Have you seen my tiara?

Nell: Have you seen my tiara?

Me: What tiara?

Nell: The one I wore to the Royal Wedding.

Me: Never mind that. The Stuffed Tiger is sitting in the yellow chair.

Nell: My pearls are missing too.

Me: Dave isn’t happy.

Nell: He wouldn’t be. We still haven’t found Mutley’s cufflinks.

Me: I meant Dave isn’t happy about the Stuffed Tiger sitting in the yellow chair.

Nell: Its name is Beaumarchais, by the way.

Me: How do you know that?

Nell: Someone sent it a postcard.

Me: Who?

Nell: I don’t know. It wasn’t addressed to me.

Me: Who was it addressed to?

Nell: Beaumarchais. I just told you.

Me: Beaumarchais could be anyone.

Nell: It began with ‘How’s me old stuffed tiger?’

Me: Why the Cockney accent? You said you didn’t read it.

Nell: I said it wasn’t addressed to me. It was from a friend.

Me: How do you know?

Nell: It was signed ‘A Friend’.

Me: What else did it say?

Nell: ‘Hope you’re enjoying your new dogs.’

Me: What?

Nell: Although it might have been digs. The writing wasn’t very clear.

Me: Where is it?

Nell: I gave it to Miss Maple. Are you sure you haven’t seen my tiara?

Me: Yes. Is this for the Birthday Ball?

Nell: I thought I was wearing my pearls when I went to lunch with Rupert at The Cottage Hotel the other day but I might be mistaken.

Me: The Cottage Hotel is closed in January.

Nell: Are you sure?

Me: Yes. I’m absolutely certain because I can never spend my birthday there.

Nell: I can’t remember when I last wore my tiara.

Me: Wait a minute, Nell. It’s my birthday on 30th Jan.

Nell: Stop making everything about you. We need to find my tiara.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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