Me: What’s happened? Dave is looking very guilty.
Nell: David is Not to be Trusted and is Under Surveillance.
Me: What has he done?
Nell: It involves a plate of bacon sandwiches.
Me: So he didn’t get a gold star?
Nell: He did not.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: One can eat a bite of a bacon sandwich by mistake.
Nell: It even shows restraint. But a whole plate of sandwiches?
Me: Maybe not. How did it happen?
Nell: Shall I read you the witness statement?
Me: Please do.
Nell: ‘I decided to take the long route to The Barn to stretch my legs.’
Me: Exercise is always good.
Nell: ‘The plate was awfully heavy so I ate a couple of sandwiches to lighten the load.’
Me: Well, that makes sense.
Nell: ‘Then the sun came out so I thought I might just stop and enjoy the view.’
Me: It is very beautiful here.
Nell: ‘And when you are enjoying a view in the countryside you need a picnic.’
Me: I love picnics.
Nell: ‘As luck would have it I had a picnic with me. So I ate it.’
Me: All of it?
Nell: Yes. May I continue?
Me: If you must.
Nell: ‘It was only when I started looking for a flask of tea that I remembered it wasn’t my picnic at all.’
Me: It must have been a dreadful shock.
Nell: ‘I would like to apologise for my mistake.’
Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: ‘And ask if I could be allowed another try the next time Poppy makes bacon sandwiches.’
Me: Possibly a little over optimistic.
Nell: A little.
Me: Better to have tried and failed then not tried at all.
Nell: Tell that to the larger animals. It was their breakfast.
Me: Yes. Sorry.