Me: What a beautiful place.

Nell: Yes. Kev took me there yesterday for some quiet time. I’ve been feeling a little stressed.

Me: I know.

Nell: We had a gentle swim and a rest on the beach.

Me: Exactly what you needed.

Nell: We both enjoyed a delicious cool drink by the sea and discussed life and love. I was able to talk freely.

Me: You can do that with me you know.

Nell: I know, but sometimes you just need get away from it all. To gain some perspective.

Me: I agree but it’s always good to come back. When I smell the salt in the air I know I am home.

Nell: You can’t smell salt. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you.

Me: I can.

Nell: It’s the seaweed.

Me: I don’t like seaweed.

Nell: That’s not the point. Now, this might just be me, but have you noticed a Doberman recently?

Me: Where?

Nell: Just around. I’ve had a funny feeling in the last few days that I’m being followed.

Me: Followed?

Nell: Yes. And yesterday when we were at the beach I thought I saw a Doberman in a dinghy.

Me: It might be on holiday.

Nell: Yes. But it was on its own. In my experience they tend to travel in twos. It’s probably just nerves after everything that’s happened.

Me: Or an over active imagination.

Nell: Something you would know all about. If you see it, let me know and don’t approach it. I know what you are like.

Me: Have you told the others?

Nell: Yes. They are aware. Poppy had an unfortunate incident with a Doberman once so she is on high alert.

Me: Good. I think. And Harriet?

Nell: Harriet is a huge comfort with her quiet ways. She is keeping her notebook with her so she can write down any sightings. I didn’t ask Mutley as the Doberman would have to walk up and tap him on the shoulder before he noticed.

Me: What about Dave?

Nell: David has gone to extremes again. The ridiculous animal has started wearing dark glasses and a trench coat with a pair of binoculars round his neck.

Me: Bless him.

Nell: This is not a game. I have a bad feeling so please try and stay focussed and don’t let those farm dogs have any scones. Poppy has been baking and they are hovering near the fence.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at you and Harriet smiling and playing on the beach.

Nell: It was lovely to have Harriet by my side again. David misbehaved as usual. Running off to play football in the car park.

Me: Yes. That was naughty of Dave.

Nell: Honestly if I have to hear anymore about football I will scream. Mutley and Poppy are just as bad.

Me: Why is Poppy wearing a whistle?

Nell: She’s coaching David. They are out there playing with the farm dogs right now.

Me: Those scallywags?

Nell: Exactly. They foul at the first opportunity. Charlie laughed when I told him.

Me: Are you talking to Charlie?

Nell: Anyway, you know the sensible dog from the next village?

Me: Which one?

Nell: Tall with curly hair. He lives in the pub but he’s not a drinker. Richard Price.

Me: I don’t know Richard Price.

Nell: Never mind. At yesterday’s campaign meeting he mentioned plastic and keeping our beaches clean.

Me: Yes. Have you seen the awful damage it can do?

Nell: Exactly. So I thought we could link this to our campaign.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: I am running it past No Good Boyo from the Welsh contingency later.

Me: You can’t call someone No Good Boyo.

Nell: That’s his name. He’s one of those feisty Border Terriers who get things done.

Me: It’s not a proper name.

Nell: May I just mention Kisses the chihuahua?

Me: True.

Nell: So, if No Good Boyo and the Welsh are on board we could extend it nationwide. Dogs and owners pick up poo and plastic keeping our beaches clean. We already have bags so one more won’t matter.

Me: Well, you don’t, to be fair. We owners do.

Nell: And this only happens on dog friendly beaches of course, because we are not allowed on the others.

Me: It’s an idea. What are they shouting about?

Nell: They are bringing Mutley on. He’s their secret weapon.

Me: I didn’t know he played.

Nell: Mutley played for England. It’s a while ago now but he still has the skill. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Charlie just sent me this photo.

Me: Where is he? That doesn’t look like London.

Nell: It isn’t. He’s staying with friends on Exmoor. Apparently he deeply regrets everything and is missing me terribly.

Me: Do you believe him?

Nell: I would be wrong if I didn’t admit we had a connection but how can I ever trust him?

Me: You can’t.

Nell: Oprah said the same thing.

Me: Are you still in touch with Oprah?

Nell: Yes, we hit it off at the wedding. She gives sound advice.

Me: He stole a piece of your heart though, didn’t he?

Nell: He did. He is a lovable rogue, but a rogue just the same.

Me: Do you think you will see him again?

Nell: Who knows. Did David tell you his latest idea?

Me: No.

Nell: He is going to be a professional footballer. It’s because of the World Cup, of course. When Wimbledon starts he will be out there with his tennis racquet.

Me: Does he have a tennis racquet?

Nell: Of course he does. He and Harriet are junior members of the club. Do keep up.

Me: I used to play.

Nell: So did I, but golf is more my cup of tea nowadays.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes. Poppy is an excellent squash player, of course. She moves round that court at high speed but do you know on a good day Mutley can beat her?

Me: Never.

Nell: Yes. It’s the technique. Quite amazing. Anyway, I can’t stand around chatting to you. I have the acupuncturist at 11 and lunch with the girls.

Me: Good. I’m so glad you are putting all this behind you.

Nell: I am doing my best.

Me: People change, things go wrong but just remember life goes on.

Nell: Just get my handbag Pollyanna and don’t say another word.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Are you alright, Nell?

Nell: I’m a little confused to be honest.

Me: What was Dave telling you in the field? It seemed very important.

Nell: Poppy sent him to talk to me. Something happened after dinner last night and they didn’t want to wake me as I was having an early night. It seems Siegfried got the asparagus from the farm dogs.

Me: He did?

Nell: One of Dave’s surfer friends heard them talking about it at the pub. Why did he tell me he had it flown in from Germany?

Me: Trying to impress you I suppose.

Nell: Yes. But why would he ask the farm dogs to get him asparagus?

Me: Poppy says they can get you anything. They’ve got London contacts.

Nell: Yes, but how would Siegfried know that?

Me: Maybe he knows them from somewhere. Before he met you. He was seen talking to them quite a lot.

Nell: Yes. That’s what is bothering me.

Me: What are you going to do?

Nell: I am not sure.

Me: Maybe Dave got it wrong.

Nell: No. One of the farm dogs was wearing David’s hat. The one Siegfried confiscated. The surfer recognised it and sent David a photo. Poppy went straight over there as soon as she saw the photo and got it back. You don’t argue with Poppy.

Me: You certainly don’t.

Nell: I must say the hat bothers me. Giving it away like that. Siegfried knows how much it means to David. It’s thoughtless.

Me: Yes.

Nell: I am afraid Siegfried might not be who he claims to be.

Me: Oh, Nell.

Nell: I need to talk to him right now. Perhaps he can explain. Can you ask James to bring the car, please? I’m going to see him at the hotel.

Me: Let me go with you.

Nell: No. I am doing this alone. Where is my handbag?

Me: Please be careful. I know I had my suspicions about Siegfried but I didn’t want to be right.

Nell: We shall see. I need to give him the chance to explain. The connection between us was real. I am sure it was.

Me: Take care and call if you need me. I am so sorry.

Me: Look at Harriet cuddling Poppy.

Nell: Yes. They have become very close since Harriet’s illness. Poppy was completely distraught when Harriet was in hospital. I’ve never seen so much baking.

Me: The freezer is full and the farm dogs are expecting scones every day now.

Nell: Well, that’s not happening. They got cream on my best hat.

Me: That’s naughty.

Nell: David shouldn’t have been wearing it in the first place of course. Why are they sitting on the old carpet?

Me: I think it gives Poppy a little height so she can see what is going on. Harriet is making sure she doesn’t fall off. Bless her.

Nell: I shall be glad when the new carpet is down. The floorboards are ruining my nails and one shouldn’t have rolls of old carpet in the front garden.

Me: Is Herr Schaeferhund visiting us today?

Nell: Yes. We are having a German dinner this evening.

Me: How exciting. Will there be sausages? You know how Dave loves them?

Nell: No. We are having Weisser Spargel mit Schinken und Kartoffeln.

Me: What?

Nell: White asparagus with cured ham and potatoes. Siegfried has had some white asparagus flown in from Germany especially as they are in season.

Me: Gosh. That will have cost him.

Nell: He insisted. We are going to dine formally with our best china and the antique silver cutlery. It’s good for the puppies to learn. Mutley is on butler duties which is a little worrying. He tends to be over generous with the port.

Me: I remember.

Nell: Dessert is Schwarzwaelder Kirsch Eisbecher. Boozy cherries with ice cream. No chocolate for us of course.

Me: Goodness!

Nell: Mutley wanted to flambé the cherries at the table but I put my paw down. He lost his eyebrows last time.

Me: Your German is very good.

Nell: I worked in Berlin as an au pair for a year. Sweet children and such an exciting city.

Me: You and Herr Schaeferhund must have a lot in common then. Do you and he speak German together?

Nell: No. Never. Siegfried is strangely unwilling to discuss Germany with me. Sad memories perhaps. He always changes the subject.

Me: How odd.

Nell: Good grief. Stop imagining things and get my handbag. We have to track down some cured ham for dinner.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Nice photo with the judges. It seems David did well at the Dog Show yesterday. He was exhausted when he got home.

Me: Yes. He entered several categories, including Best Puppy. He didn’t win any of them, but he was the audience’s favourite and was so good he earned a Well Done rosette.

Nell: I am pleased. Winning isn’t everything. I understand the size issue in the Puppy class but surely they could see his impeccable pedigree.

Me: Yes. There was stiff competition, particularly from a pair of poodles. He struggled a little in the obedience class I am afraid.

Nell: What obedience skills did he display?

Me: Well, Kev asked him to sit and then he ate a piece of sausage.

Nell: He ate a piece of sausage?

Me: Yes. We didn’t have any treats so a kind lady offered him some of her sausage.

Nell: Eating a sausage isn’t a skill.

Me: Kev bowed and everyone clapped.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: He was ever so popular. He loved it.

Nell: Was he wearing a hat?

Me: No, we thought it best to leave it at home.

Nell: Thank goodness.

Me: You might like to come too next year. We could enter you in the veteran’s class.

Nell: I beg your pardon.

Me: 7 years and over.

Nell: I think not. Do you know where my scarf is? I’m having lunch with Siegfried. He drives a Mercedes C- Class Cabriolet so we may have the roof down. I don’t want to spoil my hair.

Me: I didn’t know you knew about cars. His one sounds a bit flashy. Are you on first name terms with Herr Schaeferhund now?

Nell: I am. Do you have a problem with that? Of course I know about cars. What do you think Matt Le Blanc and I talk about when he calls?

Me: I thought you were just Friends. Sorry.