Book · Siegfried · Spring

Herr Schaeferhund

Me: Did you have a nice lunch with Herr Schaeferhund? He is impossibly handsome I must say.

Nell: Yes. Siegfried and I had a lovely time. Lobster and champagne. He does spoil me. He has royal connections too, you know.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes. European royalty. He was fascinated by my account of the wedding.

Me: I’m not sure you should be confiding in him, Nell.

Nell: I don’t know what you have against him.

Me: Dave doesn’t like him.

Nell: He’s just jealous and he doesn’t like studying. The Well Done rosette has gone to his head.

Me: He confiscated Dave’s hat.

Nell: He shouldn’t be wearing a hat during lessons.

Me: I didn’t want to tell you this but Harriet saw him chatting to the farm dogs.

Nell: Poppy goes to the pub with the farm dogs.

Me: Yes, but that’s Poppy. She’s always up for a pint of cider.

Nell: Enough of this nonsense. Siegfried makes polite conversation with our neighbours and you start fussing.

Me: The farm dogs don’t do polite conversation. How can a German tutor afford a Mercedes anyway?

Nell: He comes from a wealthy family. The tutoring is for fun while he is over here.

Me: So he is going back to Germany?

Nell: Yes. His family own a castle in Bavaria.

Me: You can’t leave us, Nell. What if he kidnaps you and imprisons you in his castle like in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

Nell: What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere. I am simply enjoying the company of a handsome German Shepherd.

Me: Ok.

Nell: I suppose I might visit if he asked me.

Me: No. Don’t go.

Nell: Enough. You have an overactive imagination. A cup of Earl Grey and the Sunday papers are required and less of your nonsense.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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