Me: Has something happened? You and Dave look completely spooked.
Nell: Keep your voice down, please.
Me: Why? It isn’t that early.
Nell: We don’t want him to hear us talking about meat.
Me: I wasn’t talking about meat.
Nell: No, but David and I were and then someone said ‘Now’ in a horrible whiny voice.
Me: Now?
Nell: Yes, or ‘Me now’.
Me: You know that doesn’t make any sense, don’t you?
Nell: And then David and I remembered the stories Mutley used to tell us about the old days in front of the fire.
Me: He was very good at telling stories.
Nell: Especially the one about the time when he met his arch enemy.
Me: Are you talking about that ridiculous hypnotist Sven Gully, because Mutley defeated him?
Nell: No. I’m referring to Compton Pauncefoot, leader of the Shepton Mallet Gang.
Me: Oh him. Mutley said he was ‘an ‘orrible nasty’.
Nell: Exactly. And we think he’s here.
Me: Here in Devon? But he lives in Somerset.
Nell: Baddies can travel, you know.
Me: True. But what’s this got to do with meat?
Nell: Pauncefoot is a pescatarian.
Me: I don’t care what he is. We’re having spaghetti bolognese tonight and that’s it.
Nell: Maybe we should have fish soup?
Me: You don’t like fish soup.
Nell: Or fish and chips? It’s Friday.
Me: Stop being ridiculous. Compton Pauncefoot isn’t here, and if he was, he can eat what he’s given.
Nell: You can’t invite Pauncefoot to dinner.
Me: I haven’t.
Nell: Why did you do that?
Me: I didn’t.
Nell: We knew we’d heard his horrible whiny voice.
Me: I haven’t invited Compton Pauncefoot to dinner and he isn’t here.
Nell: Did you hear that?
Me: Yes, I did actually.
Nell: I told you.
Me: Sorry.
