Me: Do you know what I admire about you?

Nell: My patience?

Me: I wouldn’t say you were particularly patient.

Nell: You have no idea.

Me: I really admire the way you can focus on something to the exclusion of anything else.

Nell: Focus?

Me: Yes, you were completely focussed when we were in the activity field. The grass is awfully dry now, isn’t it?

Nell: Everywhere is dry at the moment. We’re in the middle of a drought.

Me: Good that it’s raining properly today then.

Nell: Yes, I was extremely pleased to hear the rain this morning.

Me: What was I saying? I seem to have lost my train of thought.

Nell: Nothing new there. You were admiring my focus.

Me: Oh yes. The puppies struggle a little sometimes. Especially Dave. He’s easily distracted. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell; Except when he’s playing Cowardy Custard with Walter, or there’s food.

Me: Well, that’s the thing. There was food but Dave and Harriet weren’t fully aware of it at first.

Nell: Kev had some biscuits in his pocket.

Me: You knew and you were focussed on getting one.

Nell: Of course I knew. Kev always has biscuits in his pocket.

Me: I’ll tell you who else is focussed.

Nell: Who?

Me: Roger Blubbery. My friend Christine sent me some photos of him flirting with the tourists at the beach and my sister Charlotte sent me a video.

Nell: Flirting?

Me: Well, making friends.

Nell: How did he get there?

Me: Knitwear Wolf dropped him off when he was delivering some cardigans. Seals need the sea.

Nell: Rupert is not a taxi service.

Me: He doesn’t mind.

Nell: Is he still there?

Me: Who?

Nell: Roger Blubbery?

Me: Where?

Nell: At the sea. Try and focus.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Harriet is maturing into the most beautiful chocolate Labrador, isn’t she?

Nell: She is exceptionally lovely.

Me: I would call that photo a Symphony of Brown.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: Look at her elegant pose and the way the sun highlights the colour of her coat.

Nell: If you think waxing lyrical about Harriet is going to stop me asking why there’s a strange seal in the kitchen then you are very much mistaken.

Me: It isn’t a strange seal. It’s Roger Blubbery.

Nell: I know it’s Roger Blubbery.

Me: Why call him strange then?

Nell: He’s not supposed to be there.

Me: I invited him.

Nell: I knew you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself. Meddle, meddle, meddle.

Me: He’s lonely, Nell. And he’s only popped over for breakfast and possibly a little lunch if we have a mackerel going spare.

Nell: We always have a mackerel going spare.

Me: Well then.

Nell: He’ll still be here at dinner time. You mark my paws.

Me: I don’t want to touch your paws, thank you.

Nell: I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find him guest starring with the Welsh Corgi Choir at Sunday Songs tomorrow.

Me: I’m not sure he has the right voice for singing, Nell, but I know he’s an awfully enthusiastic clapper because when Knitwear Wolf collected him on his motorbike he clapped all the way here.

Nell: Rupert collected him?

Me: Yes. Roger sat in his sidecar.

Nell: So, Rupert is part of this too?

Me: Yes, I was talking to him about the situation and he agreed that it simply wouldn’t do and we should definitely rescue Roger.

Nell: Rescue Roger from what exactly?

Me: Loneliness.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: What’s a few mackerel between friends?

Nell: I give up.

Me: Sorry.

Me: The rain didn’t matter at all when we were down on the beach, did it?

Nell: No, it was actually rather refreshing.

Me: I noticed you had a spring in your step.

Nell: I enjoy the feeling of sand under my paws.

Me: I always think the sign of a good day is finding sand between your toes when you get home.

Nell: I’m not so keen on it in my bed.

Me: I think you mean my bed.

Nell: What’s yours is mine.

Me: It is.

Nell: At least the weather kept the crowds away.

Me: Yes, I know it sounds selfish but I must admit it was rather lovely to have the beach to ourselves again.

Nell: I agree.

Me: I think Harriet would swim all day if we’d let her.

Nell: She simply adores the water. It’s where she feels most at home.

Me: She’s almost more seal than Labrador.

Nell: She is not.

Me: Aren’t seals and dogs related?

Nell: Baby seals and fluffy puppies are considered to be Caniformes which literally means ‘dog-like’ and come from the same suborder of Carnivorans, if you must know.

Me: Look at you Miss Know-All.

Nell: I think you will find Alexa is the Know-All in this house. I am merely well informed.

Me: Talking of seals I’ve been thinking about Roger Blubbery out there all alone.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: I know you think he’s a little bit needy, Nell, but he’s probably just awfully lonely and looking for a friend.

Nell: I’m warning you not to get involved. Roger Blubbery does not respect boundaries.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Give him a biscuit and he’ll eat the whole bowl.

Me: I thought seals ate fish.

Nell: You know what I mean.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Tony and Dave are the best of friends.

Nell: They are. Talking of friends tell me about your afternoon tea yesterday.

Me: It was delightful, Nell. I love being with other writers and it was wonderful to actually see them in the flesh again and not just on zoom.

Nell: Was I mentioned?

Me: You were. Annette and Brian were there and he remembers how you followed him into the kitchen for a biscuit when we visited them.

Nell: I was just being helpful.

Me: You climbed onto their sofa.

Nell: Of course I did. Is Anne happy in her new house?

Me: Very.

Nell: Good. What about the sandwiches? Crusts on, or crusts off?

Me: Crusts on, and lots of delicious fishy fillings.

Nell: Fishy fillings?

Me: Yes.

Nell: No Coronation chicken?

Me: You’ve never eaten Coronation chicken in your life.

Nell: Anything sweet?

Me: Delicate little lemon cup cakes and a selection of fresh fruit. It was the perfect tea for this hot weather.

Nell: I wouldn’t know.

Me: Just because you weren’t invited doesn’t mean you were forgotten. You were mentioned several times.

Nell: At least I provided a topic of conversation, I suppose.

Me: I’ll tell you what else we talked about.

Nell: Please do.

Me: Harry was chased by a seal.

Nell: What was he doing?

Me: Just swimming.

Nell: Was the seal alone?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Did Harry feel it wanted to be his friend?

Me: Harry didn’t even realise it was there until people started pointing at it from the beach.

Nell: Did it have a name?

Me: Harry thinks it might be called Roger.

Nell: That’ll be Roger Blubbery then. He’s a little bit needy.

Me: Do you know him?

Nell: Everyone knows Roger Blubbery. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Would you keep the noise down, please? Some of us are trying to rest.

Me: I was just discussing yesterday’s party with Poppy.

Nell: Well, do it in a quiet voice.

Me: It went really well, didn’t it?

Nell: Yes, until torrential rain forced us all inside.

Me: We managed.

Nell: You weren’t caught between two steaming llamas.

Me: It’s not like the llamas to be angry. They usually have such sunny dispositions.

Nell: I meant steaming hot. It was excessively humid and damp llama is not the most pleasant of aromas, especially mixed with all the other wet animals.

Me: I know what you mean. The house was a little smelly. It reminded me of an old Afghan coat I wore in the 1970’s.

Nell: Fortunately we could leave the doors open.

Me: Kev had a wonderful time and I know he would like me to thank everyone for their kind birthday greetings.

Nell: Yes, that is the main thing. Why are you wearing your best dress?

Me: I’m going to afternoon tea at my friend Anne’s. She moved house recently and I’m really looking forward to seeing it.

Nell: Am I invited?

Me: No, it’s only for Wednesday Writers I’m afraid.

Nell: I am a poet, you know, and well regarded.

Me: Yes, I know that.

Nell: I even write on Wednesdays.

Me: But you’re not a Wednesday Writer.

Nell: Potato, potahto.

Me: Now, you’re being silly. How about asking Poppy if she’d make afternoon tea for you all?

Nell: Poppy is exhausted after yesterday.

Me: There’s bound to be some leftover cake and Manuel could throw together a few sandwiches.

Nell: Thrown together sandwiches and leftover cake?

Me: It was just a suggestion.

Nell: Afternoon tea is not about leftovers.

Me: No, of course not. Sorry.

Nell: Where’s your party hat?

Me: Can’t I put it on later?

Nell: What do you think of the photos I chose?

Me: Perfect. Kev will love them.

Nell: He’s having poached eggs on toast for his birthday breakfast so can you help Malcolm cut the toast into hearts, please?

Me: I’m not sure I’m going to be much use. Don’t you need a beak for that?

Nell: A heart shaped cutter will do fine.

Me: Right.

Nell: Would you like to hear the poem I’ve written?

Me: Yes, please.

Nell: ‘Open your hearts

Lift up your voices.

Pass the jam tarts

And make the right choices.’

Me: Gosh, that’s rather profound. Do we even have jam tarts?

Nell: Of course we do. It’s Kev’s birthday. There are always jam tarts. May I continue?

Me: Please do.

Nell: ‘For today is a day

Celebrated across Devon

When together we say

‘Happy Birthday dear Kevin’’

Me: Across Devon?

Nell: It should be the world but that didn’t rhyme.

Me: I see.

Nell: ‘Corgis are singing

Llamas are vaulting

Whippets applauding

At seals somersaulting.

Everyone’s doing

The best that they can

To celebrate this wonderful

Extraordinary man.

We love you dear Kev

From our heads to our paws

From our tails to our beaks

From our teeth to our claws.

With you in our lives

We are never alone

Because you are our rock

And you are our home.

So, thank you, dear Kev

For all that you do

For loving us all

For just being you.’

Me: That’s wonderful, Nell. It brought a tear to my eye.

Nell: I mean every word.

Me: I know. We’re very lucky to have Kev in our lives.

Nell: We’re very lucky to have each other. Now, put your hat on, please.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I never thought I would say this but thank goodness it’s raining.

Nell: It’s stopped now, by the way.

Me: Don’t say that.

Nell: I just did.

Me: We desperately need proper rain. The fields are all dry and yellow.

Nell: I know. We’re all Concerned. Look at Harriet and Poppy.

Me: They do have Concerned Faces.

Nell: Told you.

Me: I don’t think it’s only the lack of rain they’re worried about.

Nell: Obviously not.

Me: They might be concerned about the thunderstorms. There’s been a warning.

Nell: Yes. I’m afraid it’s going to make tomorrow extremely challenging.

Me: What’s happening tomorrow?

Nell: It’s Kev’s birthday. Good grief. You can’t have forgotten. Why do you think Poppy has been baking for days even in the hot weather?

Me: That’s not concerning, Nell. It’s a day of celebration.

Nell: Not with rain and thunderstorms, it isn’t.

Me: We can always celebrate inside.

Nell: How are we going to fit the Welsh Corgi Choir inside? And what about the Whippets Institute?

Me: Yes, and the llamas can’t dance inside.

Nell: Llamas can dance anywhere. Trust me.

Me: It’s still going to be a little tricky for them.

Nell: Not to mention Princess and the Navy Seals.

Me: I didn’t know they were coming.

Nell: They’ve been rehearsing their Water Extravaganza for weeks. You must have noticed.

Me: I did think there were a few more seals around than usual.

Nell: Flexibility is the answer.

Me: Yes, those seals are agile. You wouldn’t see me jumping through a hoop.

Nell: I’m talking about tomorrow. We will celebrate outside but be ready to move inside at a moment’s notice.

Me: Being ready doesn’t mean there’s room.

Nell: We will make room. We are Martins. We think on our paws.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: I’m not singing this morning.

Me: That’s fine.

Nell: I’m not even humming.

Me: No problem.

Nell: Just letting you know.

Me: I didn’t actually know you were supposed to be performing.

Nell: Performing?

Me: Yes. Have people bought tickets?

Nell: I’m talking about Sunday Songs.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: I usually sing along.

Me: Right.

Nell: But it’s far too hot to sing today.

Me: Yes. It was far too hot yesterday too. We can only hope that tomorrow will bring us some relief.

Nell: Yesterday doesn’t matter and neither does tomorrow.

Me: I wouldn’t say that, Nell.

Nell: You don’t have Saturday Songs, or Monday Songs, do you?

Me: Life can’t just revolve around singing.

Nell: I’m not talking about life. I’m talking about Sunday Songs and the fact that it’s too hot.

Me: I think the heat might be making you a little grumpy.

Nell: I think you should keep your thoughts to yourself.

Me: How about a nice iced tea?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: I could add some ice cubes and a slice of lemon.

Nell: Have you gone completely mad?

Me: Iced tea is awfully popular with lots of people. Especially in this weather.

Nell: If you think I’m starting my day with a freezing cold cup of tea you are very mistaken.

Me: You don’t have it in a cup. You have it in a tall glass.

Nell: Stop right now. You’ll be suggesting cold toast next.

Me: Fresh fruit might be a better idea.

Nell: I accept that we’re not having our usual full English breakfast and even that there’ll be no roast today, but I will not give up my hot buttered toast and marmalade, or my cup of Earl Grey.

Me: It was just a suggestion. Sorry.

Nell: I’m not playing Cheeky Animals with David again.

Me: Why not?

Nell: He fell asleep.

Me: It’s ever so hot today, Nell. You can’t blame him.

Nell: It’s not as if I play that often anymore.

Me: I know.

Nell: But today I felt like a quick game.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: And David said he was happy to join in.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He’s such an accommodating dog.

Nell: So, there I was carefully sticking my tongue out when I heard snoring.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I could have been loudly licking my paws and he wouldn’t have noticed.

Me: I would. Why do you all have to do that cleaning thing so loudly?

Nell: A clean animal has a clear heart.

Me: What does that even mean?

Nell: Clean paws open doors.

Me: Now you’re teasing me.

Nell: Anyway, Cheeky Animals is no fun played alone.

Me: I’ll play with you.

Nell: No. You’re dreadful at it.

Me: I’m not.

Nell: You can’t even pant casually.

Me: I didn’t know I had to.

Nell: Of course you do. It’s the moment when a casual pant turns into a sticking out tongue that is one of the most exciting parts of Cheeky Animals.

Me: Talking of casual pants, did you see the huge moon yesterday?

Nell: Yes, I did, but that’s got nothing at all to do with casual pants.

Me: If we were in the US right now we’d be discussing trousers.

Nell: I give up.

Me: Talking of trousers.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Did Knitwear Wolf feel the urge to howl at that enormous moon?

Nell: You know it’s a myth that wolves howl at the moon?

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes, and Rupert is not a howling sort of wolf.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: You did it again,

Me: Did what?

Nell: Forgot that yesterday was Marvin’s Gotcha Day.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: His 4th Gotcha Day to be exact.

Me: But Marvin is only 3.

Nell: 4 years ago yesterday, Chris and Shannon adopted Marvin. He was 9 weeks old and had been found by a road in Texas.

Me: I see. Gotcha Days are different to birthdays.

Nell: Yes. Your Gotcha Day was 18th June 2012, for instance.

Me: My Gotcha Day?

Nell: Yes. The day I found you.

Me: I thought I found you.

Nell: The minute I saw you walk into the garden I said to my sisters Maisie and Daisy, ‘There she is.’

Me: You did?

Nell: Yes. I knew at once.

Me: I was actually supposed to choose between you and your sisters.

Nell: It was never really your choice.

Me: You brought me a sock so I picked you up for a cuddle.

Nell: And the rest is history.

Me: It just felt right.

Nell: Of course it did.

Me: You never cried once when I took you with me.

Nell: Why would I? I knew I was going home.

Me: It was one of the best days of my life.

Nell: Mine too.

Me: To think I had no idea that morning that I would end the day with a Labrador puppy. With my darling Nell.

Nell: You dreamt of me 3 months before, which was around the time I was born.

Me: Yes, I did. The universe has ways of making things happen, doesn’t it?

Nell: Some things are simply meant to be. Like Marvin with Chris and Shannon.

Me: And You and Me.

Nell: Always.

Me: Happy Gotcha Day for yesterday, Marvin.

Nell: And Happy Gotcha Day memories to us.

Me: Yes. Sorry.