Me: Loving the sombreros. Nigel looks amazing in his.

Nell: Do you think mine is a little too large?

Me: You wear it well.

Nell: Better than Harriet?

Me: Much better.

Nell: David fell asleep wearing his.

Me: I imagine wearing a sombrero is rather tiring.

Nell: He had a little too much sangria yesterday. Where’s yours?

Me: First of all it’s Sunday, Nell, so I’m not sure why you’re wearing them again, and secondly I’m simply not a sombrero kind of person.

Nell: We’re wearing them today because Sunday Songs is Spanish Themed.

Me: Are the villagers onboard with this?

Nell: They’re delighted. The llamas are going to lead the village children up to the recreation ground to the sound of castanets.

Me: I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Sundays are traditionally quiet and some people might not want to join in.

Nell: Nonsense. Once they see the Welsh Corgi Choir dancing flamenco they will be amazed.

Me: Or stunned. Are they wearing mantillas?

Nell: I have no idea but the veils are going to get in the way of the singing not to mention those flowing dresses.

Me: Yes. They’ve only got little legs. All that stamping is going to wear them out.

Nell: The llamas are doing the stamping. They have the right shoes.

Me: I hope they don’t spit. You know what they’re like when they get excited.

Nell: That’s the reason for the veils. You’d better pick yours up from The Cat.

Me: I’m not really a veil sort of person either.

Nell: Be spat on then. See if I care.

Me: Maybe I can just watch from afar.

Nell: No way, Jose. See what I did there?

Me: Very funny.

Nell: Pass me my fan, please. It’s time to go.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What a lovely smile you have, Nell. There’s nothing like a beautiful Senior Labrador posing by the riverside.

Nell: What are those llamas doing now?

Me: I’m trying not to look.

Nell: Who told them they could come down to the river?

Me: I’m not sure anyone did.

Nell: Rivers are not for llamas.

Me: They’re having a lovely time.

Nell: They’re on roller skates.

Me: It’s little reckless of them, but they brought us a picnic courtesy of Herr Hoffmann.

Nell: True. Those sandwiches were most welcome.

Me: And the cake.

Nell: That too.

Me: Dave’s ever so pleased to see them.

Nell: David is half llama, if you ask me.

Me: He does have a wild side. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Moving on, do you remember where you put your sombrero?

Me: I beg your pardon?

Nell: It’s Spanish night tonight. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already? Your sister and Nigel will be attending.

Me: I knew Herr Hoffmann was cooking Arroz con Pollo but I didn’t know we were wearing sombreros.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann is cooking nothing of the kind. He’s roasting a chicken and serving it with Spanish rice.

Me: That’s what I just said.

Nell: You did not. And why were you lisping?

Me: Never mind.

Nell: We always wear sombreros on Spanish night. How’s your flamenco?

Me: Now you’re pulling my leg.

Nell: I might be. However, Gladys and the llamas are performing and Manuel’s been persuaded to play his guitar.

Me: I didn’t know an octopus could play guitar.

Nell: He’s from Barcelona.

Me: Of course. Will Dave be singing?

Nell: He will. Hopefully not ‘Guantanamera’ again.

Me: It’s his favourite song.

Nell: He wobbles on the high notes.

Me: He does his best.

Nell: It’s painful.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Why are you and Dave sulking in the living room?

Nell: You know perfectly well why.

Me: No, I don’t.

Nell: Where were you?

Me: Kev and I popped next door for a cup of tea with our lovely neighbours Kate, Steve and Eliza who wanted to welcome us to the village.

Nell: They weren’t the only ones there, were they?

Me: Yes, they were.

Nell: You came back smelling of cat.

Me: Only of one cat, actually. Rosetta. Her brother Topaz wouldn’t let me anywhere near him.

Nell: I’m presuming Topaz is the marmalade cat who keeps staring at us over the fence.

Me: Eliza says he can be rather domineering at times but his sister Rosetta is an absolute sweetheart. She loves having her tummy tickled.

Nell: You do realise they’re most probably both in league with that dreadful hooligan Compton Pauncefoot, don’t you?

Me: No, they definitely aren’t. His name came up and they’re scared of him, too.

Nell: How did his name come up?

Me: I think it might have been me. I brought them a copy of my book and was telling them about you all.

Nell: Why bring that dreadful creature into it?

Me: They told me there’s a horrible cat who lives near here and attacks the others. It seems that even though Topaz can be a bit of a bully he isn’t actually that brave.

Nell: Bullies often aren’t.

Me: Exactly. So when I heard there was a particularly nasty creature around I wondered if it was Compton Pauncefoot.

Nell: What did they say?

Me: They agreed it might be.

Nell: I’ve been telling you this for ages and you wouldn’t listen. I knew that horrible animal was lurking in the vicinity.

Me: Well, I think you might be right. Sorry.

Me: Sometimes it’s lovely to have a You and Me Walk, isn’t it?

Nell: Where are the others?

Me: They went out ages ago for a long walk. I told Kev you and I would go for a stroll down the lane.

Nell: On our own?

Me: Yes. We enjoy each other’s company.

Nell: We usually join the others.

Me: I know, but this way everyone can take their own time and do it their own way.

Nell: I like meeting up with the others.

Me: I do too, but sometimes I enjoy it more when it’s just us two.

Nell: Really? Aren’t you hankering after the exuberance of Harriet or the devotion of David?

Me: Dave isn’t devoted on a walk. He’s far too busy enjoying himself.

Nell: You know what I mean.

Me: I love walking with you all and seeing Dave and Harriet’s excitement lifts my spirits, but I also love a quiet walk with you.

Nell: Hmm. I suppose I feel the same way, come to think of it.

Me: Thank you.

Nell: Sometimes being quiet together is just what is needed.

Me: Oh, I didn’t particularly want to be quiet, I thought we could have a chat.

Nell: Silence is golden.

Me: Not always.

Nell: It gives you the chance to think things over quietly in your head with no disturbances.

Me: I’d rather talk things over with you.

Nell: Fine. What’s on your mind?

Me: Our dear friend Janet Mason had an operation yesterday and I’m wondering how she’s feeling today.

Nell: Well, send her our love right now, please. Why didn’t you tell me that earlier instead of keeping it to yourself?

Me: You wanted us to walk in silence.

Nell: Not when it concerns the health of a dear friend.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: It’s early.

Me: I know. I have my Wednesday Writers workshop this morning. Look at Nigel having fun.

Nell: He should learn to act his age a little more.

Me: Nonsense. It’s lovely to see him enjoying himself. How old is he, anyway?

Nell: Older than the Puppies.

Me: Only by a year, or so. He can’t be more than 9.

Nell: Nevertheless.

Me: Stop being so grumpy. Is it because Knitwear Wolf is in Canada visiting family?

Nell: Rupert is free to go where he wishes.

Me: I know, but you must be missing him.

Nell: We FaceTime every day.

Me: It’s not the same as having that handsome wolf right beside you, is it?

Nell: Rupert and I are just good friends.

Me: You’re much more than that, Nelly, and you know it.

Nell: I’m not discussing this with you and don’t call me Nelly.

Me: You need a cup of Earl Grey and one of Knitwear Wolf’s soft blankets.

Nell: You might be right.

Me: It’s completely understandable to miss someone you love. I miss the children all the time.

Nell: Rupert is such a solid presence in my life. So strong and dependable.

Me: He’ll be back soon.

Nell: I’m being silly, but Canada is a long way away.

Me: Tell me about it.

Nell: I am.

Me: Never mind. Would you like me to read to you?

Nell: No, thank you. I’ll read the newspaper myself. Have you seen my handbag?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Could you pass me my reading glasses, please?

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Don’t tell me David has taken my handbag again?

Me: No.

Nell: Is Gladys sleeping in there?

Me: Not that either.

Nell: What then?

Me: We don’t have a newspaper.

Nell: Rupert delivers the papers.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Can we talk about our recent walk by the river?

Nell: If you like.

Me: You and I took it slowly.

Nell: As always.

Me: And when it was time to go back you refused to move even though I’d walked on.

Nell: I was enjoying sitting there.

Me: It wasn’t because you were tired, was it? Because I’m always glad to wait if you need more time.

Nell: No. I simply wasn’t ready to go home.

Me: So we all had to wait with you.

Nell: The Puppies and Kev didn’t wait. They went swimming in the river.

Me: Yes, they had enormous fun.

Nell: And you came back to the bench and sat down and we had a lovely conversation.

Me: We did.

Nell: Taking all that into account, I’d say I made a wise decision to stay a little longer.

Me: I would have to agree.

Nell: So why are we having this conversation?

Me: I just wanted to check there wasn’t another reason behind it. That you might not be feeling well.

Nell: I’m fine. A little achy, but that’s to be expected.

Me: The river walk is your favourite one, isn’t it?

Nell: Yes. The grass is soft underfoot and I can usually see the others even if they’re far ahead.

Me: And there’s a bench where we can sit and have a conversation.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: And not be rushed if we aren’t ready to go.

Nell: Yes. Taking Your Time is much undervalued. People are so keen to rush off to enjoy the next experience they don’t fully enjoy the one they’re having.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: I am.

Me: I enjoy Taking My Time with you.

Nell: I know you do. It’s as much about you as me.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: That’s Nigel on the walk near our house.

Me: Yes. It’s absolutely beautiful at the moment. I took some photos to show everyone.

Nell: So where are we?

Me: You went on a short walk with Kev and the Puppies went on a longer one later. Remember?

Nell: I always walk with you.

Me: I know, but I never get to do the long walk so my sister Charlotte thought it might be nice if I came with her and Nigel for a change.

Nell: I see.

Me: And it was really lovely. The bluebells were amazing.

Nell: I can see that from the photos, thank you.

Me: It was far too warm for you to do a longer walk and you were with Kev.

Nell: Don’t bother about me.

Me: But I do. I’m always the one walking by your side.

Nell: Yes, you are, to be fair. And the photos are beautiful.

Me: It’s not that I don’t enjoy walking with you, Nell, because I do.

Nell: It’s just that sometimes you need to think about yourself.

Me: That’s one way of putting it.

Nell: It’s an extremely sensible thing to do. If you don’t put your oxygen mask on first you’re never going to help anyone out of the plane.

Me: I’m not on a plane.

Nell: You know exactly what I mean.

Me: Yes, I do.

Nell: It’s a Bank Holiday today so I think we should just enjoy the day.

Me: Sounds good to me.

Nell: And you never know. If the weather cools and I’m feeling sprightly we might manage to see the bluebells together.

Me: I would love that, Nell, but only if you feel strong enough.

Nell: Don’t worry. I’ll only walk as far as I’m able to.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Good to see you dogs enjoying the sunshine.

Nell: Not any more. We have far more important things to do.

Me: It’s Sunday, Nell. Just relax. Sunday Songs isn’t until later.

Nell: How can I relax when someone has been interfering with our bowls?

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: David’s bowl was left untouched and so was another one but two bowls were placed precariously.

Me: Someone probably kicked them over by mistake.

Nell: There was no mistake,

Me: What possible reason could anyone have to do that?

Nell: Messing with our minds.

Me: Absolute nonsense.

Nell: It’s Pauncefoot. I know it.

Me: You do realise Pauncefoot is most probably a figment of Mutley’s imagination? He loved to make up stories.

Nell: Pauncefoot was seen playing ping pong in Paignton.

Me: By Dorothy?

Nell: Certainly not. Dorothy never goes to Paignton. By Ron Gilbert the Great Dane from Torquay.

Me: You haven’t seen Ron Gilbert in years.

Nell: We’re in the same WoofsApp group.

Me: And he happened to mention Pauncefoot?

Nell: No. I asked for sightings.

Me: Pauncefoot can’t be here and in Paignton.

Nell: He can if he takes the bus. It stops outside our house.

Me: I give up. The bowls fell together accidentally. End of story.

Nell: And we’re having roast beef for lunch.

Me: Lovely.

Nell: I told Herr Hoffmann it was risky but he just laughed at me.

Me: As well he might. It’s perfectly safe to eat meat again. There’s no evil cat waiting in the wings to pounce on you.

Nell: Do you think Pauncefoot has wings?

Me: Right. I’m going to pick up all the bowls, clean them and put them away.

Nell: Pauncefoot won’t like it.

Me: I don’t care. This nonsense has gone on long enough. Sorry.

Me: The Definition of Happiness has to be Harriet out on a walk.

Nell: Yes.

Me: Especially if water is involved.

Nell: She loves a swim.

Me: Or a paddle.

Nell: I used to enjoy a paddle.

Me: You still do.

Nell: I can’t get down the river bank anymore.

Me: No, but you can manage the stream near home.

Nell: On a good day.

Me: We have to make the most of good days at our age.

Nell: I intend to make the most of every day.

Me: That’s a very positive approach.

Nell: Starting with bacon.

Me: Bacon?

Nell: It’s Saturday and you’re home again.

Me: Quite right.

Nell: David is half-starved.

Me: I wouldn’t say that.

Nell: Harriet needs sustenance.

Me: True.

Nell: And Nigel is visiting.

Me: Yes. And who doesn’t enjoy a bacon sandwich at the weekend?

Nell: Compton Pauncefoot.

Me: Never mind him. ‘Orrible Nasty.

Nell: He’s hiding in the house somewhere.

Me: No, he isn’t.

Nell: He’ll be behind the unpacked boxes in Kev’s studio room.

Me: No, he won’t.

Nell: Or on top of the chest of drawers with the Stuffed Tiger pretending to be a Cuddle Nell.

Me: Nonsense.

Nell: Malcolm thought he saw him waiting for a bus the other day.

Me: Malcolm doesn’t even know what he looks like.

Nell: He can guess.

Me: Anyone can guess.

Nell: My friend Dorothy saw him eating fish and chips down at the Quay with the Beefies.

Me: It was probably just a tourist.

Nell: Grockles don’t have whiny voices.

Me: Some might.

Nell: Either way, I’m not going to let some Nasty Pescatarian ruin my Saturday.

Me: Good. Bacon sandwiches for all.

Nell: Let’s just start with us, shall we? We’re not quite ready to feed the village.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Has something happened? You and Dave look completely spooked.

Nell: Keep your voice down, please.

Me: Why? It isn’t that early.

Nell: We don’t want him to hear us talking about meat.

Me: I wasn’t talking about meat.

Nell: No, but David and I were and then someone said ‘Now’ in a horrible whiny voice.

Me: Now?

Nell: Yes, or ‘Me now’.

Me: You know that doesn’t make any sense, don’t you?

Nell: And then David and I remembered the stories Mutley used to tell us about the old days in front of the fire.

Me: He was very good at telling stories.

Nell: Especially the one about the time when he met his arch enemy.

Me: Are you talking about that ridiculous hypnotist Sven Gully, because Mutley defeated him?

Nell: No. I’m referring to Compton Pauncefoot, leader of the Shepton Mallet Gang.

Me: Oh him. Mutley said he was ‘an ‘orrible nasty’.

Nell: Exactly. And we think he’s here.

Me: Here in Devon? But he lives in Somerset.

Nell: Baddies can travel, you know.

Me: True. But what’s this got to do with meat?

Nell: Pauncefoot is a pescatarian.

Me: I don’t care what he is. We’re having spaghetti bolognese tonight and that’s it.

Nell: Maybe we should have fish soup?

Me: You don’t like fish soup.

Nell: Or fish and chips? It’s Friday.

Me: Stop being ridiculous. Compton Pauncefoot isn’t here, and if he was, he can eat what he’s given.

Nell: You can’t invite Pauncefoot to dinner.

Me: I haven’t.

Nell: Why did you do that?

Me: I didn’t.

Nell: We knew we’d heard his horrible whiny voice.

Me: I haven’t invited Compton Pauncefoot to dinner and he isn’t here.

Nell: Did you hear that?

Me: Yes, I did actually.

Nell: I told you.

Me: Sorry.