Me: Dave’s not talking to me. He keeps looking out of the window.
Nell: He’s probably waiting for Elsie.
Me: Elsie?
Nell: Elsie the Chocolate Labrador. She’s David’s Number One Fan.
Me: Oh, you mean Elsie who’s in the photo Kev showed me. He says she never keeps still.
Nell: That’s the one.
Me: She always races towards Dave every time she sees him on his walk.
Nell: Yes.
Me: And she plays Zoomies with Harriet but her heart is really with Dave so she dashes back to him.
Nell: Have you quite finished?
Me: I think so.
Nell: I told you about Elsie a while ago. I was trying to find out her name.
Me: Oh yes. I remember.
Nell: So I could tell Sally.
Me: There’s no need to tell Sally. Nobody has done anything wrong. It’s just a crush.
Nell: I’ve told David to be very careful. These things can escalate.
Me: She seems a sweet little thing. Let them have some fun.
Nell: How long has David been looking out of the window?
Me: All morning.
Nell: I rest my case.
Me: He likes looking out of the window.
Nell: It will end in tears.
Me: Oh do stop being such a curmudgeon, Nell.
Nell: David is a film star. With fame comes responsibility.
Me: The film hasn’t even been made yet.
Nell: Moving on, have you noticed any more crumbs?
Me: Only that wretched lion. I think we should invite him to Sunday roast and Herr Hoffmann can make another crumble.
Nell: Why?
Me: To see if he likes cream, or custard.
Nell: What?
Me: The thief took the cream and left the custard.
Nell: Everyone likes cream and custard is a rainy day option. It tells us nothing.
Me: It’s just an idea. Sorry.
