Nell: I think a quiet day is in order.

Me: I agree with you.

Nell: Sadness can make you awfully tired.

Me: You certainly seem tired.

Nell: Bacon sandwiches can do that, too.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: We had a substantial second breakfast.

Me: Any reason why?

Nell: It’s Saturday and David ate the first breakfast by mistake.

Me: Everybody’s breakfast?

Nell: Manuel made pancakes. Thin ones.

Me: You mean crepes? The French ones?

Nell: I don’t know what nationality they were but David tried one and kept eating.

Me: Grief can do that to you.

Nell: I think you mean Greed.

Me: Darling Big Brave Boy. It’s an easy mistake to make.

Nell: A second breakfast seemed the only way to go.

Me: Did anyone but Dave have a first breakfast?

Nell: Oh yes. We all had cereal and toast.

Me: Wasn’t that enough?

Nell: King Charles would have wanted us to have bacon.

Me: You don’t know that, Nell.

Nell: King Charles is a caring king.

Me: I think he might be more into vegetables than bacon.

Nell: You can’t have a salad sandwich for breakfast. The mere thought.

Me: I didn’t say anything about salad.

Nell: Anyway, the deed is done. No point in crying over spilt tea.

Me: You mean milk.

Nell: I do not. David knocked over my tea cup and I never take milk with my Earl Grey.

Me: I didn’t know that.

Nell: You know I don’t take milk.

Me: I meant I didn’t know Dave knocked your cup over.

Nell: How could you? You were upstairs writing.

Me: Did you leave me a bacon sandwich?

Nell: Of course we did.

Me: Really?

Nell: I told you King Charles would want us all to have bacon.

Me: Yes, you did. Sorry.

Me: This is a very sad day.

Nell: Yes, it is.

Me: The Queen has always been a part of my life.

Nell: She has for most people.

Me: Even though I knew it was coming it’s still hard to believe she’s gone.

Nell: As I’ve told you many times before she hasn’t really gone. She’s watching over you all like she always did.

Me: I know the monarchy isn’t for everyone but I like to think we will all mourn her passing.

Nell: I jolly well hope so. Not for everyone, indeed.

Me: What an amazing woman she was. Determined to carry out her duties until the very end.

Nell: Of course. It’s what one does as Queen.

Me: She had such a love of animals. Especially, horses and dogs.

Nell: Why bring horses into it?

Me: They were her passion.

Nell: Nonsense, we dogs were her true love. The last time I took tea with her you could hardly move for corgis.

Me: The Welsh Corgi Choir must be devastated.

Nell: They are but it’s not going to stop them singing. Can’t you hear them?

Me: Yes. That’s fine with me. Have you spoken to the Royal Corgis yet?

Nell: Yes. Rumour has it that Lady Anwen may be allowed out of prison to join in the mourning.

Me: Really?

Nell: Hopefully not. She’s a bad animal.

Me: It’s strange to think we have a king now.

Nell: Yes. King Charles III.

Me: Imagine losing your mother and having to immediately take over the crown.

Nell: It’s what The Queen had to do at a very young age when her father died.

Me: And she did it so well.

Nell: Yes, she did.

Me: I’m a bit teary today, Nell. Sorry.

Nell: No need for sorry. Not today.

Me: The tide was really high down on the beach.

Nell: Yes. We haven’t seen it like that in a while.

Me: That’s because we’ve been trying to avoid all the tourists but most of them have gone home now.

Nell: We almost had the beach to ourselves.

Me: How lucky are we?

Nell: Extremely.

Me: I never take this for granted, you know. Living where we do.

Nell: I know you don’t.

Me: What were you three labs discussing with Kev, by the way?

Nell: When?

Me: Down on the beach. You all seemed really focused on something Kev was telling you.

Nell: Really? I can’t think what it was.

Me: Yes, you can. You’ve got that sly look when you’re not telling me something.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: What secrets are you all keeping?

Nell: Don’t be silly. We were probably discussing the high tide.

Me: It didn’t look like that kind of discussion to me.

Nell: Stop imagining things.

Me: It looked like a ‘Don’t tell Sara’ kind of conversation.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: You’re up to something. I know you are.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: I’m going to find out so you might as well tell me now.

Nell: Honestly, one can’t even have a quiet conversation nowadays without you reading some kind of conspiracy into it.

Me: If that lion is back on the scene and you haven’t told me I shall be really angry.

Nell: What lion?

Me: The one you keep giving second chances to for some inexplicable reason.

Nell: Why would we be discussing lions on the beach?

Me: Why not?

Nell: I worry about you sometimes. I really do. Seeing things that aren’t there.

Me: You’re up to something, Nell. I know you are. I’m not giving up that easily. Sorry.

Nell: That’s me with Kev at the Kingsbridge Show.

Me: I know it is.

Nell: Why are you posting those photos now? The show was on Saturday and today is Wednesday.

Me: I thought they were a good example of how you never listen to me.

Nell: The weather was a little grey that day.

Me: I kept calling out ‘Over here!’ and you completely ignored me.

Nell: Why were you calling out at all? You were standing right in front of us.

Me: I wanted you to look at the camera but you simply wouldn’t.

Nell: Talk about seeking the limelight.

Me: It wasn’t about me.

Nell: I beg to differ.

Me: Kev looked over at me.

Nell: Of course he did. You were embarrassing us both.

Me: I was not.

Nell: People were trying to eat their ice creams in peace.

Me: I know.

Nell: Shameless attention seeking. That’s what it was.

Me: No, it wasn’t.

Nell: I thought you said natural shots are the best.

Me: They are.

Nell: Where people behave normally and are not aware of the camera.

Me: Yes. That’s right.

Nell: Why shout at them then? Couldn’t you just let them eat their ice creams?

Me: I wasn’t shouting at them. I was shouting at you.

Nell: So rude.

Me: Everyone ignored me anyway, except Kev.

Nell: Of course we did. We weren’t going to encourage that kind of behaviour.

Me: I give up.

Nell: And it’s actually lucky I ignored you, if you think about it.

Me: Why?

Nell: Because, according to you, that’s what I always do, so I was behaving naturally.

Me: I just wanted to take a photo.

Nell: You took three as far as I can remember.

Me: Okay. You win.

Nell: I always do.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: There’s an awful lot of Waiting involved in the life of a dog.

Nell: Waiting is one of the first things we dogs learn to do.

Me: It must be ever so tiring. Waiting for food. Waiting for a walk. Waiting for Tony the Postman.

Nell: Waiting for Tony is a genuine pleasure. His visits are a joy.

Me: I expect last week was particularly hard then because Tony was on holiday.

Nell: Yes. Fruitless Waiting is the worst.

Me: Poppy hates Waiting.

Nell: I know.

Me: She’s an Impatient Waiter.

Nell: Terriers are.

Me: Harriet is quite good at it. She’s a Fairly Patient Waiter.

Nell: Harriet’s a trained spy. She has to be good at Waiting.

Me: Dave is an Optimistic Waiter. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: David likes to look on the Bright Side.

Me: If Waiting for something takes too long he just waits for something else.

Nell: Yes. David finds Focused Waiting rather difficult.

Me: This morning he and the girls were waiting at the window for ages.

Nell: That was Anxious Waiting.

Me: Why?

Nell: We’re expecting a thunderstorm.

Me: It’s not due until later.

Nell: It’s still in the air. We can smell it.

Me: Anyway, Harriet and Poppy went to sleep but Dave started Waiting for Me.

Nell: To finish writing?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Brave boy. It’s one of the most frustrating kinds of Waiting.

Me: Why?

Nell: You look like you’ve finished and then you start again.

Me: That’s because I get another idea.

Nell: You never notice anyone.

Me: I’m in my own world.

Nell: I know.

Me: You’re the best at Waiting, Nell.

Nell: I’ll always be Waiting for You.

Me: Will you really?

Nell: You know I will. It’s what we dogs do.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: How can anyone let their hair get like that?

Me: Dog Marley was made that way. In fact he might even be Hungarian.

Nell: Hungarian? Don’t be ridiculous. He’s from Jamaica.

Me: He might be putting on a Jamaican accent. It goes with his music.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: Anyone can do that. Even you.

Nell: I don’t do accents.

Me: Ok. I’m going to ask you a question and you answer with ‘beer can’.

Nell: I don’t like beer.

Me: What’s David’s favourite food?

Nell: Beer can.

Me: Beer can sandwiches to be exact. See, we’re both talking like Jamaicans.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: At least the dreadlocks are keeping Dog Marley warm now the weather’s changed.

Nell: Don’t start talking about the weather. I’ve been listening to ‘Sunshine Reggae’ all morning.

Me: I knew you’d enjoy it.

Nell: Not intentionally. Gladys asked Dog Marley to accompany Glide with Gladys.

Me: Was it good?

Nell: I have no idea. I’ve better things to do than watch Llamas limboing.

Me: I’m surprised they can.

Nell: Llamas are much bendier than people think.

Me: Poppy seems attached to her dreadlocks.

Nell: It’s the hat she likes. The dreadlocks come with it.

Me: Yours doesn’t.

Nell: Rupert made mine. Poppy got hers from somewhere else.

Me: At least that explains the Beefies.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: I was wondering how they kept their dreadlocks on.

Nell: Don’t tell me they’ve got them too.

Me: Of course they have. Now I know they’re attached to their hats it all makes sense.

Nell: Naughty Nigel has a lot to answer for. Where is he?

Me: Asleep on the yellow chair.

Nell: I think I might join him.

Me: I’m not sure there’s room for two.

Nell: For a sleep.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: You’re not going to believe this.

Nell: I just might.

Me: I thought I was in the Caribbean when I woke up this morning.

Nell: Was it perhaps the sound of steel drums?

Me: How did you know? You weren’t in my dream.

Nell: I’ve been listening to them since 6am.

Me: Naughty Nigel is looking guilty on the yellow chair and Dave’s glaring at him so I’m guessing Nigel is involved in this.

Nell: Look out of the window.

Me: Is that Dog Marley and the Wailers?

Nell: Yes. Somebody booked them for Sunday Songs.

Me: How amazing. Reggae always makes me happy.

Nell: David isn’t happy.

Me: He loves Dog Marley.

Nell: It’s about the sign.

Me: What does it say?

Nell: ‘Welcome to Naughty Nigel’s Bacon and Reggae Extravaganza.’

Me: Dave should be pleased.

Nell: If anyone’s having an Extravaganza it should be us and if it involves Bacon it should definitely be David’s Extravaganza not Nigel’s.

Me: Dave can still take part.

Nell: You can’t go waltzing into someone’s house for the weekend, take over Sunday Songs and launch your own Extravaganza.

Me: Naughty Nigel can.

Nell: And have you seen Poppy this morning?

Me: Is she awfully cross?

Nell: No, she’s wearing dreadlocks and some sort of knitted hat Rupert made her.

Me: You mean a Rastacap. I’d love one of those.

Nell: Ask the Welsh Corgi Choir. They’re all wearing them.

Me: What fun.

Nell: Well, don’t expect a Sunday roast. It’s rice and peas.

Me: Fine with me. Why don’t you just chill out a bit, Nell? Go with the flow.

Nell: I suppose I could wear one of those hats as Rupert made them.

Me: Wonderful.

Nell: But if you think I’m wearing dreadlocks you can think again.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Do you ever have trouble getting Dave to listen to you?

Nell: All the time. Why?

Me: I was talking to him about his favourite vegetables and he wasn’t really listening at all.

Nell: Of course he wasn’t.

Me: Poppy was listening, in the background and in a sort of bored and aloof way, but I know she was listening.

Nell: She’s good at that.

Me: What?

Nell: Not getting involved.

Me: I thought she might join in, being a chef, but she said nothing at all.

Nell: She was off duty. Was David carrying his Neon Green Chew?

Me: Yes, and he nearly had my eye out several times.

Nell: That thing is dangerous.

Me: I suggested all kinds of lovely vegetables.

Nell: David doesn’t like vegetables unless they’re roasted or served with gravy.

Me: You and Harriet love them. You eat them every day.

Nell: And? Roger Blubbery and Princess adore mackerel but you don’t see me eating the horrible stuff.

Me: Poppy loves fish.

Nell: We are all different and that’s perfectly fine. David is not a vegetable eating animal.

Me: I know. He’s more of a bacon boy.

Nell: Bacon boy?

Me: He listened when I mentioned cauliflower cheese, though.

Nell: Everyone loves cauliflower cheese.

Me: Maybe that’s what we should make for our visitors?

Nell: What visitors?

Me: So, the thing is.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: Naughty Nigel and Boo are coming for the weekend.

Nell: This weekend?

Me: Yes. Charlotte is dropping them off this afternoon.

Nell: What about the Kingsbridge Show?

Me: We’re going to that beforehand.

Nell: By ‘we’, you mean?

Me: You, me and Kev.

Nell: I see.

Me: Yes. You’re the Senior Labrador with special privileges.

Nell: Which include running potential visitors past me first.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I admire you, Nell.

Nell: Why?

Me: You know exactly who you are.

Nell: I do.

Me: You know exactly what you can do.

Nell: Yes.

Me: And exactly what you can’t.

Nell: Or won’t.

Me: You know your days of leaping into the sea after a ball are over.

Nell: I leave that kind of thing to Harriet nowadays.

Me: You have accepted the changes that come with old age.

Nell: There’s no point in doing otherwise.

Me: Some people struggle.

Nell: I’m not saying it’s easy but one must learn to fight the battles one can win.

Me: True.

Nell: A paddle is as good as a swim as long as you enjoy it.

Me: Yes.

Nell: One can also find great joy in simple contemplation.

Me: Yes. I do some of my best thinking down by the sea.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: With the wind in my hair and the salty smell of the sea in the air I can let my imagination run riot.

Nell: Please don’t.

Me: Seagulls whisper secrets and lions lurk around corners.

Nell: Firstly, seagulls never whisper. It’s not in their nature.

Me: You know what I mean.

Nell: And secondly, if that wretched lion is back you need to tell me now.

Me: I don’t think he is but he might be.

Nell: If we start dwelling on ‘might’ we’ll never get anywhere. I’m all about the here and now.

Me: Yes, it’s what I admire about you.

Nell: And right now I need a cup of Earl Grey and one of Poppy’s shortbread biscuits. Would you care to join me?

Me: I’d love to. Thank you.

Nell: Good.

Me: I struggle with getting older sometimes, Nell.

Nell: I know you do. Just try to accept.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Could we have a word about the large plant pot, please?

Nell: David and I have been doing some gardening.

Me: Gardening?

Nell: Repotting to be exact.

Me: Repotting?

Nell: Would you kindly stop repeating everything?

Me: The thing is.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: It looks to me like you and Dave been digging in the big plant pot and have thrown earth everywhere.

Nell: I wouldn’t say ‘thrown everywhere’. The earth is still near the big pot.

Me: And now Dave is bored so he’s just lying on his lounger chewing his Neon Green Chew.

Nell: Everyone needs a break now and again.

Me: And you are actually lying in the middle of all the earth watching him and even drifting off to sleep.

Nell: I’m a senior labrador. I need my rest.

Me: And there’s no sign of anything being repotted anywhere.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: Yes.

Nell: We were only trying to help.

Me: Really?

Nell: Yes. Kev mentioned that Babbacombe and Bantham might need repotting.

Me: We’re talking palm trees now, aren’t we?

Nell: Of course. Babbacombe and Bantham have been looking a little worse for wear for quite a while now.

Me: I know. I’ve been rather worried about them.

Nell: You grew up in Babbacombe, didn’t you?

Me: I did. Many happy memories.

Nell: Exactly. Anyway, the big plant pot has much more space in it.

Me: It does.

Nell: So, David and I thought we would clear it so fresh soil could be added and a nice home could be made for Babbacombe, or Bantham.

Me: I see.

Nell: Probably Babbacombe as it’s an older palm tree and needs a little extra care.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Anything else? Only I am a little tired.

Me: No. That’s fine. Sorry.