Me: Why is Nigel sitting on the sofa facing the wall?
Nell: He needs to have a long hard think about what he’s done, or rather hasn’t done.
Me: What are you talking about?
Nell: Nigel is not taking his job seriously.
Me: What job?
Nell: He’s supposed to be David’s bodyguard.
Me: I know.
Nell: Instead of guarding David he was playing Shenanigans with Harriet upstairs on the bed.
Me: Are you sure it was Shenanigans?
Nell: There was definitely a lot of twirling and paws in the air.
Me: Everyone needs to let off steam now and again. I’m sure Dave was fine on his own for a short time.
Nell: David went bowling.
Me: What?
Nell: With the llamas.
Me: Outdoor, or indoor?
Nell: Indoor, it’s raining. But that’s not the point.
Me: No, of course not. They have indoor bowling at my gym by the quay.
Nell: That’s where they went. He used your card.
Me: Naughty Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: After bowling they went and bought fish and chips and ate them outside by the sea.
Me: I thought you said it was raining.
Nell: It had stopped and they had raincoats and hats.
Me: It sounds like a lovely time was had by all.
Nell: David is supposed to be Lying Low.
Me: Did he see any rooks?
Nell: No, but the Beefies arrived and started yelling for chips.
Me: They always do that. Greedy hooligans.
Nell: So now everyone knows where David is.
Me: They’ve known for ages.
Nell: No, they haven’t.
Me: As I said to that annoying rook the last time it called ‘ Stop pestering Dave. He doesn’t have the diamonds and he doesn’t want to talk to you.’
Nell: I can’t believe you said that.
Me: It’s true. Sorry.
