Me: Somebody ate the oven gloves.
Nell: It was David. He ate them by mistake.
Me: Well, they are useless now.
Nell: It’s your fault, anyway. He was traumatised.
Me: How is it my fault?
Nell: Telling us all we can only eat soft food.
Me: Kev has damaged his tooth so he can’t chew.
Nell: Yes, we are very sorry about that.
Me: So all chewy food is off the menu.
Nell: You gave away our bacon.
Me: Yes, to our friends Terry and Marian. They’re renting a holiday apartment and they can use it for breakfast today.
Nell: It was our bacon.
Me: As soon as Kev’s tooth is fixed there will be bacon again.
Nell: I’m guessing steak is off the menu too?
Me: I’m afraid so. There will be lots of fresh fish, though.
Nell: This will not end well. A dog cannot live by fish alone.
Me: I think you’re being a little dramatic.
Nell: Fortunately The Cat is hosting a Strictly Come Dancing party at the Big House this evening and the Whippets Institute are catering.
Me: Sponge cakes and dainty sandwiches?
Nell: Certainly not, barbecue ribs, burgers and sausages. You need food in the paw and lots of it when you’re dancing.
Me: I thought you were watching it on television.
Nell: Nobody just watches. They join in.
Me: I didn’t know.
Nell: Alejandro is in charge of the barbecuing with help from Rupert.
Me: I didn’t think wolves liked fire.
Nell: I didn’t think wolves wore knitted cardigans.
Me: I’ll be sad to miss the party.
Nell: You won’t miss it. Alejandro is barbecuing some fresh mackerel for Kev courtesy of Gull.
Nell: The innocent Beefy with the placard and bandana. We are Giving Gull a Chance.
Me: Oh. Sorry.