Me: It’s nice to see you smiling in a photo for a change.
Nell: Do you realise everyone can see where David ate the front of your hat?
Me: Yes, but I have to wear my all-encasing hat because we’re incognito.
Nell: We’re not incognito.
Me: I thought we were?
Nell: It’s David who has to lie low. That’s why he stayed at home.
Me: Why did Nigel stay at home?
Nell: Nigel is David’s bodyguard. Remember?
Me: Oh yes.
Nell: Did that rook call you back?
Me: I’ve blocked its number.
Nell: Why did you do that?
Me: I’m not supposed to talk to rooks.
Nell: We need to know what’s going on.
Me: I’ll unblock it then. Being a spy is awfully tiring.
Nell: You’re not a spy.
Me: We don’t even know if the rook who called is actually a rook. It might have been a flamingo with a sore throat.
Nell: Why would a flamingo ask for David?
Me: Or a pigeon, or an owl.
Nell: Pigeons and owls sound different.
Me: You didn’t talk to it.
Nell: It said ‘caw’.
Me: It might have simply been enthusiastic.
Nell: Fine. If any kind of bird calls you again put it on loudspeaker.
Me: What if it’s a private call? I’ll have to tell it.
Nell: No, you won’t.
Me: How will I know it’s the rook?
Nell: If it’s an unknown number put it on loudspeaker and call me, or Harriet.
Me: What if you aren’t there?
Nell: Then get Rupert, or Nigel.
Me: It isn’t an unknown number, by the way. I saved it under Notorious Organisation of Rooks.
Nell: We don’t know it’s NOIR. We’re just surmising.
Me: Maybe I should ask it the next time it calls?
Nell: I give up.
Me: Sorry.
