Me: I had a lovely long walk in the countryside with Chris and the others yesterday.

Nell: Good. I know you usually only have a much shorter walk with me.

Me: Yes, but Kev stayed back with you this time.

Nell: He did and we can do it again. It’s important for you to exercise and to spend time with Chris.

Me: We’ve been talking about the wedding in Toronto in August. It’s all very exciting.

Nell: Take as many photos as you can.

Me: Chris says they might live stream it for those who can’t get there.

Nell: How wonderful. It means we can watch it all from here.

Me: Exactly. Although it will be midnight your time so you might be a little tired.

Nell: We’ll manage. Kev’s a night owl anyway.

Me: He is.

Nell: And you’re an early bird again.

Me: I know. I’ve got so much swirling around in my head at the moment that I thought it best to give up trying to sleep and just start writing.

Nell: It’s very early. Even the big cats are still asleep in their bunk beds.

Me: They’ll be up and off for their early morning stroll around the village soon.

Nell: I just hope they don’t scare anyone.

Me: I think the villagers are getting used to them.

Nell: The llamas were cartwheeling at the recreation ground yesterday to enormous applause.

Me: I wondered what all the clapping was about.

Nell: They’re dreadful attention seekers.

Me: Talking of attention seekers, did Stephen Seagull take that apartment at the Stately Home?

Nell: He moved in a while ago. I told you.

Me: How’s The Cat coping with the Beefies as neighbours?

Nell: Very badly. It’s on the iBone constantly complaining about the noise.

Me: Oh dear. Sorry.

Me: It’s wonderful to have Chris home again.

Nell: It certainly is.

Me: He loves our little House on the Corner.

Nell: I knew he would.

Me: And he’s looking forward to going on our walk.

Nell: Yes.

Me: Harriet lost her voice when she saw him and could only squeak.

Nell: Nigel shouldn’t be sitting in the yellow chair.

Me: Hang on a minute, we were talking about Harriet and Chris.

Nell: It’s my chair. It’s been away far too long and now it’s back and it’s mine.

Me: The thing is you need a little help getting on to it nowadays.

Nell: I know.

Me: So if we’re not around you might have to wait until we can help you.

Nell: And watch Nigel sitting in it?

Me: I’m afraid so.

Nell: David agrees with me.

Me: Dave doesn’t care. He hasn’t stopped bouncing around since Chris arrived.

Nell: The yellow chair is where I sit.

Me: He’s so happy to see Chris. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: Nigel needs to get out of that chair.

Me: I noticed the bunk beds were empty this morning.

Nell: Beauregard and Mrs King have gone for a stroll. They’ll be back before the school bus arrives.

Me: It was rather crowded at dinner. Nobody told me Roary would be joining us.

Nell: Lions love lasagne.

Me: I noticed.

Nell: Besides, Roary can’t be parted from his mother.

Me: You said one lion and one tiger. Not two lions and a tiger.

Nell: They bunked up together. You’ve nothing to complain about.

Me: The schoolchildren are going to have a dreadful shock this morning. They’re used to barking not roaring.

Nell: So is Chris. He’s still recovering from his stag weekend. You’d better go and warn him.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: You’re not going to believe this.

Nell: Tell me.

Me: Dave and Harriet are outside in the dog car. Harriet’s in the front seat and Dave’s in the back.

Nell: I know. They’re going to collect Chris from the station.

Me: But Chris doesn’t arrive until this evening. He’s still in Portugal.

Nell: Oh, you’d better go and get them. They’ll miss second breakfast otherwise. Herr Hoffmann made them a picnic for the journey but Dave will have eaten it by now.

Me: A picnic? The station is only 20 mins away.

Nell: Journeys mean picnics. Do keep up.

Me: Fine.

Nell: At least they’ll be able to attend Sunday Songs.

Me: Yes.

Nell: And eat a Sunday roast.

Me: We’re not having Sunday roast today. We’re having it tomorrow.

Nell: It’s called Sunday roast for a reason.

Me: I know but Chris will be arriving too late. Herr Hoffmann is going to make a lasagne.

Nell: A lasagne? On a Sunday?

Me: You love lasagne. You’re still having roast beef tomorrow.

Nell: With all the trimmings?

Me: Of course.

Nell: Yorkshire puddings?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Cauliflower cheese?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Roast potatoes, carrots and parsnips?

Me: Yes.

Nell: And lashings of gravy?

Me: Okay, now I want a Sunday roast, too.

Nell: But you love lasagne.

Me: Stop teasing me.

Nell: Did you get any sleep?

Me: Not really. I’m far too excited.

Nell: Anyway, back to the bunk beds.

Me: Were we there before?

Nell: Beauregard and Mrs King are happy to move in as soon as it’s convenient.

Me: Now is not that convenient, to be honest.

Nell: I agree, so I suggested 3.30pm. After lunch, but before tea. Tigers love a scone. Time to get Dave and Harriet out of the car.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: You enjoyed our walk, didn’t you?

Nell: Yes, it wasn’t too warm and the grass was soft under paw.

Me: I really hope it stops raining before Chris arrives tomorrow.

Nell: Chris isn’t coming to see us for the weather.

Me: I know, but things are always nicer in the sunshine.

Nell: I disagree. I particularly enjoyed the fact it was overcast on our walk and David agreed.

Me: Dave doesn’t care about the weather.

Nell: He most certainly does. Now he’s a villager he knows rain is needed.

Me: He knew about that when we lived on the farm.

Nell: Being a villager is different. We have village responsibilities now.

Me: Do we?

Nell: Haven’t you noticed our new duties?

Me: No.

Nell: Monday to Friday, apart from school holidays, we give a morning bark to the schoolchildren across the road telling them the bus is about to arrive.

Me: I think they know the bus is coming.

Nell: It’s always good to have an alert.

Me: Is it, though?

Nell: Yes.

Me: I find it quite annoying.

Nell: You’re not a schoolchild.

Me: True.

Nell: Now, I want to talk to you about bunk beds.

Me: Why?

Nell: Harriet informs me Kev has some in his studio upstairs.

Me: They’re for the grandchildren and overflow visitors.

Nell: Could they accommodate a tiger and a lion?

Me: I beg your pardon?

Nell: According to The Cat, Beauregard and Mrs King have caused a small upset at the Stately Home.

Me: They haven’t eaten someone, have they?

Nell: Certainly not. Just some strolling around and the occasional roar.

Me: If they stayed here they could roar at the schoolchildren with Dave every morning instead.

Nell: Roaring is not allowed under any circumstances. And they’re not villagers.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Nell: How are you this sunny morning?

Me: Very excited about Chris coming to visit us.

Nell: I’m sure you are.

Me: Only two more sleeps to go.

Nell: Did you sleep last night?

Me: Not very well. I was tracking his flight to Lisbon. He should be landing soon.

Nell: Why is he flying to Portugal?

Me: It’s his stag weekend.

Nell: Oh yes. He’s going to be very tired when he arrives here.

Me: I know.

Nell: Don’t ask him about it.

Me: Why?

Nell: What happens on a stag weekend stays on the stag weekend.

Me: Do we know why Harriet’s sitting at the top of the stairs?

Nell: Kev is getting things ready for Chris’s visit.

Me: I know but I’m talking about Harriet.

Nell: So am I.

Me: She’s sitting at the top of the stairs.

Nell: Yes. She’s on duty.

Me: On duty?

Nell: You’re doing that repeating thing again and you know how much it annoys me.

Me: Why is she sitting there?

Nell: Nobody is allowed upstairs unless she gives you the sign.

Me: Why?

Nell: Kev is busy and must not be disturbed.

Me: But my desk is upstairs. It’s where I work.

Nell: Then ask politely and she might give you the sign.

Me: What sign?

Nell: Good grief. Do I have to do everything for you?

Me: It’s your password at the Semicircle of Power all over again.

Nell: Don’t be silly. My password changes. Harriet will always close her eyes briefly.

Me: She did that just now.

Nell: Why didn’t you go upstairs?

Me: I didn’t know. I’ll go up now.

Nell: Are her eyes open again?

Me: Yes.

Nell: You’ll have to wait.

Me: But I’ve got things to do.

Nell: Rules are rules.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: We had a lovely early evening walk together, didn’t we?

Nell: Not really.

Me: Why? The weather was gorgeous and the countryside is looking beautiful.

Nell: Yes, but you insisted on attaching me to a monstrously huge orange lead.

Me: I know.

Nell: It’s one of David’s.

Me: It’s retractable. The idea was to give you space while keeping you secure.

Nell: This isn’t about dogs attacking me, is it?

Me: Not really. It’s actually more about you striding off too far before I can stop you.

Nell: I’m not exactly Speedy Gonzales.

Me: You can move quite fast when you want to and you don’t listen.

Nell: I’m not wearing that thing again.

Me: I agree. It was awfully heavy but I promised Kev I would use it.

Nell: I won’t stride off.

Me: Good.

Nell: Unless provoked.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Or if I want to go down to the stream.

Me: You have to pace yourself, Nell.

Nell: Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you might just want to walk a little bit too far.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes. It might take a long time to get back and you might be dreadfully tired by the time you do, but it will have been worth it.

Me: I worry about you.

Nell: You worry about everything.

Me: Yes, I’m afraid I do.

Nell: Well, stop. Worrying can prevent you from enjoying what you have.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: So, no ridiculous lead needed?

Me: Not that lead. We have to have one when we’re crossing the road and walking past the farm with the chickens and the sheep.

Nell: I’m not going to bother any chickens.

Me: You strode in there last time uninvited.

Nell: The sign said ‘Eggs for Sale’. We needed some.

Me: I see. Sorry.

Me: I saw you and Dave having a conversation together.

Nell: David did most of the talking. I’m used to that, however.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: I’m an excellent listener. It comes from years of experience.

Me: If you’re referring to our conversations you give as good as you get.

Nell: Do I, indeed?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Anyway, as David’s aunt it’s my responsibility to give advice as well as listen.

Me: What advice did you give him? Was he worried about another poodle attack?

Nell: He’s a little concerned, but Harriet’s assured him she will be by his side.

Me: I’m always by your side, Nell. If a poodle tries to attack you I will chase it away.

Nell: I can deal with aggressive poodles by myself, thank you. Don’t you worry about that.

Me: It’s still better to have someone fighting your corner.

Nell: You’re not Harriet.

Me: No, but I can be fierce, too, when provoked.

Nell: The mere idea of you throwing yourself at a poodle is not a good one.

Me: My defence would be words rather than deeds.

Nell: You can’t reason with an angry poodle.

Me: Maybe not, but I could say ‘Be off with you! Bad animal!’

Nell: I beg your pardon? What century is this?

Me: And I could shake my head and waggle my finger.

Nell: Stop right now. Let’s please agree that aggressive dogs are best left to me, or Harriet.

Me: You’re an elderly lady, Nell.

Nell: But I’m a distinguished Labrador. Bad animals will listen to me.

Me: I hope you didn’t advise Dave to change his ways. He’s such a gentle Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: I told David he should leave the fighting to his sister and he wisely agreed.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What’s going on? The Puppies seem really on edge after their morning walk.

Nell: You’re not going to believe this.

Me: I might.

Nell: Kev says he wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes.

Me: Tell me.

Nell: Thinking about it, I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised.

Me: About what?

Nell: She wouldn’t be one of Sally’s top agents if she didn’t know how to fight.

Me: Fight?

Nell: She’s a fierce protector.

Me: Are we talking about Harriet?

Nell: We most certainly are.

Me: Harriet doesn’t fight. She’s a gentle soul.

Nell: That’s what she wants you to think.

Me: Did Harriet pick a fight? Has she turned into a bully?

Nell: Of course not. Calm down. She was defending David.

Me: Dave’s not a fighter either. He’s a gentle giant. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: If you would stop talking I could tell you what happened.

Me: Please do.

Nell: Kev said they were on their way home from the long walk through the fields when a huge curly haired poodle came running towards David.

Me: That’s nice. Did it want to welcome him to the area?

Nell: No, it did not. It went for him in a most unpleasant way. It was out for blood.

Me: That’s awful. What did Dave do?

Nell: David fought back and it was all becoming most unpleasant until Harriet jumped on the poodle’s back and dragged it off him.

Me: She jumped on the back of a huge poodle?

Nell: Yes, and then a man arrived, apologised and they left.

Me: So that’s why Dave’s standing in the hallway in a defiant manner with Harriet in front of him?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Harriet is his fierce protector.

Nell: Told you.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: I hope Nigel realises it’s Conversations with Nell, not Conversations with Nigel.

Me: Of course he does. What’s brought this on?

Nell: He’s upstairs on your bed again.

Me: He likes to look out of the window and watch me write.

Nell: David and Harriet do that.

Me: My door is always open.

Nell: He’s up there too much.

Me: He just likes to be near me.

Nell: We all like to be near you.

Me: Is this because you can’t get up the stairs anymore?

Nell: No. I’m happy alone down here.

Me: You’re never alone, Nell. Kev even sleeps downstairs now to be near you.

Nell: I know. My friend Dorothy says installing a stairlift is quite easy nowadays.

Me: We’re not getting a stairlift.

Nell: Pamela has one so they can obviously cope with all sizes.

Me: Are you talking about Pamela the Pyrenean Mountain Dog?

Nell: Yes. David is an honorary Mountain Dog.

Me: I can’t remember why.

Nell: I think Rhubarb from Canada was involved.

Me: The dog, not the fruit?

Nell: Yes. Marvin’s friend who visited us.

Me: I’m going to be meeting Marvin in August.

Nell: I know. He’s very excited but also a little worried.

Me: Why?

Nell: He’s not used to lots of people.

Me: I shall be calm and quiet.

Nell: Yeah. Right.

Me: Why did you say that? I can be quiet.

Nell: Never mind. Anyway, before you see Marvin you’ll be seeing Chris.

Me: I know. Only six more sleeps until he arrives.

Nell: When did we last see him?

Me: November last year. It’s been too long.

Nell: Well, it’s not long now.

Me: No.

Nell: Tell Nigel to get off that bed. He’s supposed to be peeling potatoes not monitoring your writing.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: The engagement party was a great success, wasn’t it?

Nell: Could you lower your voice, please?

Me: Why? The party isn’t a secret anymore.

Nell: I have a slight headache. I think the pollen count is rather high today.

Me: It’s not hay fever. It’s too much champagne.

Nell: Don’t talk about champagne. I need Earl Grey.

Me: Poor you. We all had a wonderful time.

Nell: We did. Now, talking of Earl Grey it’s the first of the month so you know what you must do.

Me: Share the link to the website where people can support my writing with cups of Earl Grey tea?

Nell: Exactly.

Me: It’s https://buymeacoffee.com/saramartin and thank you so much in advance. Your support makes a big difference to our small economy.

Nell: And I’m in particular need of Earl Grey today so another thank you from me.

Me: It’s good to see Nigel and Dave getting on again. What was the argument about?

Nell: David says Nigel is trying to monopolise Harriet and she’s his sister.

Me: Is he?

Nell: Nigel is naturally gregarious. He likes to be the centre of attention.

Me: Do you think my Big Brave Beautiful Boy feels threatened by Nige?

Nell: Don’t call him Nige, please. It’s bad enough when you call David, Dave.

Me: That’s his name. Dave is actually called Dave.

Nell: He’s David to me. And yes, I think Nigel can intimidate him sometimes.

Me: They seemed fine just now.

Nell: Good.

Me: Nigel was laughing with Harriet outside and Dave joined them.

Nell: Well, Harriet seems to have gone and David is smiling.

Me: Is he showing his darling little bottom teeth?

Nell: Good grief. Just fetch me a cup of tea, please. I’ve got to get through Sunday Songs.

Me: Yes. Sorry.