Me: What’s the matter with Harriet? She was barking again at about 6am.

Nell: She’s missing Jim the Farm Dog.

Me: I understand that it is very hard not to be with your loved ones but she can’t wake everyone up like that.

Nell: I know. We discussed it at Morning Thoughts. There is a time for Sharing Your Feelings and a time for Keeping Quiet.

Me: You would think she would be good at keeping quiet as she’s trained as a spy.

Nell: She says there’s a difference between her professional life and her private one.

Me: Well, the lockdown is driving everyone a little crazy.

Nell: Yes. Knitwear Wolf is having awful problems with Myfanwy. When he took Princess and Our Penguin down to the sea for their usual swim, she refused to wave.

Me: Maybe she didn’t see him.

Nell: No. She definitely saw him because Our Penguin filmed it. He wanted to give it to Rupert as a thank you but she turned away.

Me: Oh dear. Is he very sad?

Nell: Rupert is more disappointed than sad. There is nothing he can do about it.

Me: Poor Knitwear Wolf.

Nell: At least he was able to enjoy a bacon sandwich with Mutley and Joyce afterwards.

Me: What about social distancing?

Nell: They sit on the terrace and he sits on his motorbike outside. David does the serving in a long apron and places a tray by the gate.

Me: Is a long apron necessary?

Nell: Standards must be maintained. What’s that awful noise?

Me: It sounds like a siren.

Nell: Well, I’ve seen it all now.

Me: What’s going on?

Nell: Please tell me there isn’t a large Panda knocking on our door.

Me: I’m afraid there is, and it’s wearing a policeman’s helmet. Sorry.

Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy seems happy.

Nell: David found a bone. Unexpected treats are always the best.

Me: Yes, they are.

Nell: Talking of unexpected treats, Mutley has become an overnight internet sensation.

Me: Excuse me?

Nell: Yes. It was all down to Our Penguin.

Me: Tell me more.

Nell: Well, you know Princess loves nothing more than performing?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Although I wish she wouldn’t clap herself.

Me: It’s a seal thing.

Nell: Anyway, last night Mutley agreed to play the piano for her.

Me: I didn’t know he still played. I mean being deaf and partially sighted.

Nell: He still enjoys playing now and again. After all those years of touring the US with his swing band, it’s second nature to him.

Me: What happened?

Nell: Mutley started playing and Princess began to dance and sing, Well, I’m not sure I would call it singing. It sounded more like anguished barking to me.

Me: I know what you mean.

Nell: It must appeal to seagulls, however, because the Beefies went wild again and started throwing mackerel.

Me: Singing and snacking. Sounds just like Princess’s cup of tea.

Nell: No tea was involved. Anyway, the noise spread to The Barn and soon Alejandro and the larger beasts were joining in shaking their maracas.

Me: I didn’t know they had any.

Nell: That’s not the point. Even Henry and Horst did some street dancing?

Me: Street dancing?

Nell: Those boys can move when they want to.

Me: But they’re woodlice.

Nell: So?

Me: Never mind.

Nell: Anyway, Our Penguin was filming it all. So it ended up on YouChewed.

Me: Gosh.

Nell: And now Mutley’s a star.

Me: I wish I’d seen it.

Nell: Just google ‘Dancing Treat to Treat’, or Mutley Martin.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Nell: You are going to have to explain this to the puppies.

Me: The delivery man was here so they had to be inside.

Nell: And?

Me: And then Tony arrived.

Nell: And?

Me: There was nothing we could do. The gate was open and social distancing had to be maintained. We couldn’t let them out.

Nell: I’m not talking about that. Why is there a tent on the terrace?

Me: Kev got it for Jonathan and Faye for the beach but there aren’t going to be any visits any time soon, or beach, come to that, so he put it up on the terrace.

Nell: Was there a seal in that tent earlier?

Me: Only briefly. Princess doesn’t like the rain.

Nell: You and I both know that is ridiculous.

Me: Well, that’s what she said. It makes her wig all soggy.

Nell: That seal is completely spoilt. Knitwear Wolf is already in trouble with Myfanwy for giving it preferential treatment.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: You’ll have to explain why social distancing doesn’t apply to seals.

Me: But it does, most of the time. Anyway, the puppies can go in the tent now the gate’s shut.

Nell: David probably won’t fit in it, anyway. Since he started stretching he seems to have grown.

Me: We had some good news yesterday, didn’t we?

Nell: You are changing the subject.

Me: I am a great aunt and my little sister Alex is a grandmother.

Nell: Yes. Welcome to the world little Tobias.

Me: And congratulations Abi and Dave. We are so happy for you.

Nell: We are living in such strange times. So many goodbyes. It makes the hellos even more precious.

Me: Yes. A new life. Something to celebrate.

Nell: You’ve still got some explaining to do.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What is Dave doing in the living room? He’s standing on the furniture.

Nell: Don’t worry. David is just trying to look Magnificent. It’s all this Handsome Hound nonsense.

Me: Well, he’s succeeding. He actually looks twice his normal size.

Nell: The Cat was telling him about stretching so he thought he would try it.

Me: My darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Look at his glossy coat.

Nell: I think it’s the bacon, myself, all our coats are glossy.

Me: I know what you’re trying to do there, Nell. But you can’t have bacon sandwiches every day.

Nell: I was doing nothing of the sort. A cup of weak tea and a small handful of biscuits is fine with me. I realise we are going through difficult times.

Me: I happen to know that you and Knitwear Wolf had poached eggs on toast together.

Nell: We maintained social distance but I needed to have a quiet word with him.

Me: Why?

Nell: I wanted to know what was going on in his mind when he decided to bring that singing seal back with him.

Me: Are you talking about Princess?

Nell: Of course I am. Don’t tell me there are more of them. My nerves couldn’t take it.

Me: What did Knitwear Wolf say?

Nell: He explained that it was easy for him to take Princess and Our Penguin down to the sea for a daily swim because he went down there to wave at Myfanwy every day anyway.

Me: He’s such a kind wolf and so well dressed.

Nell: Yes, although I prefer his winter collection. He looks better in a chunky knit.

Me: Look at you. Checking him out.

Nell: What are we now? Teenagers? I am doing nothing of the sort.

Me: Of course not. Sorry.

Me: Now, who is that handsome senior labrador?

Nell: It is Boone from Vancouver, Canada, as you well know. He is also in the running for Handsome Hound.

Me: Isn’t he an admirer of yours, Nell?

Nell: We have exchanged the occasional email over the years but have never actually met.

Me: How romantic.

Nell: Stop right now. I know what you are like.

Me: It’s still nice to be admired from afar though, isn’t it?

Nell: Yes, Boone is a delightful fellow. He has that relaxed Canadian charm.

Me: Does he now?

Nell: Enough. We have other matters to deal with this morning.

Me: I think I’m too tired to ‘Glide with Gladys’, walking up that hill yesterday finished me off.

Nell: Stop complaining. Captain Tom will be 100 at the end of this month and he walks every day.

Me: He’s raised £12 million now for the NHS. Isn’t that amazing?

Nell: It is perfectly wonderful in every way. Did we donate?

Me: Of course, on his JustGiving page.

Nell: Good. Now, we need to do something about Princess.

Me: Why? We all love having her here.

Nell: She is monopolising Malcolm’s paddling pool and you know he likes to cool his feet.

Me: Everyone uses it, Nell. The larger animals drink out of it.

Nell: Well, they shouldn’t. Anyway, I spoke to Knitwear Wolf and he is going to drive her down to the sea.

Me: Is it an essential journey?

Nell: Of course it is. Seals need to swim in the sea. Our Penguin is going too.

Me: I wish I could go.

Nell: Don’t start. Myfanwy has been complaining about it already.

Me: But Princess can’t ride on his motorbike. She’ll fall off.

Nell: She’s going in the sidecar. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: You are not going to believe this.

Me: I just might.

Nell: The Daily Growl have published some of the other dogs shortlisted for Handsome Hound 2020.

Me: It’s Naughty Nigel and Cousin Boo.

Nell: Yes, that’s fair enough, but look at the third one.

Me: It’s Dog Marley.

Nell: I know it’s Dog Marley, but seriously?

Me: Dog Marley is probably a wild card. It’s an interesting choice, though.

Nell: Wild is the word. That animal needs his hair brushing.

Me: Dave is up against some stiff competition, isn’t he? Naughty Nigel is very good looking and so is Boo.

Nell: Yes, but I have every confidence in David. He has both charm and good looks.

Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy. We decided on Photo 1, didn’t we?

Nell: Yes. 2 came a close second.

Me: I think it’s just the distraction we need.

Nell: I’ll tell you what I don’t need, being woken up by a large sea creature in a blonde wig singing ‘Dorado are a seal’s best friend.’

Me: Aren’t Dorado golden fish?

Nell: Yes, but that’s not the point.

Me: Princess certainly enjoys attention.

Nell: I noticed.

Me: Everyone loves her, Nell. Even the Beefies.

Nell: Yes. They keep throwing mackerel at her and screaming. It’s like The Beatles in the sixties.

Me: It is.

Nell: Talk about over the top. She makes Gladys look reserved.

Me: The Cat adores her.

Nell: Well, they share a love of sequins and fish. I blame Our Penguin.

Me: You mustn’t. Our Penguin heard you were looking for a Royal Seal and was just trying to help.

Nell: There is nothing Royal about Princess, apart from her name.

Me: But she makes Mutley smile.

Nell: Yes, that is exactly why she’s staying.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Yes, but which is the best photo?

Me: I like all three of them. Why?

Nell: David has been shortlisted by the Daily Growl for Handsome Hound 2020.

Me: Oh my goodness. How exciting? Who decides?

Nell: I think the readers eventually vote for the winner, but I’m not sure.

Me: He must be in with a chance.

Nell: Of course he is, or he wouldn’t have been nominated. He needs to choose a photo and wants our help. So is it 1, 2 or 3?

Me: I don’t know. I need to think about it.

Nell: The Cat says 3 because he has a distinguished profile but I am leaning more towards 2 myself.

Me: Although 1 has his darling damp nose and frowny face.

Nell: Good grief. Would you listen to yourself?

Me: Well, I have to say we needed something like this, Nell. Something positive.

Nell: Yes, I agree.

Me: Dave must be very excited.

Nell: He is. It will be interesting to find out who the others are.

Me: Yes. Knitwear Wolf is extremely handsome.

Nell: There’s only one problem?

Me: Not the cardigans? He wears them with such style.

Nell: No. He’s a wolf. What’s that awful barking outside? It sounds like someone has twisted their ankle. I hope Gladys hasn’t been bouncing on next door’s trampoline again.

Me: Shall I see who it is?

Nell: Yes, but maintain social distance if it’s not one of the household, please.

Me: I will.

Nell: Well, what’s going on?

Me: I know this is going to sound a little unlikely, even for us, but there’s a seal outside barking.

Nell: Very funny. I expect it’s wearing a crown.

Me: No, a rather fetching wig actually, and it’s called Princess. Sorry.

Nell: You look tired.

Me: Harriet woke me at 4:30am.

Nell: She was worried about Mutley. It was an awfully windy night and it kept us all awake.

Me: We are all a little worried about Mutley to be honest.

Nell: Well, he’s fine at the moment and cuddled up with Harriet in his soft bed.

Me: I don’t like worrying, Nell.

Nell: The amount of time we waste worrying is shocking and it doesn’t help.

Me: I suppose not.

Nell: If something happens you will deal with it. There is an innate wisdom inside us all that guides us through.

Me: Is there?

Nell: Yes, so try and stop filling your days with worry. When it starts nagging at you, just wave it away like the annoying fly that it is. Trust in yourself and your wisdom.

Me: I’ll try.

Nell: Now, today is a scones, jam and cream kind of day. Outside, if it is sunny later, or inside by the fire, if it isn’t.

Me: Sounds good to me.

Nell: The Queen thought so too.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Nell: I was talking to The Queen earlier and she agreed.

Me: Why were you talking to The Queen?

Nell: She called to wish me a Happy Easter and to tell me that the Royal Seal has gone missing. She asked me to keep a lookout for it.

Me: But we can’t go down to the beach, Nell.

Nell: Not an actual seal. Good grief. I despair of you sometimes. The Royal Seal is a device for making an impression in wax. You must have seen it on my letters from the Palace.

Me: Does that mean you have the Royal Seal of Approval?

Nell: I’ve had that for years. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: We would like to wish you all a very Happy Easter.

Me: As happy as it can be during this worrying time. Life has changed so much.

Nell: Life is what you make of it. If your biscuits are dry, and there’s no gravy available, just add water.

Me: Do you mean if life gives you lemons make lemonade?

Nell: Certainly not. If life gave me lemons I’d squeeze them onto a nice plate of smoked salmon. If we had any.

Me: I thought we had some.

Nell: I’m afraid it’s been eaten by mistake.

Me: Oh Dave.

Nell: Yes. Malcolm foolishly asked David to arrange the smoked salmon slices on a plate. Apparently the number of slices were uneven so he had to eat a piece to even it up.

Me: And then the smoked salmon greed kicked in. We’ve all been there.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: There are certain things where one is never enough. Crisps, for instance, chips, Poppy’s scones and smoked salmon.

Nell: You need to include bacon sandwiches in that list.

Me: True. Did I hear you singing again this morning?

Nell: Yes. Sunday songs are particularly important at Easter. We need to embrace the day.

Me: You’re not going to believe this.

Nell: I just might.

Me: I think a few of the Beefies joined in the singing today.

Nell: Yes. They did. Since I started having Morning Thoughts outside, I’ve noticed the Beefies have been gathering on the roof to listen.

Me: Do they maintain social distance?

Nell: Yes. But that’s not the point. Today we discussed getting through this pandemic together and the importance of unity.

Me: Gosh. You’ll be sharing bacon sandwiches with them next.

Nell: Don’t be silly. Singing? Yes. Bacon? Never.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: You wake me at six in the morning, Nell? On Easter Saturday?

Nell: Poppy needs help blowing out the eggs. Harriet and I are exhausted already.

Me: Are you serious?

Nell: Yes. They have to be painted and hung on the tree. It’s traditional.

Me: You got me out of bed to blow out eggs?

Nell: You were having a bad dream anyway.

Me: I was, actually. A pandemic nightmare.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: I was stuck in a stairway with loads of people. I had to walk past them and I was terrified of touching them. I kept thinking I must wash my hands and I mustn’t breathe.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: Do you know that wouldn’t have been frightening at all a few weeks ago?

Nell: How our world has changed.

Me: I was so scared.

Nell: Well, good that you’ve got several dozen eggs to blow out then.

Me: Before breakfast?

Nell: Of course. The eggs are breakfast. Poppy is making scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and bacon for David.

Me: Can’t Dave help?

Nell: David is no good at blowing out eggs at all. He blew one all over Malcolm. He’s had to go home for a shower.

Me: What about Gladys and Alejandro?

Nell: They are limbering up for the ‘Glide with Gladys’ Saturday morning show.

Me: Henry and Horst then?

Nell: Henry and Horst? Do you know how long it would take a woodlouse to blow out an egg? They could be here until Christmas.

Me: I suppose so.

Nell: Just go into the kitchen and get started. Malcolm will make you a cup of tea when he gets back.

Me: What are you doing now?

Nell: I’m going for a lie down. It’s 6am on a Saturday.

Me: Yes. Sorry.