Me: Don’t look so worried. I’ll be fine.

Nell: Today is a difficult day for your family.

Me: It is.

Nell: You’re saying goodbye to your dear Aunt Pam.

Me: I am. She was my mother’s older sister and it’s the end of an era.

Nell: I understand.

Me: She lived down here in Devon for most of her life and I have so many happy memories of times spent with her.

Nell: I know you do.

Me: She even came over to West Berlin when I was living there. We had a marvellous time together.

Nell: Good.

Me: And even though she and my mother were not alike in character they were clearly sisters so my mother sort of lived on in her.

Nell: You have a photo of them as children on your desk.

Me: I do. My aunt had a wicked sense of humour. We will miss her greatly.

Nell: She lived well into her nineties.

Me: Yes. She was evacuated to Devon during the war and my grandmother followed her down here with my mother.

Nell: So Devon has been home to your family for a very long time?

Me: It has.

Nell: This is bound to be an emotional day.

Me: Yes.

Nell: It’s only a few years since your little sister Alex died.

Me: I don’t like saying goodbye.

Nell: Nobody does, but try and see it as a celebration of your aunt’s long life and a chance to reconnect with your cousins and other family members.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: And remember she is a Guardian now and watching over the family.

Me: Yes.

Nell: We’ll be here when you come home for cuddles.

Me: You’re not the cuddly type, Nell.

Nell: I’m making an exception.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: No sorries. Not today.

Me: Look at the Puppies when they were small. Weren’t they just adorable?

Nell: David was never really small.

Me: He was, Nell. How could anyone resist that face? Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Harriet was definitely small.

Me: She was half his size.

Nell: She still is.

Me: They’ve never known a time without each other. Bless them.

Nell: Now, the Birthday Breakfast is about to begin. Where’s your hat?

Me: Surely we can manage breakfast without hats?

Nell: Absolutely not. Breakfast is exactly the right time for hats. Rupert wore his on his paper round this morning.

Me: That’s a cowboy hat.

Nell: So?

Me: He wears it all the time.

Nell: You should be wearing your sun hat all the time, too.

Me: Not when it’s raining.

Nell: Its very hot today. There’s a warning out to the frail and elderly to keep hydrated.

Me: I’m not frail and elderly.

Nell: You have your moments. Don’t try and bounce. It’s too hot. Leave the bouncing to the llamas.

Me: Are we talking bouncy castles here?

Nell: Of course. We’ve organised one on the recreation ground for this afternoon’s birthday party.

Me: So it’s a party now?

Nell: It was always going to be a party. We didn’t tell you before because you’re terrible at keeping secrets.

Me: I’m not.

Nell: Moving on, everyone is welcome at the party, except the Beefies. The Royal Owl Force is on standby to chase them away.

Me: I know it’s silly but I almost feel sorry for them. Everyone loves a good party.

Nell: You won’t be saying that when they steal your ice cream and throw a mackerel in your homemade lemonade.

Me: Maybe the Beefies will behave for a change?

Nell: What did I just say?

Me: Sorry.

Me: Kev took some photos of Dave and Harriet on their evening walk yesterday.

Nell: Lovely.

Me: The stream is exactly halfway along the walk so they can have a refreshing drink and paddle on the way there and back.

Nell: I wouldn’t know. I stayed home with you.

Me: We needed time to recover after Charlotte’s birthday tea.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann used Poppy’s recipe for the scones.

Me: I thought so. They were delicious.

Nell: Tomorrow is the Puppies’ birthday so there will be another afternoon tea.

Me: I can’t believe they’ll be 8.

Nell: You never can. We can’t have scones again.

Me: I don’t see why not.

Nell: One should leave at least a few days between cream teas.

Me: We could have the scones without the jam and cream.

Nell: Don’t be silly. This is Devon.

Me: There has to be cake.

Nell: Of course.

Me: And bacon.

Nell: Bacon is a morning food. David’s requested steak and pommes frites for dinner.

Me: Dave’s been talking a lot of French recently.

Nell: He has a French pen friend.

Me: I thought he might have been talking to rooks. I saw some in the garden and they were speaking French.

Nell: Those were jackdaws. They can speak a little German, but no French.

Me: Jackdaws can’t speak German.

Nell: A lot of the birds speak German.

Me: Why?

Nell: Herr Hoffmann talks to them in German all the time.

Me: I see. Kev and I are off to Torquay later. Is there anything you need?

Nell: Pop into Barks and Spencer for some treats, please.

Me: I could get a selection of sandwiches for Dave and Harriet’s birthday tea tomorrow?

Nell: Herr Hoffmann would never serve a shop bought sandwich. Not even from Barks.

Me: No. Sorry.

Nell: Those are lovely photos of you and Charlotte.

Me: Yes, they have a proper sisterly feel to them, don’t they?

Nell: I’m so glad you live near to each other now.

Me: So are we. Especially after losing Alex. Sisters are precious things.

Nell: David would agree.

Me: Yes. Dave adores his big sister Harriet.

Nell: Nigel’s written a poem for Charlotte’s birthday.

Me: That’s sweet of him.

Nell: The poem is incorrect.

Me: Don’t be judgmental, Nell. We can’t all be expert poets like you.

Nell: I’m talking about the substance, not style, although it lacks a little je ne sais quoi.

Me: I didn’t know you spoke French.

Nell: Of course I speak French. Have you forgotten my time in Paris as an artist’s muse?

Me: I don’t even know what to say to that.

Nell: Then don’t. My point is Nigel is making false claims.

Me: Just read the poem to me.

Nell: Fine.

‘Naughty Nigel’s my name,

As you might already know.

I’m not much of a poet

But I’m giving it a very good go,

Because today someone special 

Has a birthday, you see,

And that someone special

Means the world to me.

Her name is Charlotte,

Some call her Barley,

Or Lottie, or Tots

And occasionally Charlie.

The best thing about this,

Which I’m happy to say,

Is I can do no wrong

Because it’s Barley’s birthday. ‘

Me: I love it.

Nell: He most definitely can do wrong. It’s not his birthday.

Me: Barley could pass it on to him.

Nell: You can’t transfer your birthday powers. Doing no wrong is only for the person having the birthday.

Me: Well, I like Nigel’s interpretation.

Nell: But he’s coming to tea with her. Anything could happen. He was naughty before.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Me: Dave is the best of nurses. He keeps such a close eye on me.

Nell: I prefer to call him a Companion. He isn’t medically trained, you know.

Me: Oh yes. I forgot you were once the matron of a London hospital.

Nell: I was many things in my younger days.

Me: Those hats must have been a proper nuisance.

Nell: We were proud to wear them.

Me: Anyway, Dave has been doing an excellent job. He even managed to carry my roast dinner upstairs yesterday without much slippage.

Nell: Was there one Yorkshire pudding, or two?

Me: I don’t remember.

Nell: He ate both of them, didn’t he?

Me: I couldn’t say. I’m not very well.

Nell: Moving on, it’s your sister’s birthday tomorrow.

Me: It is.

Nell: In past years, her birthday has been spent at the Cottage Hotel.

Me: I know. Kev and I usually joined her there for dinner.

Nell: But this year you are all laid low with this dreadful Canadian cold.

Me: It might be Portuguese. Chris was in Lisbon.

Nell: Either way, the Cottage Hotel is not an option.

Me: No, I’m afraid it isn’t.

Nell: I’ve been talking to Herr Hoffmann and we think an afternoon tea might be just the thing.

Me: Yes, that’s a good idea.

Nell: A selection of sandwiches, crusts off, and some freshly baked scones with jam and cream should lift her spirits.

Me: It will definitely lift mine.

Nell: You’re not the birthday girl.

Me: No, matron.

Nell: I am no longer a matron.

Me: It still suits you.

Nell: I’ll let Herr Hoffmann know about tomorrow’s tea. In the meantime you can finish your porridge.

Me: I don’t really feel like porridge.

Nell: It’s good for you.

Me: Yes, matron.

Nell: Enough.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: What are you doing out of bed? You’re still very unwell.

Me: I heard you calling and thought it might be for me.

Nell: I’ve asked Nigel to come downstairs repeatedly and he refuses to cooperate.

Me: Did you explain why, or was it just an order?

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: Not everyone likes to be ordered around, Nell. Sometimes they need to know why they should be doing something.

Nell: I am the Senior Labrador here. If I need Nigel to come downstairs he should obey.

Me: But why do you need him?

Nell: If you must know, complaints have been made about Excessive Barking and I’m conducting an investigation.

Me: Well, that’s different. I’m on your side. The barking has been dreadful.

Nell: Harriet has already been questioned and found guilty but we know others were involved.

Me: We?

Nell: The Investigating Panel.

Me: The Investigating Panel is you, isn’t it?

Nell: Why would you say that?

Me: Is anyone else on it?

Nell: Not at present, but they could be.

Me: We need to know why Nigel isn’t coming downstairs.

Nell: He can’t stay up there for ever. He’ll miss Sunday Songs and Sunday roast.

Me: I’m afraid I’m going to miss those, too.

Nell: You have a good excuse, and you won’t miss your roast. David will bring it upstairs on a tray.

Me: I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Nell. He struggles with delivering food in one piece.

Nell: He’s the only one who can carry two plates.

Me: I only need one.

Nell: The other’s for your sister Charlotte. She’s caught Chris’s cold, too, and is in the guest room.

Me: That’s why Nigel won’t go downstairs.

Nell: Of course.

Me: Sherlock Martin strikes again.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Sorry.

Me: I can’t believe Chris has to leave today. He’s like Harriet. One minute he’s here and the next he’s gone.

Nell: Nonsense. He arrived last Sunday. He’s been with us all week. You’re just not feeling well and it’s making you grumpy.

Me: You’re probably right.

Nell: Besides, you’ll be seeing him again in August.

Me: I was so excited about his visit. I didn’t want to get ill.

Nell: Neither did he. But such is life. You still had a lovely time together.

Me: Yes, we did.

Nell: Now, I’m afraid you can’t take him to the station. You’re going to have to stay in bed.

Me: I want to go.

Nell: No arguments. You were coughing all night again.

Me: I know. I’m exhausted.

Nell: Exactly. Now, David is having a short nap and a bacon sandwich downstairs before he resumes his duties.

Me: He kept an eye on me all night. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: It’s what he does best. He likes to Be There.

Me: He’s very good at it.

Nell: Harriet will stay up here until he returns. The Big Cats offered to sit with you but I thought you might feel a little bit crowded.

Me: You were right. Two lions and a tiger might be too much for me at the moment.

Nell: It’s Saturday so you’ll be pleased to hear there’s no Morning Roar.

Me: That is a relief.

Nell: I suggested the Stuffed Tiger be removed but it refused.

Me: It’s stuffed, Nell. It can’t speak.

Nell: That’s exactly what it wants you to think. Sly creature.

Me: It’s looking after the Cuddle Nells and watching over me.

Nell: We are watching over you. Now, say goodbye to Chris and try and get some sleep.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at my Big Brave Beautiful Boy. What a handsome hound he is.

Nell: David is not a hound. He’s a pedigree Labrador.

Me: He could be a film star with those looks.

Nell: If the animation finally gets picked up by somebody he will be.

Me: We can but hope.

Nell: You’re not very well.

Me: I’m not.

Nell: You were coughing all night.

Me: I was.

Nell: You’ve caught Chris’s cold, haven’t you?

Me: I have.

Nell: This is not good.

Me: I agree. It’s Chris’s last day and I’m stuck in bed.

Nell: It’s the best place for you. Nobody wants you sneezing all over them.

Me: No, you’re right.

Nell: And it’s Friday the 13th so you need to be particularly careful today.

Me: I didn’t know you were superstitious.

Nell: I’m not. I just don’t like Friday the 13th.

Me: It’s all nonsense.

Nell: It hasn’t started well with you coughing all night.

Me: I hope I didn’t keep everyone awake.

Nell: You did but we understood. Herr Hoffmann is making chicken soup for lunch and Frau Hoffmann is going to bring you some hot honey and lemon.

Me: I don’t actually want a hot drink. I’m burning up here.

Nell: No arguments. Now, the school bus is about to arrive so please don’t let the roaring bother you.

Me: I’m used to it.

Nell: Just don’t try and join in. You have a sore throat.

Me: Why would I do that?

Nell: It’s become quite a thing in the village. They call it the Morning Roar and apparently you feel much better afterwards.

Me: I’m glad the Big Cats have been accepted.

Nell: Rumour has it that Beauregard is forming a band.

Me: How exciting.

Nell: It’s a dreadful idea.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: It’s raining again.

Nell: I know.

Me: Chris hasn’t had very good weather.

Nell: He doesn’t mind. I’ve told you that.

Me: I want the sun to shine for him.

Nell: It did yesterday. You had quite a busy day, didn’t you?

Me: Yes, it was the eighth anniversary of my mother’s death, so Chris, Charlotte and I went to her grave.

Nell: Your little sister Alex’s ashes are buried there too, aren’t they?

Me: Yes, and my beloved stepfather‘s. The graveyard is in the most beautiful place. So peaceful.

Nell: I remember. I was there when you said your first goodbyes.

Me: You were.

Nell: And after that you went to the Cottage Hotel for a lovely lunch on the terrace.

Me: We did.

Nell: Without me.

Me: Without anyone else. It was just us three.

Nell: How is the Cottage Hotel? It’s a long time since I was there.

Me: Wonderful. The staff are so kind and the views are spectacular. It really is my favourite place.

Nell: I know and I’m glad you went there with your sister and Chris.

Me: So am I.

Nell: It’s important to share happy memories but also to make new ones.

Me: It is.

Nell: And later you, Chris and Charlotte went on a lovely walk with David, Harriet and Nigel.

Me: We did.

Nell: But not me.

Me: You were tired from yesterday’s walk and Kev stayed back with you.

Nell: It was most kind of him to wait with me.

Me: Wait for what?

Nell: For you all to come home.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: It’s what we dogs do.

Me: Yes.

Nell: They’re watching over you. Always.

Me: I miss them so much.

Nell: Of course you do.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: No sorries. Not today.

Me: Why is Dave looking so concerned?

Nell: Look out of the window.

Me: All I can see is a sheep going for a walk.

Nell: All you can see?

Me: Yes. It’s just turned right at the crossing so I hope it knows where it’s going. The village hall is the other way.

Nell: Why would it be going to the village hall?

Me: There might be a meeting. There often is.

Nell: It’s first thing in the morning.

Me: Maybe it’s looking for Gladys and the llamas? Glide with Gladys is open to all.

Nell: Sheep are not supposed to be walking down the middle of the road.

Me: There isn’t a pavement.

Nell: Sheep are supposed to stay in the field.

Me: It probably just popped out to visit someone. It’s on its way back now.

Nell: It’s bin collection day. Anything could happen.

Me: It’s probably gone down the lane now.

Nell: I hope it doesn’t bump into Beauregard and Mrs King.

Me: Why doesn’t Roary join them on their morning walks?

Nell: Roary has to go to school. Do keep up.

Me: Is he joining the schoolchildren on the bus?

Nell: Lions are not allowed on buses.

Me: That’s a bit harsh.

Nell: I agree. Rupert says he can take him in the sidecar.

Me: Knitwear Wolf is such a thoughtful animal.

Nell: He can combine it with his paper round so it’s no trouble and he has a couple of soft cardigans to deliver to some corgis in Kingsbridge today anyway.

Me: They’re going to need cardigans in this weather.

Nell: I heard Chris coughing.

Me: Yes, he has an awful cold. I’m afraid flying doesn’t help.

Nell: And neither does a stag weekend in Lisbon. Any sign of that sheep?

Me: No. Sorry.