.

Me: I’ve been thinking about how sad she must be.

Nell: Yes. After losing Charlie I know what it’s like to lose the love of one’s life.

Me: I can’t imagine what she is going through. 73 years, Nell. That’s a long time to be together.

Nell: My heart goes out to the family.

Me: Yes. I know Prince Philip was a public figure but essentially he was a husband, father and grandfather.

Nell: Rupert was here earlier.

Me: Was he?

Nell: Yes, he thought I might like the company. He knew I would be thinking of Charlie.

Me: How kind of him. Did he bring the newspapers?

Nell: They’re on the table. He brought me a soft shawl, too.

Me: He’s such a thoughtful wolf. Can I smell bacon?

Nell: Poppy is making bacon sandwiches for us all. David asked for a substantial breakfast to lift everyone’s spirits.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: He’s also offering cuddles to anyone in need of a hug today.

Me: I will definitely have one of those.

Nell: Theirs was one of the world’s greatest love stories.

Me: It was.

Nell: Philip is watching over her now like Charlie is watching over me.

Me: I am so sorry.

Me: Look at darling Harriet completely lost in thought.

Nell: She’s in the yellow chair.

Me: Is that a problem?

Nell: Just saying.

Me: It’s not your chair, you know. Everyone is allowed to sit in it.

Nell: It suits me best. David is too large, Poppy is too small.

Me: And Harriet fits it perfectly.

Nell: No. Harriet is too delicate.

Me: What utter nonsense.

Nell: The angles of the yellow chair are too sharp for Harriet. Notice her use of the grey cushion.

Me: I think she looks lovely.

Nell: Nobody said she didn’t. I would look lovely in a diamond collar but if the diamonds are sharp and uncomfortable I am not going to wear it again.

Me: You would never wear a diamond collar.

Nell: That’s not the point.

Me: Harriet seems pretty comfortable to me.

Nell: Well, she isn’t. She’s Waiting.

Me: For what?

Nell: It’s her job to alert us to the arrival of the food delivery van

Me: Not that again.

Nell: We all need to be at the window barking in unison.

Me: You really don’t.

Nell: And the barking has to continue the whole way through the delivery with no breaks.

Me: Does it though?

Nell: If one dog feels the need to pause through lack of bark the others must bark louder so the volume is maintained.

Me: I wish you wouldn’t.

Nell: The delivery people expect it.

Me: We all expect it, but we don’t want it.

Nell: It is our duty to make it clear that this house is under Animal Protection.

Me: Of course it is. We’re always going to look after all you animals.

Nell: You are silly sometimes. When are you going to realise that we are looking after you?

Me: Oh, I see. Sorry.

Me: We are very lucky to live where we do, aren’t we?

Nell: Yes.

Me: To be able to walk in the Devon countryside with the sea breeze in our hair.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Stopping only to drink some fresh cool water from a little stream weaving its way down to the sea.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: Rambling across the lush green fields to the sound of baby lambs and their mothers in the distance.

Nell: And the screaming of Beefies in tank tops.

Me: Don’t spoil the picture.

Nell: You get carried away sometimes.

Me: I wonder why the Beefies have to be quite so loud.

Nell: They like the sound of their own voices.

Me: Just imagine a Beefy choir.

Nell: No, thank you. I can’t think of anything worse.

Me: I don’t mind them that much. I grew up with the sound of seagulls all around me.

Nell: That explains a lot.

Me: The Welsh corgi choir have got nothing to worry about.

Nell: Nobody can sing like a corgi.

Me: The Welsh have wonderful voices.

Nell: Although David has a very pleasant baritone for an Oxfordshire born Labrador.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He’s been practising. He’s hoping to join Tony’s shanty crew when they start singing together again.

Nell: Life is slowly starting to get back to normal. Whatever normal is nowadays.

Me: It’s hard to look back on how life used to be. How we took our freedom for granted. Things have changed so much in a year, Nell.

Nell: They have in many ways. But not deep down, where it matters.

Me: No. I’m still me and you are you. We are going to be fine, aren’t we?

Nell: Of course we are. You and me. Always.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: It’s far too cold for April.

Me: Yes, it is. But the weather people did warn us.

Nell: Nobody should be made to walk miles and miles in a box full of water when it is snowing outside.

Me: It wasn’t snowing. It was hailing and not for very long.

Nell: Potato. Potahto.

Me: Your hydrotherapy is doing you good and the water was warm.

Nell: Would you like to stand in a lukewarm bath with no bubbles?

Me: Not really.

Nell: I rest my case.

Me: Chloe said you did well and she is very pleased with you.

Nell: Chloe is a sweet girl.

Me: And you’ve lost half a kilo.

Nell: Unlike some.

Me: It’s Easter, Nell. That chocolate rabbit had to be eaten. It was in the way.

Nell: Of what exactly? The carrots you keep giving me? I’m not a rabbit you know.

Me: You like a carrot. Dave loves a carrot.

Nell: David loves everything.

Me: Except lettuce.

Nell: There is no point to lettuce. All it does is make your sandwich soggy.

Me: I love lettuce. I could eat it every day.

Nell: At least we’ve finally got the internet back.

Me: Yes. Thank goodness. I never realised how much I relied on it.

Nell: Terry said Book a Beefy has suffered.

Me: That’s probably because you couldn’t order anything. You’re always online.

Nell: Some of the Beefies are still pretending to be mallards. Wretched creatures.

Me: Yes. I saw them fly over just now.

Nell: Mind you. Those tank tops are going to come in useful in this weather.

Me: Is Terry wearing one too? He must be feeling the cold.

Nell: Of course not. Terry would never pretend to be a mallard. He’s not that kind of seagull.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Where’s Dave?

Nell: Outside playing Cowardy Custards with Walter Pigeon.

Me: Cowardy Custards?

Nell: Yes.

Me: How do you play?

Nell: You have to stare at each other until one of you moves.

Me: Are you sure Walter is playing?

Nell: Of course I am.

Me: I can’t see him.

Nell: Look at the top of the steps.

Me: Oh yes. They are both really focussed.

Nell: They can play this for hours. Personally, I don’t see the attraction. Boring game.

Me: I bet you could do it if there was someone eating.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You can be completely focussed when you are watching me eat.

Nell: I’m being Supportive. It’s what we labradors do.

Me: If you say so.

Nell: Is the internet working yet?

Me: No. We rely on it for phone calls too, as we have no signal down here, so we’re completely cut off.

Nell: Have you told everyone?

Me: Yes. I went down to the end of the lane yesterday until I got a signal.

Nell: It makes you realise how reliant we are on technology.

Me: Yes. I was supposed to FaceTime with Alice and Chris and the grandchildren.

Nell: They will still be there. There is nothing you can do at the moment.

Me: It’s my niece Scarlett’s birthday today.

Nell: Yes. I know. That’s why there’s a photo of her on here. Happy Birthday Scarlett from us all.

Me: Yes. Happy Birthday Button. We love you. Can you believe she is 17?

Nell: Time certainly flies.

Me: It seems only yesterday that she was 2 and we were dancing round the living room.

Nell: You still do.

Me: She gave Dave his name. He couldn’t be anything else but Dave now.

Nell: Or David.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Happy dogs in the sunshine. There’s nothing better to lift the spirits.

Nell: Yesterday was a beautiful day, I must say.

Me: You have such a lovely smile.

Nell: Thank you.

Me: Rarely seen, but all the more precious because of it.

Nell: What do you mean ‘rarely seen’?

Me: Well, you’re not one of those constantly cheerful dogs, are you?

Nell: I am not.

Me: Some might even say you are a little stand-offish.

Nell: Why don’t you go and psychoanalyse someone else? I’m sure David is more than willing.

Me: Dave’s busy painting eggs.

Nell: It’s a bit late for that. Easter Sunday was yesterday.

Me: I know, but Dave loves them so much that Poppy said we could have painted boiled eggs for breakfast.

Nell: I don’t want a painted egg for breakfast.

Me: It’s only food colouring.

Nell: Poppy found the half eaten rabbit, by the way.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: Oh yes. I would steer clear of her if I were you.

Me: It’s nothing to do with me. I’m not the one who chases rabbits.

Nell: I am talking about chocolate rabbits.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Hidden at the back of the refrigerator.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: Without a head.

Me: There’s something awfully satisfying about biting the head off a chocolate rabbit.

Nell: Poppy does not agree.

Me: Is she very angry?

Nell: Fuming.

Me: Crikey.

Nell: What is it about tense situations that makes you start talking like a character from an Enid Blyton book?

Me: I can’t help it.

Nell: I told you not to leave chocolate lying around.

Me: It’s Easter, Nell.

Nell: Tell that to Poppy.

Me: Do you know if the rabbit is still in the fridge?

Nell: Why?

Me: Just wondering.

Nell: Well, don’t.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Happy Easter.

Nell: Happy Easter to you too.

Me: You look a little tired.

Nell: Kev and I were up until really late getting everything organised.

Me: Is it online now?

Nell: It is.

Me: Do people know?

Nell: We sent out an email, but go on tell everyone else.

Me: Our shop is finally open. Go to https://world-of-nell.myshopify.com/

Nell: Yes. Please do.

Me: And the really big news is we managed to negotiate an absolutely huge discount on the audio book.

Nell: We certainly did.

Me: So please grab a copy while you can.

Nell: You don’t grab a copy. You download it.

Me: Yes, they know what I mean.

Nell: Now, I’ve added a little extra button where people can buy you a cup of Earl Grey. They tried to persuade me to Buy a Coffee would you believe? But I was having none of it.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: It’s a way of showing support for your writing.

Me: But they don’t have to do it, do they?

Nell: Of course not. It’s just that every little helps and this has been a difficult year.

Me: It certainly has.

Nell: We will be introducing new products regularly and are always grateful for feedback.

Me: We’ve never done anything like this before. It’s awfully exciting, Nell.

Nell: Yes, and I do hope everyone will spread the word.

Me: I’m sure they will. I just love the thought that people will be able to listen to the audiobook.

Nell: It’s a ridiculously low price you know.

Me: It’s our Easter present to everyone for their encouragement and support.

Nell: Did I just see you bite the head off a chocolate bunny?

Me: You might have done.

Nell: Well, do it more discreetly, please.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy is such a caring animal.

Nell: Yes, he is.

Me: He knew all I wanted to do was give my sister Charlotte a hug, but I’m not allowed to yet.

Nell: He did.

Me: So he gave her a cuddle on my behalf.

Nell: To be fair it wasn’t exactly difficult for him. David delights in any kind of public displays of affection.

Me: He’s just a loving boy.

Nell: Unlike Poppy

Me: She’s a girl, Nell.

Nell: And a very fierce one too.

Me: Has she calmed down yet?

Nell: Yes. She made Seamus a huge hamper of treats to take back to Naughty Nigel and Boo. Scones, cakes, biscuits and eggs.

Me: Easter eggs?

Nell: Of course not. Freshly laid eggs from the farm.

Me: I noticed she’s been getting a lot of those recently.

Nell: It’s awfully easy since they introduced Cluck and Collect.

Me: Don’t you mean click?

Nell: Chickens don’t have fingers, you know. We can’t all be flamenco dancers like those llamas. Clicking their hooves in the air like there’s no tomorrow.

Me: It’s not that kind of click.

Nell: No, because it’s a cluck.

Me: Never mind. Why are the llamas dancing flamenco, by the way?

Nell: They discovered the Gipsy Kings at The Cat’s fish barbecue yesterday and now there’s no stopping them.

Me: I’m getting awfully excited about tomorrow, Nell.

Nell: Any chocolate eggs must be eaten in secret. You do not want to risk Poppy’s wrath or there will be no roast dinner for anyone.

Me: Don’t worry I will be discreet.

Nell: There’s a first for everything I suppose.

Me: I’m talking about you know what.

Nell: Well don’t. I know what, but nobody else can until tomorrow.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Nell: I’m afraid there has been an unfortunate incident of mistaken identity in the garden.

Me: Beefies in tank tops disguised as mallards again?

Nell: No. We’re used to that. It’s best to ignore them. This is much worse.

Me: What on earth happened?

Nell: Well, Seamus popped over unexpectedly with some fresh fish.

Me: That’s kind of him. I didn’t know Seamus went fishing.

Nell: There’s a lot you don’t know.

Me: True. How is he feeling?

Nell: Not as well as when he arrived.

Me: Was Naughty Nigel with him? Or Boo?

Nell: No. His mistake was to come here alone and unarmed.

Me: Apart from the fish.

Nell: He had already given it to The Cat. It’s having a barbecue.

Me: Are we invited?

Nell: Yes. But that’s not the point.

Me: Hang on. Why did Seamus need to be armed? He’s your cousin. He can come here any time.

Nell: It’s Easter weekend. Poppy is on high alert.

Me: Is she?

Nell: You know how she feels about the danger of chocolate.

Me: Yes. She won’t have it in the house. I’ll have to eat mine secretly.

Nell: What did you say?

Me: Nothing.

Nell: Poppy thought Seamus was the Easter Terrier and boxed his ears.

Me: But she knows Seamus.

Nell: Her judgement was clouded.

Me: I thought the Easter Terrier was supposed to box the Easter Bunny’s ears.

Nell: Poppy says it needs to get its act together. The Easter Bunny is still distributing chocolate everywhere.

Me: Has Poppy apologised to Seamus?

Nell: Not really. She says it’s an easy mistake to make. Seamus is a terrier and it’s Easter.

Me: How is he?

Nell: Fine, but he’s going to call ahead next time. Would your chocolate be an Easter egg?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Dave must be in Poppy’s good books.

Nell: Why?

Me: She’s been kissing him all morning.

Nell: It’s maple syrup.

Me: What?

Nell: David was learning how to make pancakes and there was an unfortunate incident with some maple syrup.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Poppy is just cleaning him up.

Me: Was there much spillage?

Nell: David moved swiftly but things were a little sticky for a while.

Me: I bet they were.

Nell: Henry and Horst were involved.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: Fortunately Poppy realised they were woodlice not toast crumbs before Manuel moved in.

Me: Toast crumbs?

Nell: It’s an easy mistake to make. The times those two boys have been swept off the table.

Me: What a dangerous life they lead.

Nell: They shouldn’t be on the table, of course, but they can’t hear otherwise.

Me: Just imagine.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: There you are going about your life as normal when an octopus sweeps you off the table and throws you in the compost.

Nell: This is not something you, or I, need to worry about. Nobody is going to mistake us for a toast crumb and Manuel can’t sweep us anywhere.

Me: Facing constant attack. Living life on the edge.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Such brave little things.

Nell: Anyway, I expect David is still a little sticky.

Me: But he’s on the bed.

Nell: An animal has to rest, you know. Especially after an incident like that. It’s a shock to the system.

Me: I suppose it is.

Nell: Henry and Horst are David’s friends. He could have lost them.

Me: I know.

Nell: Well then. Stop fussing and allow him some time to recover. A little syrup on the bedcover won’t hurt you. You’re not a woodlouse.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.