Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy was a bit full on with our visitors, wasn’t he?

Nell: Full on? He climbed right up onto Elliot and licked his face. He knew he had overdone it.

Me: He was just being friendly, Nell. He hadn’t met him before, so he was excited. Elliot didn’t mind. Dave is just naturally affectionate.

Nell: He takes it way too far. And what about social distancing?

Me: I don’t think it’s really Dave’s thing.

Nell: Well, he needs to show restraint. It was embarrassing.

Me: Charlotte and Scarlett laughed.

Nell: They weren’t being climbed on.

Me: Well, I think we all could do with a hug at the moment, Nell. And Dave’s hugs are the best.

Nell: These are difficult times, I agree. Have you heard anything more about the audio book?

Me: It’s with the distributors now. We are still hoping it will be released before Christmas.

Nell: Good. I think it’s just what people need.

Me: Yes. I know lots of people have been listening to the Christmas Special again. They find it comforting.

Nell: We need to remember that this too will pass. It’s where we are now. But it’s not where we’re going to stay.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Better times are ahead. We just need to keep going.

Me: It’s certainly turning out to be a strange old Christmas.

Nell: It’s one that people will talk about for years to come.

Me: True.

Nell: The thing to do is to make the best of it that you can, and if you feel you’re not coping then let someone know.

Me: We are in this together.

Nell: Yes. Let us know. We are always here.

Me: Thank goodness for you, Nell.

Nell: Thank goodness for us all.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Would you like me to put the pillowcase on to your pillow properly, Nell?

Nell: No. I’ve got it exactly where I want it to be. Let me just enjoy a few moments of peace and quiet.

Me: Yesterday was certainly a night to remember.

Nell: That’s one way of putting it.

Me: Our pantomime might go down in history.

Nell: For all the wrong reasons.

Me: It was a huge success. Talk about audience participation.

Nell: I’d rather not.

Me: All that booing and hissing.

Nell: Snow Bite and the Seven Woofs were supposed to be the good ones.

Me: Not for the Beefies.

Nell: Obviously not. They hissed whenever they came on stage.

Me: They absolutely loved Poppy. Every time she walked on they cheered.

Nell: I know.

Me: And when she sliced through Manuel’s cape they went wild. There was mackerel flying everywhere.

Nell: Fortunately Manuel managed to throw most of it back.

Me: It was a bit rude of them to eat it during Harriet’s song.

Nell: It was disgusting.

Me: Why were there camels roaming on Dartmoor?

Nell: Ask the llamas.

Me: And I wasn’t expecting the Three Kings.

Nell: Nobody was.

Me: But all in all you have to admit that everyone really enjoyed themselves.

Nell: Some more than others.

Me: The audience loved the Talking Bowl.

Nell: Yes. They did.

Me: Even though it was only my voice.

Nell: Yes.

Me: In the end I decided there was no need for me to go on stage.

Nell: No.

Me: It was better to preserve the illusion.

Nell: It was.

Me: Would you mind if I joined you to listen to Sunday Songs, Nell?

Nell: Not at all. You’ll need to find your own pillow, though. This is mine.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: Poppy and Dave are playing Cheeky Animals in the living room. It’s hilarious.

Nell: Is Poppy winning again?

Me: Yes. My poor Big Brave Beautiful Boy just can’t keep up with her.

Nell: She’s a natural.

Me: What’s going on over in the field, Nell? There’s lots of activity.

Nell: That will be Ron Gilbert and his gang.

Me: Do you mean Ron Gilbert the Great Dane from Torquay?

Nell: Of course. He’s brought some of the Australian sheepdogs with him.

Me: I didn’t know they were performing.

Nell: They are putting up the tent.

Me: What tent?

Nell: We can’t be expected to perform outside in this weather.

Me: I thought we were using The Barn.

Nell: Where is the audience going to go?

Me: That’s a relief. I didn’t think we had enough room in The Barn for an audience with the Welsh corgi choir, the Whippets Institute and the Dartmouth Dachshunds all performing.

Nell: What are the Dartmouth Dachshunds doing?

Me: Roly Polies the last time I saw them.

Nell: Well, I wish they wouldn’t. Nobody asked them to. Now, Our Penguin will be filming the performance live and streaming it on YouChewed so friends and family can enjoy it from home.

Me: That’s a lovely idea.

Nell: Yes. But the pantomime still needs an audience so we have issued a few tickets.

Me: Malcom says Count Bingo Flamingo is coming.

Nell: And Owl Pacino and some of the Royal Owl Force.

Me: I hope they’re not sitting near the Beefies.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: A large party of Beefies have got tickets. I thought you knew.

Nell: That’s totally unacceptable.

Me: They’ve formed their own bubble, Nell.

Nell: I don’t care about their bubble. I’m not having Beefies sabotaging the performance.

Me: Sorry.

Me: I need a stern word, Nell.

Nell: David ate the last pancake by mistake. There are more coming. Manuel is flipping them as we speak.

Me: It’s not about pancakes, Although Dave is looking extremely guilty, and so are you.

Nell: The pancakes are particularly delicious today, I must say. David had eaten four of them before he even realised and I had two. Even Henry and Horst joined in.

Me: That’s unusual.

Nell: I think it’s pre-performance nerves. Tomorrow is the big day.

Me: I know. Anyway, I want to talk to you about something.

Nell: You are not going on stage until the end.

Me: It’s not about that.

Nell: If it’s about your costume then I have decided you may have one. The Cat says you look delightful so I suppose we can allow it.

Me: That’s marvellous news, Nell. I won’t let you down.

Nell: It’s only for the encore, mind.

Me: Yes, I know, but at least everyone gets the chance to see my costume and I can actually wear one like everyone else.

Nell: Now, what did you want to talk about? Only I am running late and there is so much to do before tonight’s dress rehearsal.

Me: Somebody stole one of the Christmas decorations off the tree.

Nell: I mean look at the weather. Torrential rain and gale force winds. Where are the Dartmoor ponies going to go?

Me: I thought the llamas were playing the ponies.

Nell: The llamas can’t be trusted not to dance. All that pretending to be camels has gone to their heads.

Me: I think you know who took the decoration and are deliberately ignoring me.

Nell: Look. The Cat is waving at you. You had better go for your costume fitting.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Wasn’t it wonderful to be down on the beach again? Look at Harriet’s happy face.

Nell: It was just what we needed.

Me: Running along the beach with the wind in our hair.

Nell: I didn’t see you running?

Me: I did when the sea suddenly came in.

Nell: True.

Me: Poppy seems a little happier.

Nell: Yes. Knitwear Wolf and I had a chat with her about being the baddie.

Me: I don’t think you should call Poppy a baddie, Nell.

Nell: No. She is playing a baddie in the pantomime.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: And, as we explained to her, everybody loves a baddie.

Me: Yes, we all love to hiss and boo.

Nell: Exactly. So the important thing to do is to have fun with it.

Me: And not actually turn into one.

Nell: Obviously.

Me: Poppy will make a glorious baddie.

Nell: Yes, she will. Rupert also explained how hard it is when people think you are a real baddie and are genuinely scared of you.

Me: Wolves don’t always have a good reputation.

Nell: And how much better it is to be a pantomime baddie like Poppy.

Me: What did Poppy say?

Nell: She said she quite liked the idea of people being scared of her.

Me: Typical Poppy.

Nell: But she winked afterwards so we knew she was only joking.

Me: So are Poppy and Manuel going to dance the Pasa Doble?

Nell: They certainly are and the Welsh corgi choir are accompanying them as senoritas with castanets.

Me: How adorable.

Nell: I’m not sure about Gladys and the llamas dancing flamenco but I’m willing to give them a try.

Me: Shame I’m not a Talking Bull instead of Bowl. I could have joined them all on stage.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Sorry.

Me: What’s the matter with Poppy? She looks awfully glum.

Nell: She’s sulking. Just ignore her. She’ll get over it.

Me: Why? Is it this horrid grey rainy weather?

Nell: Poppy’s bad mood has nothing to do with the weather.

Me: She’s not going to go wild, is she? Only I’m not dressed for confrontation.

Nell: That’s not Poppy’s fierce face.

Me: But is she Poppy today, or the Evil Mrs Snow?

Nell: A combination of the two, which is what she’s like most days, to be honest.

Me: What happened?

Nell: If you must know, she had a run in with Wibbly Wobbly Woof during rehearsal.

Me: Manuel is coming out of his shell then?

Nell: He’s an octopus, not a lobster.

Me: I never mentioned lobsters.

Nell: With hindsight Gladys probably shouldn’t have suggested a Pasa Doble.

Me: Did Manuel get carried away?

Nell: Have you ever seen an octopus twirling a cape?

Me: I can’t say I have.

Nell: It’s spectacular.

Me: He is from Barcelona.

Nell: Everyone was applauding until Poppy marched on stage and shouted ‘This has to stop!’

Me: Was that in the script?

Nell: No, but I always allow for a little improvisation.

Me: Did Manuel stop?

Nell: Not until Poppy sliced through his cape with her sword.

Me: That wasn’t very nice of her.

Nell: No. Everyone booed. I blame it on the chilli. She made spicy fajitas for lunch and she gets easily overheated.

Me: Was Manuel upset?

Nell: Yes. He said ‘You very bad naughty evil Mrs Poppy Snow.’

Me: I’d keep that line in, if I were you.

Nell: I’m keeping the whole scene.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: Poppy doesn’t agree.

Me: Nobody likes to be upstaged by an octopus.

Nell: The show must go on.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Why are the puppies hiding under the kitchen table?

Nell: The Evil Mrs Snow is cooking breakfast and she is shouting at Wibbly Wobbly and Whimsical Woof.

Me: Oh dear. The poor things. What a way to start your day. The puppies seem awfully worried about it.

Nell: Snow Bite has to go undercover and the Handsome Lifeguard is protecting her, while staying alert for any accidental droppage.

Me: Let me get this clear. You do mean Poppy is shouting at Manuel and Malcolm, don’t you? And Dave is protecting Harriet.

Nell: Yes. I want everyone to stay in their characters for the whole of today.

Me: But I don’t want to be on my own all day, Nell.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: The Talking Bowl is heard but not seen.

Nell: Actually, the Talking Bowl is seen, it’s just you that isn’t.

Me: I am the Talking Bowl.

Nell: You are the Voice of the Talking Bowl. There’s a very important difference.

Me: Is that why I can’t go on stage?

Nell: Yes. Of course, it is. We mustn’t break the illusion.

Me: It all makes sense now. I thought you were just being mean and didn’t want me on stage with everyone else.

Nell: Don’t be silly. At the end of the pantomime you will join everyone for the final bows.

Me: Well, that’s a relief. Can I go on dressed as a Talking Bowl then?

Nell: Good grief. Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying? No, you cannot. We need to preserve the illusion.

Me: What about today?

Nell: Why on earth would you want to spend today dressed as a Talking Bowl? Fridays are Dressing Up days. You know that. Just speak in your special voice.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: That’s a photo of my sister Maisie, David and Harriet’s mother, with their sister Mist.

Me: Yes, I just found it.

Nell: Is that my other sister Daisy holding that disreputable toy?

Me: Yes. You two look awfully alike.

Nell: I haven’t seen her for ages.

Me: I remember when Daisy came to visit us when you were pups. You knew who she was immediately.

Nell: Of course I did. You don’t forget your own sister.

Me: When I first met you, Nell, you were with Daisy and Maisie. I had to choose one of you. What if I had chosen one of them?

Nell: That was never happening and I chose you, by the way.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Anyway, I wouldn’t show David and Harriet that photo of their mother and sister. It might make them sad.

Me: I hope it hasn’t made you sad, Nell.

Nell: No. It is lovely to see my sisters again but I have my own family now.

Me: Which seems to be growing again, by the way.

Nell: Are you talking about the reindeer in The Barn?

Me: I am.

Nell: They’re just visiting Olive the Other Reindeer. They need to coordinate their diaries. It’s a busy time of year.

Me: Well, they’ve eaten all the scones.

Nell: Poppy is aware. She and Malcolm are making a fresh batch before this afternoon’s rehearsal.

Me: What about a bowl of scones on stage so the actors can have one whenever needed?

Nell: I presume you’re suggesting a Talking Bowl here.

Me: Now, that’s an idea. The Talking Bowl could say ‘Do take a scone. Would you like jam? Or cream? Or both? Please help yourself.’

Nell: You’ve been practising that, haven’t you?

Me: Maybe.

Nell: You’re not going on stage.

Me: Ok. Sorry.

Me: I love that photo of Sunny with the book.

Nell: Yes, it is delightful, but you had better explain to everyone why it is there.

Me: Yes. This has been a very difficult year for so many of us, but it has also been a year when some of our dreams have come true.

Nell: Yours certainly have.

Me: Yes. For the past few months Kev and I have been working on a very exciting project with the wonderful Sunny Ormonde. Many of you will know her as Lilian Bellamy from Radio 4’s ‘The Archers.’

Nell: Excuse me? I think you will find I was involved, too.

Me: Of course, you were.

Nell: And Sue Wilson was a marvellous director.

Me: She was brilliant and so patient.

Nell: Weren’t we all?

Me: Anyway, the surprise is that we have recorded the audio version of ‘Conversations with Nell.’

Nell: Yes, it’s with the publishers now and will hopefully be out soon.

Me: So exciting.

Nell: It has lots of bonus material, including the Christmas Special.

Me: Because of the pandemic, Sunny and I could not record together, so Kev did a fantastic job of editing it all.

Nell: The hours and hours he spent toiling away in his freezing studio. David had to sit on his feet to keep him warm, you know.

Me: Yes, you told me. But it was worth it and we are ever so proud of the result.

Nell: All in all, this has been quite a year for us, hasn’t it?

Me: It certainly has, Nell.

Nell: The Welsh corgi choir are singing carols. Shall we take our tea outside and listen?

Me: That sounds wonderful. Thank you for always being there for me, Nell.

Nell: Where else would I be?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Poppy is looking sly and confident.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: She is walking around in a feathered hat and high boots.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: Carrying her sword.

Me: I wonder why.

Nell: Do you really?

Me: What’s that supposed to mean?

Nell: On being questioned, she said ‘Ask Sara.’

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: So?

Me: I didn’t know she was there.

Nell: Where?

Me: On my pillow. She made herself look small.

Nell: She is small.

Me: She must have heard everything.

Nell: She seems pretty pleased with herself.

Me: Well, you know that final surprise?

Nell: You mean the one we weren’t telling anyone about yet?

Me: Yes. That one. I might have gone and told BBC Radio Devon.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: They asked me to update them so I told them about the Christmas Special and Pippa invited me to do a pre-recorded interview about it for her morning show.

Nell: So that’s what you were doing upstairs secretly on Wednesday? Chatting to the BBC?

Me: Yes. Pippa loves the book, by the way, and the Christmas Special. She is a big fan of ours.

Nell: That’s lovely.

Me: She even played an excerpt from it.

Nell: Most kind.

Me: But now the secret is out.

Nell: Except none of us heard it, apart from Poppy and all of Devon, of course.

Me: I didn’t know it was going out yesterday morning until it was too late. Pippa texted me but I don’t always get texts.

Nell: It’s a Devon thing.

Me: Kev is going to download my interview and put it online so everyone can hear it.

Nell: You’re going to have to mention it in tomorrow’s conversation, too. Poppy will burst if you don’t.

Me: Yes, I will. Sorry.