Me: Why isn’t Dave having breakfast with Harriet?

Nell: He had a couple of early clients.

Me: Clients?

Nell: Yes. His caring skills are in huge demand. The llamas told the cows about his understanding ways and now everyone wants to talk to him.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: He is fully booked. He only managed to grab a bowl of cereal this morning. Poppy offered him a boiled egg but he refused.

Me: Dave refused food?

Nell: He takes his work very seriously. But don’t worry Malcolm is making him a few macarons to get him through the morning.

Me: Well, he seems to be listening to someone out there but I can’t see anyone.

Nell: My biscuits are on young Benjamin Beefy.

Me: Don’t you mean your money?

Nell: No. A Labrador only gambles with biscuits.

Me: Of course. What’s wrong with Benjamin?

Nell: He’s simply not cut out to be a travelling salesbird.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: He wears a tank top for a start and when people aren’t interested in buying Gull No 5 he says never mind it’s not that nice anyway.

Me: It isn’t.

Nell: And Our Penguin’s documentary is trending on YouChewed so the Beefies will know all about it.

Me: Someone needs to tell the Beefies that Benjamin should be allowed to be a normal seagull. He isn’t cut out to be a Beefy.

Nell: Yes. It’s Malcolm and the Flamingo Foreign Legion all over again.

Me: Only with mean Stephen Seagull in charge, not kind Count Bingo.

Nell: I can’t see that dreadful bird listening to reason but David could give it a try I suppose.

Me: Dave can’t be the head of an evil gang of seagulls.

Nell: No, he could talk to Stephen Seagull. Do keep up.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Nell: Are you going to stop moaning any time soon? Some of us are trying to rest.

Me: I was just stung in the toe by a wasp, Nell. It really hurts.

Nell: I’ve told you to be more careful. This has happened to you before.

Me: It was in my slipper. How was I supposed to know that?

Nell: Always shake your slippers before putting them on.

Me: Well, I will now. That’s for sure.

Nell: Last time there was one down your sleeve.

Me: I know. I remember it well. I hate wasps. Nasty stinging things.

Nell: If you were quietly resting in a slipper and someone stuck their giant foot in it you would probably react badly too.

Me: I wouldn’t sting them and I have small feet.

Nell: You would if you were a wasp. They are easily angered. They live life on the edge.

Me: I can’t believe you’re sympathising with the wasp.

Nell: I’m not. I’m just seeing both sides. I’ll ask Poppy for a packet of frozen peas. They will help.

Me: Thank you.

Nell: David is bound to want to comfort you as soon as he’s finished with the llamas.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. What’s wrong with the llamas?

Nell: You know they go everywhere in threes?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Well, apparently some shops are only allowing people in one at a time. Social distancing needs to be maintained.

Me: To be honest, Nell, one llama in a shop is more than enough.

Nell: They like to choose their sweets together.

Me: We all have to make sacrifices.

Nell: Just because you’ve been stung in the toe does not mean you need to lose your caring side. Choosing sweets together is the highlight of a llama’s day.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Cheeky Animal.

Nell: How rude.

Me: No. I’m playing Cheeky Animal with Harriet and I saw her stick her tongue out.

Nell: She hasn’t got her tongue out.

Me: Not anymore.

Nell: Well, if you did see her then I must congratulate you because Harriet is one of our champion players.

Me: Yes. I know.

Nell: So now you have to stick your tongue out without being caught.

Me: Yes. I know how to stick my tongue out, Nell. See?

Nell: Cheeky Animal.

Me: That’s not fair. I was just showing you.

Nell: Exactly. Anyway, moving on, today is going to be rather hot according to the cows.

Me: Yes, I heard it might be a bit of a scorcher.

Nell: A bit of a scorcher? Have you been reading the Daily Growl again?

Me: I did give it a glance when Knitwear Wolf brought the morning papers. Why?

Nell: Just don’t believe everything you read.

Me: Now, I’m intrigued.

Nell: It’s full of gossip. ‘Woodlouse brothers Henry and Horst at loggerheads over mysterious butterfly.’ So intrusive.

Me: What mysterious butterfly?

Nell: Quite. She’s not mysterious at all. We all know who they mean.

Me: Do we?

Nell: Yes. Vanessa. You must have seen her. Bit of a painted lady, if I am honest.

Me: Are Horst and Henry really fighting over her?

Nell: I’m afraid they are. Vanessa is a little flighty. It’s a butterfly thing. They are so unreliable.

Me: I don’t want her upsetting the boys.

Nell: Well, it’s too late. David is with Henry now. He’s taking it all rather badly.

Me: Taking what?

Nell: Vanessa went to the Butterfly Ball with Henry but she left with Horst.

Me: I didn’t know there was a Butterfly Ball.

Nell: That’s not the point.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Are you and Harriet waiting for the post?

Nell: Of course we aren’t. Tony is on holiday and it’s Sunday. Do keep up.

Me: I just wondered what you were doing in the doorway.

Nell: Harriet and I are listening to Morning Songs of course.

Me: Oh yes. I saw the Welsh corgis arriving earlier. I love their little cardigans.

Nell: Knitwear Wolf likes to make sure they keep warm. It can be chilly first thing in the morning and there’s quite a breeze on the hill.

Me: Yes. I feel sorry for them standing out there alone in the wind. They should be huddled together for warmth.

Nell: It’s summer and they are not alone. And anyway they are a Welsh corgi choir not a herd of sheep. Good grief.

Me: Yes. You’re right. Have you been eating bacon?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You just licked your lips which is a sure sign that you’ve eaten something tasty.

Nell: There is no bacon in the house after David’s mistake.

Me: My poor Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He’s so sorry.

Nell: He wasn’t sorry when he ate Harriet’s toast and Marmite.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I told her not to leave it there while she went to get a cup of tea but she wouldn’t listen.

Me: He probably thought it was going spare.

Nell: Going spare? It was on her special plate.

Me: Wait a minute. You’ve just eaten Marmite too, haven’t you?

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: You’re licking your lips again. That’s what Marmite does to you.

Nell: I may have had a taste.

Me: Did you share Harriet’s toast with Dave?

Nell: Would you kindly allow us to enjoy the singing? Gladys is about to perform a contemporary dance.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Poppy must be feeling so much better after her haircut.

Nell: She is.

Me: Harriet waited by the gate the whole time she was away. Bless her.

Nell: Yes, I know. She was worried about her.

Me: Why?

Nell: There have been reports of people in town not respecting government guidelines.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: And it turns out she was right to worry.

Me: What happened?

Nell: You know Rupert lent John the Doberman his motorbike?

Me: Yes. He’s a very caring wolf.

Nell: Well, as soon as they left here they were followed by a group of bullying Beefies in Kiss me Quick hats.

Me: How annoying. Who would kiss a Beefy?

Nell: Quite. They threw the odd mackerel but fortunately Poppy was able to catch them on her sword.

Me: She’s good at that.

Nell: Years of practice. Being a champion at fencing does have its advantages.

Me: I didn’t know Poppy could fence.

Nell: Of course you did. She’s the one who taught Gladys. You must have seen them sword fighting in their outfits,

Me: I didn’t recognise them. They were wearing masks.

Nell: So you think a couple of small dogs just came over here with swords to fight in our garden?

Me: Stranger things have happened, Nell.

Nell: True. Anyway, when they got to the groomers there was a group of poodles outside.

Me: Queuing? I hope they maintained social distance.

Nell: No. Comforting a male Yorkshire Terrier who’d been given a heart shaped face.

Me: They do that with Yorkies.

Nell: I know. Anyway, Poppy was having none of that. She took out her sword and said ‘Short back and sides. No hearts or skirts.’

Me: Well, they seemed to have listened.

Nell: Nobody argues with Poppy.

Me: Of course not. Sorry.

Me: What’s happened? Dave is looking very guilty.

Nell: David is Not to be Trusted and is Under Surveillance.

Me: What has he done?

Nell: It involves a plate of bacon sandwiches.

Me: So he didn’t get a gold star?

Nell: He did not.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: One can eat a bite of a bacon sandwich by mistake.

Me: Yes.

Nell: It even shows restraint. But a whole plate of sandwiches?

Me: Maybe not. How did it happen?

Nell: Shall I read you the witness statement?

Me: Please do.

Nell: ‘I decided to take the long route to The Barn to stretch my legs.’

Me: Exercise is always good.

Nell: ‘The plate was awfully heavy so I ate a couple of sandwiches to lighten the load.’

Me: Well, that makes sense.

Nell: ‘Then the sun came out so I thought I might just stop and enjoy the view.’

Me: It is very beautiful here.

Nell: ‘And when you are enjoying a view in the countryside you need a picnic.’

Me: I love picnics.

Nell: ‘As luck would have it I had a picnic with me. So I ate it.’

Me: All of it?

Nell: Yes. May I continue?

Me: If you must.

Nell: ‘It was only when I started looking for a flask of tea that I remembered it wasn’t my picnic at all.’

Me: It must have been a dreadful shock.

Nell: ‘I would like to apologise for my mistake.’

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: ‘And ask if I could be allowed another try the next time Poppy makes bacon sandwiches.’

Me: Possibly a little over optimistic.

Nell: A little.

Me: Better to have tried and failed then not tried at all.

Nell: Tell that to the larger animals. It was their breakfast.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at my Big Brave Beautiful Boy rolling around. He seems so happy.

Nell: He is. At Morning Thoughts today David was awarded a silver star.

Me: How wonderful. What did he do?

Nell: Against all odds and contrary to the opinion of almost everybody David carried a bacon sandwich upstairs to Harriet.

Me: That’s amazing. Surely it deserves a gold star, Nell.

Nell: Unfortunately the sandwich did not arrive untouched.

Me: Well, it can’t be untouched if it was being carried. Harriet doesn’t mind.

Nell: A portion of the sandwich was eaten by mistake.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: But it was not more than a large bite and bacon was still in there.

Me: It was ever such a difficult task.

Nell: Yes, I know it was but David asked to be allowed to try. How can you ever learn if you don’t try?

Me: True.

Nell: How can you ever improve if you don’t challenge yourself?

Me: Yes.

Nell: And that is why Poppy is making bacon sandwiches again this morning.

Me: I see.

Nell: David is upping his game.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: He is going to attempt to win a gold star.

Me: How is he going to do that I wonder?

Nell: By preparing very carefully. He is allowed two bacon sandwiches for breakfast so that his tummy is full.

Me: It’s never full, Nell. But now I know why he is so happy.

Nell: This time the sandwich will have to be carried out to The Barn and it will not be just one but a whole plate of sandwiches.

Me: That’s ever so difficult.

Nell: The larger animals need breakfast.

Me: I think this might be a sandwich too far.

Nell: Have faith. David can do this.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Harriet’s exhausted. It’s all that running yesterday.

Nell: Yes. Let her sleep, please. Poppy has put her bacon in the oven to keep warm. She can have her sandwich later.

Me: Unless somebody eats it by mistake.

Nell: David will carry it up to her when she wakes with a nice cup of tea.

Me: Are you sure that’s wise? The temptation might be too much for my Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: David assures me that he has turned over a new biscuit on the Eating by Mistake front. He is three now and can deal with Temptation.

Me: Don’t you mean turned over a new leaf?

Nell: Certainly not. Why would David be turning over leaves? He’s not a woodlouse. Leave that to Henry and Horst.

Me: There seems to be a lot of excitement in the air this morning.

Nell: I’m afraid it’s a case of Birds Behaving Badly.

Me: Oh dear. I hope Malcolm wasn’t involved.

Nell: Malcolm?

Me: Wasn’t he taking Our Penguin and Princess to do some filming with Count Bingo Flamingo and the boys?

Nell: Are you referring to the Flamingo Foreign Legion?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I wondered for a moment. You’re making them sound like a boy band.

Me: My mistake.

Nell: Anyway, according to the cows there was an awful rumpus at the Hard Rook Cafe last night.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: A group of young blackbirds got into a disagreement with a family of visiting crows. Feathers flew.

Me: I hope nobody was hurt.

Nell: Walter will know the details.

Me: Walter Pigeon?

Nell: Yes. He works nights at the Hard Rook Cafe.

Me: As a barbird?

Nell: Certainly not.

Me: It was just a joke.

Nell: Walter is on the door. He’s a bouncer.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Nell: Can I have a word, please?

Me: What have I done now?

Nell: I thought you went to the hairdressers.

Me: I did. Look at my hair.

Nell: Who are those animals then?

Me: Hope and Leo. They run the salon with Sophie. I met them just before the pandemic, don’t you remember? Lovely boys.

Nell: Oh yes. I thought they were Dartmouth Dachshunds for a moment.

Me: No. I wasn’t in Dartmouth, just Kingsbridge.

Nell: You can find Dartmouth Dachshunds anywhere in my experience. They are very sociable creatures.

Me: That’s true.

Nell: Nowadays they are having to zoom, of course, due to social distancing but where there’s a virtual party you are likely to find a Dartmouth Dachshund.

Me: Well, Hope and Leo were very welcoming, and it was so lovely to finally have my hair cut and my colour back. I feel like me again.

Nell: Yes. Kev and I are rather glad to have you back, too.

Me: It was getting me down, Nell. Unfortunately bad hair can affect your self confidence.

Nell: Yes. I’m thankful for my glossy coat. Talking of hair, Poppy says she’s booked in for a cut on Friday.

Me: Yes. I still don’t think she should take her sword with her, though. Could you talk to her?

Nell: I can try but you know what she’s like.

Me: It gives the wrong impression.

Nell: Poppy rarely travels without her sword. You know that.

Me: At least she’s not a Doberman.

Nell: What’s that supposed to mean?

Me: A Doberman arriving at the groomers with a sword would be much more worrying than a small Maltese cross.

Nell: You have nothing to worry about. John will be waiting outside and Dobermans don’t do clipping anyway. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Dave is looking rather magnificent today.

Nell: He’s trying to copy John the Doberman.

Me: John the Doberman? What do you mean?

Nell: Haven’t you seen the way John sits when he is waiting for Poppy?

Me: Oh yes. He is just like a noble soldier on guard duty.

Nell: Yes. He likes to keep Poppy safe.

Me: Do you remember when we first met him and we weren’t sure if he was good or bad?

Nell: Stop right there. Remember some people haven’t read the book yet.

Me: Yes. Of course.

Nell: Talking of the book. We need to say a big thank you for all the reviews which are coming in now. People have been most kind.

Me: They certainly have. I hope they keep them coming as they really do make a difference.

Nell: They will. We couldn’t have done it without them as you say in the Acknowledgements at the end of the book.

Me: I hope people know I meant every word.

Nell: They know.

Me: As soon as I’ve worked out how to do it I’ll start gathering names and addresses for the signed book plates and work out costs for sending them out.

Nell: Well, I have enough time on my paws to help as I’m confined to home.

Me: You’re not confined to home, Nell. We had a gentle walk down to the pond and around the orchard yesterday. You enjoyed it.

Nell: The grass was lovely and soft underpaw but none of it made up for the indignity of the dressing gown belt.

Me: Kev was out with everyone and all the leads were in the car. I had to think fast and that was all I could find.

Nell: Most undignified. It was white and fluffy.

Me: Yes. Sorry.