Nell: You’re a little low today, aren’t you?
Me: I’m feeling very sad, to be honest.
Nell: Those are lovely photos of your little sister Alex.
Me: There’s Panda with Hattie at the Cottage Hotel, and in Scotland with her grandson Tobias and with a young Jonathan in Devon.
Nell: You always call her Panda, don’t you?
Me: We do. Today would have been her 61st birthday.
Nell: I know.
Me: The photo with Tobias was taken only a few weeks before she died.
Nell: It’s heartbreaking.
Me: She should be here with us now, Nell. We should be celebrating her birthday together.
Nell: Your sister Charlotte is coming over later with Nigel so why don’t we all celebrate Panda then?
Me: I would like that. I miss her so much.
Nell: Of course you do.
Me: She doesn’t even know she has another grandson.
Nell: Oh, she knows. Don’t you worry about that.
Me: I’d like to think so.
Nell: She’s a Guardian now and watching over the family with your mother.
Me: Sometimes I still feel they’re with me.
Nell: That’s because they are. If you love someone they never really die.
Me: You’re right.
Nell: I think a cream tea is what is needed today.
Me: Panda loved a cream tea.
Nell: I shall ask Herr Hoffmann to bake a batch of Poppy’s scones. He has the recipe.
Me: Do we have any strawberry jam and clotted cream?
Nell: What a ridiculous question. This is Devon. Of course we do.
Me: Will there be cake?
Nell: There will be fairy cakes.
Me: Panda used to bake those for me and bring them over when she visited.
Nell: I remember.
Me: I’m afraid I’m not quite my usual self today. Sorry.
Nell: No need for sorry. Not today.
