Me: You’re very beautiful, Nell.

Nell: What have you done?

Me: I haven’t done anything. I was being nice.

Nell: I was talking to your sister Charlotte.

Me: And?

Nell: And the next time you visit The House on the Corner we’re coming with you.

Me: It won’t be until next year.

Nell: We need to see it.

Me: Fine. You will.

Nell: I have to choose my bedroom.

Me: I thought you might like to sleep in our bedroom in the new house like you used to when we lived in Oxfordshire.

Nell: I’m not sharing a bed with David.

Me: You quite like snuggling up to him.

Nell: That’s because he usually smells of bacon.

Me: We might even splash out on new beds.

Nell: Talking of David, you need to have a word with him about storytelling.

Me: Has he started writing again? I’m still hoping he’ll write another book after ‘Meals I Ate By Mistake.’

Nell: No. He’s been telling tall stories.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Harriet asked him to come into Kingsbridge to go Christmas shopping with her, and he said he was too busy rolling pigs in blankets.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: Have you ever heard such nonsense?

Me: It isn’t nonsense, Nell.

Nell: We don’t have any pigs here, and if we did, and they were cold, we would give them cardigans and woolly hats like everyone else.

Me: They’re not actual pigs.

Nell: And who rolls someone up in a blanket unless they’re a newborn baby? He’ll be putting them in a manger next.

Me: The blankets are slices of bacon.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: And the pigs are sausages. Pigs in blankets are a Christmas treat. Like devils on horseback.

Nell: Stop right now. Pigs were enough.

Me: Sorry.

Me: We got a bit sandy down on the beach, didn’t we? But it was still wonderfully exhilarating.

Nell: If you say so.

Me: And when I saw the rainbow I knew everything was going to be alright.

Nell: And is it?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I’m listening.

Me: When we lost the Little Cottage we rang our estate agents to explain and they reminded us about The House on the Corner.

Nell: The House on the Corner?

Me: Kev and I went see it a long time ago and even though the house was perfect we didn’t like the garden and there were no views.

Nell: I see.

Me: But since then our priorities have changed. We’ve realised we need somewhere safe and warm.

Nell: Safe?

Me: I mean a house that is comfortable and sorted. A family house with room for everyone.

Nell: And not too many stairs?

Me: Exactly. We’re all getting older, Nell, and even though I loved the romance of the Little Cottage there was so much that needed fixing and changing.

Nell: It could have been a disaster.

Me: Yes. The House on the Corner is in a friendly village. It’s not far from anywhere which means we can still visit the places we love as well as explore new ones.

Nell: Perfect.

Me: When I went inside it felt like someone giving me a big hug and saying ‘Let me look after you’.

Nell: That’s the kind of house I like.

Me: Which is why we put in an offer.

Nell: You did?

Me: Yes. And it was accepted.

Nell: You bought The House on the Corner?

Me: Subject to survey, but we aren’t expecting any problems this time.

Nell: I haven’t even seen it.

Me: You’re going to love it. I promise. Sorry.

Me: Harriet and Nigel are spying on the stairs.

Nell: Don’t be silly.

Me: To be accurate, Harriet is spying and Nigel is smiling.

Nell: Smiling?

Me: Yes. Is he up to something again?

Nell: Of course not. He’s just happy his sister Scarlett has come to stay.

Me: It will be lovely to see her again on Christmas Day.

Nell: It will. We have many things to look forward to.

Me: I get the feeling you dogs are keeping a very close eye on me.

Nell: Why would you think that?

Me: Dave stuck his nose in my ear in the middle of the night and snuffled.

Nell: Snuffled?

Me: Yes, like he was searching for truffles.

Nell: I told him to be more restrained. That animal never listens.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Restraint isn’t one of his skills.

Nell: Obviously not.

Me: You sent him to check on me, didn’t you? I knew it.

Nell: We dogs are merely doing our duty and looking after your well-being.

Me: I’m not sure being Snuffled by Dave in the middle of the night is good for my well-being, but I appreciate the gesture.

Nell: We know losing the Little Cottage is very hard for you and we just want to make sure you’re coping.

Me: I am. People have been very kind. It wasn’t meant to be and maybe it is for the best. I’m afraid the Little Cottage needs more money spent on it than we can afford.

Nell: It certainly sounds that way.

Me: There is a house out there for us. In fact Kev and I might already have an idea of which one it is.

Nell: Tell me more.

Me: I can’t tell you yet. But I will soon, if all goes well. Sorry.

Me: I’m a tiny bit down this morning.

Nell: I know.

Me: The Little Cottage in the Middle of Nowhere did very badly in all its surveys and the mortgage people are unwilling to take it on.

Nell: It’s a sensible decision.

Me: It is, but a part of my heart is broken at having to say goodbye to it.

Nell: Yes.

Me: I could see us living there.

Nell: I know you could.

Me: But it is not to be.

Nell: There will be something else out there for us.

Me: Well, I hope we find it really quickly, Nell. Our buyers are waiting to move in and we don’t want to lose them.

Nell: None of this is your fault. The little cottage was left alone and unloved for far too long.

Me: It was.

Nell: What we have to do now is to think positively and start looking for other properties.

Me: I feel so tired, Nell. I think my Get Up and Go might have Got Up and Gone.

Nell: At least you haven’t lost your sense of humour.

Me: Not quite.

Nell: What we need first is a hot cup of tea and a bacon sandwich in front of the fire.

Me: I don’t think I want a bacon sandwich, to be honest.

Nell: I didn’t say it was for you.

Me: No. I realise you dogs are going to be disappointed, too.

Nell: We didn’t even see the cottage. We’re sad because you are.

Me: Bless you all. You are such a comfort.

Nell: We’re in this together. You and me. Always.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Try and find somewhere sensible this time with a few less stairs. Some of us aren’t getting any younger and I include you in that.

Me: I will. Sorry.

Me: I’m glad the two boys finally decided to share the bed.

Nell: I’m not sure either of them was particularly relaxed about it.

Me: Dave was asleep.

Nell: David was not asleep. He was Pretending To Be Asleep. It’s a Labrador skill. We do it all the time.

Me: He was snoring.

Nell: Extra authenticity.

Me: You can’t actually have extra authenticity, Nell. Something is authentic or it isn’t.

Nell: He was just resting his eyes.

Me: Kev says that when he falls asleep in front of the television.

Nell: Anyway, David was actually alert.

Me: If you say so. Nigel kept an eye on him. Bless him.

Nell: Nigel wasn’t going to sleep.

Me: Why?

Nell: He saw the Stuffed Tiger on the top of the wardrobe.

Me: Oh dear. Nigel hates the Stuffed Tiger. He tried to bite it one time. I don’t know why he dislikes it so much.

Nell: I do. It’s sneaky and it listens in on conversations.

Me: A lot of people do that. Talking of sneaky, that wretched lion isn’t coming for Christmas, is he?

Nell: If you’re talking about Lionel King then of course he is.

Me: Why?

Nell: As Senior Sous Chef to Herr Hoffmann he’s probably cooking half the Christmas dinner.

Me: I didn’t know he was Senior Sous Chef. What about Malcolm and Manuel?

Nell: They’re Chefs de Partie.

Me: I don’t even know what that is.

Nell: Malcolm is in charge of fish, especially prawns, and Manuel of eggs and anything that needs twirling.

Me: Like pancakes and pizzas?

Nell: Exactly.

Me: If you have a Senior Sous Chef there must be a Junior one.

Nell: Yes. It’s David.

Me: My Davey?

Nell: Why do you think he’s tired? And please stop calling him Davey.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: I need to talk to you about chairs.

Me: I know what this is about. I saw your face yesterday when Nigel sat in the yellow chair.

Nell: The yellow chair is not for everyone.

Me: Nigel isn’t everyone. He’s your cousin.

Nell: Animals with blotted copybooks should not be allowed to sit in chairs.

Me: Nigel’s awfully sorry about the Stealing and Growling.

Nell: I expect Charlotte was extremely disappointed in him.

Me: She had a word with him about the Growling but mostly she was relieved he wasn’t really unwell after eating things he shouldn’t have eaten.

Nell: Talking of eating things you shouldn’t, David ate a bowl of trifle for breakfast.

Me: I know about that, too. Dave was taste testing for Herr Hoffmann.

Nell: Trifle is not meant to be eaten for breakfast.

Me: I agree, but it’s nearly Christmas and people eat funny things at funny times during the holidays.

Nell: I hope Herr Hoffmann didn’t add any sherry. David has a council meeting later this morning and he’ll be of no use to anyone.

Me: No. It was definitely sherryless.

Nell: I prefer my sherry in a small glass.

Me: Sherry always reminds me of my mother and grandmother. They both loved a glass of sherry after church and before our Sunday roast.

Nell: Happy memories.

Me: Yes. In the car on the way home from church my grandmother would share a bar of chocolate with us girls. Only one piece each, but I can still taste its deliciousness.

Nell: I can’t see a strawberry jam sandwich without thinking of afternoon tea with our dear departed Queen. She ate them every day. They were cut into circles and called Jam Pennies.

Me: Crusts off?

Nell: Of course. Queens don’t eat crusts.

Me: Sorry.

Me: So, here’s the thing.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: Everyone had a wonderful time at the Dog and Dash activity field.

Nell: Yes.

Me: But you were very difficult about leaving.

Nell: I was tired.

Me: You sat in your special half circle and refused to move.

Nell: I was too weak.

Me: You were perfectly fine walking there.

Nell: I needed time to rest.

Me: No, you wanted a biscuit.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: In fact you’ve worked out I have biscuits in my pocket and you will only follow me if I offer you one every few steps.

Nell: If you offer, I’m not going to refuse.

Me: You’re perfectly capable of walking a short distance.

Nell: Moving on, today is the third advent so three candles will be lit.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Sunday Songs is all about carols.

Me: I love a good carol.

Nell: Nigel is returning home today as Scarlett is back from London so he won’t be joining us for Sunday roast.

Me: I’m glad he wasn’t sentenced.

Nell: No, but there are three black paws on his licence for Stealing and Growling.

Me: What licence? Does he drive?

Nell: Of course Nigel drives. I’m talking about his Labrador Licence.

Me: I didn’t know he had one.

Nell: Every dog has one according to breed.

Me: What if you’re a mixture?

Nell: You have a colourful mixed breed licence. You must have seen Poppy’s.

Me: I didn’t.

Nell: She kept adding to the list. I’m sure I saw pirate on there.

Me: I miss her so much.

Nell: We all do. Now, we need to organise a King before Sunday Songs starts.

Me: A King?

Nell: Nigel and David are singing ‘We Three Kings’ and they need a third. Do keep up.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Our Christmas tree looks lovely, doesn’t it? And there’s Nigel slinking past it.

Nell: It’s Naughty Nigel and Slinking is exactly what he’s doing.

Me: I thought we’d dropped the ‘Naughty‘?

Nell: It’s back. Do you still have the curly grey wig and black gown you borrowed from The Cat’s Dressing Up Box to defend David?

Me: No. I gave it back to The Cat after I won Dave his freedom.

Nell: David wasn’t going to jail. He would only have been issued with a reprimand.

Me: He was innocent. Nigel wanted to play and Dave merely tapped him gently on the face to tell him he wasn’t in the mood for games.

Nell: It wasn’t that gentle but, considering latest events, David was almost certainly provoked.

Me: What happened?

Nell: Naughty Nigel is on trial.

Me: For what?

Nell: Stealing leftovers from the food bin and Growling.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Naughty Nigel asked Kev to let him out and when he didn’t come back Kev went to look and found him with his head in the food bin.

Me: How did he open it?

Nell: That’s not the point. Once inside, Naughty Nigel immediately went upstairs.

Me: That is Suspicious.

Nell: Yes, it was only 5:30pm.

Me: Far too early for bedtime.

Nell: Exactly. When asked to come downstairs and open his mouth the Suspect refused and Growled.

Me: Oh dear. Growling is not good.

Nell: Growling is Not Allowed.

Me: Yes. We really don’t like Growling here.

Nell: Especially when it’s directed at members of the family.

Me: How on earth do you want me to defend Nigel? He’s clearly guilty.

Nell: Yes, he is. But as he spent most of last night being sick, I feel punishment has already taken place.

Me: I see. Sorry.

Nell: I think you should probably attend Morning Thoughts today.

Me: Why?

Nell: David is on trial.

Me: On trial?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Did he eat something by mistake?

Nell: This has nothing to do with food.

Me: It’s always to do with food when it comes to Dave.

Nell: Not this time.

Me: Did he cuddle the wrong person? He’s just affectionate. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: It’s not about Cuddles. Although, you’re closer.

Me: What on earth has he done? Tell me.

Nell: I would if you gave me the chance.

Me: It can’t be anything terrible. He’s such a sweet animal.

Nell: David boxed Nigel’s ears.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell; Why are you smiling?

Me: It’s something Poppy used to love doing.

Nell: Poppy never touched Nigel.

Me: One year she boxed the Easter Terrier’s ears good and proper.

Nell: This is not about Poppy.

Me: No. Why did Dave do it? He must have had a reason.

Nell: I’m afraid it appears David had no reason at all.

Me: I’m not buying that.

Nell: Maybe you would like to represent David at his trial?

Me: I will, if needed. Does Nigel have representation?

Nell: Yes. My friend Dorothy. She insisted.

Me: I don’t have a long, black gown, or a curly grey wig.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: I expect The Cat does in its Dressing Up Box. Who’s the judge?

Nell: I am, of course.

Me: You’ll need a curly, grey long wig.

Nell: Stop talking about wigs.

Me: Are you still having your hair fluffed by that poodle?

Nell: No. Nicky Barke has moved on. And it didn’t really suit me. But that’s not the point. The trial is beginning soon. You need to talk to the accused.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: How Harriet can swim in the sea when it’s this cold is beyond me.

Nell: She doesn’t care about the cold. Swimming is her favourite thing.

Me: I couldn’t do it.

Nell: No, you could not.

Me: I had to wear my all-encasing hat. The wind was freezing.

Nell: It’s important to keep your ears warm. You suffer from earache in the cold.

Me: I’m very lucky to have you looking out for me.

Nell: Yes, you are.

Me: I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Nell: I’m not going anywhere.

Me: Nigel is coming to stay for a few days, so we need to get the Christmas tree ready.

Nell: Doesn’t he have his own tree?

Me: I want it to be Christmassy. Maybe we should have our own little Christmas market like they do in Germany?

Nell: That sounds rather ambitious. Herr Hoffmann is making some Lebkuchen for Charlotte. He knows she likes it.

Me: That’s kind of him. Perhaps we could have Gluehwein, too?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: It’s mulled wine. I remember drinking it at the Christmas markets when I lived in Germany. Piping hot from beakers with a tasty hot dog on the side.

Nell: David would approve.

Me: Bless him.

Nell: Well, don’t let the llamas anywhere near the wine. They’ve already consumed far too much sugar and have been cartwheeling since dawn.

Me: At least the exercise will keep them warm.

Nell: I see you’ve finally got the internet again.

Me: It suddenly came back on. The last few days made me realise how much I rely on it.

Nell: And hopefully how fortunate you were to have had the time to enjoy a good book and pleasant conversation instead of staring at your iBone.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.