Abandonment issues

Me: What’s the matter with Dave?

Nell: He thinks if he keeps his eyes tight shut you might not go. You can’t keep doing this you know.

Me: Doing what?

Nell: Leaving with no warning.

Me: I’m just going to visit my sister Charlotte for a few days.

Nell: Well, David thinks you’re never coming back.

Me: I’ll be back on Sunday.

Nell: Leaving me to cope with a giant Labrador with abandonment issues and a homesick alpaca.

Me: Oh dear. I didn’t know Alejandro was homesick. Can’t Gladys comfort him?

Nell: She’s tried everything. Wearing a poncho, curing fish in lime juice, singing that Lady Baba song.

Me: Don’t you mean Lady Gaga?

Nell: Certainly not. Is Gaga a singing sheep too?

Me: No.

Nell: Well then. Anyway, nothing is working. He just keeps weeping. Have you seen an alpaca cry? Malcolm has run out of handkerchiefs.

Me: Do we know any other Ecuadorians?

Nell: No. I think the chihuahuas are Mexican going by their hats.

Me: This might sound odd but maybe he needs clipping.

Nell: An interesting thought. Poppy is feeling so much better since she was clipped.

Me: I noticed he still had his winter coat so he might be feeling a bit hot.

Nell: Yes, and we could make something from the wool.

Me: Yes, a nice blanket to remind him of home.

Nell: I’m not sure a blanket made from my own fur would remind me of home.

Me: Labradors don’t produce wool, Nell.

Nell: Never mind. So all we need now is an alpaca shearer. I’m sure there are lots of those in Devon.

Me: I’m not.

Nell: It was a joke. I wonder if a sheep shearer would do? I’ll ask Jim the Farm Dog. You’d better start packing.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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