Me: I’m glad the two boys finally decided to share the bed.
Nell: I’m not sure either of them was particularly relaxed about it.
Me: Dave was asleep.
Nell: David was not asleep. He was Pretending To Be Asleep. It’s a Labrador skill. We do it all the time.
Me: He was snoring.
Nell: Extra authenticity.
Me: You can’t actually have extra authenticity, Nell. Something is authentic or it isn’t.
Nell: He was just resting his eyes.
Me: Kev says that when he falls asleep in front of the television.
Nell: Anyway, David was actually alert.
Me: If you say so. Nigel kept an eye on him. Bless him.
Nell: Nigel wasn’t going to sleep.
Me: Why?
Nell: He saw the Stuffed Tiger on the top of the wardrobe.
Me: Oh dear. Nigel hates the Stuffed Tiger. He tried to bite it one time. I don’t know why he dislikes it so much.
Nell: I do. It’s sneaky and it listens in on conversations.
Me: A lot of people do that. Talking of sneaky, that wretched lion isn’t coming for Christmas, is he?
Nell: If you’re talking about Lionel King then of course he is.
Me: Why?
Nell: As Senior Sous Chef to Herr Hoffmann he’s probably cooking half the Christmas dinner.
Me: I didn’t know he was Senior Sous Chef. What about Malcolm and Manuel?
Nell: They’re Chefs de Partie.
Me: I don’t even know what that is.
Nell: Malcolm is in charge of fish, especially prawns, and Manuel of eggs and anything that needs twirling.
Me: Like pancakes and pizzas?
Nell: Exactly.
Me: If you have a Senior Sous Chef there must be a Junior one.
Nell: Yes. It’s David.
Me: My Davey?
Nell: Why do you think he’s tired? And please stop calling him Davey.
Me: Sorry.
