Nell: I would steer clear of Harriet if I were you.

Me: Why?

Nell: There has been a slight addition to the London plans and she is not amused.

Me: I see.

Nell: The Cat managed to get tickets for Mamma Mia so it will be joining David.

Me: That’s lovely. Dave must be delighted.

Nell: Along with Gladys.

Me: Well, Gladys does love Mamma Mia.

Nell: Quite. They couldn’t leave her behind. She cried into her cereal.

Me: But Harriet isn’t happy about it?

Nell: No. She says her visit is being turned into a fiasco and she is not wearing sequins.

Me: She doesn’t have to, does she?

Nell: Well, sequins are virtually compulsory around The Cat. It has even made James a sequinned chauffeurs hat. He loves it.

Me: Well, I think it’s a good idea. Harriet and Sally can do their own thing while Dave, The Cat and Gladys do theirs.

Nell: Yes. The Cat wants to pop into Liberty’s for some fabric. I suggested Harvey Tickles and John Loses as they are always worth a visit, although I’m never quite sure what John has actually lost.

Me: No.

Nell: There is a huge Barks and Spencer, so I’ve asked them to bring back some socks for Mutley. His paws get a little cold at night.

Me: I think they will have a lovely time.

Nell: Yes and Charlie and I can spend some quiet time together while they are away. I adore the puppies but they can be a handful.

Me: Keep me posted as I shall be thinking about you all while I am away.

Nell: You know I will. You can’t have a conversation without Nell. Don’t be silly.

Me: Of course not. Sorry.

Me: Look at those two.

Nell: David finds great comfort in his chats with Tony. He always gives sound advice.

Me: Yes. Everyone should have a Tony.

Nell: You know those book signings next year?

Me: Yes. I didn’t realise but I am going to have to organise them myself.

Nell: Well, Tony is happy to join us if it fits in with his work.

Me: That’s kind. I was thinking of asking people to help me, actually. I will need their suggestions for bookshops, or venues.

Nell: Good idea. Fortunately we have time until then. Now, Mutley and I have been discussing Harriet’s visit to London.

Me: Yes.

Nell: James is going to drive her there and back. It’s the safest option. There is plenty of room in the car so we think David should be allowed to join her.

Me: Wonderful.

Nell: He has to give the girls space, of course, which will be difficult for him.

Me: He is such an affectionate boy.

Nell: I know but he seems unaware that he is the size of a small pony and cuddles aren’t always the answer.

Me: Have you told him about London?

Nell: Not yet. We are going to discuss it at Morning Thoughts.

Me: He will be over the moon.

Nell: Yes. I’m not sure how Harriet will take the news, however. Charlie reckons there will be fireworks.

Me: Quite possibly. Sometimes you need to do things alone. I mean I can’t take anyone with me to my Writers Weekend tomorrow.

Nell: I beg your pardon.

Me: It was booked months ago, Nell. I went last year.

Nell: At the Cottage Hotel in Hope Cove?

Me: Yes.

Nell: My favourite place?

Me: I know.

Nell: And you are leaving tomorrow when you only just got back from your last jaunt?

Me: Yes. But I’ll be home Sunday evening.

Nell: I shall be discussing this with Tony.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Would you mind dealing with David please?

Me: Why?

Nell: He is sulking in the living room.

Me: What’s happened?

Nell: Harriet is going up to London for a few days and he isn’t invited.

Me: She is going to see Sally, isn’t she?

Nell: Yes. They planned it ages ago. Shopping, dinner and a musical.

Me: Dave would love that.

Nell: I know.

Me: And Sally is his girlfriend.

Nell: I am aware.

Me: I’m on Dave’s side. It’s not fair.

Nell: Good grief. They just want to have a girly few days.

Me: But Harriet isn’t actually very girly.

Nell: Just go and talk to David, please. He refused a second boiled egg and left half of his hot buttered toast.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: Do you think I should arrange an Oyster cart for Harriet?

Me: Don’t you mean an Oyster card for public transport?

Nell: No. I mean an Oyster cart. It is shaped like a shell with comfortable seats and usually pulled by Weimaraners. Great fun.

Me: I’ve never seen one but I think it might struggle in the London traffic.

Nell: Yes. A travel card might be best and if she needs to be somewhere quickly she can always get a Tuba.

Me: I don’t think playing a musical instrument is going to help her.

Nell: What are you talking about? Tuba is a taxi service. Everyone has the App. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The puppies look exhausted.

Nell: Celebrating can be very tiring.

Me: Yes. Thank you for the amazing welcome home party.

Nell: It was The Cat. I don’t think the word restraint is in its vocabulary. I ask for low key and we get dancing chihuahuas.

Me: They were very good.

Nell: They were certainly enthusiastic. Mind you, the one on the end had seen better days.

Me: It was tired.

Nell: I suppose there are only so many high kicks you can do without pulling a muscle.

Me: I wouldn’t know.

Nell: We need to keep an eye on Harriet, by the way.

Me: Why?

Nell: She’s on her iBone all the time. Texting or talking and she has a secretive look about her.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I found a pair of glasses and a dark wig in her basket, you know. Gladys denies all knowledge of it.

Me: They were probably Dave’s.

Nell: That’s what I thought, but he said he only wears sunglasses and his wig has longer hair. Then I remembered the Beefies stole it a while ago, anyway.

Me: Yes, they did. I still get a shock when they fly past with it on.

Nell: Charlie says she is talking to Sally the Golden Retriever. He thinks it’s nice for her to have another girl as a friend and I shouldn’t fuss.

Me: He is probably right.

Nell: What’s wrong with Gladys, or Susan, or Poppy and I? We are girls.

Me: Well, Gladys is Dave’s friend and Susan is a seagull so they might have different interests and you and Poppy are aunts and a lot older.

Nell: Thank you for pointing that out. But Sally is in London. It’s so far away.

Me: I was in London yesterday. It’s just a few hours on the train.

Nell: They are excluding David, you know. Sally is his girlfriend. It’s very hard for him. He’s been spending more time at the Beachhouse with his friend AJ the gardening Afghan discussing life.

Me: But look at them both cuddled up on the sofa together. The puppies are fine, although strictly speaking I suppose they aren’t really puppies anymore.

Nell: They will always be puppies to me.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: It looks like you and Poppy were having a serious discussion.

Nell: Yes. It was about scones.

Me: I see.

Nell: I’m not convinced Easter scones are the way to go but Poppy says they are a sure thing.

Me: Did Poppy actually say “sure thing” because it doesn’t sound like her?

Nell: She’s been reading up on marketing and is using corporate slang. It’s dreadfully tiring.

Me: What are Easter scones?

Nell: They’ve got cinnamon in them and are brown. Some kind of healthy flour.

Me: They could work I suppose.

Nell: A brown scone is all wrong. I struggle with a cheese scone, if I am honest.

Me: Yes. You are more of a traditionalist. Was I mentioned in Morning Thoughts?

Nell: Naturally. David thinks you are never coming home. He has no idea of time.

Me: Yes, he worries if someone just pops to the shops.

Nell: He wanted to come with me to collect you but I told him this is something I do with Kev. We enjoy the drive over. It gives us time to talk.

Me: I’m looking forward to seeing you.

Nell: Yes. It is time you came home.

Me: I could sit in the back with you, if you like, and we could have a proper cuddle?

Nell: A proper cuddle? What on earth is the matter with you? You will sit in the front next to Kev with your seat belt on and we will discuss your travels.

Me: Yes.

Nell: David does cuddles. I do Conversations. You know that.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: So now you are posting photos of other dogs?

Me: They are your cousins, Nell. Naughty Nigel, Cousin Boo and Seamus.

Nell: They seem awfully tired.

Me: Yes. They had just had their tea.

Nell: Plain biscuit I expect. We are spoilt having Poppy and Malcolm, of course. You should have taken them some scones. Poor animals. Living so far from the sea and not a scone in sight.

Me: I am hoping they will visit us soon and you can get scones everywhere.

Nell: Not Poppy’s. Naughty Nigel didn’t sleep on your bed, did he?

Me: No. He and Seamus were with Charlotte so I had Cousin Boo.

Nell: Not on your bed?

Me: Yes. For a while. He’s a very courteous black Labrador.

Nell: What is that supposed to mean?

Me: He fitted himself around me. Not like you lot. I have to push Dave with both hands to get him to move. Harriet just rests her head on me and stays there whatever and Poppy lies sideways.

Nell: And what about me?

Me: You leave in a huff if I touch you.

Nell: I need space. Incidentally, while you are away we are all sharing the bed with Kev. All of us, apart from Mutley, who likes his own bed, of course, and Charlie, who needs quiet. Sharing. With no arguments at all.

Me: I can’t see Malcolm doing that, or The Cat. As for Gladys and Timothy.

Nell: You know what I mean. Anyway, Malcolm prefers the kitchen. Gladys sleeps in my handbag and Timothy is on an artist’s retreat in Tuscany. That turkey has blossomed since he came to us.

Me: I bet The Cat doesn’t share the bed.

Nell: Of course not. The Cat resides at the Big House. It never surfaces until at least 10am and only then in its silk pyjamas for a couple of espressos. It can’t start the day without caffeine. You know that.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Thank you for the photo, Nell.

Nell: Yes. The two puppies are still waiting by your desk for you to come home.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I’ve told them there is no point but they prefer to hope.

Me: Tell them I’ll be back on Sunday.

Nell: I have, but time has no meaning to a pup. You know that.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Did your meeting with the publishers go well?

Me: Very well, thank you. It looks like the book will be out in Spring 2020 with pre-ordering beginning about 6 months before.

Nell: I’m going to have to practise signing. One gets so used to technology nowadays that actual writing is a lost art.

Me: True. How was your birthday?

Nell: Delightful. So many wonderful messages. Charlie was feeling a little tired but we still had a gentle stroll by the sea after lunch. David doesn’t do strolling, of course. He and Harriet just dashed around.

Me: They do love to run.

Nell: Poppy excelled herself with dinner and Malcolm made a Croquembouche.

Me: A what?

Nell: It’s a huge tower of choux pastry puffs bound together with threads of caramel. Everyone knows that.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: Gladys climbed on to it, of course, and The Cat spent hours trying to get caramel out of her fur. David had to eat several before we could free her. We left her hat in it in the end as it added a little je ne sais quoi.

Me: I didn’t know you spoke French.

Nell: How else did I study at the Sorbonne? Do keep up.

Me: It sounds like you had a lovely day.

Nell: I did. It was almost perfect.

Me: I know. Sorry.

Me: Happy Birthday my darling Nell.

Nell: Look. It’s you and me at the stables.

Me: Yes, that was the first time I ever held you in my arms. I had found my Nell.

Nell: I was 12 weeks. You kept me waiting.

Me: I didn’t know you were real until that day.

Nell: Yes. You had dreamt about a black lab called Nell many months before, hadn’t you?

Me: Yes. That day Kev went to the village shop and met your brother Barney. His owner told Kev there were still three puppies left at the stables. All girls.

Nell: Kev came back and told you he had found Nell and you had better go and get her. So you drove there straightaway.

Me: Yes. I remember I was shaking a little because it was a dream come true. But there you were with your sisters playing in the garden.

Nell: Yes. One of them was David and Harriet’s mother, Maisie.

Me: But I didn’t choose her.

Nell: You didn’t choose anyone. Do keep up. I chose you. You know how it works.

Me: Yes. Thank you for choosing me, Nell.

Nell: Pleasure. Enough reminiscing. I can smell bacon cooking downstairs and Charlie appears to be holding a rather large bouquet of red roses.

Me: He does. I’m loving the sequinned dressing gown, by the way.

Nell: The Cat insisted. What is Marjorie doing in the corner?

Me: When she finally stopped dancing last night she fell asleep so we left her there. Harriet covered her with a soft blanket.

Nell: Did David just dance past in a top hat carrying Gladys holding a birthday cake, dressed in sequinned pyjamas and followed by a troupe of dancing chihuahuas?

Me: Yes. But she’s not supposed to touch the cake.

Nell: Let’s just have breakfast. You have a train to catch soon and I am joining Kev to take you to the station.

Me: But it’s your birthday. Do you have time?

Nell: I always have time. You and me. Remember that. Always.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Poppy seems to like her new house.

Nell: Yes. David is guarding it. It’s not a palace but it does have a side window and it’s sturdy.

Me: Now, you know it’s your birthday tomorrow?

Nell: I do. There has been a great deal of whispering. Poppy has been baking all morning and The Cat is covered in glitter.

Me: I was wondering if we might celebrate today as well?

Nell: Why?

Me: Well, I have to go up to London tomorrow to the London Book Fair to meet my publisher.

Nell: I beg your pardon. And you are telling me this now?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I’m not coming with you, I can’t leave Charlie.

Me: I know but maybe next year when the book is out.

Nell: Are you aware that I’m going to be 7? A veteran.

Me: Yes. There was nothing I could do. I’ll be there in the morning for your birthday breakfast.

Nell: Will you be back in the evening?

Me: No. After the meeting I’m going to spend the weekend with my sister Charlotte.

Nell: I see. I suppose it means two parties.

Me: Yes. Three if you count breakfast.

Nell: Will there be steak?

Me: Yes, on your actual birthday and today Poppy has arranged afternoon tea with scones and your favourite sandwiches. There will be games by the fire later.

Nell: You will have to wear a hat.

Me: Of course. I even told your Bridge club and Dorothy from the Salcombe Setters says she will definitely be there.

Nell: As long as she isn’t bringing Marjorie. She casts caution to the wind after a couple of G and T’s. You don’t expect that from an elderly bulldog.

Me: I think Marjorie was a yes, too. Sorry.

Me: Why are you being so cross with Harriet?

Nell: I have just heard that Harriet was reckless and wild. She completely disobeyed orders and put her life and David’s in danger.

Me: Tell me what happened?

Nell: There was a little delay in getting the Devon Seagull to Beefy HQ. It was on wheels but could only move slowly and caused quite a back up of cars.

Me: David said visitors thought it was going to a carnival. You could see the top of its head moving along the country lanes.

Nell: Yes. The Welsh corgis were amazing. They pulled it along on ropes and sang all the way. Plucky little things. People clapped.

Me: Was Stephen Seagull pleased when he saw it?

Nell: Malcolm said he was extremely surprised when they arrived but, once he explained it was a present, he allowed it to be wheeled inside.

Me: I bet the Beefies were shocked when the owls flew out.

Nell: Yes, but Poppy and Gladys truly terrified them. Poppy was wearing her suit of armour, of course, and wielding her sword.

Me: Good for her.

Nell: Feathers were flying when Gladys leapt out in her fighting suit and started performing one of those twirling high kicking kung fu dances.

Me: I know the one you mean. How impressive.

Nell: Meanwhile Malcolm was trying to get to Susan when Stephen Seagull hit him with a large mackerel.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: He squealed and that’s when Harriet ran in.

Me: Harriet?

Nell: Yes. She heard Malcolm’s cry and dashed inside scattering Beefies everywhere, followed closely by David who wasn’t letting her go alone. She knocked Stephen Seagull to the ground and David carried Susan out to the car.

Me: How brave.

Nell: Maybe, but also reckless. As the flamboyance of flamingos descended from the sky Malcolm managed to get away with Poppy and Gladys and Mutley drove them all straight home.

Me: It sounds to me like Harriet saved the day.

Nell: Yes. Charlie said the same. But where has my gentle little Harriet gone? This isn’t the Harriet I know.

Me: She is still your Harriet. Just a tiny bit feistier.

Nell: You are right. Did David walk past carrying Gladys in my handbag with a mackerel in her teeth?

Me: Yes. Sorry.