Me: It’s lovely to have my sisters and Hattie Button here, isn’t it?

Nell: Yes, it’s delightful to have family visiting and to finally meet her at last. Shame we lost the football but we played well.

Me: You were all a bit boisterous at first. She was overwhelmed.

Nell: I’m afraid David doesn’t do restrained as you know.

Me: No. If he wasn’t my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy I could be quite annoyed with him.

Nell: Hattie Button is a very well behaved young animal.

Me: Unlike some.

Nell: Whatever do you mean?

Me: I’m afraid we’re going to have to address the elephant in the room, Nell.

Nell: Please don’t tell me that elephant is lost again.

Me: What elephant?

Nell: The one who was separated from the herd.

Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Nell: Got on the wrong plane. Ended up in Devon. It was all over the news.

Me: Not my news.

Nell: You should read the Daily Growl more thoroughly.

Me: Maybe I should.

Nell: What elephant are you talking about then?

Me: Hattie Button’s missing dinner and the theft of Foxy, her favourite toy.

Nell: David says he ate her dinner by mistake.

Me: He cleaned the bowl thoroughly.

Nell: A tidy bowl is a tidy mind. I’ve told you that before.

Me: It was unacceptable behaviour.

Nell: It wasn’t his finest hour.

Me: And then he stole Foxy.

Nell: He borrowed it for a while.

Me: Three times.

Nell: He gave it back.

Me: Only when I made him.

Nell: Moving on, Poppy says Sunday roast will be on the table at 2pm.

Me: Dave better not steal Hattie’s lunch.

Nell: It was a mistake. Let’s enjoy Sunday songs together and be thankful for family.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What a beautifully frosty morning.

Nell: You’re only saying that because you’re in bed with your electric blanket switched on.

Me: True. I’m enjoying admiring it from afar.

Nell: I think I might join you in bed actually.

Me: Please do. Poppy and the puppies are already here but there’s plenty of room.

Nell: You know David and Harriet will be six next year. They really aren’t puppies anymore.

Me: They are to me.

Nell: I wish David would stop whispering in Harriet’s ear like that.

Me: They’re sharing puppy secrets.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Actually I think they’re excited about the football match this evening. Remember Dave trained with the England team a few years ago. He and Harry Kane are best buddies.

Nell: How could I forget?

Me: He was an excellent goalkeeper.

Nell: They’re waiting for our guests too, of course. What time are your sisters and Hattie Button arriving?

Me: About 4pm. They’re going to try and get here while it is still light.

Nell: Yes, we don’t want them driving on dark and icy roads. Hattie Button is only young.

Me: So, you’ve decided to be nice to her now, have you?

Nell: Yes. I realised I might have been a little short tempered and unwelcoming.

Me: You were a bit frosty. See what I did there? What changed your mind?

Nell: I was talking it over with Rupert and he reminded me that I have a duty of care to the younger members of the family.

Me: Yes, you do and Hattie might find you all rather overwhelming.

Nell: You’re excited about seeing your sisters again, aren’t you?

Me: Yes, I’ve missed them. I hope I don’t get too emotional.

Nell: Emotional is absolutely fine and understandable at the moment.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I made some really interesting observations in the activity field yesterday.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: Activity means different things to different people, or should I say animals.

Nell: Indeed. Everyone has their own way of staying active.

Me: Yes, and yours seems to involve an awful lot of sitting down.

Nell: I am exercising my mind. You of all people should understand that.

Me: I do. It’s just that the others love to run around sniffing here and sniffing there.

Nell: I enjoy a sniffari as much as the next dog.

Me: As long as it’s in your own time.

Nell: Exactly. We senior Labradors like to pace ourselves. Slow and steady.

Me: Yes, and the activity field is perfect for pondering, isn’t it?

Nell: It is.

Me: Did you come to any conclusions?

Nell: I did.

Me: Are you going to tell me what you were thinking about?

Nell: Pasta and Hattie Button.

Me: Interesting.

Nell: I thought so.

Me: Are the two connected?

Nell: They are.

Me: Could I ask how?

Nell: Poppy has decided that Saturday evening is pasta night and I was wondering whether Hattie Button would prefer spaghetti or penne.

Me: I know what I’d choose.

Nell: This isn’t about you.

Me: No.

Nell: I decided that much as penne is easily eaten no young animal can resist the joy of spaghetti.

Me: Speaking as an older animal I would say all ages find a spag bol pretty hard to resist.

Nell: Did I mention spaghetti bolognese? Poppy might be planning a carbonara or even a cacio e pepe.

Me: Seriously?

Nell: No, of course not. We’re having spaghetti bolognese in front of the television. England are playing in the World Cup quarter final. What else would we be doing?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The beach was magical again.

Nell: It was extremely cold.

Me: My writer friend Harry goes swimming in the sea every day.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: And he doesn’t even wear a wetsuit.

Nell: He’d get on well with Harriet.

Me: He knows Sir Roger Blubbery. They used to swim together regularly.

Nell: Sir Roger has other things on his mind now.

Me: Has Princess given him her answer yet?

Nell: No, she’s still undecided.

Me: She’ll have to make her mind up soon if there’s going to be a wedding before Christmas.

Nell: What on earth makes you think that will ever happen?

Me: Just saying. Everyone loves a wedding.

Nell: Moving on, how was your lunch at the Cottage Hotel?

Me: Absolutely lovely. It really is my favourite place and it did me so much good to go back there again.

Nell: I’m glad.

Me: Being with other writers was wonderful and I came away with a big smile on my face.

Nell: Excellent.

Me: Yes, it was just what I needed and Kev enjoyed it too.

Nell: Was I mentioned?

Me: You were. Annette and Brian are hoping you will visit them again soon.

Nell: How kind.

Me: Brian remembers fondly how you followed him into the kitchen and waited politely for a biscuit.

Nell: Yes, they have an extremely comfortable sofa.

Me: You certainly made yourself at home. I hope you will be just as welcoming to Hattie Button this weekend.

Nell: She is not sleeping on my sofa.

Me: It’s not your sofa.

Nell: David and I sleep on the sofas. Everyone knows that.

Me: Hattie will share a room with Alex. Try to be a little more caring.

Nell: Talking of caring, where’s the doggy bag from your lunch?

Me: I forgot. Sorry.

Me: Wasn’t it lovely to see Tony again? I couldn’t believe it when he knocked on the door.

Nell: He is our postman.

Me: I know but we haven’t seen him for ages.

Nell: Yes, he’s been gone far too long.

Me: He was off sick, Nell. He had to get well again.

Nell: David couldn’t control his emotions as usual.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He missed his best friend so much.

Nell: Fortunately Tony doesn’t mind but David can’t throw himself at everyone.

Me: He’s just a great big bundle of affection.

Nell: That’s one way of putting it.

Me: You know my sisters are coming to stay this weekend?

Nell: Yes. We’re celebrating Alex’s birthday. Belatedly.

Me: Charlotte had the flu so we couldn’t get together until now. Anyway, Alex is bringing little Hattie Button.

Nell: Who?

Me: Your cousin Hattie Button the cockapoo. You’ll finally get to meet her. She’s awfully sweet and fluffy.

Nell: I don’t do sweet and fluffy.

Me: Well, you’d better.

Nell: Why are you and Kev dressed up?

Me: We’re going to my Wednesday Writers Christmas Lunch at the Cottage Hotel.

Nell: The Cottage Hotel in Hope Cove?

Me: Yes.

Nell: My favourite place?

Me: And mine.

Nell: What time are we leaving?

Me: I’m afraid you can’t come with us, Nell. It’s no dogs in the dining room.

Nell: Eat outside then.

Me: We can’t. It’s a special lunch and it’s far too cold outside.

Nell: I can’t believe this. First you tell me I have to welcome someone sweet and fluffy into my home this weekend and then you tell me you’re going to my favourite place for lunch and leaving me behind.

Me: I’m leaving everyone behind except Kev.

Nell: I rest my case.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Today is St. Nicholas Day and it’s ever so important in German speaking countries.

Nell: Tell me about it.

Me: I love the way you’re using Harriet to rest your chin on.

Nell: I’m a little tired and Harriet doesn’t mind.

Me: It’s really sweet. Anyway, yesterday evening Jonathan and Faye cleaned and polished their boots and put them out ready for St. Nicholas.

Nell: Why?

Me: If they’ve been good children they’ll find treats and chocolate stuffed into their boots in the morning.

Nell: And if they haven’t?

Me: Coal, which rather ironically would be quite welcome in times like these.

Nell: Not for children.

Me: No.

Nell: There was nothing in my boots this morning.

Me: We don’t celebrate St. Nicholas and you haven’t got any boots.

Nell: I have an empty bowl.

Me: It’s not the same.

Nell: I licked it clean and so did the others.

Me: I’m sure you’ll find some biscuits in it later.

Nell: Bacon would be better.

Me: Have you been good?

Nell: Of course I have. I’m the role model for all animals in this house.

Me: If you say so.

Nell: I can’t speak for David, however.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy has been awfully good in the main and so has Harriet.

Nell: Then there will have to be bacon sandwiches in our bowls.

Me: What about Poppy?

Nell: I’m afraid there’s a high risk of coal unless St. Nicholas is forgiving.

Me: I think he is.

Nell: I would have shared my sandwich with Poppy if he wasn’t.

Me: You all would. You’re extremely good about sharing.

Nell: That’s why St. Nicholas will make sure there’s bacon in our bowls.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Go on then. The bacon won’t cook itself.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Harriet is absolutely fearless.

Nell: That’s one word for it.

Me: She runs into the sea no matter how cold it is.

Nell: Extraordinary behaviour if you ask me.

Me: There was a time when you would have done that too.

Nell: Well, it’s certainly not happening now. The water is freezing.

Me: Kev was hardy, wearing shorts.

Nell: He’s working on the house at the moment so those are his work clothes.

Me: You wouldn’t see me in shorts.

Nell: Thank goodness for that. The mere idea. Now, we need to update everyone on the Princess and Sir Roger Blubbery situation.

Me: Oh yes. Did he propose?

Nell: He did.

Me: And did she say yes?

Nell: Well, she had a mouth full of mackerel at the time but after she’d finished she told him she’d think about it.

Me: I thought she liked Sir Roger Blubbery.

Nell: She does but she’s worried about losing her name.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: She prefers Princess to Lady Blubbery.

Me: She would still be called Princess even if she was Lady Blubbery which she won’t be, by the way.

Nell: Why not?

Me: Because Poppy knighted Sir Roger so it isn’t actually real.

Nell: It’s extremely real to Sir Roger and should Princess accept his fin in marriage I am sure it will be real to her too.

Me: In that case you need to let her know that she could be Lady Princess Blubbery.

Nell: Why do I have to let her know?

Me: She confided in you.

Nell: I think you will find she confided in the Daily Growl. The article is on page 5 if I remember correctly.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes. ‘Will Princess give Sir Roger the Royal Seal of Approval?’

Me: Gosh. Sorry.

Me: Sunday is a day of rest for most people, isn’t it?

Nell: Yes. After Sunday Songs and Sunday Roast we all enjoy a little nap.

Me: It takes an awful lot for Poppy to unwind though, doesn’t it?

Nell: Poppy is a live wire. She’s always on the move.

Me: I was taking photos of you all sleeping yesterday and it took ages for her to settle down. She kept posing.

Nell; I wish you wouldn’t do that. Taking photos of others when they are asleep is extremely intrusive.

Me: But you look so adorable when you’re sleeping except that Poppy refused to cooperate.

Nell: Nothing new there.

Me: First she was on Kev’s lap posing while Dave snoozed away gloriously on the far sofa.

Nell: Can you snooze gloriously?

Me: Dave can and so can Harriet, preferably on my chair with her head against the sofa.

Nell: Yes. She likes to do that.

Me: Then I find Poppy posing on the top of the other sofa while you snore away oblivious to it all.

Nell: Excuse me. How come David is snoozing gloriously while I am snoring obliviously?

Me: That’s the way it was. You had no idea Poppy was standing above you. You were away with the fairies.

Nell: Why bring fairies into this?

Me: Never mind. And then when I thought Poppy would never settle down she finally did in front of the fire.

Nell: Poppy does things when she is good and ready.

Me: True.

Nell: And Sundays are not restful for her at all, by the way. They are one of the busiest days of the week.

Me: I suppose they are.

Nell: So don’t go trying to take photos of her today or you won’t get any Yorkshire puddings.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: What do you think of Breakfast in Bed?

Nell: It’s an excellent idea. Especially when it’s cold and you’re still in recovery.

Me: Yes, that’s what I thought. A chance for me to unwind and relax.

Nell: Exactly, and begin the day a little more slowly.

Me: The thing about Breakfast in Bed is that you shouldn’t have an audience.

Nell: An audience?

Me: Of Labradors watching your every move.

Nell: At least we’re showing Respect and Restraint.

Me: Really?

Nell: We are sitting quietly next to the bed Being Encouraging and Supportive. Poppy is sitting on the bed Being Pushy and Slightly Fierce.

Me: It’s not as if you haven’t had your breakfast already.

Nell: One breakfast is rarely enough.

Me: But it’s only sourdough toast. Nothing fancy.

Nell: Toast is meant to be shared.

Me: This is not very relaxing.

Nell: It’s better than being downstairs. Trust me. The kitchen is full of mackerel.

Me: Any particular reason why?

Nell: There was an early morning Beefy attack.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Fortunately Poppy had her lacrosse stick to paw so she caught most of them.

Me: The Beefies?

Nell: No, the mackerel. Do try and be a little realistic.

Me: I didn’t know Poppy played lacrosse.

Nell: Oh yes. In her schooldays she was an excellent player and she still enjoys a game.

Me: What’s happening with the mackerel?

Nell: Fortunately it’s still fresh so Manuel is making mackerel paella.

Me: I’m not sure I want mackerel in my paella.

Nell: It isn’t for you. Princess and Sir Roger Blubbery are having a romantic lunch. We think he might propose.

Me: How exciting.

Nell: Do you want those crusts?

Me: Not really.

Nell: Well, share them then, please. We’ve been waiting for ages.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: It’s very cold today, isn’t it?

Nell: Yes. Winter is definitely on its way.

Me: Is that why you’ve climbed into bed next to me?

Nell: I’m not actually in the bed.

Me: You sort of are, Nell. You’re lying on the pillows and Poppy has been banished to the cold end of the bed.

Nell: It’s my turn. Poppy spent the whole night in your bed, snuggled up next to Harriet.

Me: She’s only small. She needs to snuggle.

Nell: Large animals feel the cold too, you know.

Me: True. Dave had ever such cold ears when he came upstairs just now to give me my morning cuddle.

Nell: That’s because he was patrolling the area with the other guards.

Me: I didn’t know we had guards.

Nell: Why do you think Alejandro is wearing a saucepan on his head?

Me: I thought it was an alpaca thing.

Nell: And the llamas? Didn’t you wonder why they were wearing fighting coats?

Me: Is that what they are? They look more like duvets to me.

Nell: One does what one can.

Me: Are we preparing for battle?

Nell: Yes. We’re expecting a Beefy invasion.

Me: Did we hear it on the grapevine?

Nell: Why bring fruit into this?

Me: It’s just a saying.

Nell: Owl Pacino saw them gathering near Burgh Island.

Me: That’s not far away.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: I bet that lion has something to do with this. He’s always hanging out at the Burgh Island hotel.

Nell: I wouldn’t call it ‘hanging out’. Lionel likes to stay there when he’s in the area.

Me: Should I put a saucepan on my head?

Nell: Please don’t.

Me: I’ll just snuggle up in my fighting coat then. Care to join me?

Nell: I already have.

Me: Yes. Sorry.