Me: You’ve got that look.

Nell: I’m very disappointed.

Me: Is it because Knitwear Wolf is wearing a loose cardigan?

Nell: Certainly not. Rupert is completely justified in dressing down this morning.

Me: Is it because of that letter from Myfanwy?

Nell: It is.

Me: I thought it might be.

Nell: We must all keep a special eye on him. Poppy made him two boiled eggs with soldiers for breakfast.

Me: Did he eat them?

Nell: He wasn’t hungry which was fortunate because David ate them by mistake. He was helping take the top off the eggs and just carried on.

Me: It’s easily done.

Nell: Yes, but he’d had a bowl of porridge already.

Me: Porridge isn’t the same, though. It’s good for you food. Like quinoa and kale.

Nell: Anyway, that’s not the point. Rupert is suffering and needs our support.

Me: What was in the letter?

Nell: Myfanwy has ended it.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: Apparently he isn’t good enough for her.

Me: Rupert? Not good enough? That’s ridiculous. He’s handsome and brave.

Nell: He doesn’t have enough corgi in him.

Me: He’s a wolf. He won’t have any corgi in him.

Nell: You never know nowadays though, do you? Not all of us are Kennel Club registered. Ask Poppy.

Me: Where has all this come from?

Nell: Myfanwy has been zooming regularly with Lady Anwen and the royal corgis and they have been filling her head with nonsense.

Me: Poor Knitwear Wolf. Nell?

Nell: Yes.

Me: You know you said we were keeping a special eye on Rupert?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Does that include his motorbike? Only Gladys and Alejandro just rode past on it.

Nell: Were they wearing helmets?

Me: Yes, everyone was.

Nell: Everyone?

Me: Princess and Our Penguin were in the sidecar. Sorry.

Nell: What lovely photos.

Me: Yes, I thought I would put some old ones on today. It is a day for memories.

Nell: That’s you and me.

Me: Yes. It’s the first time I held you. 8 years ago. It was love at first sight, Nell. I dreamt about a black Labrador called Nell and there you were.

Nell: Yes. I chose well.

Me: Thank you. There are Dave and Harriet when they were puppies.

Nell: Yes, David has always been twice her size.

Me: And then there is you looking after baby Harriet.

Nell: She needed a great deal of looking after at first. She was such a tiny little thing. David was always there for her, of course, but he was only a pup himself.

Me: You were like a mother to them both. You still are.

Nell: But why today?

Me: It’s Mother’s Day all over the world.

Nell: Oh yes. Except here in the UK.

Me: I think it’s fine to celebrate all mothers with everyone else, though. We can never celebrate them enough.

Nell: So that’s why there is a photo of daughter Alice with the children.

Me: Yes, she is such a wonderful mother. I miss them all so much, Nell.

Nell: I know. You aren’t alone. There are thousands of families unable to celebrate together today.

Me: Yes.

Nell: A time will come soon, though, when we can all be together again and what celebrating there will be then.

Me: Yes.

Nell: That is a happy photo of you with your dear mother.

Me: Yes, I loved her so much. Sometimes I just can’t believe she has gone.

Nell: She hasn’t. She is watching over you. Always. Today and every day. That’s what mothers do. You know that.

Me: Yes, I do. Sorry.

Me: I was thinking on our walk today.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: We are very lucky to be able to walk through Buttercup Meadow.

Nell: Yes, we are.

Me: I know I grumble sometimes about missing the sea but at least I know it’s just over the hill.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: Although so near and yet so far can almost be worse.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: I was thinking about Tony and Sue and their children and grandchildren who live close by but can’t visit them.

Nell: That must be hard.

Me: My children and grandchildren live abroad so I know I can’t see them that often. I’m used to it.

Nell: You are.

Me: On the other hand, if social distancing can be maintained, people can at least wave to each other. Like Harriet and Jim the Farm Dog, or Knitwear Wolf and Myfanwy.

Nell: Knitwear Wolf received a letter from Myfanwy this morning.

Me: A letter?

Nell: Yes. We thought it was for me at first,from The Queen, because of the seal.

Me: Did Princess deliver it then?

Nell: Don’t be silly. A different seal. Myfanwy is related to Lady Anwen so she is a royal corgi, I suppose.

Me: As long as it wasn’t the actual royal seal. The one that went missing.

Nell: You don’t think Myfanwy could have taken it when we visited The Queen, do you?

Me: I don’t know.

Nell: Knitwear Wolf turned rather pale when he saw it.

Me: Can wolves turn pale?

Nell: You know what I mean and that’s not the point. I think I may have to investigate this. You’ve put the rat among the pigeons now.

Me: Don’t you mean cat?

Nell: No. Everybody knows rats and pigeons cause havoc. Cats are discreet.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The puppies always enjoy a visit from Tony.

Nell: Yes, but you know he won’t be here today. It’s VE Day and a bank holiday.

Me: Yes, I know. 75 years since the end of the war. People had so many celebrations planned for today.

Nell: There is nothing to be done. It is what it is and celebrations can still be had at home.

Me: Yes. You’re right.

Nell: You realise we are living through historical times now, don’t you?

Me: I suppose we are. I can’t wait to celebrate this pandemic being over.

Nell: I’m afraid that is quite a long time away but we will get through it. Together.

Me: Yes, we will.

Nell: Now, Poppy is absolutely adamant that she isn’t feeling even vaguely Welsh.

Me: I think she is more Australian.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: I was chatting to my friend Walt in Australia this morning and he says Poppy is a frustrated cattle dog.

Nell: I know what he means. I could see her herding cattle. Have you heard about the llamas?

Me: No. What’s happened?

Nell: Constable Amanda Panda popped in for his daily scone earlier and told me all about it. You may find this rather shocking.

Me: Have they lost their pyjamas?

Nell: Yes and they’re wearing Welsh hats and bedgowns.

Me: Now, that is surprising.

Nell: And singing in Welsh, too.

Me: Not ‘Cwm Rhondda’?

Nell: How did you know?

Me: I’m half Welsh. I was singing it the other day.

Nell: You should have told me. Any sign of Welshness needs reporting.

Me: It’s ‘Bread of Heaven’, Nell. We all know it. The Welsh corgi choir sing it all the time.

Nell: You mean ‘Bread of Devon’. Get the name right, please.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Have you noticed anything wild about Poppy lately?

Me: You mean apart from her taking on the cows again and even that enormous bull?

Nell: Yes. I was very glad to see that David decided to wisely walk on by.

Me: That bull made Dave look small.

Nell: I know Poppy is easily agitated but she didn’t need to shout at that bull. It wasn’t doing anything. She does seem to be overreacting at the moment.

Me: You know what she’s like. All smiles among the buttercups one minute and then wild and shouty the next.

Nell: True. Poppy has always been a bit of a twirling fur fish.

Me: Don’t you mean whirling dervish?

Nell: Certainly not. What on earth is a dervish?

Me: What on earth is a fur fish?

Nell: A wriggly overexcited animal that slips out of your grasp, of course. What else would it be?

Me: Oh, well that actually makes sense.

Nell: Her behaviour just seems exaggerated.

Me: It’s the lockdown. It does strange things to you.

Nell: She was talking to No Good Boyo on WoofsApp just now.

Me: Were they discussing Dylan Thomas?

Nell: The famous Welsh Terrier?

Me: No. The famous Welsh poet.

Nell: No. They were discussing Welsh cakes.

Me: I love a good Welsh cake.

Nell: But why now? She hasn’t spoken to No Good Boyo in ages.

Me: I’ve just had an awful thought.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: No Good Boyo is a Welsh Border Terrier, isn’t he? So he’s probably one of Joyce’s lot.

Nell: Joyce’s lot? Do you mean the Secret Service?

Me: Yes. Do you think Poppy is under investigation?

Nell: Poppy? Don’t you dare even think that. She may be wild and wriggly but she could never ever be bad.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: Why is Kev taking another photo of you pretending to read without your glasses?

Me: Because of our exciting news. I talked to the publishers yesterday.

Nell: I know. It was on Speaker.

Me: You insisted.

Nell: Of course I did. You can’t be trusted to have these meetings alone.

Me: Well, I told them how everyone is waiting patiently for their Amazon deliveries.

Nell: Yes.

Me: Unfortunately they don’t know when the Amazon deliveries will happen because of the current situation, but all preorders will be honoured.

Nell: Yes, but when it came to new orders they said: “For UK and EU residents, please visit your local bookshop or order direct from Gazelle Book Distributors by email  or phone +44 (0) 1524 528500“

Me: That’s exactly what they said.

Nell: And : “For US residents, we encourage going to your local bookstores or visiting Bookshop.org. They can also order directly from the publisher...bit.ly/conversationswithnell “

Me: How did you do that? Those were the exact words.

Nell: Copy and paste. I asked Jamie to email it over. Do keep up. The publishers are Schiffer Publishing in Pennsylvania, by the way, and they have the books in their warehouse.

Me: Anyway, there’s more, because I asked them if we could give away some copies and they agreed.

Nell: So, if you would like to win a copy of the book, please click on this link:
https://kingsumo.com/g/loc2ea/win-a-copy-of-conversations-with-nell 

Me: There are five books to be won and the giveaway is open for another 7 days. Good luck.

Nell: They also said for those outside the UK wanting to order one as a Mother’s Day present, please let them know as they can do something special.

Me: Why outside the UK?

Nell: Because we’ve had Mother’s Day here.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: Isn’t the weather awful today?

Nell: Yes. Frightful. Our Penguin and Princess are enjoying it though.

Me: We all enjoyed our walk in Buttercup Meadow, didn’t we?

Nell: Yes.

Me: You were gambolling along like a mountain goat with your ears flapping.

Nell: I beg your pardon? There is nothing remotely goat like about me and my ears don’t flap, they float.

Me: Anyway, it was lovely to see and so were the buttercups. Such cheerful flowers and a wonderful vibrant yellow. Why are you looking at me like that?

Nell: Would you say you were hankering for a daffodil?

Me: No, I would not. In fact when there were lots of daffodils around I got hay fever.

Nell: You were singing this morning.

Me: I often sing. It’s something I enjoy.

Nell: Would I be correct in surmising that you have been singing quite a lot recently?

Me: Oh do stop. I’m not being more Welsh.

Nell: If you say so. Can you believe that spider requested Laverbread with its bacon this morning?

Me: Sidney did? I don’t like Laverbread. It’s too seaweedy for me.

Nell: That’s not the point. It’s extremely Welsh.

Me: Did Poppy make him some?

Nell: No. But Knitwear Wolf says Myfanwy always has some spare, so he’s phoning to ask her if she’ll leave it out for him when he goes down to the sea with Princess and Our Penguin.

Me: He’s a thoughtful wolf. I’m loving his Aran sweater this morning.

Nell: Yes, it suits him. By the way, can you stop being so obviously nice to Joyce, please?

Me: Why? She’s on our side.

Nell: You’re not supposed to know that. Mouthing ‘Sorry’ at her all the time is rather a give away. You will alert The Hunter.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: I need to have a serious word with you.

Me: What have I done now?

Nell: Nothing. Yet.

Me: That’s a relief.

Nell: Now, you are going to find this very hard to believe.

Me: If it’s about those shells walking about, I was surprised, too.

Nell: Those are armoured woodlice. It’s something much bigger.

Me: Most things are.

Nell: You mustn’t tell anyone.

Me: It’s a bit late, Nell. Everybody’s listening.

Nell: They know how to keep a secret. Now, something happened at Sunday Songs.

Me: Princess didn’t join in again, did she? I know some of the Welsh corgi choir were annoyed. Particularly Myfanwy.

Nell: It wasn’t Princess, but it happened during Myfanwy’s solo.

Me: Did Gladys perform a contemporary dance? I saw she had her scarves with her.

Nell: No. It was Sidney.

Me: Sidney the spider?

Nell: Yes, he was in The Barn sharing a bacon sandwich with David.

Me: I thought Dave was meant to be interrogating him.

Nell: He was. David says Sidney isn’t a bad spider at heart. He was just not himself. Anyway, do you want to know what happened, or not?

Me: Yes, please.

Nell: Well, when Myfanwy started singing, Sidney dropped his sandwich, stared into space and said ‘Beautiful music.’

Me: That was nice of him. Myfanwy is an excellent singer.

Nell: But then he said ‘Byddwch yn gorynnod drwg‘.

Me: That doesn’t sound Swedish.

Nell; No, it’s Welsh.

Me: I didn’t know Sidney spoke Welsh.

Nell: He doesn’t.

Me: What does it mean?

Nell: ‘Be a bad spider.’

Me: That’s not a nice thing to say.

Nell: No, it isn’t. I need to tell Joyce.

Me: Joyce?

Nell: Everything is not as it seems.

Me: Someone said that before.

Nell: But do you remember who?

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Poppy and Dave are cuddling in the living room.

Nell: That’s not cuddling. It’s combat training.

Me: I didn’t realise.

Nell: After yesterday’s frightening spider attack Poppy decided some urgent training was needed.

Me: Poppy did?

Nell: Yes. She was a commando with the Royal Marines.

Me: She was?

Nell: Where do you think she learned to fly helicopters? Do keep up.

Me: I didn’t know. How is Henry?

Nell: Exhausted but still managing to put a brave smile on it.

Me: Can woodlice even smile?

Nell: That’s not the point. It was touch and go for a while. We could have lost him. Thank goodness for Joyce.

Me: Yes. Who knew that spider’s love bacon?

Nell: Joyce obviously did.

Me: I thought Malcolm was ever so brave cutting through the web with his beak while Joyce distracted Sidney.

Nell: Remember Malcolm trained under Count Bingo in the Flamingo Foreign Legion.

Me: Personally, I think Sidney is afraid of Joyce. When he heard her he seemed to shrink.

Nell: I’m inclined to agree. There is way more to Joyce than meets the eye.

Me: Where is she? I haven’t seen her this morning.

Nell: She’s with Knitwear Wolf and Harriet. They are zooming with Sally in London.

Me: Curiouser and curiouser.

Nell: Sally wants all the details of yesterday’s attack.

Me: Malcolm should be there then.

Nell: Malcolm is far too busy peeling prawns.

Me: What about Sidney? Is he sorry?

Nell: The larger animals are guarding him in The Barn. Poppy is going to interrogate him later with David as her backup.

Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy is not an interrogator.

Nell: Sidney attacked Henry and Henry is Family. David can be very fierce when it comes to Family. Don’t underestimate him.

Me: No. You’re right. Sorry.