Category: Book

Book · Kidnapping · Spring

Just another Sunday?

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Me: It was nice of the Cat to call round this morning.

Nell: I suppose so. Although I was in the middle of breakfast and I like to read the Sunday papers in peace.

Me: The Cat wasn’t to know.

Nell: I don’t know why it thinks I would care whether there are new cats in the area.

Me: It seemed agitated.

Nell: I know. Cats are funny creatures. It kept telling me to watch my back.

Me: I think it was angling for a cup of tea.

Nell: It was angling for my scrambled egg and smoked salmon.

Me: Where is everyone?

Nell: Dave and Harriet are out in the garden playing badminton with the farm dogs. Poppy is cooking a roast and Mutley is asleep in the sun. He does like a snooze in the hammock.

Me: Sounds like the perfect Sunday to me.

Nell: Except for those Dobermans on the hill.

Me: They are probably just out for a walk.

Nell: I saw one of them at the farm shop yesterday buying clotted cream. It waved at me.

Me: It was just being friendly.

Nell: You know they wanted Poppy’s family recipe for scones. The cheek of it. They asked her when she went to Starbarks for her regular Americano.

Me: I hope she refused.

Nell: Of course. Wait. What was that?

Me: I can hear barking. A lot of barking. Are Dave and Harriet arguing with the farm dogs again? Why is Poppy running?

Nell: Those are frightened barks and I can hear hissing and screaming. The puppies are in trouble. They need me now.

Me: Wait! Nell, be careful. I’m coming! Oh no! Let me help you. What’s happened? Why are you looking like that?

Nell: It’s too late. They have taken her.

Me: What?

Nell: Call the police. There have been injuries. Harriet has been kidnapped.

Me: No. Not little Harriet.

Nell: Stop wailing and call them now. There is no time to waste.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Book · Kidnapping

Keep it safe

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Nell: Well, this is all extremely confusing.

Me: Tell me what Dave said.

Nell: David got a phone call from Charlie during the party.

Me: How did he have his number?

Nell: They have been chatting quite a lot recently about motorbikes and football. David likes Charlie so much more now he isn’t Siegfried.

Me: I must say that Spain against Portugal match was a bit of a corker.

Nell: A bit of a corker? Do speak English. Yes, it was rather exciting. Ronald took centre stage as usual.

Me: Ronaldo.

Nell: Anyway, do you want to know what Charlie said, or not?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Charlie told David to take my handbag and only return it after the party.

Me: Why?

Nell: I have no idea but that’s why I’ve only just got it back.

Me: How odd? I mean Dave is always stealing your handbag. Maybe it was a joke. You need to give it a clean out though, Nell. It’s ever so full.

Nell: I do. No time like the present I suppose.

Me: Yes. Does everyone still think the farm dogs spiked the drink?

Nell: Yes. Wretched animals drank it too, of course. They have no sense. What on earth is this at the bottom of my bag?

Me: What? Show me.

Nell: I’ve never seen it before.

Me: It’s a man’s cufflink. It’s like a little clock. The time is wrong though. It’s two hours ahead.

Nell: That’s not the point. Where does it come from?

Me: I have no idea.

Nell: Ah! It has to be his. I’m going to call him right now.

Me: Who? Richard Price?

Nell: No. Richard Price wouldn’t wear flashy cufflinks. He is far too sensible. Charlie, of course. Quiet, it’s ringing. He is answering. I’ll take it outside.

Me: Nell, don’t walk away. What is he saying? Come back. I hate waiting.

Nell: So, I was right. It is Charlie’s. He said he is very sorry it is in my handbag, but I am to keep it safe as it is extremely precious to him and then he was gone.

Me: Curiouser and curiouser.

Nell: Alright Alice, you are not in Wonderland now. Let’s watch Saturday Kitchen. All this intrigue is exhausting. It’s only a cufflink. Can you ask Mutley to take that ridiculous moustache off, please? He is not Hercule Poirot.

Me: Yes. We thought it was funny. Sorry.

Book · Miscellaneous

Guardians

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Nell: I know today is a difficult day for you.

Me: Yes, it is.

Nell: A year ago today we lost your lovely mother.

Me: Yes, we did.

Nell: And I know you think about her every day and miss her very much.

Me: Yes.

Nell: So remember what I told you about the Guardians. When we lose the ones we love they have not really gone. They become our Guardians and they watch over us.

Me: Yes.

Nell: So when things happen to make you smile like the sun coming out on a cloudy day, or the smile of a stranger when you are feeling low then know she is there.

Me: Yes.

Nell: She and I talked about this after we lost little Monty. Just before she became ill.

Me: Yes, you did. He was a lovely dog.

Nell: Yes. And she agreed that becoming a Guardian was a wonderful thing. She said when her time came she would be honoured to watch over you all and that is exactly what she is doing.

Me: But we didn’t know we would lose her so soon, Nell.

Nell: I know. But sometimes it is better that way.

Me: You are right. Sorry.

Nell: No need to be sorry. Not today.

Book · Spring

Tony is on board

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Nell: I feel better now Tony is on board.

Me: Yes. He can keep a lookout when he is doing his rounds.

Nell: It was good to see him.

Me: He is a kind man.

Nell: Yes. Tony is to be trusted.

Me: I like sunny Sundays.

Nell: Yes. I’ve asked Poppy for boiled eggs for breakfast. David overindulged at the barbecue yesterday so a light breakfast is called for.

Me: He was helping me with the clearing up.

Nell: He was stealing sausages.

Me: Poppy’s sword dance worried me.

Nell: It worried everyone, especially when Mutley joined in. Did you notice that young farm dog trying to get Harriet’s attention over the fence?

Me: No.

Nell: When I asked her about him. She giggled.

Me: She is adorable.

Nell: She is too young and I am not having her seeing a farm dog. By the way, I’m sure the Doberman was behind me in the queue at the delicatessen yesterday morning. I had popped in to get Mutley’s Cornish Yarg. He loves that cheese.

Me: Are you sure?

Nell: Yes. It’s his favourite.

Me: I mean are you sure it was the Doberman?

Nell: Yes. It was in the cooked food section but when I looked around it had gone.

Me: I wonder what it was buying.

Nell: What’s that got to do with it?

Me: It might have revealed something about its situation. A large pork pie would imply there were more of them. A small one that it is working alone.

Nell: I worry about you sometimes.

Me: I wonder what it wants, though. Do you think it’s from the Daily Growl?

Nell: Charlie says it isn’t. He says he has put a stop to it and told them to leave me alone. He was ridiculously concerned when I told him about the Doberman.

Me: I wish you wouldn’t contact him.

Nell: It was just a quick message on Woof’s App. Stop fussing. Soldiers, or triangles with your egg?

Me: Soldiers, please. But Nell…

Nell: Enough. I will be fine.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Book · Siegfried · Spring

Exposed

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Nell: Well, at least I know it all now.

Me: Tell me everything. I have been so worried.

Nell: I arrived at the hotel and Siegfried was waiting for me. I had called from the car to let him know I was coming. When I saw his face I could see the guilt in his eyes.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: I told him it was best to be honest with me and he agreed.

Me: You were brave.

Nell: It turns out that Siegfried Schaeferhund isn’t his real name.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: He isn’t even German. It was all a lie. All part of the deception.

Me: No? The bounder!

Nell: He is working as an undercover reporter for the Daily Growl. The farm dogs led him to me. He was trying to get a story on the royal family.

Me: What is his real name?

Nell: Charlie Shepherd and he is from London. He started out as an actor but moved into journalism as it paid more. With his charm and acting skills he managed to get a number of inside stories and became one of the Daily Growl’s lead reporters. I was his next target.

Me: What a cad and as for those farm dogs!

Nell: Yes, indeed. No scones for them.

Me: It must have been such a shock.

Nell: To be honest it was an even bigger shock when Poppy appeared in reception waving her sword, followed by David in his hat and Mutley in his dinner jacket.

Me: Gosh! How did they get there?

Nell: Harriet organised a taxi as soon as she heard I was going alone. She knew where he was staying and put two and two together. Clever little thing. David and Poppy insisted she stayed behind as she is still recovering. They were about to leave when Mutley arrived dressed to kill and got into the car. There is no arguing with him when he is determined, even if he could hear.

Me: I wish I had been there. What did Charlie do when they arrived?

Nell: He apologised and told them the truth. He said he had never meant to hurt anyone, especially the lovely Nelly who had stolen his heart. His words.

Me: He called you Nelly?

Nell: Yes. Outrageous.  It’s Miss Eleanor Martin to him.

Me: Quite. What happened then?

Nell: Mutley told him to get on his bike. He can be quite forceful when riled.

Me: And did he?

Nell: Actually, he did. The Mercedes was rented so he rode off on his motorbike blowing me a farewell kiss.

Me: Gosh. The cheek of it.

Nell: Well, after that I suggested they all join me in the bar for a stiff G and T to settle the nerves before James drove us home. David was a little squiffy when we got back so I sent him upstairs for a lie down.

Me: Has Charlie gone back to London?

Nell: I don’t know. I’m refusing to read his texts.

Me: You can’t stay in contact with him, Nell. He’s a scoundrel.

Nell: I shall do as I please and what I please right now is to be left alone. I have a lot to think about.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Book · Siegfried · Spring

Herr Schaeferhund

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Me: Did you have a nice lunch with Herr Schaeferhund? He is impossibly handsome I must say.

Nell: Yes. Siegfried and I had a lovely time. Lobster and champagne. He does spoil me. He has royal connections too, you know.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes. European royalty. He was fascinated by my account of the wedding.

Me: I’m not sure you should be confiding in him, Nell.

Nell: I don’t know what you have against him.

Me: Dave doesn’t like him.

Nell: He’s just jealous and he doesn’t like studying. The Well Done rosette has gone to his head.

Me: He confiscated Dave’s hat.

Nell: He shouldn’t be wearing a hat during lessons.

Me: I didn’t want to tell you this but Harriet saw him chatting to the farm dogs.

Nell: Poppy goes to the pub with the farm dogs.

Me: Yes, but that’s Poppy. She’s always up for a pint of cider.

Nell: Enough of this nonsense. Siegfried makes polite conversation with our neighbours and you start fussing.

Me: The farm dogs don’t do polite conversation. How can a German tutor afford a Mercedes anyway?

Nell: He comes from a wealthy family. The tutoring is for fun while he is over here.

Me: So he is going back to Germany?

Nell: Yes. His family own a castle in Bavaria.

Me: You can’t leave us, Nell. What if he kidnaps you and imprisons you in his castle like in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

Nell: What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere. I am simply enjoying the company of a handsome German Shepherd.

Me: Ok.

Nell: I suppose I might visit if he asked me.

Me: No. Don’t go.

Nell: Enough. You have an overactive imagination. A cup of Earl Grey and the Sunday papers are required and less of your nonsense.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Book · Siegfried

I’m having second thoughts about the cat

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Me: Richard is really pleased with Harriet’s progress.

Nell: Excellent news. I knew she would do well at the vets.

Me: They were all so happy to see her back to her old self. Lots of cuddles and smiling faces.

Nell: Did you enjoy the picnic?

Me: We did. How was your tea?

Nell: I’m having second thoughts about the cat.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: It drank out of the milk jug and took all the smoked salmon.

Me: How rude?

Nell: Poppy had made sandwiches and it took the salmon out and left us with the bread.

Me: Shocking.

Nell: Half way through our game of bridge it lit up a cigarette. In the house!

Me: That’s not on.

Nell: I told it to go outside of course and it left. Just like that.

Me: Cats don’t really care about convention.

Nell: Well, that’s it, as I said to my friend Dorothy. I’m not having that cat in my reading group.

Me: Do I know Dorothy?

Nell: She’s a Salcombe Setter. One of the sailing crowd.

Me: I didn’t know you sailed?

Nell: Of course I sail. I learnt in Bembridge on the Isle of Wight. I used to do Cowes Week but all that partying can be tiring.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Anyway, I can’t stand here chatting all day. Herr Schaeferhund, the German Shepherd, is arriving at any moment to teach the puppies and he needs his coffee. Hot and strong.

Me: Is he now?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You like him. Admit it. You are wearing a new scarf and is that perfume I can smell?

Nell: This old thing and it’s just my usual Chanel. Stop meddling and go and get the coffee.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Book · Miscellaneous

Surf Chasing

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Me: And they’re off! Surf Chasing.

Nell: Good grief!

Me: Surf Dude Dave is in the lead. Ears flapping and paws thundering as he charges through the sea.

Nell: Surf Dude Dave?

Me: Closely followed on his left by the amazing Surf Sister Harriet, swift of paw and built for speed.

Nell: Surf Sister Harriet? Have you been drinking?

Me: Bringing up the rear to his right and poised for the kill is Surf Queen Nell the salty sea dog.

Nell: I beg your pardon. Salty sea dog and bringing up the rear? There is no rear about this.

Me: Well, you are at the back.

Nell: Harriet and I are on a par. It’s the angle. Anyway, I got the ball.

Me: Yes. You are the Surf Queen.

Nell: My Retrieving Skills are unparalleled.

Me: Although, to be fair Dave ran right past the ball and kept going and Harriet usually lets you have it.

Nell: That’s rich coming from someone who has trouble throwing a ball.

Me: Yes, sorry.

Book · Spring

St. George’s Day

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Me: Why is Dave shut in the back garden?

Nell: It’s St. George’s Day.

Me: What’s that got to do with it?

Nell: We are re-enacting the slaying of the dragon as part of the puppies’ history lesson and Dave is waiting for his entrance.

Me: Is Dave playing St. George, then?

Nell: Don’t be silly. David is the dragon. We can’t give him the sword.

Me: There’s a sword?

Nell: Of course.

Me: I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Nell. Someone could get hurt.

Nell: It’s all perfectly safe. Poppy has been fencing for years.

Me: What? Is Poppy playing St. George?

Nell: Yes, she insisted. Mutley is the king, of course, and Harriet is his daughter, the princess. That silly circlet of flowers you made me has actually come in useful. Harriet loves it.

Me: There’s a big difference in size between Poppy and Dave.

Nell: Of course there is. Don’t you know the story? It wouldn’t be very believable if a huge St. George slayed a tiny little dragon now would it?

Me: I suppose not. Dave won’t be breathing fire, will he?

Nell: Don’t be silly. He is a labrador.

Me: Yes. Well, Happy St. George’s Day, Nell.

Nell: Happy St. George’s Day. Now, can we get on with rehearsals, please? The performance is at 3pm and I haven’t finished David’s costume.

Me: Yes, sorry.

Book · Miscellaneous

Hats

Sara MartinLeave a comment

Me: Now, I know you are annoyed but…

Nell: Take that thing off me right now.

Me: It would look so much better on you if you smiled.

Nell: I don’t do smiling.

Me: If you did that perky ear thing then.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: You know what I mean. The way your ears sort of go up and your face tilts.

Nell: It’s called listening. You should try it sometime.

Me: I thought it would suit you.

Nell: I told you.

Me: Yes, you did.

Nell: I am not that kind of dog. Leave the hippy stuff to the Afghans and fluffy animals like Poppy. Well, maybe not Poppy.

Me: Definitely not Poppy, although she would look sweet.

Nell: Don’t start.

Me: It was worth a try.

Nell: No, it was not worth a try. Annoying me and messing with my Sunday morning.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: If I am going to wear a hat it will be a Philip Treacy, or some other top designer.

Me: Yes.

Nell: It will be Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady.

Me: Goodness me.

Nell: Somebody get me a pot of Earl Grey. This has been a dreadful start to the day.

Me: Yes, sorry.