Me: Something very strange is going on.
Nell: So, you’ve noticed.
Me: The Cat arrived for Sunday Songs in an excessively extravagant hat.
Me: The Cat never attends Sunday Songs. It’s hardly ever seen before 10am and then only in a silk dressing gown with a double espresso.
Nell: I know.
Me: And you and Dave have been sitting on the sofa all morning in deep conversation ending with Dave hanging his head in complete devastation.
Nell: Complete devastation? Stop exaggerating. David simply needs time to process the news.
Me: And you were both lying on the old green ‘drying the dogs after their swim’ towel.
Nell: Which has nothing to do with anything apart from sandy wet coats.
Me: Hang on. Process what news?
Nell: You’re not going to believe this.
Me: You might be right.
Nell: There’s something about The Cat we never noticed until today.
Me: It’s rather flamboyant and secretly listens to Barry Manilow?
Nell: Everyone knows that.
Me: What then?
Nell: The Cat is a Maine Coon.
Me: Oh my goodness. It is. Why didn’t we realise?
Nell: I don’t know. Maybe because The Cat is The Cat and we see it every day.
Me: You don’t think The Cat is in league with the two fluffy Maine Coons, do you?
Nell: Of course not.
Me: You don’t think The Cat is actually the evil head of a large Labrador stealing network?
Nell: Just listen to yourself.
Me: It’s awfully fond of Dave.
Nell: Exactly. The Cat and David are best friends. It would never harm him.
Me; Why is Dave hanging his head then?
Nell: Because The Cat’s Mother would.
Me: The Cat’s Mother?
Nell: And so would its twin sisters.
Me: Twin sisters?
Nell: Stop repeating everything I say.