Me: Are you excited about the final tonight?

Nell: I can’t think about football right now.

Me: Why?

Nell: I’m in the middle of a tense situation.

Me: What?

Nell: Look behind me.

Me: I’m not there, Nell. I’m here at home.

Nell: In the photos I sent you.

Me: That’s an odd looking bird.

Nell: It’s the fence.

Me: No, it’s definitely a bird, Nell.

Nell: Sally told me he would be coming here.

Me: Who?

Nell: Jacques D’Or. The Masked Thief’s fence.

Me: Why are we talking about outdoor structures?

Nell: Not that sort of fence. Do keep up. The middlebird between the thief and his buyers.

Me: Why is he at the hotel when Beauregard is at the police station?

Nell: Exactly.

Me: You’ve lost me.

Nell: Beauregard isn’t the thief.

Me: I knew it. I said he was a nice tiger. Have you told Inspector King?

Nell: No. Lionel mustn’t know.

Me: Why?

Nell: It will break Beauregard’s cover. The real thief has to think he’s safe, or he won’t come to the meeting.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Beauregard is working with Sally. They knew the Masked Thief would target the hotel.

Me: Does anyone else know?

Nell: Harriet, obviously, and Malcolm and Manuel as Sally suspects the Beefies are transporting the jewels through the kitchen.

Me: How?

Nell: In crates of fish then onto a boat and over to France.

Me: Do you think Jacques D’Or is French then?

Nell: Of course he’s French.

Me: So we’re looking for a huge masked thief with a tail wearing a soft velvet black cloak with an attractive hood who speaks French? That shouldn’t be too difficult.

Nell: He won’t be wearing the mask and cloak, will he? He thinks he’s safe.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at my Big Brave Beautiful Boy going undercover.

Nell: David is not undercover. He is checked into the hotel as David Martin. He is simply alert. We all are.

Me: I think Harriet’s rather enjoying it all.

Nell: Harriet is a professional.

Me; How are things?

Nell: Dreadful. All that roaring on top of everything else.

Me: What do you mean everything else? Have there been any more burglaries?

Nell: No. In fact Poppy’s sword has been found.

Me: That’s wonderful news, Nell. Poppy must be delighted.

Nell: Nobody is delighted. Oliver is completely distraught.

Me: Is Oliver the masked robber?

Nell: Of course not. Oliver’s an opossum, not a big cat.

Me: Did you just say big cat?

Nell: Yes, I’m afraid the sword was found in Beauregard’s room.

Me: What?

Nell: Lionel says he always had his suspicions and when Beauregard asked for warm milk with his dinner he knew he was on to something.

Me: This is awful.

Nell: It turns out that Beauregard is an international jewel thief.

Me: Gosh!

Nell: Lionel says Beauregard is claiming he is retired but once a thief always a thief.

Me: What does Sally think?

Nell: Sally is strangely calm about the whole thing. She says we must all remain on high alert as the thief is not working alone.

Me: Does she think Beauregard is guilty?

Nell: I can’t see how it is in doubt.

Me: Did they find The Cat’s jewels?

Nell: Not yet.

Me: But I thought Beauregard was such a nice tiger.

Nell: We all did. Oh, that’s strange.

Me: What?

Nell: A text from Sally. She wants to see me in the garden. Alone. I mustn’t tell anyone.

Me: You just told me.

Nell: Well, keep it to yourself.

Me: Bit late. Sorry.

Me: Harriet looks cheerful but what’s the matter with The Cat?

Nell: Do you notice anything different about it?

Me: It’s looking awfully grumpy but then it probably hasn’t had its morning espresso yet.

Nell: Look harder.

Me: It’s rather understated. No sequins, no sparkles. No anything really.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: Is it having a beige day?

Nell: The Cat never has beige days. There’s been a Shocking Development.

Me: What?

Nell: The Cat was robbed.

Me: Robbed?

Nell: Yes. Here at the hotel. All its jewels have gone.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: And that’s not the worst of it.

Me: It isn’t?

Nell: It was wearing most of them when it happened.

Me: Didn’t it notice?

Nell: Of course it noticed. The masked thief was in its room holding The Cat at sword point.

Me: How frightening. Did you say sword point?

Nell: Yes. It was Poppy’s sword.

Me: Poppy would never do such a thing. She doesn’t even like jewels.

Nell: It wasn’t Poppy. It was a huge masked thief in a full length black velvet cloak with an attractive hood. Do keep up.

Me: That’s an awfully detailed description of the cloak.

Nell: It’s The Cat. It knows about clothes.

Me: Did it recognise the face?

Nell: The thief was wearing a mask.

Me: Oh yes.

Nell: But as it left The Cat noticed one important thing.

Me: What?

Nell: The thief had a tail.

Me: A feathery one?

Nell: No.

Me: So, it definitely wasn’t a Beefy?

Nell: Of course it wasn’t a Beefy. They’re not huge.

Me: Did it speak?

Nell: Yes. It had a low rumbly sort of voice.

Me: Like Kev?

Nell: Kev? How could you say such a thing?

Me: He has a rumbly voice.

Nell: Outrageous behaviour. Accusing Kev.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Oh Nell, I have some very sad news.

Nell: Tell me.

Me: Our dear friend Boone, the big golden Labrador from Vancouver, died yesterday in Jaime’s arms.

Nell: Oh no. Shel, Jaime and the family must be devastated.

Me: Yes. They rescued him in 2015 when he was 5. It was after they fell in love with you when they were visiting us.

Nell: Yes, Shel and Jaime are like family to us.

Me: They are.

Nell: Please tell them that we’re thinking of them and Boone is with Mutley and Charlie and Ollie now and watching over them all.

Me: I will. Are you coming home soon?

Nell: We can’t come home yet. We’re on a mission.

Me: Have there been any more developments?

Nell: Beauregard has developed a close interest in The Cat.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: He watches it, especially at dinner.

Me: Hungrily?

Nell: No. I think he finds The Cat a little too sparkly. All those diamonds.

Me: Is it still making everyone dress up for dinner?

Nell: Yes. Personally, I would have been happy just wearing my pearls if they hadn’t been stolen.

Me: What about the situation in the kitchen?

Nell: Malcolm is monitoring all deliveries and Manuel has become something of a star in the restaurant.

Me: Really?

Nell: Oh yes. He’s quite the Flambé King. Steak Diane here, Crêpes Suzette there. People can’t get enough of him.

Me: Good for Manuel.

Nell: Anyway, I can’t chat all day. I have things to do.

Me: Secret agent stuff?

Nell: No. I’m going to walk on the beach and think of Boone and his family.

Me: I wish you were here with me, Nell.

Nell: I am always with you. Even when I’m not. We all are.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy with a new frisbee. Gosh, I miss him. Where did he get it?

Nell: It was a present from Beauregard.

Me: That’s awfully kind of him. Did he buy it at the hotel?

Nell: I have an awful feeling he stole it.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: The hotel has a selection of activity aids for outdoor training and fun and I’m fairly sure I saw one of those when Harriet and I were looking for tennis racquets.

Me: I didn’t know you played tennis.

Nell: It’s Wimbledon. Everyone plays tennis.

Me: Well, I think it’s very thoughtful of Beauregard even if it wasn’t really his to give. How are Malcolm and Manuel?

Nell: Manuel caused quite a stir at breakfast.

Me: How?

Nell: Demonstrating his extraordinary pancake tossing skills.

Me: Bless him.

Nell: We’re supposed to be undercover.

Me: I’m sure Malcolm is being discreet.

Nell: You could be forgiven for thinking so but actually Malcolm is involved in a heated dispute over prawns.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: He says they are far too small and much too tired.

Me: He does know his prawns, Nell. Who are the suppliers?

Nell: You are not going to believe this.

Me: I just might.

Nell: The Beefies.

Me: I don’t believe it.

Nell: Told you. And it gets worse. The hotel is using Book a Beefy for all sorts of deliveries and collections.

Me: Shocking.

Nell: I know. I’m just hoping it’s Terry or they are in big trouble.

Me: Any more roaring?

Nell: Yes. It’s definitely coming from the sea.

Me: Interesting.

Nell: Talking of the sea. I thought I saw Princess out there this morning.

Me: You can’t have. She’s gone on holiday with Our Penguin.

Nell: Really?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: How are things at the Agatha Christie hotel?

Nell: Extremely tense.

Me: They don’t look tense, Nell. It’s absolutely beautiful there.

Nell: Where there’s beauty there’s danger. Look at swans.

Me: I don’t want to look at swans.

Nell: Beautiful creatures with nasty tempers.

Me: Are there swans staying at the hotel then?

Nell: Not as far as I know, but nothing would surprise me.

Me: No.

Nell: Now, the hotel are looking for kitchen staff and Malcolm and Manuel have an interview at 3pm.

Me: But we need them here at home.

Nell: It’s only for now. There is something going on in that kitchen.

Me: Can’t Poppy deal with it? If the cooking isn’t up to standard she’ll sort it out.

Nell: No. Poppy has to stay out of it. We think she was drugged.

Me: Oh my goodness.

Nell: And if The Cat liked warm milk it would have been too.

Me: I thought all cats liked milk.

Nell: That’s not the point. Someone sent warm milk to Poppy’s room the night her sword was stolen. She thought it was from me.

Me: Why?

Nell: The note said ‘A little something to help you sleep my friend.’

Me: I’m sorry Nell but that sounds extremely sinister. There’s no way I would have drunk that. Apart from the fact that I hate warm milk.

Nell: So does The Cat. When it found its milk it asked Room Service to take it away. We wish it hadn’t now, of course.

Me: That’s a bit mean. The Cat can be a little over dramatic but still.

Nell: It would have been evidence. Do keep up.

Me: Oh, well. I suppose there’s no point in crying over warm milk.

Nell: Just go and tell Malcolm and Manuel.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What’s the matter with Poppy? She looks so sad. Has something happened?

Nell: There has been a most unfortunate incident at the hotel.

Me: Oh no. Is Poppy hurt?

Nell: No, but somebody will be when she finds out who did this.

Me: Did what?

Nell: Some scallywag has stolen Poppy’s sword.

Me: Her sword? How did they do that?

Nell: Well, as you know, she always sleeps with it under her pillow.

Me: I wish she wouldn’t do that.

Nell: It’s only when she is away from home and that’s not the point.

Me: No.

Nell: Anyway, when she woke this morning it was gone.

Me: Do you think someone was in her room?

Nell: Yes, of course they were.

Me: That’s dreadful.

Nell: It is a little disconcerting I must say. We think it definitely has something to do with the roaring we heard last night.

Me: So, there was roaring?

Nell: Yes. It kept me awake.

Me: I think you should all come home.

Nell: Don’t be silly. Are those my grand nephews and nieces, by the way? I know David and Harriet’s sister had puppies.

Me: Yes and I have some big news.

Nell: Go on.

Me: You know Tony and Sue have been grieving over the loss of Ollie?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Well, I told them about the puppies and yesterday they drove up to see them and they are going to have one of the little boys.

Nell: That’s wonderful.

Me: Yes, another member of the family to welcome.

Nell: I am very happy for Tony and Sue. They were meant to have dogs in their lives.

Me: I think Dave might be a little jealous at first.

Nell: David is an uncle now. He will need to show restraint.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at the puppies having fun in the sea.

Nell: Fun? They’re chasing hardened criminals.

Me: Are they staying at the hotel?

Nell: I certainly hope not.

Me: What happened?

Nell: Somebody stole Beauregard’s gold medallion last night.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Sally was reading The Growl on Sunday on her balcony this morning when she spotted a Beefy in a shiny necklace. She alerted David and Harriet who gave chase.

Me: The Growl came out today?

Nell: Yes. I shall enjoy reading it over the next few days. Kev and Jamie have done a wonderful job.

Me: I’m sure they have. We should also wish all our readers in the United States a very Happy 4th July.

Nell: Preferably without fireworks.

Me: I’m afraid that’s never going to happen.

Nell: Did you know tigers can swim?

Me: I didn’t.

Nell: Beauregard is an excellent swimmer. He takes Oliver out with him.

Me: Really?

Nell: Oliver sits on his head wearing a life jacket, as you never know with opossums. They’re so easily startled. Henry wisely prefers to watch.

Me: Wait a minute. Was Henry on Beauregard’s medallion when it was stolen?

Nell: Fortunately not. He sat on David’s bow tie at dinner and Alejandro’s crown at breakfast.

Me: His large Aztec crown?

Nell: I’m afraid so. I said to The Cat, ‘This is becoming ridiculous. How can we be undercover with an alpaca in a crown?’

Me: True. And at breakfast?

Nell: I know. Dinner would have been acceptable. Just.

Me: Has there been any roaring?

Nell: Not yet but Lionel says it’s only a matter of time.

Me: He should know.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: He’s a lion, Nell.

Nell: I am aware of that, thank you. Go and read The Growl.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: How’s it all going?

Nell: Why are you whispering?

Me: It’s an undercover operation.

Nell: You’re not undercover.

Me: It feels more exciting this way. Thanks for sending those photos over of you and Harriet. Beautiful colours.

Nell: Yes. We were able to enjoy a much needed swim in the evening sunshine yesterday.

Me: Why much needed?

Nell: Let’s just say that sea tractors are not my favourite method of transport.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Especially when Poppy is driving.

Me: Poppy?

Nell: Don’t ask.

Me: But I have to.

Nell: When the driver jumped out Poppy took over. Fortunately she is used to flying helicopters and can turn her paw to almost anything.

Me: Why did the driver jump out?

Nell: He didn’t expect a tiger.

Me: Thank goodness for Poppy.

Nell: Yes. David and Sally were waiting for us at the hotel and we went straight to our rooms.

Me: Is your room nice?

Nell: Lovely. I have a beautiful view of our beach from my balcony which is odd because I’m used to looking at the island.

Me: How was dinner?

Nell: We caused rather a stir. One dresses for dinner here and The Cat went a little overboard with our costumes.

Me: Sequins?

Nell: And tiaras. Gladys loved hers but Poppy was having none of it and wore a tuxedo.

Me: I bet Dave looked handsome in his.

Nell: He did.

Me: Was there any roaring?

Nell: Not yet, although there might be this evening as England are playing.

Me: Good one.

Nell: Anyway, I have to go. I’m meeting Lionel in the lounge.

Me: Inspector King?

Nell: Yes. Didn’t I say he arrived this morning?

Me: No, you didn’t.

Nell: Such a lovely surprise.

Me: Be careful, Nell.

Nell: Stop fussing.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at you and Kev on the beach together yesterday.

Nell: Yes.

Me: The love between you two is very special.

Nell: It was good for us to have some alone time before I go away.

Me: I enjoyed my swim. You didn’t come in very far.

Nell: I don’t like waves and I wanted to stay near Kev.

Me: I know. What time are you all leaving for the Agatha Christie hotel?

Nell: David and Sally left first thing this morning. The Cat has an important client coming at lunchtime for a fitting so we’ve booked the minibus for 3pm.

Me: Minibus? Are the Whippets Institute joining you?

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous.

Me: How many of you are actually going?

Nell: Harriet and Poppy. Alejandro and Gladys sans llamas and The Cat.

Me: Who is sans?

Nell: It means ‘without‘ in French. Do keep up.

Me: That’s a relief. I hope Knitwear Wolf is going.

Nell: No. Rupert is driving us there but he won’t be staying.

Me: Shame.

Nell: He’s needed at home and he’ll only be a short phone call away.

Me: Why is The Cat going?

Nell: It’s a cat. You don’t think I would be letting Beauregard join us if he wasn’t a tiger, do you?

Me: Don’t I? It’s usually something you complain about.

Nell: We are investigating roaring? The Cat and Beauregard have inside knowledge.

Me: I’ve never heard The Cat roar once.

Nell: Never mind.

Me: I hope you’ve included Oliver.

Nell: Of course. He and Beauregard are inseparable and Henry will be accompanying them on his collar.

Me: Oliver is wearing a collar?

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. Beauregard is. Opossums don’t wear collars.

Me: Neither do tigers.

Nell: Well, it’s more of a medallion to be honest.

Me: Right. Sorry.