I can’t have a kitten as a cousin

Nell: Would you like to explain yourself?

Me: It’s just your cousin Naughty Nigel.

Nell: Yes, and there appears to be a photo of a very small cat with claws.

Me: That would be Xav. He’s a kitten.

Nell: A kitten?

Me: Yes. Nigel isn’t too sure about him.

Nell: I’m on Nigel’s side. You are not considering bringing him back with you I hope?

Me: Of course not. He belongs to my niece Scarlett.

Nell: Only I know what you’re like about kittens and puppies.

Me: Don’t worry. How is Dave?

Nell: He had a couple of bacon sandwiches for breakfast and is feeling a lot stronger.

Me: And Alejandro? Still woolly?

Nell: Well, Poppy has heard of a sheep shearer from South Australia who also specialises in alpacas.

Me: That’s an awfully long way away, Nell. Alejandro only just got here from Ecuador.

Nell: No. The sheep shearer is in Devon visiting relatives. His name is Jason Doberman. He does a lot of singing too. You might have heard of him.

Me: You don’t mean Jason Donovan do you?

Nell: No. Who is he? Jason is a distant cousin of John the Doberman’s and he has an amazing technicolour coat.

Me: This all sounds familiar.

Nell: In fact, we are thinking of making one for Alejandro.

Me: What a good idea.

Nell: Yes. The Cat is busy designing it right now.

Me: Talking of cats and cousins, I suppose Xav is a distant cousin of yours when you think about it.

Nell: I cannot have a kitten as a cousin. Don’t be ridiculous. I can accept a flamingo and a Pomeranian and even an alpaca, but a kitten is too much.

Me: You would love him. He’s ever so feisty. Just like you.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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