Me: We had a lovely time on the beach together, didn’t we?

Nell: I prefer sand. It’s easier under paw.

Me: I know it is, but we still managed to find a comfortable place to sit and watch the others.

Nell: Pebbles are not comfortable.

Me: I’ll bring you a blanket next time.

Nell: And a flask of tea?

Me: Yes.

Nell: And a couple of shortbread biscuits?

Me: Maybe.

Nell: Homemade. Not shop-bought.

Me: This is turning into a picnic. I may as well bring some sandwiches, too.

Nell: Good idea, but crusts off, please.

Me: You’re incorrigible.

Nell: Harriet was a joy to behold.

Me: Yes, she was. Her face lit up with happiness when she realised she was by the sea again.

Nell: She just ran into the sea and never really came out again.

Me: She did. She’s a proper little merdog.

Nell: Nigel enjoyed himself. He loves a swim.

Me: He’s a bit achy today.

Nell: Now, this evening is the Village Auction, isn’t it?

Me: It is. Kev and I will be out all evening so you’re in charge.

Nell: That goes without saying. We’re having pizza in front of the television. Each animal is allowed to choose a topping and pizzas will be shared.

Me: Sounds good.

Nell: It’s Strictly Come Dancing which can’t be missed.

Me: Of course. We’ll be at the village hall if you need us.

Nell: Don’t get carried away at the auction, please. I know what you’re like.

Me: We’ve set ourselves a strict limit. Don’t worry.

Nell: We don’t need another llama.

Me: Nobody is offering a llama.

Nell: You can never resist a stray animal.

Me: I don’t think any stray animals are up for auction.

Nell: No more animals. Stray, or not.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Me: I’ve been thinking.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: If Dave wants to spend his time gazing out of the window then that’s what he should do.

Nell: Even when there are things to be done?

Me: We spend far too much time rushing here and there and not enough actually enjoying the beauty around us.

Nell: Would this have anything to do with your secret trip to the sea yesterday?

Me: It wasn’t a secret. Kev surprised me. He knew I’d been missing the sea.

Nell: What about us? Maybe we’ve been missing the sea, too.

Me: That is why we’re taking you all there today.

Nell: Really?

Me: Yes. Now you can’t walk very far we can’t all go on our usual walks together and it makes me sad.

Nell: I know it does.

Me: And getting to our old beach is a problem.

Nell: Yes.

Me: But we’re fairly sure this one is accessible. There is definitely somewhere for you and I to have a short walk and then sit and watch the others.

Nell: I enjoy sitting and watching.

Me: So do I. Especially with you.

Nell: Thank you. Will this trip to the sea involve ice cream?

Me: It might. They sell ice cream for dogs.

Nell: Was it tasty?

Me: What?

Nell: The enormous ice cream you ate by the sea without telling me.

Me: How do you know about that?

Nell: I have my spies.

Me: It was Princess and Sir Roger Blubbery, wasn’t it? I thought I saw seals in the sea waving at me.

Nell: I’m really looking forward to this outing.

Me: So am I. The only thing missing for me yesterday was sharing it with you dogs.

Nell: Enough chit-chat. Let’s go and tell the others.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Dave’s not talking to me. He keeps looking out of the window.

Nell: He’s probably waiting for Elsie.

Me: Elsie?

Nell: Elsie the Chocolate Labrador. She’s David’s Number One Fan.

Me: Oh, you mean Elsie who’s in the photo Kev showed me. He says she never keeps still.

Nell: That’s the one.

Me: She always races towards Dave every time she sees him on his walk.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And she plays Zoomies with Harriet but her heart is really with Dave so she dashes back to him.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: I think so.

Nell: I told you about Elsie a while ago. I was trying to find out her name.

Me: Oh yes. I remember.

Nell: So I could tell Sally.

Me: There’s no need to tell Sally. Nobody has done anything wrong. It’s just a crush.

Nell: I’ve told David to be very careful. These things can escalate.

Me: She seems a sweet little thing. Let them have some fun.

Nell: How long has David been looking out of the window?

Me: All morning.

Nell: I rest my case.

Me: He likes looking out of the window.

Nell: It will end in tears.

Me: Oh do stop being such a curmudgeon, Nell.

Nell: David is a film star. With fame comes responsibility.

Me: The film hasn’t even been made yet.

Nell: Moving on, have you noticed any more crumbs?

Me: Only that wretched lion. I think we should invite him to Sunday roast and Herr Hoffmann can make another crumble.

Nell: Why?

Me: To see if he likes cream, or custard.

Nell: What?

Me: The thief took the cream and left the custard.

Nell: Everyone likes cream and custard is a rainy day option. It tells us nothing.

Me: It’s just an idea. Sorry.

Me: You’re not going to believe this.

Nell: You’re right. I probably won’t.

Me: Seriously. Have a look at the photo someone sent me.

Nell: It’s just Lionel King walking through the village with Bobby Socks. Nothing we haven’t seen before.

Me: They look rather good together, don’t they?

Nell: That’s a matter of opinion.

Me: They’re both autumn-coloured like Harriet.

Nell: They’re nothing like Harriet and the colours are more sandy and African than autumnal.

Me: Oh yes. I see what you mean.

Nell: What is so unbelievable?

Me: Look more closely.

Nell: Fetch my reading glasses. They’re in my handbag.

Me: Here, can you see now?

Nell: Yes. Lionel’s almost bigger than Bobby. I don’t know how she manages to carry him around.

Me: Never mind that. Look at his face and mane.

Nell: It’s not tangled, if that’s what you’re talking about.

Me: No. Lionel is covered in crumbs.

Nell: He’s probably been eating a baguette, or a crunchy roll. It happens to me all the time.

Me: Or, could it be apple crumble?

Nell: Apple crumble?

Me: Yes. Is Lionel King The Crumble Thief?

Nell: For goodness sake, are you trying to tell me than an animal can’t walk around with a few crumbs on his face without being accused of thievery?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Well, David’s in trouble then. He’s rarely crumbless. Who sent you the photo?

Me: I don’t know. I didn’t recognise the number.

Nell: Interesting. Perhaps we should forward it to Sally? Something is definitely going on.

Me: I knew I was right about that wretched lion. I knew he was a bad animal.

Nell: I disagree. In my opinion someone is trying to frame him.

Me: Nonsense. He has Guilt crumbled all over his forehead. You just can’t accept it. Sorry.

Me: Autumn is a beautiful time of year, isn’t it? ‘Seasons of mists and mellow fruitfulness.’

Nell: Here we go.

Me: That’s a quote from one of my favourite poems called ‘To Autumn’ by John Keats.

Nell: It was extremely misty a few days ago.

Me: Even though the nights are drawing in and the days are shorter there is still warmth in the turning of the leaves.

Nell: I think everything is still surprisingly green.

Me: Yes, it’s only just beginning. There is so much more to come.

Nell: When you’ve finally finished waxing lyrical, there’s something we need to discuss.

Me: I’m all ears.

Nell: You’re not, but it’s funny you should mention fruitfulness because it’s about apples.

Me: Did Herr Hoffmann ever make that apple crumble? Only, I never got to taste any of it and I was really looking forward to an autumn pudding.

Nell: Nobody did.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: It disappeared.

Me: Oh dear. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Nell: David has been Eating A Lot By Mistake recently.

Me: He has.

Nell: But he usually leaves a clean bowl.

Me: True.

Nell: And the bowl has gone, too.

Me: Curiouser and curiouser. Is the custard still there?

Nell: I don’t know. Why?

Me: It would be interesting to know if the thief likes their crumble with custard, or cream.

Nell: Would it?

Me: Yes. If they’ve taken the custard it’s premeditated.

Nell: Is it?

Me: You might grab a crumble in a mad panic but if you go back for the custard, or cream, you’ve thought about it.

Nell: Crumble needs something with it.

Me: I suspect The Crumble Thief agrees.

Nell: The Crumble Thief?

Me: I’m guessing this isn’t the first crumble they’ve stolen.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Sorry.

Me: I’m so glad Jim the Farm Dog came over to see us yesterday.

Nell: He came to see Harriet.

Me: Yes, that’s what I meant. When he walked through the door she squealed with happiness.

Nell: She did.

Me: It made me realise how much she has been missing him.

Nell: I know.

Me: Seeing them walk down the lane together just like the old days was wonderful.

Nell: They’ve never walked down that lane together.

Me: No, but they always used to go for walks through the fields. She’d be gone for hours.

Nell: I remember it well.

Me: Do you think he’s coming back?

Nell: I know he is.

Me: How do you know?

Nell: She told me.

Me: It’s all very romantic, isn’t it?

Nell: Keep your nose out of it.

Me: I’m just happy for her.

Nell: I know what you’re like. Always meddling.

Me: Rubbish.

Nell: It was a lovely idea to invite Jim over and now we must leave the rest up to them. What will be will be.

Me: I wonder if Harriet might like someone to talk to about Jim?

Nell: Harriet has me and David.

Me: I’m always available if needed.

Nell: She knows.

Me: I can be quite wise when I want to be. You know that.

Nell: Do I?

Me: I’m the one you run to if you want to discuss something.

Nell: First of all I never run. Those days are over. And second of all I think you might have it the wrong way around.

Me: You mean I run to you?

Nell: Let’s call it a gentle walk, shall we?

Me: I thought we were there for each other.

Nell: Of course we are. I was just teasing. You and me. Always.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Are we having a Lazy Sunday?

Nell: Yes, we are.

Me: I thought so. When I went into the living room everyone seemed extremely chilled.

Nell: Turn the heating on.

Me: No, chilled as in relaxed.

Nell: What nonsense. You can’t be relaxed when you’re cold.

Me: Never mind.

Nell: Are you hungry?

Me: Not yet, I’ve just had a boiled egg and soldiers, but I will be later.

Nell: We’re having apple crumble for pudding today.

Me: Wonderful. Autumn has finally arrived.

Nell: Yes. Somebody left some apples on our doorstep so Herr Hoffmann thought a crumble might be just the thing.

Me: He’s right. I love a crumble, especially with custard.

Nell: I prefer cream.

Me: I’m sure we have some in the fridge.

Nell: Of course we do. We live in Devon. There’s always cream.

Me: True. I wonder who left the apples?

Nell: A neighbour, I expect. People are very kind in the village.

Me: Yes, they are. Remember when Jim the Farm Dog used to bring us fresh eggs?

Nell: Don’t talk about him in front of Harriet. She’s having trouble moving on.

Me: Why don’t we invite him to lunch?

Nell: What?

Me: We could ask Walter Pigeon to fly over. There’s still time.

Nell: I’m not sure that’s a good idea.

Me: Jim used to join us for Sunday Songs and the Sunday roast.

Nell: That was when we lived on the farm.

Me: I think we should give it a try. Just imagine Harriet’s little face when she sees him.

Nell: Fine. I’ll go and talk to Walter. He might not have time, though.

Me: He’ll make time for this. There’s nothing more important than making our darling girl smile.

Nell: Enough of the guilt trip, please. I’m going.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Why is Nigel monitoring the bus stop? Lady Anwen hasn’t been there for days.

Nell: He’s been watching Lionel, if you must know. There’s something definitely wrong with him.

Me: Don’t start all that again, Nell. Lionel and Bobby Socks are just having fun.

Nell: There’s something not quite right about it all.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: There’s a madness in his eyes.

Me: You mean badness.

Nell: No. Nigel agrees. No lion in its right mind would go riding around on a pony.

Me: Lots of people ride ponies and horses. We see it all the time here in the village.

Nell: He’s not even wearing a riding hat. Gladys always wears one when she’s riding a llama.

Me: True.

Nell: Beauregard said he would never ride a pony and Mrs King concurred.

Me: What are you trying to say?

Nell: Someone is manipulating him.

Me: Why would anyone want to force him to be friends with a pony?

Nell: I’m not sure they are friends. Not really.

Me: Well, Nice Lady Anwen is definitely friends with Bobby. I saw them sharing an apple.

Nell: Where?

Me: Around the back of the village hall.

Nell: What were you doing there?

Me: Looking for a poster about the Charity Auction, Nosey Parker.

Nell: Leave the spying to us, please.

Me: I wasn’t spying.

Nell: Moving on, you’d better eat your bacon sandwich and finish your tea. Saturday Kitchen is starting soon.

Me: Talking of kitchens, Italian Night was wonderful, wasn’t it?

Nell: There was a little too much Eating by Mistake for my liking but it was most enjoyable otherwise.

Me: Dave didn’t mean to eat your meatballs.

Nell: He added Parmesan cheese and extra sauce.

Me: I know.

Nell: And licked the bowl.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy with his favourite toy. Isn’t he adorable?

Nell: You sound like that Chocolate Lab.

Me: Harriet adores her brother.

Nell: Not Harriet. The Chocolate Lab from the village who’s infatuated with David.

Me: Do we know her name yet?

Nell: No, but I mean to find out.

Me: Let her be. We’ve all had infatuations.

Nell: I haven’t. There have only been two loves in my life.

Me: Charlie and Knitwear Wolf?

Nell: Yes. Charlie was my husband and my first great love and Rupert is my rock and safe place.

Me: What about Lionel King?

Nell: Lionel King?

Me: You still have a soft spot for him in spite of everything, don’t you?

Nell: I do not.

Me: I would love to think that’s true but I don’t. I can see how jealous you are of his friendship with Bobby Socks.

Nell: Absolute nonsense.

Me: You growled at them.

Nell: I did not.

Me: I heard you, Nell. It was one of your nasty growls.

Nell: They annoy me acting like a travelling circus.

Me: Anyway, my advice is to forget all about them and enjoy the weekend.

Nell: You’re right. Are you ready for pasta?

Me: Always? Why?

Nell: It’s Italian night and Manuel is making fresh pasta.

Me: But Manuel is from Barcelona.

Nell: You don’t have to come from a country to cook its food.

Me: True. Herr Hoffmann’s from Germany and he makes a wonderful roast.

Nell: There will be a choice of sauces and pasta shapes.

Me: Wonderful, although I usually find myself gravitating towards good old spaghetti bolognese.

Nell: Sometimes the old and familiar is just what you need.

Me: Like you and Rupert?

Nell: Exactly. Lionel means nothing to me.

Me: Good. Sorry.

Me: We enjoyed being by the river, didn’t we?

Nell: Yes.

Me: You love a Sniffari.

Nell: Everyone does.

Me: Not in the way you dogs do.

Nell: We have an acute sense of smell.

Me: Dave can smell bacon from miles away.

Nell: Why were you and Kev at the pub yesterday?

Me: Are you keeping tabs on me?

Nell: It was Wednesday. You never go to the pub on a Wednesday.

Me: We went there to drop off a signed copy of my book. There’s a charity auction in aid of the village and I wanted to help.

Nell: You’re not the auctioneer, are you?

Me: Definitely not. I’m just donating my book and going along.

Nell: With Kev?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Don’t buy anything silly. You know what you’re like.

Me: Don’t worry. I won’t.

Nell: Times are difficult at the moment and we’re saving for Christmas.

Me: I know. Talking of saving, can I say a big thank you to those of you who kindly bought us a cup of Earl Grey. We really appreciate your support.

Nell: Yes, we do. Was Lady Anwen at the pub?

Me: No. Harriet was. Did you send her?

Nell: Harriet was there for French Conversation.

Me: Oh yes. The Mysterious Mademoiselle.

Nell: Exactly. Are you sure Lady Anwen wasn’t there, too?

Me: I didn’t look everywhere but I don’t think she was.

Nell: She rode there on Bobby Socks.

Me: Bobby Socks was there with Lionel.

Nell: Why didn’t you say?

Me: Why would I?

Nell: Surely a pony in a pub is worth a mention?

Me: They were in the garden.

Nell: But you didn’t see Lady Anwen?

Me: No. There were a couple of llamas and a retired greyhound, if that helps?

Nell: It doesn’t.

Me: Sorry.